The Divorce
by flawlesspeasant
Summary: After six years of marriage, Jo finally files for divorce from Alex; the last straw coming when he drunkenly cheats on her. Before their relationship turned sour, they had a five year old daughter. The two of try to co-parent their daughter together but things get complicated and when Jo finds herself pregnant for a second time, the two decide to try their relationship again.
1. Arguments

**So if you guys follow me on tumblr then you already know about The Divorce Verse. In case you don't follow me, I'll give you a brief description about it.**

 **The Divorce Verse is an alternate universe that my readers and I both have created outside the canon universe that is the show. All the prompts I've received tie together and make somewhat of a multichapter story. Each chapter of this story is from a prompt that I received on tumblr. Please excuse any discrepancies and inconsistencies-this was never actually meant to be a story and some things might be a little out of place or untimely!**

 **And as always, if you have something you'd like to see me squeeze in (it doesn't have to fit in with the timeline) just request it for me at flawlesspeasant . tumblr . com.**

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 **Jo and Alex's five year old daughter overhears one of Alex and Jo's many arguments, before the divorce.**

"You want some coffee? Yowah not a baby so you can have coffee, Tinkabell." I pick up the teapot and put some coffee in Tinkerbell's teacup. Tinkerbell's not five years old like me so she can have coffee. Lylas can't have coffee because Lylas are too little to have coffee and mommy says coffee has something called "cabine" in it and five year olds can't have have "cabine" so we can't have coffee and sometimes we can't have soda pop but daddy gives me soda pop sometimes anyway. "You weady to get yowah food? Heoh, I'll take yowah ordah." I pick up my notebook with Elsa and Olaf on it and get a piece of paper and a purple crayon while Tinkerbell tells me what she wants from the restaurant. "Fwench fwies owah um...um...salad?" Tinkerbell tells me she wants french fries and not salad so I have to go make her food now.

I putted my french fries in the frigerator cause mommy says french fries gotta be cold so I take them out of the fridgerator and put them on the stove to cook. Mr. Scalypants is asking for more coffee so while the french fries are getting hot, I go and give him more coffee. Mr. Scalypants drinks his coffee black like daddy does. Mommy puts cream and sugar in her coffee and daddy says it's better if you don't. "Heoh's yowah coffee Mr. Scalypants." I fill his coffee up to the top. "LyLy has to go fowah two seconds, guys." I put the teapot down. Tinkerbell waves her hand at me cause she has to tell me a secret and she says it in my ear. "Don't woahwy I'm not gonna burn the french fries. I'm just goin' potty." I walk to my door and turn the circle to open it and I go to mommy and daddy's bathroom cause my bathroom is still broken.

I turn on the bathroom light and go to the potty. I swing my feet while I sit on the potty and wait for my pee pee to come out. It's dark outside so I think it's time for my bath now. I always get my bath when it's dark outside. I get my bath then I play Barbies with mommy for a little bit. Then I get to eat a snack and mommy helps me pick out my outfit for school tomorrow. And then daddy reads me my story until I go to sleep. Me and daddy are reading Charlotte's Web and Wilbur just got sended to the farm. I can't wait to read tonight.

I take some toilet paper and wipe myself with it. Sometimes mommy or daddy has to wipe me but only when I go poopy. I like it better when daddy wipes my bum cause he uses wipies instead of toilet paper. Mommy always forgets to grab the wipies so she uses toilet paper and she hurts sometimes. I put my toilet paper in the potty and climb down. I pull up my undies and flush the toilet. I have to wash my hands now. Mommy and daddy always makes me wash my hands but I think it's just cause they is doctors and it's important for doctors to wash their hands all the time. Mommy and daddy are nutballs. I shake my hands free of water and use mommy's bath towel to dry them. Before I go back to the restaurant, I think I should tell mommy and daddy that it's time for my bath now. It's dark outside so it's definitely bath time.

"Mummy..." I hold on to the railing be careful when I walk down the steps. I runned down the steps the other day and I fell. I hurt my butt and daddy laid down on the couch and watched Cinderella with me to make me feel better. Mommy said that I learned my lesson from fallin'. She gived me a kiss though. "Mummy, I think..." I get to the end of the steps and mommy and daddy aren't in the living room like they was when I goed upstairs to play. "Mummy..."

"NO ALEX, LET ME TALK!" Mommy is standing next to daddy. Daddy's sitting down at the kitchen table looking at his hands. I put my head against the wall and wait for them to shut up so I can talk. "EVERY FUCKING TIME, ALEX...EVERY TIME." Mommy covers her eyes with her hands and puts her head down. "I don't understand you...I don't understand the kind of person you think I am. You're expecting me to just forgive you when I can't." She takes her hands away and her face is all red. "You keep trying to fix everything but you can't...you can't fix this..."

"That's because you're not even trying to let me, Jo! I screwed up, but I'm trying to fix it! Throw me a frickin' bone here, Jo!" Daddy stands up out of the chair and walks over to mommy. "You don't put forth an effort. I'm doing all I can, here. Can you at least try?!"

"WHY SHOULD I HAVE TO?!" Mommy throws her hands up. "I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO TRY TO FIX ANYTHING WITH YOU! EVERY TIME I TRY TO FIX SOMETHING WITH YOU, YOU GO OFF AND FUCK IT UP AGAIN!" That's a bad word. Mommy shouldn't say that. "GIVE ME ONE GOOD REASON WHY I SHOULD TRY AND FIX THIS? I'M DONE, ALEX. I'M SO DONE. BETWEEN MEREDITH AND THE HOSPITAL AND ARIZONA AND NOW HER?! I DON'T HAVE ANYMORE ENERGY LEFT TO FIX ANYTHING ELSE." Mommy turns away from daddy and puts her head down again. "I let a lot of shit go with you, Alex...and you know I do. But I can't let this go. Do you have any idea what you're asking me to forgive?"

"It wasn't sex, Jo." Daddy touches mommy's arm and mommy pushes him off her. "I didn't have sex with her...and it didn't mean anything. It was a drunk night...it wasn't anything. It was just oral...that's all. It was just head...it was like a handshake."

"A handshake? What the fuck, Alex?" Mommy never says this many bad words. What's wrong? Daddy touches her arm again. "Don't touch me." She snatches her arm away. "...I'm done with this. I'm done with you, done with this marriage..."

"What about for better or for worse, Jo? What ever happened to that?"

"It went out the window...right along with fidelity." Mommy starts cleaning up the oven from dinner. "I'm so done with this. I'm sick of trying to fix everything. Alex, I want a divorce."

"...A divorce? Jo, no. You can't do that."

"I can and I will."

Daddy crosses his arms. "Well I'm not signing the papers."

"...Of course you won't. You look for any way possible to be an asshole." Mommy scoops the meatballs and gravy into a red container. "I'm not willing to go to counseling with you. I DON'T WANT YOU ANYMORE ALEX. DO YOU UNDERSTAND THAT?"

"YEAH, BECAUSE EVERYTHING THAT WENT WRONG IN THIS MARRIAGE IS MY FUCKING FAULT, RIGHT JO? RIGHT?!"

"YOU'RE RIGHT! I'M NOT THE ONE THAT PUTS MY FRIENDS BEFORE MY WIFE AND MY FIVE YEAR OLD! I'M NOT THE ONE THAT DOESN'T CONSULT YOU WHEN I DO SHIT! I'M NOT THE ONE THAT WOULD RATHER SPEND TIME WITH MY FRIENDS THAN MY WIFE AND KID AND MOST OF ALL, I'M NOT THE ONE THAT WENT AND FUCKED SOMEBODY ELSE! EVERYTHING IS YOUR FAULT, ALEX."

"...Mummy? Daddy?" They have to stop yelling at each other. They are not using their inside voices and yelling is not nice. I got in time out once for using my outside voice in class. Maybe mummy and daddy need a timeout. "Inside voices..." I go into the kitchen all the way but they don't even see me. "Hey!" Am I invisible to them?

"BECAUSE YOU'RE SO PERFECT, JO. YOU DO NOTHING WRONG." Daddy just keeps yelling.

"I DON'T! NAME ONE THING I'VE DONE WRONG, ALEX! ONE THING!"

"You're a raging bitch, for one." Mommy stands up straight and hits daddy across his face. She hit daddy! Why she do that? Daddy holds his face and bites his lip.

"No hitting..." I tell them but they still don't listen.

"...Get out, Alex. Just go." Mommy runs her hands through her hair and sighs. "I need a break from you. Don't come back." She telled daddy to go? Daddy sits down in the chair and holds his head. "I SAID GET OUT!"

"NO! THIS IS MY HOUSE TOO!"

"NOT ANYMORE IT ISN'T! GET OUT!"

"YOU'RE NOT KICKING ME OUT WHEN MY DAUGHTER IS HERE."

"ALEX, GET THE HELL OUT!"

"NO!"

I walk all the way into the kitchen and stand next to the oven. "HEY!" I yell at both of them. No hitting and no yelling and use inside voices and stop saying naughty words! Both mommy and daddy look at me. Mommy's eyes are crying and daddy's cheek is all red and now, LyLy's crying too. Why they have to yell like that? And mommy told daddy to leave...I don't want him to go. "Daddy..." I rub my eyes. "Don't go, daddy..."

Mommy picks me up and puts her hand on my head. "Lyla..." She makes me lay on her shoulder and she rubs my back. "We're sorry, ladybug." She kisses my cheek. "Mommy and daddy were just talking. We didn't mean to bother you, baby girl. We're sorry."

"Daddy stay..." I hug mommy's neck and put my thumb in my mouth. Daddy comes over to me and mommy and picks me up from mommy instead. "...Daddy..."

"Daddy's not going anywhere, pumpkin." Mommy wipes my face clean from the tears.

"Like mommy said, we're sorry." Daddy gives me a kiss. "We were just talking about something." He rubs my back too. "Come on...let's go get you a bath and then we can read two chapters of Charlotte's Web...that sound good?" I nod my head. They shouldn't have been yelling to talk about something and mommy didn't have to hit daddy and they shouldn't have been saying bad words.

But I'm just happy cause daddy don't have to go.


	2. The Day

**Jo leaves the divorce papers on Alex's pillow.**

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As I drag my feet along the smooth concrete walkway, I lift my head a little and examine the building we're about to walk into. It doesn't look so bad…it looks clean from the outside. It looks cheap, that's for sure; but it doesn't look dirty. It's not so bad. My vision blurs as tears collect around the rims of my eyes but I clamp my teeth down hard on my bottom lip to prevent them from spilling over. I refuse to cry right now. I refuse to let myself break down at this very moment. I scoot the strap to the yellow duffle bag up on my shoulder since it was falling down and squeeze her hand so she knows not to let mine go.

"Big step," I clear my throat and pull myself together, strictly for her sake.

If I were alone right now, I know for a fact that I'd still be in the car with my head against the steering wheel sobbing. I'm keeping it together for her and for her only. I look down and help her step up on the curb. Like the trooper she is, she steps up on the curb with a little grunt and squeezes my hand like it's her lifeline.

"We're gonna get you something to eat once we get settled," I clear my throat again since it's phlegmy from the beginning signs of crying and sniff. "Okay?" I left her hand go for a moment and pull the door open.

"Kay," she speaks very softly nods her head and walks through the open door.

Once she's inside, she stops walking and waits for me with her hand extended for me to take. I let the glass door close behind us and nestle my hand back in hers with a forced but natural looking smile. I don't want her to think that there's anything wrong so I'm going to keep feigning happiness for her. She's pretty smart for a five year old so there's no doubt in my mind that she knows there's something wrong. She hasn't been herself, that's how I know for a fact that she knows there's something wrong here. Usually, she's happy and energetic, jumping around and singing and dancing her little heart out. But she's been really, really quiet. She's been quiet, attentive, submissive and extremely timid. She's smart, so something in her little mind is telling her that she shouldn't be happy when I'm not.

I hate that she thinks that way. I hate that she's smart enough to know when mommy's sad. I hate that she knows when she should be good for the sake of my sanity. I hate that she has to go through his but more than anything, I hate that I can't comfort her properly because I can't even comfort myself.

I stroke her tiny knuckles with my thumb and walk hand-in-hand with her. We stop at the check-in desk and she rests her head against my upper thigh, all the while still holding onto my hand. I maneuver my purse off my shoulder and slip my wallet out of it.

"Hello," the lady behind the counter smiles at me, but it's not long before her eyes wander down below my face and stop at Lyla. Everyone stares at Lyla though so I'm not offended, nor am I fazed by it. Almost every time I take her somewhere, people look at her and either smile or tell me how gorgeous she is. I'm used to it by now. "Welcome to the Hilton Garden Inn, how can I help you today?"

"I need a room," I have to clear my throat yet again because it's really setting in. It's really starting to set in that I'm about to check into a motel for a few days with my five year old. "A single would be fine, I don't need a double. …And I'd like to book for a week, if that's possible. I c-called like an hour ago, if that helps," I wipe my nose with the palm of my hand and take a breath to pull myself together. "Jo Wilson?"

"Oh! Right," she begins professionally typing things into her computer with a warm, gentle smile on her face. "I have you down for room 202." I nod my head and mouth the words, "thank you" to her.

While she does what she needs to do, I put my head down and look at Lyla. Her cheek is smashed against my leg and her hand is gripping mine so tightly that the tips of my fingers are beginning to tingle from having lost feeling. Her beautiful golden brown hair is pulled back in the same ponytail it's been in all day and she's wearing the same blue jeans and grey t-shirt I put on her this morning. Her turquoise-colored eyes are low and sad and her perfect pink lips and contorted into a grimace. Seeing her face is breaking my heart but at the same time, it's just reminding me of why I'm doing this. I'm doing this for her…and as long as I can hold onto that little thought in my head, I think I can do this.

"Are you tired?" I ask her. She nods her head and finally releases her grip on my hand. She wraps her arms around my leg instead and buries her face in my thigh. "Maybe we'll go to bed early tonight," I comb my fingers through her ponytail. "Okay?" She nods again.

"That's gonna be a total of $806.56 for the week," the woman speaks again. She stands up straight and holds her hand out for my payment method, and I just hand her my card. She swipes it and quickly hands it back. "Room 202. Here's your room key." She hands me a white card and a receipt.

"Thank you," I mumble and stuff the receipt in my purse. "Let me go, honey…we gotta walk now." Lyla halfheartedly unwraps her arms from around my leg and grabs my hand again. I adjust my grip on the duffle and my purse and head for the elevator. "Push the button for me. Push the number two." She looks up at me as if she's asking for extra permission. "Go 'head…push it."

She pushes it and the elevator dings as the doors immediately pull apart. I help her into the elevator first and once she's on, I carry the bag and my purse on. For the first time since we left the house, she doesn't feel the need to touch me in any way. She stands with her back against the wall and her head facing downward and she's seemingly okay with not having physical contact with me. She stares down at her shoes and wiggles her toes in the dirty pink sandals.

"Mommy?" She calls my name with her head still geared towards the floor. "We live heoh now?"

"…For a little while baby, yeah." I nod my head and close my eyes since she's not looking at me.

One of the worst things as a mother is when your child asks you questions you don't know how to answer. I'm her mommy…I'm supposed to have all the answers, right? I'm supposed to know how to answer everything, I'm supposed to know how to make everything right and I'm supposed to offer her guidance about the things she doesn't know. But I don't know how to answer and guide her through this. I don't know how to tell her that yeah, we live in this hotel for a while. How do I explain to her that we live here until I can find another house? I just don't know. Does that make me a bad mother?

The elevator doors part again and deposit us onto the second floor. I grab her hand and the pair of us walk right off and luckily for us, our room is the second one as soon as we step off. Lyla gazes at the ice machine in fascination as we pass it and stands next to me while I shove the room key into the slot. The door beeps and the door unlocks. I open it and hold it open for her and she wanders right inside, looking around with wide-eyed skepticism.

I turn on the light and look around too, letting the door close. There's one queen-sized bed, a flat screen TV mounted on the wall, a dresser underneath the TV, a microwave, an iron with an ironing board and a door that leads to the bathroom. It looks nice and clean and comfortable. Plus, it's only for a little while. We're only here until I can find a suitable place for us. I haven't actually been looking but I imagine it shouldn't be too hard to find a two bedroom house or apartment in Seattle.

"Alright toots," I put my purse and the duffle down in a corner and turn towards her. "You wanna get something to eat or take a bath first? Which one is it?" I pick her up and stand her on the bed in front of me so I can take off her jacket. She puts her hands on my shoulders to balance while I take her jacket off. "We can do whatever you want to do."

"I hafta go potty," she shrugs her shoulders out of her jacket and flops down on her butt.

"You need me to come in with you?" I pick up her jacket and fold it.

"No, I got it mama," she shakes her head and climbs right down off the bed. She goes straight for the bathroom door and disappears inside it, leaving me alone.

I take another deep breath and look around the hotel room again. I sit down on the bed with Lyla's jacket in my hands and look up at the ceiling. My vision blurs once again from the collection of tears in my eyes and this time, I don't even try to hold them back. I just…need a minute. I need a minute to feel. I've been so numb trying to hold it together for Lyla but I don't think I can do it anymore. I can't do it. I need a moment to feel. I cup my hands over my face and inhale. What am I doing? Is this really for the best? What am I doing?

" _Jo, stop. Stop, okay? You're not going anywhere," he says to me with a harsh, begging tone. He grabs the straps of the yellow duffle bag I'm packing and pulls. "You're not going anywhere. You can't leave."_

 _I snatch the bag away from him and continue to shove my clothes into it. "Alex, I can't do this anymore. I can't…do this," I shake my head at him and sniff as tears rattle off my cheeks. "I can't live like this, I can't keep doing with you, I just…I can't DO this. It's suffocating me. I just need a break from you. I need a break for a few days."_

 _All I want to do is go to a motel for the night. I'm not leaving for good, I just want to take Lyla to a motel for one night. I need to get away from him and I'm sorry, but there's no way in hell I'm letting her stay here without me. Not that I think Alex wouldn't take care of her because I know for a fact that he would, I just don't like the idea of my child being without me; even if it is only for one night. Plus, I think my baby deserves a night away from the screaming and yelling too. It's just for one night. Just for a night._

" _Jo, you're not even trying to fix this!" His eyes are bloodshot red, his hair is standing up on all ends and his shoulders are slouched. He's rushes over to the door and folds his arms across his chest. He's standing with his back against the door and he's looking at me like the world is falling apart. "You're not trying! You don't want to fix this but Jo, I do. I'll do anything…anything." Tears begin rolling down his cheeks too. "What more do you want me to do? You asked me to stay away from her and I quit Grey-Sloan. We can go to therapy, I'll pay for it. Whatever you want me to do Jo, I'll do it. I'll do it all. Just please don't do this to me."_

" _We can't fix this!" I throw my hands up in the air. "We can't fix this, Alex. We can't. There's no way to fix this." I shake my head and look down at the floor. "You can't go back and change anything. It's beyond repair…"_

" _It wasn't sex though, Jo. We can fix it. I didn't sleep with her. It was oral and I stopped it before it got to that point because I knew. I knew…Jo, I was drunk. I was drunk and I love you and I would never hurt you. But it was just oral. It was just oral, it wasn't actual sex and I'm so sorry. I'm sorry."_

" _IT WASN'T JUST THE SEX, ALEX!" I stomp my foot and turn away from him. "You talk about this as if it was just the cheating that's been making me feel this way. The cheating…it sealed the deal, Alex. That's all it did." I shake my head at him. "It was everything. It was how you paid attention to Meredith and not me. It was how you were never there…You weren't even there when Lyla graduated preschool. You were out! You were with…with MEREDITH! Alex, you weren't there. You take care of her kids more than you take care of our daughter. So stop acting like the cheating is the only thing I need to forgive. Stop acting like it's the only thing you've done wrong. Just stop it."_

 _He steps away from the door and walks towards me, grabbing my arms. "Jo, let me fix this…okay? Let me fix this." He looks at me with tears rolling all the way down his cheeks, puffy eyes and a reddened nose. He's shaking and I have to admit that I have never once seen Alex this upset. He's a distraught mess but I really, truly don't care. I don't care. He…he cheated on me, he ignored me for more than half our six years of marriage, he was never there for me or his daughter, he didn't pay attention to me, he wasn't there for me...it's too late for anything. It's too late for him to fix this. It's just too late. "Let me fix this."_

" _Alex, you can't. There's no way for you to fix this. No amount of therapy can fix this. You can take me on dates, reread your wedding vows to me, tell me you're sorry…but Alex I can't do this anymore. I can't keep doing this to myself. I cry myself to sleep every night because I just…I think about who you were before I married you and who you are now and it's just not…it's not the same man" I step back and look at him. Past the puffy eyes, past the haggard hair and the red nostrils…past it all, I see Alex. I see the man that was ready to kill Jason over me, the man that got me to sign a stupid contract, the man that I taught to cry on command. I see the Alex that I fell so deeply in love with all those years ago…but somehow, he's not the same person. The Alex I knew wouldn't have cheated on me and he sure as hell wouldn't neglect his own daughter for Meredith's kids. He's the same Alex but…he's not the man I fell in love with._

" _We're gonna talk about this, okay? Just stay here. Promise me you won't go. Stay here…when I get home from work, we'll talk about this. I have to go to work now but Jo, we're gonna talk about this. We're gonna talk about this when I get back, okay? Please don't go…promise me you won't go."_

"… _Fine."_

"Mommy," Interrupting my thoughts, Lyla emerges from the bathroom with her pants still down around her ankles. She waddles from side to side until eventually, she makes her way over to where I'm sitting on the bed. I quickly compose myself and wipe my tears away, clearing my throat and wiping my nose. Lyla's never seen me cry before. She's never witnessed tears falling from my eyes and I would like to keep it that way. I'd like for her to think that mommy is strong. "Help. I can't button these."

"Just take 'em off then, bubbles." I grab her hand and help her out of her pants. "You don't need to have pants on. We're not going anywhere else." She steps out of them and climbs back up on the bed. "You wanna watch TV?" She nods. I pick up the remote and turn it on. "Did you wipe your peach real good?" She nods again. "Wash your hands?" Another nod. "That's my girl," I pull her over to me and wrap my arms around her, just because I'm in the mood to cuddle with her and I feel like she could use a few kisses and cuddles after what she just had to go through today.

"Mommy? How daddy gonna know wheoh we at? Did you call him? I call him too?"

Hearing her mention his name does nothing but put a lump in the middle of my throat. I have to bite my lip again. "…Yeah baby, I called him," I lie. I glance at the clock on the cable box on the dresser and sigh. It's only 5:34. Alex got off at 5:30 so I know he's not home yet. He has to drive twenty minutes to and from work every day since he works at Seattle Presbyterian now. My point is that it's only 5:34 and he's not home yet, which means he hasn't been in the house to see that all my clothes and all Lyla's clothes are gone. I'll be able to tell when he gets home because I know for a fact that he'll be blowing my phone up once he sees the present I left him on the pillows in the bedroom. "I'll let you call him before bed, okay?"

"Kay."

I appreciate the fact that she's not asking a lot of questions about this situation. I know why she isn't though…

" _Mommy? Wheoh we goin'?" She stands against her bed frame and watches me as I empty her drawers out and stuff all her clothes into the same yellow duffle bag my clothes are currently in. "We goin' on vacashum?"_

 _I shake my head to answer her and finish stuffing her socks into the bag. I get up off my knees and flutter around her room in search of toys that are small enough to fit into the bag. I called The Hilton Garden Inn hotel and they said they have a single room available for a week. All I need is a week to decide what I'm going to do. I mean, I already know that we're not coming back here. I already know that this is the last time I'm going to see the loft that Alex and I once shared together and I'm perfectly fine with that. But all I need is one week to find a house or an apartment for us. I swear I'll have my baby a house by the end of the week. It's not going to be easy but I refuse to have her wake up and go to school in a hotel for longer than a week._

" _Then wheoh we goin'?" She watches me with wide eyes and a sullen look on her face. "Mommy, we gotta wait for daddy, wight? Daddy comin'."_

 _I ignore her and stuff a few of her Barbie dolls and their accessories into the bag. I told Alex I'd wait. I told him that I would wait here until he got off work tonight so we could talk about this but I can't. I can't wait here for him to get home at 5:45 this evening. When he gets home, all we're going to do is scream and argue and want to wring each other's necks and I can't do that anymore. I can't. I realized that I can't do it anymore about an hour ago, when Lyla asked me if me and her daddy hated each other. I, of course, told her no. I told her that we didn't hate each other and she told me that it sure seemed like it because we're always screaming at each other and saying bad words._

 _And in that moment, I realized that I couldn't stay here anymore. I realized that I couldn't stay in this marriage. My child can't grow up in a house where all there is, is arguing, fighting, screaming. I threw a plate at Alex last week and it shattered all over the floor and Lyla cried for an hour over that. She hears Alex say words like "fuck", "pussy"...she hears me call him awful, horrible names. She witnesses me hit him…because I do. I'm not proud of it but I do. I hit Alex a lot these days. I've punched him in his chest when he tried to prevent me from leaving, I slapped him when he finally admitted that he had sex with Maggie…I hit him a lot. Not proud of it, but it happens. Ii caught her in her room the other day, playing with Barbies and she was making her girl doll scream at the boy. What kind of mother am I to keep her around this?_

" _Mommy, why you packin' my toys? Why?"_

 _I'd love to sit here and wait so Alex and I can argue some more but I can't. I stay in this marriage and I argue with him and I hit him because I want to. I wanted to try and salvage this and I really wanted to try and make this work. I stayed with him this long for SELFISH reasons. I have to stop being selfish though. I have to stop. Lyla doesn't deserve this. She doesn't deserve to be kept up all night by the sounds of plates shattering and people screaming. She doesn't deserve to be in a household where mommy and daddy can't be civil. She's NOT going to grow up thinking that this is how relationships have to be. I refuse. I want to stay here and wait for Alex but I can't do that to her anymore. I have to do what I think is best for my daughter and I really think that leaving is for the best._

" _Mommy! Wheoh we going?!" She stomps her foot and demands an answer this time._

" _Dammit, Lyla!" I accidentally blow up at her. "STOP asking me questions, okay?! We're going away! Shut your mouth and listen to me. Do you hear me?!" She puts her head down and nods. I feel so guilty but I really don't have time for her questions and I'm not totally in the right state of mind to be as nice to her as I usually am. I zip up the bag and pick it up. "Stay here," I bark at her again and go back to me and Alex's bedroom area._

 _I drop the bag next to the bed and walk to the kitchen. I don't want to do this. I swear I don't want to do this. But I can't get the thought out of my head. I can't shake the memory of my baby asking me if we hate each other. I can't shake the feeling of being a bad mother for keeping her around this. I don't want this…I really don't. But I open up the junk drawer next to the fridge anyway and dig underneath all the screwdrivers, bandages, thermometers and nail polishes. I find the manila folder that I hid underneath all this junk about four or five months ago and open it up to see if they're still inside. Alex doesn't go in the junk drawer much so I kind of know that he didn't find them, but I still wanna make sure._

 _I fold back the envelope and glance at the papers. When I read the words, "Petition for dissolution of marriage", my knees go weak just a little. I went and got these papers the day after he told me what he did with Maggie. I had every intention of giving them to him; I truly did. In fact, my portion of the papers are completely filled out. I've signed them, I've filled them out and my half is ready to be filed. But I stashed them away in the junk drawer because I just couldn't bring myself to file them. I couldn't do it. It hurt too badly…much like it does now. I feel like someone stabbed me in the chest._

 _I don't want to do this. I don't want to end this and I don't want this to be how we end. But I can't keep doing this to Lyla and honestly, I can't keep doing this to myself either. Alex takes everything from me anymore. He takes all my energy, he takes all my fight and quite frankly, I'm tired. I'm just tired. He's taking too much from me. So much that I hardly have anything left to give my baby girl. I need to be able to give my baby girl some energy and if I stay with Alex, I won't be able to. I don't wanna do this…but it has to be done. It has to be done…_

 _I close the folder and walk the papers over to the bed. I neatly place them on his pillows, where I know he'll find them and I pick up the bag again._

"… _Lyla?" I call her name with a shaky, crackling voice. "Grab your jacket and come on, baby."_

"What do you wanna get to eat, sweetie?" I caress her forehead and stare at the TV. A shiver shoots up my spine as I get the chills from tears rolling down my cheeks. The chills are the only way I even know that I'm crying. My tears dribble down my cheeks and roll off my chin.

"…Mommy?" Lyla springs up off my lap and looks at me, wiping her cheek off. I guess my tears hit her cheek. I quickly wipe them away. "Mommy, you kay? You kay?"

"I'm fine baby. Tell me what you want to eat." I clear my throat and grab the room service menu off the nightstand. "You want spaghetti? Pizza?" I brush off the fact that she caught me crying so that she'll forget about it too. But Lyla's very smart, as I've said before. She's smart and she's not that easy dissuaded.

"Mumma, don't cwy," she puts her hands on my cheeks and smashes them together, making a fishy face out of me. "Issokay, mumma." She starts petting my hair like I do to her whenever she's crying. I crack a smile and give her a kiss on her lips.

"Mommy's fine, bubbles. Thank you." I kiss her cheek this time. "Now tell me what you want to eat." I pull it together for her and read off the menu again. She needs to eat something for dinner and she needs me so I pull my act together.

…I feel dead inside though.

I take my keys out of my pocket and fumble around in the darkness, bracing the pizza I grabbed on my way home against the wall. "Damn keys," I mumble to myself and look for the right one. Once I find the shiny brass one that unlocks the door, I stuff it in the lock and turn it. I pick the pizza up and slide the door to the loft over. It's been a crazy, long day at work today and all I wanted to do was get home and talk to Jo. She was trying to leave me. She was trying to pack a bag and leave me for the night but somehow I convinced her to stay and wait. I convinced her to stay and wait until I got off work so we can talk. I really need to talk to her. I really, truly need to talk to her. She can't leave me. I'll do whatever I have to do to make sure she doesn't. I love that woman with everything I have in me and if she leaves….I just…she can't leave.

I stumble into the loft and find that all the lights are off and it's dead silent. Something's not right. "…Jo?" I call her name and feel around blindly for the light switch. I find it and flick it on, bringing some life into the deadened loft. Usually when I come home from work, Jo's on the couch watching TV or in the kitchen cooking something for dinner. Lyla's usually in her bedroom playing or she's on the couch with Jo watching TV. It's never this quiet and it's never this dark. "Jo? I bought dinner…" I put the pizza on the stove and look around, finding nothing. She probably took Lyla out to get something to eat. I didn't tell her that I planned on grabbing a pizza for dinner. I should've told her. "Lyles? Where are you?"

After Lyla doesn't answer, I finally accept the fact that they're not home. She definitely took Lyla out to get something to eat. I sigh and kick my shoes off next to the door. When Jo gets home, I don't know what I'm going to do but I'm just gonna…I'm gonna tell her how sorry I am and how much I love her. I just won't be okay if she leaves me. I'm not letting her go. I love her too much to let her go and I really need her to know that I'm sorry.

I was an ass. I screwed up so bad and I know that I did but I swear I'll fix it. I can't take back the oral sex with Pierce but I can make it up to her. I don't even know why I did it. I was so drunk and tired of arguing with Jo and she was just there. She was there and she was drunk too and we just started talking and somehow I ended up in her car and my pants ended up down and she ended up between my legs and like fifteen minutes after she blew me, I went down on her too. But halfway through it, I realized that what I was doing was wrong and I stopped it as soon as she tried to take it further. She tried to get on top of me but I stopped it because I thought of Jo. Granted, it had been a while since Jo and I even touched each other at that point. But still, I loved her and I knew that what I did was wrong. I can't take back the oral sex with Pierce but I'll spend the rest of my life trying to make it up to her. I'll spend the rest of my life making up for all the nights I was with Mere instead of her, all the times I was there for Zo, Elle and Bay instead of Lyla, all those times where I left Jo in the house in the middle of the night because Mere needed me. I was a bad husband, I know. But I swear I'll do whatever I can do to make it up to her.

I've reread her my wedding vows, I've offered to pay for therapy, I've taken her to the most expensive restaurants, I've bought her gifts and I quit. She told me that she couldn't remember why she fell in love with me in the first place so I read her my vows again. I told her I'd pay for therapy so we can talk through our issues and she refused. I took her on dates that she just blew off, I've bought her stuff that she just returned and she told me that she wanted me to stay away from Pierce so I quit Grey-Sloan. I quit for her. I sat there and took it when she slapped the shit out of me. I take it when she punches me, I take it when she throws things at me. I listen when she calls me names because I deserve every bit of it and if yelling at me makes her feel better then so be it. I just want Jo back. I just want her to stop hating me.

I sigh and head for the bathroom. I don't know when she and Lyla will be back but the longer they're gone, the better because I can prepare my "I'm sorry" speech while she's gone. As I pass by the bathroom though, I notice that Lyla's door is open, which is strange. Anytime Jo leaves the house with her, she makes her close her door. My curiosity piques and I go into her room…and a good bit of her toys are gone. Something tells me to look in her drawers and when I do, they're completely empty. They're clean.

"…No," I whisper and barrel back to me and Jo's room. I yank Jo's drawers open too and sure enough, they're totally and completely empty too. She left anyway…

I pick up the lamp on her nightstand and chuck it all the way across the loft, feeling a little bit of relief when it crashes into the brick wall and shatters completely. She left me anyway. I know she plans on coming back tomorrow but still. She said that she'd wait. She wanted to get away from me for the night but she promised that she'd stay so we can talk. She promised. She fucking promised. She left. She took all her things and all Lyla's things and she left. SHE LEFT. I flop down on the bed and put my hands over my face.

When I lay against my pillow, I hear something crinkle, which makes me snap back up. I pick up the folder on my pillow and flip it open. …And suddenly, I feel like I've been here before. Take me back to the time when I was nothing but a resident. Back when I had these papers in my hand for the first time, back when everything was the same except for the name in the "Petitioner" space. I've been in this position. I've been on the bed, my feet pressed to the floor, holding divorce papers in my hands, staring and feeling my life crumble down around me. This has happened before…funny, I don't remember it hurting this bad the first time.

I don't remember putting the papers down beside me. I don't remember bringing my hands up to my face and I don't remember a rush of tears taking over. I don't remember feeling like I'd never go on. I don't remember feeling like I'd never see my daughter again. I don't remember feeling like my heart was on the floor.

I just don't remember it hurting this bad the first time.


	3. Custody

**Jo files for divorce.**

* * *

"He can have the house." She states, shifting uncomfortably in her chair and grabbing at the small glass of water presented to us at the beginning of this mediation hearing. She has a bright pink undershirt on underneath her coat to offset the sophistication of the black business suit she wore. A pretty, heart-shaped necklace is around her neck, dangling between the cleavage she's exposing and the matching earrings tie her outfit together in a way that makes my heart sink to the pit of my stomach. Her long, brunette hair is tied back in a professional bun and her soft pink eye makeup matches the pink lipstick she put on. That's one of the many things about Jo I fell in love with over the years. It's not often she has the chance to get out of those navy blue scrubs but when she does, she always makes herself look beautiful. She puts the glass of water back down on the table after taking a sip and I notice the lipstick ring she leaves around it. I'm too busy admiring her beauty to hear the question that my attorney asked her but I do hear her answer. "Yes, I'm sure. I purchased a two-bedroom house in downtown Seattle. The house is not finished yet but my daughter and I are faring pretty well in the hotel we've been staying at. Our house should be ready by the end of next week."

"Any problem with the agreement that Ms. Wilson is negotiating, Mr. Karev?" My attorney turns to me and stops scribbling down everything that we're saying on the nearly filled sheet of paper. I shake my head. Secretly, it really hurt my heart to hear him call her "Ms. Wilson". Her last name hasn't been Wilson for six years. I don't know why but for some reason, hearing my attorney refer to Jo as "Ms. Wilson" really just solidified everything for me. This is truly happening. We really are about to get a divorce. "Ms. Wilson is proposing you keep the three bedroom estate currently shared by the two of you two, is that correct?" He looks up from the paper. Jo nods her head. My attorney scribbles that down on the paper too and nudges his glasses up on his nose with his index finger. "One final aspect of the dissolution to address." His voice is phlegm-filled and croaky but I still understand everything he's saying. "Has your client come up with a proposal for custody of the five-year old daughter at hand?"

Jo's attorney starts to write now and mine stops. "My client is willing to give your client biweekly visitation of..." He flips the page and glances at something. "Lyla Isabella Karev, as long as your client agrees that my client will maintain sole custody of the child." I immediately sit up and lean against the table when he says that. I'm not agreeing to weekly visitation. I'm not agreeing to only seeing my daughter twice a week. I refuse to agree to that. I'm already losing my wife, don't tell me I'm gonna have to lose my daughter too. I didn't know Jo was going to be such a bitch about this. I knew we weren't divorcing on good terms but I never thought she'd use Lyles as a pawn in all this. "Is your client willing to agree?"

"No." I shake my head and fold my hands in my lap. "I want to be able to see my daughter every day. I want joint custody. I don't want to only be able to see my child twice a week. I'm willing to negotiate with Jo but I'm not agreeing to that." I rub my chin hair out of pure stress and sigh. "And on my half of the deal, I want her to be able to stay in the school district. She has friends and she excels in her kindergarten class in the district she's already in." Jo rolls her eyes when I say that and taps her attorney. She leans over and whispers something to him. He nods and clears his throat.

"My client wants to know if your client is willing to agree to weekends. Your client would get the child every weekend and the child will stay in the school district she is currently enrolled in. My client would still maintain sole custody in this event."

I just glare at Jo. She's not even looking at me. She's looking at the ground and tapping her fingers on her knee. I'm beginning to wonder what ever happened to "for better or for worse". I messed up but it was one time. I didn't even know how unhappy she was. I mean, I knew the marriage was going downhill ever since I slept with Pierce last year but I never knew that she was so unhappy. I didn't know until last month, when she left the divorce papers on my pillow. I came home to an empty house. She was gone, Lyla was gone and divorce papers were on my pillow. She has every right to be pissed off at me. I cheated on her and there's no excuse for that. But it happened a year ago and I really thought we were working through our issues. I didn't know she going to file for divorce. If I knew how truly unhappy Jo was, I would've done something to fix it. I don't know what I would've done but I would've done SOMETHING to patch it up before it got this far. Needless to say, I don't want this. I don't want to divorce Jo. I still love her so much that I cry myself to sleep every night because she's not with me. It hurt me to my core to sign the papers. But I knew that she wasn't going to let up. I knew she was serious about wanting this divorce and I knew there was nothing I could do to salvage it. So I just signed them.

I tried like hell to save our marriage. I bough her expensive things that she just took back, I took her out to fancy restaurants, I reread my wedding vows to her, I stood in front of the door countless times and begged for her not to leave. I offered to go to couples' therapy and she refused. I told her that I'd let her punch me in the nuts if it'd make her feel better. I even left Grey-Sloan. I work at Seattle Presbyterian now. She said she wanted me to stay away from Pierce and I did. I quit Grey-Sloan. Nothing I do can make her take me back and knowing that I lost her hurts so bad. And now she's trying to make me lose Lyla too.

"...I want her every weekend. Not every other weekend. And I want to be able to take her to school on Mondays." I rest my head in my hands and sigh. It's killing me not to cry but I'm bound and determined to save the tears until I get outside. I don't want to cry in front of all these people. I turn and look at Jo. "Can I pick her up from school on Fridays?" It's getting so hard to hold back tears. My voice cracks when I say, "Fridays". I clear my throat. "I wanna pick her up from school on Fridays...and I'll take her to school on Monday morning...you can pick her up from school on Monday and have her until I get her on Fridays...is that fair?"

She nods her head. "...He'll take her to school on Monday mornings. I'll pick her up from school on Mondays and have her throughout the week...until he picks her up from school on Fridays. I'll agree to that." She tucks a loose strand of hair behind her ear. "I don't want to keep him from his daughter, that's not my intent. He's a good father."

"Alright." Her attorney writes that down and I have to rub my eyes hard to clear away the tears. "It is to my knowledge that the mediation today was successful. It has been determined that Ms. Wilson will keep all martial assets in the bank account shared by her and Mr. Karev. Mr. Karev shall keep the house and all marital assets inside the house, including furnishings, is this correct?" Both me and Jo nod at the same time. "And it has been determined that Mr. Karev will keep Lyla Karev on weekends, following a prearranged custody agreement set here in the court, is that correct?" We nod again. "And all of this is the result of Ms. Josephine E. Wilson filing for dissolution of marriage from Mr. Alexander M. Karev, citing irreconcilable differences, is this correct?" For the last time, we nod. "Okay, this mediation is adjourned. Final documents will be mailed and are to be handed in at the district attorney office in downtown Seattle. All parties are dismissed."


	4. Missing Her

**Alex loses a patient that reminds him of Lyla.**

* * *

"Alex...hey, Alex!" I turn around in the direction that my name was called in and find that it's Meredith calling my name. I know that this may sound harsh but I really hope that she's not having an issue because I'm not sure I have it in me to console her today. I've had one hell of a first day back at Grey-Sloan Memorial and that hell of a first day hasn't even included dealing with Mere's many personal issues. I'm just looking forward to going home and being left alone for the rest of this day. "Boy, you sure do walk fast..." She's out of breath when she finally makes her way over to me. "How was your first day back? You wanna go down Joe's for a drink or something?"

"I don't know, Mere. I kinda just wanna go home...it's been a long day." I tuck my hands away in the pockets of my white coat and slouch my shoulders. I haven't worked at Grey-Sloan in almost a year and a half so of course, I knew today wasn't going to be an easy day. Jo's not working today so I didn't have to deal with seeing her all day, but I did have to look Pierce in her face three different times and that in itself is a hardship on it's own. On the plus side, nothing much has changed since I left. It's pretty much the same place as it was when I left it...and everyone welcomed me back with open arms. I'm just trying to get my life back on track one step at a time and the fact that today was such a hard day is making me second guess if I should really even be back here at Grey-Sloan. "Maybe some other time." I shrug.

"Everything okay?" She raises her eyebrow and tilts her head. Mere knows when something's wrong with me so there's really no sense in lying to her or trying to play it off. "I asked Robbins how you were doing back and she said you were okay. Are you?" She asks again and I just shrug. "Okay? Alex...are you okay?"

"I'm fine." I mumble under my breath and scratch the back of my head. "Just..." I look her in her eyes but I feel like I'm not even looking at her. I'm more so looking through her rather than at her. "Lost a tough patient today, that's all." I tell her the reason I'm not in such a good mood and she just nods her head one time to let me know she understands. If there's someone that understands losing a patient, it's Mere. She always understands when I have a bad day at work because she's been there and done that. She pats my shoulder then gives it a light squeeze to signal that she's here for me.

Truth is, all I want right now is my daughter. When I left this job to go work at Seattle Presbyterian, I left behind all of my patients. I'd be a liar if I said that while I worked at Seattle Pres, I never thought about the patients I left here at Grey-Sloan because I honestly always thought about my patients, Izabella Bright in particular. Izabella or "Bella", as she preferred to be called, was an eight year old little girl that I've treated since she was three. She was the first Neuroblastoma patient I've ever treated and she was an awesome kid. She was bubbly, happy, always smiling and so sarcastic with a wicked sense of humor. I really liked that little girl. In fact, I liked her so much that I named my own daughter after her. Lyla Isabella, that's where I got her middle name from. Anyway, Izabella Bright died this morning. First day back and she dies on me. I just want my daughter. I want to hold my daughter, kiss my daughter and see my daughter. I want to hear her laugh in my ear and yell, "daddy!" when I walk through the door. I want to go pick her up from Jo's and take her out to get something to eat. I want to bring her back to my house, have a tea party and watch "Frozen" until she falls asleep on my chest. I just really want my daughter today.

"You wanna talk about it?" After a moment or two of being quiet, Mere breaks the silence and squeezes my shoulder again. I shake my head. "It might help you to talk about it though...I'm all ears." I roll my eyes, shake my head and jam my finger into the button to call the elevator. I hate when she tries to make me talk about things even after I clearly tell her that I don't want to talk about it. Even more than I hate that, I hate that she's always right too. I always feel better after I talk about it. But today, I really just don't want to talk about it. I want my daughter and nobody but Jo can make that happen and I already know that Jo won't let me have her because I just dropped her off this morning. The elevator opens up and as soon as it does, I step inside. Mere follows me. "What's really going on, Alex?" She turns to me just as the elevator doors draw to a close. "This isn't just losing a patient...is it?" I pinch the bridge of my nose and close my eyes as I shake my head. "Then what is it?"

I run my fingers through my hair and lean back against the wall. We're the only two in this elevator and that's pretty much to my advantage. "...I miss my kid, that's what it is." I sigh. "I lost a patient this morning that really put it into perspective for me. You know Lyla, she's...happy and healthy and all that. But what if she wasn't? I watched Arizona unplug this little girl I've been treating since she was three and it just made me think of Lyla. And it made me realize that she could be cancer stricken at five years old. I miss her so much now and all I wanna do is hold her and I can't. It's Jo's day with her and I can't see her and it's killing me because all I want to do is hold my little girl." I clear my throat. "What would you do if all you wanted was Zo, Bay or Elle and you couldn't see 'em?"

"Yeah, but Wilson's not unreasonable." She nudges me with her elbow. "It's not like Jo is some unreasonable bitch that won't let you see your kid. She might-"

"I just dropped Lyla off with her this morning." I put my hands back in my pockets. "I had her for an entire weekend and I dropped her off with Jo this morning."

"...Still." Her entire tone has changed now that I told her that I just spent all weekend with Lyla. She knows that Jo probably won't go for it. "Maybe you could just call her. Call her and ask her to put Lyla on the phone. She's your kid too Alex and if Jo doesn't understand that..."

"I just don't want to argue with Jo. I don't have it in me to argue with her. It's not worth arguing with her and I know that's exactly what's going to happen if I call her. She's gonna tell me that I just saw her and she's gonna tell me to get a grip and we're going to argue. I already know the outcome. So why would I call her if I know it's just gonna be one big argument? She has all the power right now, Mere. She can tell me when I can see Lyla and when I can't see her and since she has full custody, she can take her away from me. There's nothing I can do about it if she decides she wants to take Lyla away from me. Arguing with her and pissing her off isn't worth it to me." I look down at the floor and clear my throat after talking so much.

"I still think you should call her. For what it's worth, you should call her and ask to speak to Lyla." The elevator doors open up and spit us out on the first floor. "...I've gotta go and check on Mrs. Robinson's labs. Lemme know what you decide to do." She gives me an awkward side-hug. "Good luck."

"Thanks, Mere." I mutter and walk off the elevator right along with her. She heads towards the nurses' station and I head towards the exit. I probably won't call Jo. I'll just go home and fix myself a bowl of cereal or something for dinner and go to sleep for the night. I have to be at work tomorrow morning by 5:30 to negotiate my contract with Hunt so I guess having an early night wouldn't be such a bad idea. On the bright side, going to sleep early would ease me missing Lyla so much. Since I didn't bother bringing street clothes to work this morning, I fish my keys out of my scrub pants and unlock my car door. I climb into the driver's seat and shut my door. Before I start my car and get going, I take my phone out of my white coat pocket and click the home button to see if I have any missed calls or text messages or whatever.

Looking at my home screen probably wasn't a good idea though, especially with the way I'm feeling right now. My heart sinks to the pit of my stomach and the corners of my eyes sting with tears. My home screen is a picture of Lyla, of course. It was last month during trick or treating. She dressed up as Minnie Mouse and of course, she was striking a pose because if you know Lyla then you know that she ALWAYS has to strike a pose and act like a little diva. Her light brown hair was in fluffy, bouncy curls thanks to Jo. The mouse ears were perfectly on her head and the bow in the middle was centered. Her Minnie Mouse dress fit her perfectly and her look was complete with black shoes, black tights and a mouse nose drawn on with Jo's eyeliner. I don't know how to do much but one thing I _do_ know how to do is make pretty babies. She looks almost identical to Jo though.

Should I call her? I really miss Lyla, more than I've ever missed her before. I always miss her. As soon as I drop her off from being with her all weekend, I start to miss her right away. It's hard going from seeing my baby girl every day to only seeing her a few times a week. It's been a big adjustment. So yeah, I always miss Lyla. But right now, I miss her to the point of tears and I've never missed her this much before. Should I call Jo? Just to speak to Lyla? I just wanna talk to my little girl. That's all I want. Not being able to hold her, touch her, play with her, kiss her and talk to her whenever I want is so hard. I swallow my pride and scroll through my contacts until I come across Jo's number. I tap on her name and hold the phone to my ear as it rings.

It rings three times before Jo answers. "Hello?" She sounds like she's in a good mood which is generally a good thing for me.

"Hey Jo..." I clear my throat. "What's uh...Lyla doin'?" I'm trying to mask the hurt in my voice. I don't want her to know that I'm almost in tears, sitting here in my car, begging her to let me speak to my kid.

"She's sitting right here driving me up a tree." Jo laughs into the phone. "No uh...she's actually sitting in front of the TV playing Epic Mickey on the Wii while I heat up her TV dinner. Why, what's up?"

"Nothing, I just..." I catch myself about to admit that I miss her. "Can I talk to her for a minute?"

"Yeah but Alex, don't sit here on the phone and tell her that you're gonna come get her. Don't tell her that you're gonna come get her and take her out and don't tell her that you're going to come see her. I literally JUST got her to stop crying over you leaving. So please don't get her all riled up."

"I'm not gonna get her riled up, Jo. I just wanna talk to her." I sit back in my seat and rest my head on the headrest. "Just lemme talk to her."

"Alright, hold on." That was actually surprisingly easy. I didn't think that Jo would willingly agree so easily. I hold the phone tight against my ear so I can hear what's going on in the background. I hear Jo say, "Lylaaaaa...come here, baby. Daddy's on the phone!" I crack a smile hearing that, partly because I know that my little girl will be on the phone in a little bit.

"...Daaaddy? Hello?" She comes on the phone and just hearing her tiny little munchkin voice is too much for me. I didn't know how close I was to crying until just now, when hearing her voice makes me bust out into tears. "Daddy, you theoh?"

"Yeah honey, I'm here..." I sniff and try to stop crying so I don't alarm her. "What are you doing, sweetness?"

"Playin' a game. What you doin' daddy?"

"I'm about to leave work. I miss you honey...Are you being good for mommy?"

"Yeah. Miss you too daddy. When you comin' to get me?"

"In a couple days. I'll be there to get you in a couple days. You just gotta be good for mommy." I wipe away some tears as I fully pull myself together. "So what'd you do all day today, booger?" I'm just grasping at straws to find something to talk to her about. I don't want to get off this phone with her. "How was your day?"

"Me and mummy went and we um...we...we goed to um...a mawl. And we buyed clothes and toys and a moobie. And den we went to the pawk. I getted a booboo daddy. I falled off the slide and I getted a booboo on my arm and my leg...and mummy kiss it." She's going on and on and on and the smile on my face is uncountable. "My awm was beedin' a lot daddy... mummy wipe it wiff her shit and it keeped beedin'! It beeded, daddy!" I hold back a laughter at how she said Jo wiped it with her "shit" instead of her shirt. We really ought to get her speech impediment corrected. "I only cwied for a yittle bit. Mummy cawwied me to the caw. Then we...um...comed home and I dawed you a pictuh...I give it to you daddy." She's still going on and I love it. I hear Jo say something to her in the background though. "Oh yeah! And daddy...um...I apposed...to bwing my best fwend in fuh show and tell at daycawe tuhmawwo and I wanna bwing you...kay?"

Her saying that I'm her best friend just makes me cry all over again. "Tomorrow? I'll definitely be there. Should daddy bring cookies?" I'm surprised she wants to bring me but at the same time, I'm so glad that she considers me her best friend. Lyla doesn't actually have many friends but I thought for sure that she considered Ellis as her best friend. Elle is in first grade and she's only a year older than Ly but the two of them often play together. But apparently, I'm Lyla's best friend. The bond me and Lyla have is unbreakable and undeniable. "Or should daddy bring lollipops?"

"Can you bwing both?"

"Yeah, I'll bring both."

"Mummy wants to talk to you daddy...kay?"

"Okay."

I hear the air rustle in the background before Jo gets on the phone again. "Yeah, she was actually gonna call you later and ask you that. They sent a paper home about it the other day and she wanted to surprise you with it. It's some kind of best friend show and tell day in the daycare tomorrow and the kids are supposed to bring their best friends for about an hour to do activities and stuff...like arts and crafts and snacks, basically."

"Is that it? Just an hour? I'll do it on my lunch hour if that's alright."

"That's fine. But uh...there's a catch."

"What catch..."

"For the show and tell portion, the kids are supposed to show something special that they and their best friend like to do together and she wants to show them how you guys do each others' hair. Are you okay with that?"

I close my eyes and shake my head. I'm always putting braids into Lyla's hair and when I put braids in her hair, she likes to turn around and put tiny little ponytails in my hair. I always look like a goof when she's done with me but I let her do it anyway because she's my little girl. Point is, I never had any intention of letting Lyla "do" my hair in public. "Yeah, that's fine. I'll bring the rubber bands."

"You're great, Alex." Jo laughs into the phone once again. "...I'm taking you off speaker, okay? I have something I wanna talk to you about." I mumble an, "mmmkay" just to let her know that it's fine. I didn't even know I was on speaker in the first place. "Um...were you crying there while you were talking to her? I thought I heard...but I couldn't really tell."

"Yeah but I'm cool."

"Are you sure?" I'm surprised that she asked. I'm surprised that she cares. "Everything...okay?"

"Yeah, I just missed her. I lost a patient today and it made me think about her and I missed her. I was kinda nervous tocall since I just dropped her off this morning...I didn't want you to be mad."

"Alex, I'll never get mad at you if you call me and ask me to speak to her. I wouldn't do that. I'm not like that." She clears her throat into the phone. "You're her dad...no matter what goes on between us, you'll always be her dad. You were...a bastard to me but you're good to her and she loves you and she adores you and I won't deny that you're an amazing dad. I couldn't have handpicked a better dad for her. I would never deny you anything when it comes to her. It doesn't matter what happens between the two of us; you'll always be her dad. Always. So you don't ever have to be scared or nervous to ask me to see her or talk to her. I'll never tell you no. You heard her yourself, you're her best friend. I can't take that away."

"You know what, Jo?"

"What?"

"You're a pretty good mom too."


	5. Ice Cream

**Alex takes Lyla out for ice cream on his day with her.**

* * *

"Here, Lyles. Let me fix you." I unfold one of the napkins I grabbed from the check out counter and tuck it underneath the collar of her shirt so she doesn't get ice cream all over her outfit. Jo would kill me if I brought her back stained up and any dirtier than she already is. I'm not even supposed to have her today but I begged Jo to let me take her for a couple of hours. Since I work at Seattle Presbyterian now, I have way more off days than I ever had at Grey-Sloan,which isn't a good thing. When I have off days with nothing to do, that's when I start to think about what my life was like before all of this crap. Before this happened, I used to relish my off days. I used to spend my off days hanging out with Lyla and I loved them. Now all I do on my off days is sit in the house, wishing I had never messed up to the point of losing my family. So I took a trip to Jo's and begged her to let me take Lyla for a couple hours today. She was reluctant about it because tonight's a school night but after I promised that I'd have her back by 7:30, she gave in. I had to beg Jo to let me take her and that's why I've been trying my damnedest to make sure she stays as clean as she can possibly be.

I took her down to the park before I brought here here to TCBY and she got pretty dirty but I think Jo would understand her getting dirty because she was playing. What she wouldn't understand is if I send Lyla back with an ice-cream stained outfit. That might ruin my chances of being able to take her in the middle of the week again. Lyla's always dressed like a little fashion model. I do admire that about Jo. She always makes sure our girl is dressed so nicely and today is no exception. She has on a bright green skirt with ruffles at the bottom, a white shirt with a green butterfly on the front and a pair of green sandals. Jo put a white headband with a green bow in the middle in her hair. Her shirt is a little bit dirty from playing in the playground but aside from that, she's still looking like my little model. "Here daddy." She scoops some ice cream up with her plastic spoon and holds it by my mouth.

I eat the bite she offered and kiss her hand. "Thank you, Lyles." I take a sip of the smoothie I ordered and watch her while she eats her ice cream. Sometimes it's hard to look at her because she looks so much like Jo. Her eyes are the same color as Jo's her hair is just as long as Jo's her face is shaped like Jo's. Everyone says she looks like me but I think she looks like her mother. Like a typical five year old, she sticks her finger in the cup of vanilla ice cream and picks out a brown sprinkle. She doesn't like chocolate and anything that tastes like chocolate is a big NO NO for her. She wipes the brown sprinkle on the table and licks her finger clean when she's done. She has ice cream all over her cheeks but I'll clean her up when she's done. She sticks her tongue out and leans down to lap up her ice cream. "Lyla Isabella, you know better. Eat right."

"Daddy, that's how doggies eat..." She has ice cream on the tip of her nose now too and I can't help but laugh at that. She picks her spoon back up and shoves it in her mouth. "This is how...daddy, this is how Lylas eat." She holds her spoon correctly and puts it in her mouth. I nod my head at her and sweep her hair back away from her face so she doesn't get ice cream in it. I should've tied her hair back before letting her loose with ice cream. "Daddy, membuh...membuh that time when...when the buzz-buzz stinged me? And you and mama taked me...to um...um...Burguh King?" She has trouble saying her "r"s right and they always come out wrong but I can still understand what she's saying.

"Yep. I remember that, baby girl. Daddy killed that bee, didn't he?" She calls bees, "buzz-buzz"es. I use my finger to wipe her chin free of ice cream and pick up my phone. It's 7:00. I'd better get her back to Jo soon before I'm late. If I'm late, Jo might not ever let me do this again. "Come on Lyles...we gotta start cleaning up. I gotta get you home to your mommy." I grab a clean napkin and wipe off her face. She sits still like a good girl while wipe.

"You comin' home tonight, daddy?" She stands up on the chair she's sitting in and holds her arms out so I can pick her up. I crumble up the dirty napkins and stuff them into her nearly-empty ice cream container. I hold my smoothie cup and her ice cream container in one hand and pick her up with my other arm. She starts petting my hair while she's on my hip. I heard what she asked me but I'm hoping that she'll forget about it. That stung, to hear her ask me if I was coming home. Me and Jo both explained to her that she won't see me as much as she used to but she's having a hard time understanding. "Come home wiff me, daddy." She pats my head some more. I toss her container in the trash and keep my smoothie since it's not gone yet.

"I told you, baby." I open up the door and step out into the nice spring day. It's so nice out here today for Seattle. It was nice enough to bring her to the park and it's still beautiful. I wish I had enough time with her to take her to the wave pool, she would've enjoyed that. Maybe I'll take her down to the wave pool sometime during the weekend. "I told you that daddy can't come home with you. You remember what I told you about mommies and daddies and how they have to be really kind to each other? And how mommies and daddies can be kind to each other when they live in different houses?" I pull open the backseat door to my car and bend down so she can climb inside the car. I help her buckle herself into her seat. "I can't come home with you, honey. Not tonight."

"But daddy, I nevuh see you anymuh." She grabs onto my arm and pulls me. "Miss you, daddy...miss you."

"I miss you too." I sit down in the backseat with her for a second. She turns her body and hugs me around my neck. "But it's gonna be alright. Daddy gets to see you every weekend and sometimes, maybe mommy will let me take you out like I did today. We can go get ice cream all the time and we can go to the park like we did today." She's still hugging me. "...Lyla, look." I take her arms from around me and hold out my hands. "Daddy gets you Friday, Saturday, Sunday and a little bit of Monday. And then mommy gets you Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday and a little bit of Friday, right?" She nods her little head. "Guess what today is?" She reaches out and touches my hands. "Today is Wednesday...and that means you only gotta get through one more day. One more day and then you can see me again."

"...But we used to play all the time, daddy. And you putted me to bed..and you played...you played Supuh Heo wiff me. I...don't want to not see you on Wednesday...see you evvy day..." She puts her hands against my cheeks and rubs.

"We'll play superhero this weekend baby, I promise." She looks down. "Let daddy see you smile." She shakes her head. "Lyla Isabella, let daddy see you smile." She shakes her head again. "...Fine." I scoot closer to her and put my lips against her cheek but instead of just giving her a kiss, I blow on her cheek and do the "cheek fart" thing that she loves. She screams in delight and giggles.

She puts her hands on my cheeks again and pats me. "Daddy!" I stop blowing on her cheek and she keeps rubbing my cheeks. "...Daddy, you huuut."

"I hurt? I'm sorry, I'll go home and shave."

"Can I have that?" She points to my smoothie. She's just like Jo in that aspect. She gets whatever she wants. I smile and hand it to her. "Thank you."

"Don't sweat it, short stuff." I kiss her on her forehead and scoot out of the car.

"Okay big stuff."


	6. Parent Teacher Night

**Alex and Jo attend parent-teacher night at Lyla's school.**

* * *

"Jo Wilson." With the utmost politeness and a confident smile, Jo holds her hand out and firmly shakes the teacher's hand. Before it's my turn to introduce myself, I look around to familiarize myself with the surroundings. Call me strange but I'm actually really enjoying getting a closer look at the place where my daughter spends the majority of her days. For the most part, the room looks clean. The floors are carpeted and there aren't any stains in the thin layer of brown carpeting. The walls are decorated with brightly colored pages of children's artwork, days of the week and a calendar. A number line hangs above the chalkboard and below it is a poster with all the colors of the rainbow, along with the alphabet. It looks like the typical kindergarten classroom and I'm pleasantly surprised with the upkeep. I don't want my daughter spending seven hours a day in a dirty place, you know? Speaking of my daughter...

My eyes scan around the room in search of her. She's standing in the corner next to the bookshelf busily chatting away to a blonde little girl, a redheaded little boy and another little girl that bears striking resemblance to Zola. I know it's not Zo but it sure looks like her. Lyla's pointing at a page in the book the little boy is holding and talking so enthusiastically to her friends. It makes me happy to know that she apparently has friends here, too. I really am glad that Jo decided to keep her in this school district after the divorce. She seems happy here. I look away from Lyla and her friends and turn my attention back to Jo and the teacher, just as the two of them are done shaking hands. "Alex Karev." I introduce myself after Jo and shake her hand as well.

"Wonderful." The woman smiles at both of us and shakes my hand back. "You must be Lyla's parents." She motions towards the two chairs that are placed in front of her desk. "Please have a seat." I sit down in one of the chairs and being sure to maintain her distance, Jo sits next to me. If I knew how awkward this entire situation was going to be, I would've passed. These days, I jump at any opportunity to see Lyla but while I thought I was ready to deal with Jo, I realize now that I'm not ready. I thought that by casually inviting me to parent-teacher conferences, she was extending an olive branch here but I couldn't have been further from the truth. I guess I'm just glad that she still makes it a point to keep me involved with Lyla's life. I look at Jo from the corner of my eye. Her legs are crossed in a ladylike fashion and her head is straightforward. "So, Lyla..." The teacher starts. She sweeps her blonde hair out of her face and sifts through a pile of papers on her desk. "First of all, Lyla is a very bright child. She is leaps and bounds ahead of the other children in this class and while that is absolutely wonderful, it often poses a threat in the classroom."

I quietly clear my throat and nod my head as she continues. "When I pass out classwork, Lyla is done before the other children. Now at times, I'll let her work ahead and give her whatever worksheet that comes next but I often see Lyla getting bored." She finally finds what she was looking for amongst the pile of papers she was sorting through. She picks up the paper and hands it to Jo. I crane my neck over to see the paper and look closely at it when I see that it's Lyla's report card. She has "E"s in everything, and the "E"s stand for "excellent" on kindergarten report cards. "She gets bored with the work that is too easy and when she gets bored, that's when Lyla tends to...get into trouble. She'll talk while the other children are working, give other children answers..." Jo passes the report card to me and continues to listen. I can tell by her body language that my ladybug is in trouble. Jo doesn't tolerate bad behavior from Lyla. She's more of the disciplinarian between the two of us and when Lyla acts out, it often results in a swat on the butt, a swat on the hand or an early bedtime. With me, she tends to get away with more. She's my little girl so how could I get mad at her? Especially when she's as adorable as my Lyla. "Lyla isn't by any means a problem child. She's a delight to work with in the classroom and I think I might have found a solution to her boredom problem, but we'll talk more about that later. Now-" She starts to sort through more papers again but Jo interrupts her talking for a moment.

"I think a timeout would work for her. Lyla hates to be reprimanded so if you would just stick her in timeout, I think the talking thing would cease. So feel free to stick her in the corner." Oh yeah, Jo's definitely pissed that Lyla's a classroom disruption. I feel bad for my little ladybug when she gets home. I don't think Jo's going to spank her but I foresee an early bedtime in Lyla's future.

"My aide and I have been trying to come up with a solution to deal with her behavior and the issue of her getting bored and we believe we found one." The teacher smiles again and hands us another paper she pulled from the pile. I grab this one and look at it. This paper has four sections to it. In the first section, it looks like Lyles had to write the word, "intelligent". She wrote it perfectly with her little chicken-scratch handwriting. In the second section, she did a couple math problems. Some are addition and subtraction but there are also division and multiplication problems as well. In the third section, I think she was told to read a sentence and draw a picture to interpret what the sentence said. She drew a picture of a black cat and a carton of milk, which is good because the sentence says, "The black cat drank the milk." In the last section, she had to do an analogy. It says, "water is to wet as sand is to dry." She chose the right word too. See, I knew my baby girl was smart. I'd like to say she gets it from her daddy but in all seriousness, she gets it from Jo. Jo's borderline genius. "Now, this is not the real test...this is just a sample of things that kindergarteners that would take the gifted exam will encounter. As you can see, Lyla did EXTREMELY well on the sample. And with your permission, we would like to text her into the gifted program. The gifted students meet every day after lunch and their meetings usually last about an hour and a half. I really believe that this would be a positive experience for Lyla. It would test her, challenge her, push her...and I reckon the boredom will surely go away if she spends the afternoon in gifted. She's just...an exceptional kindergartener."

"...Where do we sign?" I ask. "Me, personally, I think getting her into gifted would be great. But I also think that we need to discuss it with Lyla...before we make any decisions."

"I agree." Jo takes the permission slip and folds it up. "I think that gifted is something we're definitely interested in but I would like to take the night to talk to Lyla about it." Jo looks over at me as if she's waiting for me to say something else but I just don't. I don't have anything else to say. Basically, my child is a genius. My child is a genius, my child is gorgeous, my life is complete with her in it and the only thing I wish I still had is her mother. Man, I would give anything to be back with Jo. "...Alright, so thank you. It was so nice to meet you." Jo stands up and taking her hint, so do I. "...I'll send the permission slip back with her tomorrow morning."

"Alright, sounds good!" The teacher stands up again too and shakes our hands again.

I look back towards the bookshelf again and find that Lyla is still standing there. "Lyla!" I call her name to let her know that it's time for us to leave. She closes the book she was looking in and excitedly runs over towards me and Jo. As she runs, her golden blonde hair flows and her black tutu sways from side to side. She insisted on wearing a tutu this morning. It's Monday so it was my morning to bring her to school and when I tried to put her in the pair of sweatpants I picked out for her to wear this morning, she had a fit. So her getup for today is a black tutu, pink leggings, black sandals and a pink t-shirt with the snowman from Frozen on it. I tried to braid her hair this morning but she wouldn't let me, so I just ran a brush through it and tied it back with a sparkly black ponytail holder.

She wraps her arms around my legs and looks up at me. "Daddy, I'm hungey." She rests her chin against my upper leg and looks at me with those strikingly gorgeous green/hazel eyes. I stroke the little bit of loose hair back and look down at my gorgeous girl. "Maybe you can come ovuh...fuh dinnuh. Mommy...mommy's makin' sketti and meatballs...want some daddy? Huh?"

I chuckle and pick her up. "Nah, daddy's got his own dinner arrangements, babe." I kiss her on her cheek and carry her towards the door. As she realizes that she's not coming with me when we leave the school building, she wraps her arms around my neck and puts her head on my shoulder. She's starting to get the hang of this divorce thing. She's starting to understand that when daddy drops her off at mommy's house, that's it for a couple days. She gets it now. She still doesn't like it much, but she gets it. Her tiny little fingers start playing with my earlobe while the thumb on her other hand is stuck in her mouth. She does that when she's sleepy and when she's sad. Lyla's a lot like me in the sense that she doesn't really like it when people know that she's sad. She doesn't usually tell me or Jo when she's sad about something but we can always tell because when she's sad, the thumb goes in her mouth and she plays with either my earlobe, Jo's earlobe or her own. Her teeth are crooked from her thumb sucking but she's still gorgeous. "Lyla Bella..." I rub her back to comfort her as I push my back against the lever to open the door. "Don't be sad, okay?" She nods her head. "You know daddy's gonna see you in a few days... I can't come over for dinner but I'll see you in a little while. Don't be sad."

"...You can come over for dinner, Alex." Jo speaks up when we get outside into the parking lot. "How about you...come over and eat dinner with us, maybe read her a story, help me put her to bed..." I can tell she's reluctant about this. "She misses you a lot. It gets hard to hear her crying, you know?" She sighs. "I miss you too." She whispers that really low and I can tell that I probably wasn't supposed to hear that, but I totally did. I heard it. I'm not sure if I heard it right though. Did I hear that right?

"What?" I ask.

"Nothing." She says. "Are you going to come over for dinner?"

"Please, daddy?! Please?"

"I'll come over for dinner."


	7. Clingy

**Lyla starts exhibiting strange behavior after the divorce, becoming so clingy that Jo can't get housework done.**

* * *

 **7:30 a.m.**

As I'm standing at the stove nudging a pancake back and forth with a spatula, I hear the soft pitter-patter of bare feet enter the kitchen with me. My back is turned towards the entryway of the kitchen but it's not necessary for me to turn around to see who's in the kitchen with me. I already know who it is. The real question is; what is she doing awake? She's never—and I do mean never—awake at this hour. I always have to go in her room and wake her up to eat breakfast. She's never gotten up on her own. "Mummy..." Her tiny fingers wrap themselves around the fabric of my loose-fitting t-shirt and she gently tugs on it. I ignore her for a second so I can concentrate on perfectly flipping this pancake but she taps my leg. "Mummy...Mummy."

"What, baby?" I put the spatula down and tilt my head to look at her. She's looking up at me, bright green eyes misting over with tears. Her golden brown hair is resting on her shoulders and since she has her head tilted back to look up at me, I can see boogers in her nose. I stick my pinkie finger up her nose and clean out a booger. "What are you doing up, honey?" She puts her head down and wraps her arms around my leg without saying anything. I run my hands through her hair and continue flipping her pancake. I flip it and brush the spatula over the top. As soon as I get her fed, I'm gonna get her dressed for school, put her on the bus and go back to sleep until noon. I'm actually off today, which is a godsend because I have so much housework to do. Lyla's clothes are piled up and they need washed, I want to wash the bath towels after I wash her clothes and the bathroom and living room are both filthy so I need to clean. I have an off day, I won't have a child getting in my way since she has school and this is just an ideal situation. "Go get in your chair so mommy can feed you."

She lets my leg go and walks over to the table. She climbs into her chair and sits down with her elbows off the table just like Alex taught her. I scrape her pancake onto a pink Sleeping Beauty plate and turn the flame on the stove off. I smear butter on her pancake and take it into my hands. I start picking the pancake apart, making it into tiny, bite sized pieces. I drown the pieces in syrup just how she likes and put the plate in front of her, along with the matching pink fork. "Thank you mummy." She says in her usual, pint-sized, squeaky, soft little polite voice. She stabs a piece of pancake with her fork and feeds herself. She always says "please" and "thank you". Me and Alex have been teaching her manners since she learned how to talk. I go over to the fridge and fill up a purple cup with orange juice for her. I put the cup next to her. I go back to the fridge and take her lunch that I packed for her last night out of it. I packed her a peanut butter and grape jelly sandwich, a bag of barbecue chips, orange slices, a pudding cup, a Kool-Aid pouch and three Oreos. "Lyla, do you have gym class today?" I ask her because the outfit I put her in is dependent upon what her activity period today is. It's Wednesday so I'm pretty sure that she has library class today. Mondays are music class, Tuesdays are gym class days, Wednesdays are library class, Thursdays are art class and Friday is health class. But I'm gonna double check just to be sure. Lyla politely shakes her head and continues to eat. "You wanna wear a skirt or a dress today, babes?"

"I wunna..." She twirls her sticky fingers through her hair and swings her feet under the table. "Weah jammies mummy. I no want school..." She shakes her head. "Stay home wiff you...pease?"

"No, you're going to school." After seeing how sticky she just made her hair that I just washed last night, I walk over to her and fold the long sleeves of her pajama shirt back. She doesn't need to miss school today. It's almost Christmas vacation and she's gonna have a full two weeks off of school. She needs to go to school today. "We can hang out and watch movies after school, bubbles. You have to go to school today."

"Pease mummy? I don't wunna go. My belly huuuts." All of a sudden, she pushes away her plate and stops eating.

"Lyla Isabella, you're not fooling me." I lean down and kiss her temple. "I promise we'll hang out after school. You have to go to school today though. And I know your belly isn't hurting."

"No mummy...it is." She nods her head. She looks up at me again and her eyes are still wet with tears. Maybe that's why she was crying when she came down here in the first place. Or maybe that's what woke her up out of her sleep. Maybe her stomach really is hurting her. "My belly-" As she's talking, her pancake comes right out of her mouth in the form of vomit.

"Oh...Lyla..." I pull her out of the chair and pick her up by her armpits. She didn't throw up a lot but it's enough to cover the front of her pajama shirt. Well this is gonna be a fun way to spend my day off...

 **8:00 a.m.**

"Come here, honey." I kneel down in front of her and make her step out of her panties. When we get out of the shower, I'm going to put her in pull-ups. I think she might have a 24-hour stomach bug so I don't want to risk her having an accident in her big girl panties. I put her underwear in the dirty laundry basket and pick her up. She immediately puts her head on my shoulder. I secure my arm underneath her butt and step into the steaming hot shower with her. I didn't intend on spending my off day with my sick baby but I guess this is what being a mommy is all about. I pull the curtain shut and stand with my front hitting the spray and Lyla's back hitting it. "You feeling a little better, bubby?" She shakes her head. I suck my teeth and rub her back. "You will. Let the medicine kick in." I lower myself down so I can put her down on the floor safely but she won't let me go. "Let me go honey...I wanna wash you up."

"Noooo." She shakes her head. "I stay..." She wraps her legs around my waist and holds onto my shoulders. I think she's crying because she keeps sniffing periodically.

"I have to wash you up and then I have to wash up too." I pry her legs from around me, as well as her arms and put her down anyway. She stands with her butt against my legs and keeps her head down so the shower doesn't spray in her face. When Lyla gets sick, she gets cuddly. Well, she's a big cuddly teddy bear anyway, but when she's sick...she's REAL cuddly. The reason she's standing with her butt against my legs is because she HAS to be skin to skin with me no matter what. I'm gonna put her down to sleep after we get out of here and then I'll skip the nap I had planned and just start doing laundry and stuff like I planned. I lather up Lyla's pink loofah with soap and start washing her little body. I can tell she's really not feeling well because she LOVES washing herself up with her loofah and she's letting me do it. "Alright, you're done ladybug." She turns her back to the spray, puts her forehead against my knees and puts her arms around my legs. I don't think she's gonna let me wash myself up. So I sigh and lean forward to turn off the water. I'll just take a shower later. "Come on baby. Let's get out." I pull the curtain back again and grab the two towels I hung up prior to getting in the shower. I wrap one around myself and the other around Lyla. I pick her up and like her head is magnetically attracted to my shoulder, it goes back there again. I carry her to my bedroom and put her on the bed. She looks at me like I just betrayed her. "Hold on. Mommy's gonna get dressed." She nods and I go over to my dresser to pick out a pair of pajamas to put on. I toss my hair up into a damp bun and get myself dressed. Lyla holds her arms out to me and of course, I pick her up. "Why don't you take a nap for a little while? You'll feel better when you wake up...you wanna take a nap?" I carry her to her bedroom. She nods her head against my shoulder and sighs like she's truly miserable.

I grab a pull-up and a t-shirt for her to sleep in. I pull the pull-up to her waist and slip the t-shirt over her head. I brush her hair up into a ponytail and hoist her up on my hip again. I bend down and pull the blankets back on her bed. "Mommy will make you soup and grilled cheese for lunch..." I tuck her into the bed and turn to leave out of her room.

"Wait! Wait, mummy!" She springs up out of the bed and runs over to me. "I come wiff you." She holds my leg again. "Don't leave me..."

"I thought you wanted to take a nap." I rub her hair. I actually am pretty annoyed with how she wants to be up under me all the damn time but if I'm mean to her while she's sick, I'll feel so bad. I just have to come to terms with the fact that I'm not going to get anything done today. "You want mommy to take a nap with you, don't you?" She nods. "Okay." I pick her up and carry her back to my bedroom. I climb into the bed with her and she immediately lays on top of me and puts her head between my boobs. She puts her thumb in her mouth with one hand and with the other, she starts rubbing my ear. I cover the both of us up and rub her back until she falls asleep.

 **12:00 p.m.**

"I totally wouldn't mind if you took her to the park today but she's sick, Alex. She woke up throwing up and she's just not herself. I fed her this morning and she threw it all up." I twist the can opener and open up the can of chicken noodle soup. I dump it into the pot and keep the phone against my ear with my shoulder. "Yeah, I gave her some medicine and a bath. I put her down for a nap around 9:00 or so. I slept until 11:30. She's still sleeping." I stir the soup and turn the flame on medium heat. "Yeah, that's fine. You can come over...eat dinner, put her to bed. I work tomorrow so if she's not feeling well, I'll have to call off. Unless you don't work and you want to stay with her." While the soup is heating up, I pick up the mop and resume mopping the kitchen floor like I was doing before Alex called to ask if he could take Lyla to the indoor playground with Ellis and Meredith today. "I'm making a lasagna for dinner, if you're interested." I mop up a soda stain from the floor. "Alright...see you later...bye." I hang up and sit my phone on the counter. I don't think Lyla's going to be going to school tomorrow either but it's good because Alex doesn't work and he wants to keep her for me if she doesn't feel better, so I won't have to call off work. I just hope Lyla's not sick for Christmas. She's got a week and three days to feel better.

Speaking of Christmas, I think Alex is spending Christmas at my house this year. The custody agreement says that he gets her on Christmas Eve and I get her on Christmas Day, but I think we're in agreement that he'll just spend Christmas Eve and Christmas Day over here. We don't really abide by the custody agreement anymore.

"Mummmyyyy!" I hear a squeaky little voice scream to me from the top of the steps. I don't bother to go meet her because I can hear her footsteps coming down them. So I just continue to mop the floor and wait. I knew she wasn't going to stay asleep for much longer after I put her down. She was sleeping on my chest for the entire time we were napping and when I woke up, I had placed a pillow next to her body to trick her into thinking I was still lying there. But it didn't work and I knew it wasn't going to so I just came down here and made her lunch. And just like I thought, it's not long before she's standing in front of me. Her finger is in her mouth and she's SOBBING her eyes out. "Mummy..."

"What, Lyla?! I'm right here." I put the mop down and walk over to her. "I'm right here."

"I wunna..." She coughs because she's so upset. "I wunna hold you, mummy! I wunna hold you!" What she means is that she wants me to hold her. But she's been phrasing it that way since she learned how to talk and I guess it's just a habit now. "I wunna hold you..." She puts her arms out to me. I sigh for the millionth time today and pick her up. Her head goes to my shoulder and although I'm annoyed with her, I kiss her forehead nonetheless and hold her for as long as she wants to be held. With 45 pounds of my five year old in one arm, I pick up the mop with my free one and continue mopping because I have to at least try to get work done around the house. I don't get another off day for two weeks.

I can't wait for Alex to get here later. I need him to take her because "mummy" needs a break.


	8. Dance Recital

**Alex and Jo attend Lyla's dance recital together.**

* * *

I wipe the sweaty palms of my hands on the knees of my jeans and open up the yellow papered program book I bought at the door. I just got out of surgery an hour ago and I had to hurry up and run home, shower and make it here before the concert started. I actually made it with five minutes to spare. Even more surprising than the fact that I made it in time is the fact that Jo actually saved me a seat next to her. Once I saw how packed the parking lot outside was, I thought for sure that when I walked in here, I'd have to stand in the back because I wouldn't be able to find a seat. It surprised the hell out of me when I walked in and saw Jo waving at me to come sit by her. We have pretty good seats, too. It is pretty packed in this auditorium but Jo's been here for a while so she got us good seats in the middle section. I flip the page in the program book to the kindergarten kids and look through all the names. It lists all the kindergarteners' names on the page but underneath the section that says, "Solos Sung By", Lyla's name is listed. I thought we were just at a dance recital. I didn't know they were going to be singing too.

Jo leans across the seat so she can whisper to me. "Do you still want her for a couple hours after we're done here?" She asks. "Because I haven't fed her dinner yet. I picked her up from school and ran her down to the mall because her tutu ripped this morning and I didn't have time to feed her dinner. So if you take her, can you feed her for me?"

"Do you care if I take her out? I just came from surgery. I don't have anything made for her. Do you care if I take her to like...the diner or something?" She doesn't say anything back to me, which generally means that she cares. I still know that much about Jo at least. "I got chicken tenders in the freezer I can throw in the oven for her." I don't want to argue with Jo or start something because since it's not even my night to have her, Jo could easily just revoke my opportunity. She can easily tell me that I can't take her. "I don't have to take her out for fast food." I don't even know why I asked. I know Jo hates it when I feed Lyla junk like that.

"No Alex, it's fine." She shakes her head. "I didn't realize you came from surgery; I thought you might've already had something done for her dinner." She leans a little closer to me. "You wanna just come over? I'll make something for dinner at my house when we get outta here. You can just come over and eat. That way she can get a good dinner and you can still have your time with her. Unless you wanted to have quality time with her...if you had something planned to do with her. You don't have to. It's just a suggestion."

"No, that sounds fine. Just let her ride home with me though. I'll run her down to the gas station so she can pick out a bag of chips or something to hold her over until dinner's done. I don't want her to be hungry waiting for dinner. But yeah, I'll stop by your house." I run my hand through my hair. I'm not really sure what the deal with me and Jo is. We've been divorced for almost eight months now and I don't know if we're just getting the hang of this whole divorce thing or if we're overstepping divorcee boundaries here. Because lately, I've been having dinner with Jo and Lyla an awful lot. Me and Jo have been spending a lot of time sleeping in the same bed, we had sex in my bed just last week and our level of communication has gotten way better. I'm not complaining, but like I said, I don't know if me and Jo are getting the hang of being divorced or if we might possibly be starting to get back together. "Am I staying long enough to put her to bed or do you want out before then?" Translation: Am I staying the night over your house tonight, Jo?

"You can put her to bed tonight." Translation: I don't care, Alex. You can stay over my house. Just as me and Jo finish our conversation, the lights in the auditorium start dimming themselves and everyone around us adjusts in their seats and quiets down. Jo sits up straight in her seat and so do I. The curtains on stage open up and a familiar face, Lyla's dance teacher, is standing in the middle of the stage, holding a microphone. She begins to introduce herself and thank the parents for coming tonight and I only halfway listen to her. I still wish I was sitting at a tee-ball game or a soccer game instead of a dance recital. But like I said, Lyla's not real good with organized sports just yet. So far, it's dance and gymnastics and I have to settle.

On stage, the dance teacher takes a slight bow and disappears behind the curtains again. It's so quiet in the auditorium that you could hear a pin drop. The lights on the stage come on and the curtains open once again and this time, there are a bunch of little girls standing in three straight lines behind the curtain. All of the girls in the first line are wearing pink tutus, the ones in the second line are wearing purple ones and the third line is filled with yellow tutus. Lyla is amongst the purple tutus. I sit up in my chair so I can see her. The teacher is standing in the corner of the stage calling out numbers along with the music and every time she says a number, the girls do a different move. Lyla twirls around in a circle and holds her hands up when she's done. She kicks her tiny little leg up and holds onto her toes with her hand. All of the girls put their feet down and jump up in the air with their legs apart. After they jump, the neatly order or pink, purple and yellow tutus becomes messy as the girls scatter about the stage and end up all in different spots. My Lyla does another little jump in the air and she spins around in a circle after her jump. I think I have the nerve to be smiling right now. This little recital thing is a mess. All the girls are turning the wrong ways, doing their own things, off the music and stuff but it's cute to watch. They're four and five year old girls so they're not perfect but they're cute. I glance over at Jo and she's smiling as if this is the cutest thing she's ever witnessed.

Lyla slowly walks to the front part of the stage and takes the microphone off her dance teacher. I sit up even more just so I can hear her. "The...coluhs of the wainbow and birdies...in the twee." She looks at her teacher with the most frightened look on her face. Her big, bright eyes are wide and she looks so scared. I think she forgot her part. "...I fuhgot the wahds...sowwee." She shoves the microphone back at her teacher and runs in line with the rest of the girls. Everyone in the audience is laughing and "awwing" at her little mishap...even me and Jo have to laugh. Lyla's face is so red and I know my daughter so I know she's ready to cry. She's like Jo with the stage fright thing.

"She's so cute." Jo leans over and says to me. "I forgot the words...sorry." Jo repeats the words Lyla spoke into the microphone in her best Lyla imitation voice. "You know we're gonna have to hear about this for the rest of the night, right?"

"Of course." I chuckle. Just as Jo leans back over to sit in her seat normally again, the both of us watch as poor Lyla bursts into tears in the back of the line, where she's standing. "Jo...Jo, look...look."

"Awww...my honey." She puts her hand on her heart but she's smiling. She feels bad for poor Lyla but it's really a humorous thing. It's not funny that our daughter is mortified on stage to the point of tears, it's more funny because the way it happened was adorable. She said she forgot the words in front of the whole auditorium, shoved the microphone back to her teacher, ran to the back of the line and started crying. "I just wanna go up on stage and grab her." Lyla's standing in the back of the line with her arms crossed, pouting and looking in the audience at me and Jo. "You're fine, baby. You're fine...keep going." Jo mouths to her from her seat and waves her hands to let Lyla know it's okay. "She's crying so hard...Aww, I just wanna grab her."

"Let her go." I mumble, still watching her. She's standing in the back with a bright red face and tears streaming down her cheeks but she took her arms away from her chest and she looks like she might begin to start dancing again. "She needs to learn how to keep going...let her go. She's just embarrassed...don't baby her." I talk Jo out of her motherly instincts. Sure enough, Lyla picks up where the rest of her team is and she starts dancing again. "That's my girl." I clap to myself. The girls get back in their original, color-coded lines and do a couple more turns. After their turns, they stand close to each other and end the dance holding hands. The music ends and as soon as it does, they take bows. Everyone bursts into applause at the ending of it and the curtains close up again. The little kids are done dancing now. Next up is the older group of kids.

"Leave it to our daughter to throw a tantrum on the stage." Jo shoves her phone into her pocket and gathers up Lyla's jacket.

"Wouldn't be Lyla if she didn't." I stretch my arms out. "I'd be more surprised if she didn't pitch a fit." The side door opens up and through it comes all the little girls that just got off stage. I keep my eyes peeled for Lyla. "This is why I wanted to put her on the soccer team...can't throw a fit on the soccer field like that."

"She could though." Jo nudges me with her elbow. "I don't think we should put her on any kind of team until she learns that she can't throw a tantrum in the middle of whatever it is she's doing."

"I just want a soccer player." I mutter.

"...You'll get one eventually." Before I even get a chance to ask her what she was implying by saying that, Lyla squeezes her way through the crowd of people me and Jo are sitting amongst. I think Jo meant that if we get back together, we can have more kids and I'll get my soccer player. I really hope this means that Jo would be open to getting back together with me. I can dream, can't I?

"Mummy..." Lyla climbs up on Jo's lap and buries her face in her neck. Jo strokes her hair and rubs her back. "Mummy...mummy..." She pops her thumb in her mouth and starts sucking on it. "Can we go home? Home, mummy..."

"Lyla..." Jo puts her hands under Lyla's armpits and lifts her up just a little. "What are you crying for bubbles? Don't cry bubby." She rubs her back again and holds Lyla up so she can look her in her eyes. "It's okay. You did so good..."

"I did bad and I...and I...I fuhgot...um...the wuhds." Lyla looks over at me then back at Jo. "I never gunna sing again..."

"Lyles, come here...come see daddy." I hold my arms out and she leans into me. "You kept going...you did so good. You kept going honey. You kept going and you did so good. I'm so proud of you."

"I did bad daddy..." She rubs her eyes. "I didn't know the wuhds..." She puts her head on my chest and sucks her thumb some more.

Jo leans over and kisses her cheek. "Okay...we can go home, bubbles."

"Daddy coming?" She asks, thumb still in her mouth so her speech is muffled.

"Yeah, daddy's coming."


	9. Get Back Together

**Lyla begs her parents to get back together, which results in Jo staying the night over Alex's house just to appease her.**

* * *

"Hows come you hafta weah...um...baving toots in a swimmin' poo but not in the baff, daddy?" She looks up from scrubbing her Barbie doll's hair with soap and at me instead. When her hair is wet, it really makes her eyes stand out. Naturally, her hair is a light brown color and her eyes are really light brown, almost green. When her hair is wet, it changes to a dark brown color instead of the usual light brown and her eyes stand out like heck. She holds her Barbie doll in her hands with sudsy fake hair and waits on me for an answer.

"Because swimming pools are meant for fun. Bathtubs are for you to get clean. You can't get clean in a bathtub if you're wearing a bathing suit, buggy." I squeeze some shampoo onto the top of her head and start scrubbing her head. She's still a bit excited from the trip to the wave pool we took today. It tired her out and she crashed in the backseat of the car on the way home but when she woke up to take a bath, she was ready to talk again about the pool. She's still sleepy though, I can see it in her eyes.

"Oh." She seems satisfied with my answer. She holds her Barbie underwater and rinses her hair out. "Daddy, guess what?" She doesn't even wait for me to say "what?" before she springs right into it. "I find out...what I wunna be when I gow up." I chuckle at that, mostly because her lisp is so cute but also because just yesterday, she wanted to be a "bone doctor" like Jo and the day before that, she wanted to be a princess. She never wanted to be a "baby doctor" like me because she thinks crying babies "suck."

"Oh yeah?" It wasn't my day to have her but since she's on summer break from school, Jo's been letting me take her in the middle of the week more often. She's coming to get her at 8:30 tonight though. When we got in the house about half an hour ago, it was 7:00 so I'm assuming that it's around 7:30 and I only have an hour left with her. I hate that. Having limited time with Lyla, I mean. "And what do you want to be, bugs?" I fill up her hair bowl with water from the tub and gently tilt her head back so I can rinse her hair. She closes her eyes while I dump the water on her hair.

"A singuh." She sits still like a good girl while I rinse the suds out of her hair. She temporarily lets go of her doll to bring her hands up to cover her mouth while she coughs. I make a mental note to give her a puff or two of her inhaler when she gets out of the bath. She's not sick, she has asthma and being around all the smoke from the grills at the wave pool today probably set it off and now that she's lying dormant, it's setting in. I noticed her breathing was a bit messy earlier.

"Oooh, a singer." I put the bowl down once her hair is all clean and she opens her eyes. "Stand up." I reach over and grab her blue Cookie Monster loofah and rub some soap on it. "You wanna sing me something?" I dunk the loofah into the water to get it sudsier and once it's good enough, I start by washing her belly and chest. "Sing me something good."

She smiles and shows off her slightly crooked little teeth. "Okay." While I'm washing her arms, she starts swaying back and forth like she's dancing. "I was...a guh in the village doin' awwight then I bacommed a pincess ovuhnight..." Her voice trails off and she starts murmuring.

I start washing her other arm and pick up where she left off to help her. "Now I gotta figure out how to do it right." Don't ask me how I know the lyrics to the theme song from "Sofia The First". When you have a five year old daughter, you tend to pick up on things like that. "So much to learn and see..." I wash her neck real good. "In the castle with my new family...In a school that's just for royalty...a whole new world is waiting for me..."

"So...essited to be...Safia the fuhhst...I'm findin' out...what bein' woyal's all about...adventuh evvyday...Safia the fuhhst." To end the song, she lifts her arms up and wiggles her fingers to strike a pose. Jo enrolled her in dance class last week and that's one of the first dance poses she learned; the whole throw your arms up and give "spirit fingers" thing. She's not good with organized sports just yet, otherwise I would've put her on the local tee-ball team but dance class is fine for her. She's got a lot of energy that she needs to let out.

"Good job, ladybug." I turn her around and start washing her back. "You did so good. I can't wait until you're a singer and I can come to your concerts. You're the best singer in the world." I wash her butt and the back of her legs then turn her around so I can get her front too. "What's your stage name gonna be?" I rinse her loofah again so I can wash the suds off her body.

"Uh..." She bends down to get her Barbie. "LyLy n a Bawbie."

"LyLy and a Barbie? Why that?" I rinse her body and unplug the drain. I stand up and grab her pink towel.

"...'Cause I don't have a buhthuh owah a sistuh to be my backup." She clutches her Barbie to her chest and starts shivering. "Can I have one?"

"What? A brother? Or a sister?" I wrap the towel around her and lift her out. "I told you about that, ladybug. I told you that brothers and sisters come from mommies and daddies and until mommy finds a new daddy for the brother or sister, or daddy finds a new mommy for the brother or sister, you can't have a brother or sister." I turn off the bathroom light and take her to her bedroom.

"...You a mumma can have a bruthuh owah sistuh fuh me daddy." She sticks her thumb in her mouth and starts playing with my ear, which is a direct indication that she's sleepy.

"But mommy and daddy aren't together, sweetie." I put her down on her bed and start drying her off.

"...MUMMA!" She screams, which makes me turn around. Sure enough, Jo's standing in the doorway to Lyla's room. I glance at the clock. And she's a whole 20 minutes early. It's bad enough my time with Lyla's limited already, now she wants to short me 20 minutes? Naked and all, Lyla hops down off her bed and runs to Jo. I left my door open for her to just walk in when she got here because I thought that I would still be giving Lyla a bath when she got here but I guess not.

"Lyla baby!" Jo kisses her cheek and walks into the room with her. "What'd you and daddy do at the pool today, Lala? Did you guys have fun?" Instead of answering her, Lyla just puts her head on her shoulder. "What'd you feed her?" She grabs her towel off of me and I roll my eyes.

"Hot dogs, pizza, ice cream, a sno-cone and she had some nachos. We ate good today." Jo's always on my ass about feeding her good meals instead of junk. "Didn't we, buggy?" Lyla nods her head. "You want me to put some pajamas on her or do you wanna take care of that?"

"No, go ahead." She hands Lyla back to me. "I wanna get her home though...she's going to the daycare with me tomorrow morning and she needs her rest."

"Noooo." Lyla finally speaks up and she does so with tears in her pretty green eyes. "Mummy, I don't wunna leave...I wunna stay wiff daddy..." She starts full out crying.

"Do you work tomorrow, Alex? I'll let her stay with you but if you work, you have to bring her to the hospital so she can go to daycare." Jo jumps right into problem-solving mode.

"I don't work. I can watch her tomorrow but I have this conference at noon and she'd have to come with me, which is fine, it's just a-"

"Mummy...stay." Lyla's really, really upset. She's crying and reaching for me and for Jo at the same time. "I want...bofh uh you..."

"Lyla, you have to pick one. Me or daddy for the night."

"Bofh uh you!" She has tears streaming down her cheeks. "Juss...libb tuhgethuh..."

I rub her back and kiss her tear-covered cheek. "We can't... Lyla, we told you.. you knew this was happening... we can't live together." I put her down on the bed and grab the underwear and the nightgown I picked out for her. I start to dress her. "Go with mommy tonight, okay? Daddy will see you in a little while. Just go with mommy."

"I want daddy!" She looks at me with red eyes and a red nose and holds her hands out. "Peeze...can you a...an...mumma...juss...libb...tuhgethuh?" I pick her up and try to comfort her to the best of my ability, all the while shooting Jo a dirty look. She's standing there looking all guilty when really, this is her fault. I'm not the one that wanted a divorce. It's her fault. All the times Lyla's begged us to be together, all the times she felt that it was her fault, all the times she never understood why her mommy and daddy couldn't just be together? This is all Jo's fault. "This is what you wanted, right?" I rub Lyla's back while she literally sobs in my arms and shake my head at Jo. "I mean because obviously you didn't think about how this would affect her."

"I'm not arguing with you about this tonight, Alex. Of course I hate to see her cry. It hurts to see her cry...it hurts me to my core to hear her crying like this." Jo stands with her shoulders slouched.

"Then do something about it, Jo. I didn't want this. I begged for you not to do this." I kiss Lyla's forehead and rub her back in circles. "...You didn't even give it time to work itself out, Jo. Why was that the first thing you jumped to? We could've gone to counseling...anything but this. I don't like this. I don't like splitting our time between her and I don't like hearing her cry about it. And I don't like missing you all the time. Divorce doesn't have to be the first thing. We could've worked through it."

"...Alex, don't you think I regret it? I regret it every day. When I look at her and see your face, when I drop her off to you...sometimes I can't even make it through the day. I sleep...with a..." She looks like she's about to cry herself. "With a pillow beside me...because it feels like you. I regret it too, Alex. But then I think back about the fights and the tears and...I don't want her to be around us arguing." She shakes her head. "I miss you like crazy. But is it worth it?"

"If you don't think us having a family together is worth it then you're not the woman I thought you were, Jo. I think us being together for Ly's sake is worth it. Us being together for our own sake..." I think Lyla cried herself to sleep but I don't want to put her down. "I love you too much to for this divorce to ever be a good thing."

"What do you want me to do, Alex? What do you want from me? I can't take it back..." She whispers.

"Stay the night. That'll be a start."

"...Okay."


	10. Stay The Night

**Jo and Alex end up having sex the night she stays over his house.**

* * *

I walk down the hall from Lyla's room and into my bedroom. Jo's sitting on my bed taking off her shoes to get ready for bed for the night. It's kind of surreal for me to walk into my bedroom and see her sitting on my bed. Jo hasn't been in my room, on my bed in seven months. "Is she still asleep?" She looks up from her shoes and acknowledges my entrance into the bedroom. I nod and shut the door. "Good." She stands up and puts her shoes over next to the door like she always used to do when we lived together. "Hey look, I have to be up around 5:30 tomorrow morning...something with the chief wanting to talk to us about something." She tucks her hair behind her ears. "Are you going to be able to watch her? Because Steph's off tomorrow and she said that she'd watch her if you couldn't."

"I said I'd watch her, didn't I?" I take my shirt off and toss it on top of my dresser. She looks away from me as soon as I take my shirt off. I pull the blankets back on my bed and climb right between the sheets. I'm too exhausted to deal with Jo treating me like I'm an imbecile tonight. She treats me like I can't take care of Lyla. Like I'm going to forget to feed her or forget that I even have a daughter. She treats me like a bad parent and I can't stand it. "I have a meeting at noon but she can come. I wouldn't be the first to bring my kid to a staff meeting." I mumble.

"You don't have to be such an ass about it, Alex. I just want to make sure my kid is taken care of. I don't want her dragged in and out of operating room galleries all day. I was just making sure that you had it under control." She snatches up the t-shirt and pair of shorts I have her to sleep in tonight and disappears into the bathroom to get dressed. I hate that she won't get dressed and undressed in front of me anymore. I guess when you're divorced, all of that goes out the window. I guess I'm not supposed to see her naked anymore.

I put my head on my pillow and look up at the ceiling. I really want to try and make it work between me and Jo. I guess it's sort of too late to count on a miracle since we're already divorced but I'm still holding onto the sliver of hope that maybe someday we can be together. I want to be with her. I never actually wanted the divorce in the first place but now, after I've seen how hard it is to have lost her, I want her back more than ever. But what just happened a second ago—with her getting smart with me and me being short with her? That happens all the time. That's how me and Jo communicate anymore and if we can't communicate without getting under each others' skin, we're never going to make it work. Maybe I should just give up. Lyla really wants us to be together and I want to be with Jo too but maybe it's time to give it up. We've been separated for eight months, divorced for seven and I've spent the last seven months of being a single man, turning down every chick that looks my way because somehow, I still feel some kind of loyalty to Jo.

The bathroom door opens up and my head goes over to her. She steps out of the bathroom carrying her jeans and her sweater in her arms, dressed in my t-shirt and a pair of my boxer shorts. I've always thought Jo was sexiest wearing my clothes. I like seeing her wearing my stuff. She puts her clothes in the corner next to her shoes and climbs in the bed with me. Once she's lying down, I reach over and turn off the light. "Night, Jo."

"Goodnight." The both of us turn our backs to each other and lie down on our respective pillows. It feels unnatural for me to not turn myself over and hold her while she sleeps. Almost every time we lay in bed together, she's in my arms and I can feel her breathing against my chest. But now, our backs are turned to each other and we're sleeping on separate sides of the bed. "...Hey Alex." It was only silent between us for about a minute or two but I'm still grateful that she broke it. Although me and Jo argue more than we have civil conversations, I still like to talk to her. "I don't mean to...question you as a father. You're a really good dad and I won't take that away from you." She sighs. "I just get nervous sometimes about her. There are some days where she won't eat for me and that scares me. Her teacher called the other day and said that she's starting to slip...she doesn't talk to other kids anymore and they pulled her out of gifted so she can focus more on her regular schoolwork. ...And she's been peeing in the bed A LOT lately. I'm just worried about her. I know that you're a good dad. And I'm sorry if I nag you a lot."

"Really?" I prop myself up on my elbow and turn my head to look at her. "She's been doing bad? I haven't noticed. She doesn't pee in the bed with me and every time I put food in front of her, she eats it for me. And on Sunday nights, I always check her bookbag to see if she has homework. I didn't notice she wasn't doing well. She cries around me but that's about it." Her telling me all of this just made me really sad. I knew it was rough on Ly, not having both me and Jo anymore; but I didn't know it was taking such a bad toll on her. "She didn't want to play with the kids today at the pool, I did notice that. But I thought it was just because she's shy..."

"Yeah, she's been acting out lately. She was doing okay for a minute there but I think it's really starting to hit her. I just don't know what to do." She sits up and looks at me too. "...I'm not even going to sugarcoat it anymore, Alex. I miss you...like hell, I miss you. And she does too. And all the time, I think about the fact that I shouldn't have jumped to a divorce. I shouldn't have. But I felt like I had no other choice and now, I feel like I don't have another choice either. I don't know what to do anymore." She sighs hard, like she's irritated. "Dammit, Alex...why'd you have to go and cheat on me? You made this so freaking hard..."

"Me? Jo, I never wanted a divorce. I didn't want this. I cried to you every single night about not wanting this and you insisted! I said we could try counseling, I said we could try whatever! I quit my JOB to make this work, Jo. You said you didn't want me around her so I QUIT. I did my part...it's not my fault."

"...It wasn't just the cheating though, Alex. It was everything. It was you not listening to me, you ignoring me, me feeling like you had fallen out of love with me, you being there for Meredith more than you were there for me...the cheating just sealed the deal. I wasn't happy...and I wasn't happy for a while." She's speaking softly and for the first time in a long time, I actually feel like me and Jo are getting somewhere.

"For god's sake Jo, I did NOT pay attention to Mere more than I paid attention to you. I loved you more than anyone in that damn hospital, Jo. I STILL love you."

"But Alex, you did! My entire pregnancy, you were nothing but her freaking puppet. The night I told you I was pregnant, what did you do? You went to Meredith's and slept in her bed with her because she was so distraught over Derek. And I'm not mad at you for that. I'm not knocking you and I'm not saying that you can't be a good friend. But when was it going to be my turn? I was pregnant and I was your wife and somehow, she still came first. I would call you to run to Wendy's and get me a Frosty because I was craving a freaking Frosty but you went and held her hand instead. And I get that maybe the death of her husband was just a little more urgent than your pregnant wife but I needed you too. And I excused that. I excused you being absent for the majority of my pregnancy. But Alex, you're asking me to excuse you cheating on me and I can't. And you did it with HER. Of all people, you had to do it with her?! I have to go to work every day and look that bitch in her face and KNOW that she screwed my husband. And sometimes, I have to work with her. Of all people, you had to have sex with Maggie Pierce."

"Jo, it wasn't even-"

"I know, it wasn't even sex." She rolls her eyes and changes the tone of her voice to mock me. "It counts to me though. Anytime you lay up with another woman and she gets to do the things to you that I've done? It counts as sex to me. I would actually be less offended if you had just had sex with her. If you would've just taken her to an on call room and did the deed with her, I would've been less offended. But you..." She bawls her hands up into fists and shakes her head. "Gave her _head_ , Alex. Your mouth was down on her...and you had the nerve to kiss me with it. Don't care that her mouth was on you, really, I don't. It's just spit and you can wash it off. But your MOUTH, Alex...yours." She shivers. "Ugh."

"You mean to tell me that if I had just had sex with the girl, you wouldn't have divorced me? I think you're full of it, Jo. Doesn't it mean something to you that even though I was drunk, I still had enough love for you to stop it before it escalated into full sex? And I told you about it. I felt so guilty and I told you about it."

"NO! THAT MEANS NOTHING TO ME!" She calms herself down. "You still slept with her. If you really loved me, you wouldn't have even thought twice about it. If you were all that horny, you had a wife at home that could have and WOULD HAVE done all the dirty little things you wanted. But no...you had to sleep with her in the backseat of her car. And you had to let me go to work the next day working with her to look like an idiot."

"I'm sorry, Jo." I put my hand on her shoulder and try to really connect with her so maybe she can feel my sorrow. I'm deeply sorry for everything I did to her. "I've made a lot of mistakes in my life but losing you and treating you the way I did for a while there is hands-down my worst. I love you and I still want to be with you and if that can happen..." I sigh. "I just won't be that stupid anymore." She puts her hands on my face and I'm trying to think nothing of it but I can't help but feel that we're making a breakthrough. She used to put her hands on my face all the time. "If there's any way to get you and my little girl back then I'm not stopping. I'll do whatever I need to do."

"I can't take anymore lies, Alex..." She whispers to me as she shakes her head. "So you have to mean it...I can't take anymore lies."

"I'm not lying. You don't have to take anymore lies...you don't have to." I lower my face down slowly and as I lower, her hands slide to the back of my head. She lifts her head up a little and our lips meet. For the first time in eight months since our marriage went sour, I'm kissing the love of my life. I kiss her so deeply and so hard...god I missed her. Her lips are so soft and I missed the way she curls her fingers through my hair while we kiss. She wraps her arms around my neck and kisses me with such deep intensity that I begin to think that maybe...just maybe, she missed me too. Her hands leave the back of my head and slide down past my back and rest on my waist. Her fingers play with the waistband of my boxers and I slow down the kiss. I pull away and when I do, she opens up her eyes and brings her hands back up to my face. "I love you."

She licks her lips and shifts her weight to allow me on top of her. After she's comfortable, she brings my face back down to hers and we kiss again. It doesn't really bother me when Jo doesn't tell me that she loves me. She's only told me that she loves me about...four or five times throughout the course of our relationship and that was on when I proposed to her, on our wedding day, when we found out she was pregnant, when Lyla was born and when she found out I cheated on her. I'm not sure if the last time counts because when I told her I cheated on her, she didn't exactly say it. She said, "But I love you, Alex...why?" with tears on her face. So I'm used to telling her that I love her without hearing it back. I think by me telling her that I love her and by her shifting her weight, she's telling me that she wants to have sex. She's not much different than she used to be back when she was my wife and when she was my wife, that's what it would mean. I put my hands on her waist and wait to see if she's going to tell me to move them.

She doesn't, so I slip my fingers into the band of her shorts and gently tug them downwards. She lifts her hips and lets me take them off. Her elbows are in my shoulder blades and her hands are in my hair. I tuck my head in her neck and kiss just below her earlobe while I work her underwear down too. She pushes against my chest to get me off of her as soon as I take her underwear off though, so I was wrong. She doesn't want to have sex with me and I guess I don't blame her. It's not normal to have sex with your ex-spouse, is it? I take her pushes and climb off of her and lie back down flat against the bed, shoving her underwear into her hand underneath the covers. She takes them off of me and tosses them on to the floor as she kisses me on my lips again and brings her legs around my body in a straddling position. I slip my hands up under her shirt and bring her down to kiss me some more.

She lifts up and pulls my boxers down around my knees. She reaches back and pulls the blankets up to cover us better and since she doesn't seem to want to take her shirt off, I keep my hands under it, stroking her lower back and part of her butt. I guess she does want to have sex, she just wanted to be on top. She reaches down and grabs onto my erection, while lifting herself up so she can actually put it in. I take one hand off her waist to help her out. Since it's dark, I have to move around blindly to find where she opens. I find it, put just the tip in and put my hand back on her hip. She comes back down all the way on it and rests her hands on my chest when it's all the way inside. I know she probably wants to ride me but I missed her too much to let her have control of this. I bend my knees a little and hold her around her waist while I thrust upwards. She lays down flat against me and puts her face in the crook of my neck so I can hear all her moaning.

"Uhhhhh..." She grabs onto my hair and squeezes it so hard. "Alexxxx..." I missed hearing her moan my name. I reach back and grab onto her butt to pull her closer to me, so I can go deep. "Alex!" She sits up straight and holds onto my hands while she moves her hips back and forth so fast. "Mmmm!" She leans back down and kisses me and all of a sudden, she goes completely still. "...Did you hear that?"

"Hear what?" I stroke her back with my fingertips and try to start thrusting again but she won't let me. "Jo, what's wrong?" Something told me that tonight was going too well to continue. Tonight was going entirely too good and of course, something has to mess it up. I'm not lucky enough to have sex with her.

"...I think Lyla's up." She whispers. "Shhh." She puts her finger over my mouth and quiets her breathing.

"She's not. She's sleeping..." I move her shirt up so I can see if and when she starts riding me again. I really am in there pretty deep. "She's sleep." I wrap my arms around her waist again and sit up, keeping myself deep inside her. "You want me to go check on her?"

"...No." She shakes her head and starts moving again. "Mmmmm..." She moves backwards and forwards and her hair starts flying all over the place. I nuzzle my face in her neck and put my hands on both her boobs while they bounce with her movements. Again, she stops moving and I'm starting to get irritated. "No, I really think she's up...I hear that." I sigh hard.

"Jo, Lyla's-" Interrupting me, my bedroom door flies open and immediately, Jo jumps right off my lap. Crap, she was right!

"Daddy..." Her little voice cuts through the darkness and I'm thanking GOD right now that it's dark. Underneath the covers, I pull my boxers back up.

"What's the matter princess?" I pull the covers away and look back at Jo. She's sitting in my bed with her face buried in her hands.

"...I seep in heoh?" She holds her arms up at me. "I want mummy..." I pick her up and take her over to Jo. "Mummy..."

"Let daddy take you back to your room, honey. Mommy will be in...okay?" I think Jo's laughing.

"Okay..." She puts her head on my shoulder and wraps her legs around my hip so I won't drop her and that's when I feel that she's not wearing any underpants.

"...Lyla, where are your underwear?" I walk with her over to the wall and flick on the light. I pull up her nightgown to see if maybe I'm wrong but sure enough, she doesn't have anything on underneath her nightgown.

"...I fowed them away...I pee pee in the bed, daddy..."

"You did?" I put her down on the floor and take off her nightgown, which is wet with pee too. I look back at Jo again and her cheeks are red and she's laughing still. "What's so funny, mommy?" I ask Jo. She shakes her head. "No, what's so funny? Say, 'what's so funny, mommy'?"

"...What funny?" Lyla asks.

"Nothing." Jo shakes her head again and makes it seem like she's just putting on her pajama pants. Her shirt is long so she's completely covered. "...Mommy wet the bed too." She mumbles to me, which kind of makes me laugh.

"Maybe we should put diapers on you both." I suggest.


	11. Freak Out

**Lyla has a breakdown brought on by the divorce, which brings Jo and Alex to take her to the psychologist.**

* * *

"Lyla, come eat your breakfast. Your dad's gonna be here any second and you guys are gonna be late for the show if you don't get in here and eat." I stir her Fruity Pebbles to make sure every shard of cereal gets covered by milk and put the bowl down on the placemat in front of the chair she always sits at. Alex is off today and tomorrow so even though these aren't his days, I'm letting him keep Lyla for the next two days. He's letting me have her this weekend because I'm off this weekend. Alex and I have a pretty good communication system and I admit that I'm pretty proud of us for that fact. Disney On Ice is local for the last time this afternoon and Alex bought Lyla tickets to go. He's taking her to see Disney On Ice up in Olympia, then he's taking her out to dinner at Dave & Buster's and she's staying the night with him. She's been talking about her quality time with her daddy for the last three days. I'm glad the day has finally arrived so I don't have to hear about it anymore.

Lyla happily skips into the kitchen, her long brown pigtails bouncing lively as she moves. This year's theme for Disney On Ice is "Princesses & Heroes" and as soon as she got wind that Elsa, Anna and Sofia the First were going to be there, she had her outfit picked out. Of course, I tweaked it a little bit because I always have to send my baby out the house looking her best. She originally picked out a frilly pink church dress to wear but we negotiated with a frilly pink skirt instead. She has on a long-sleeved white t-shirt with a heart made of rhinestones on the chest. Her skirt is light pink with hanging parts that sort of look like jellyfish tentacles. Underneath her skirt, I put dark pink leggings on her and completed her look with her black UGG boots. I tied her hair back in two perfect pigtails and maybe I'm biased, but I swear I have the cutest little girl in the world. "Mummy, when I stay ovuh daddy's...I...I sleep...bedduh." She climbs into her chair and sits at her breakfast bowl.

"Really honey? Do you?" I pretend to be very interested in what she's saying to me as I check through the pink and purple zebra print bag that she always takes when spending the night over Alex's. I just want to make sure she has everything she's going to need while she's away for two days. I'm going to miss my little brat but it's always nice to have some quality time to myself when I come home from work on the weekdays. I sift through the bag and check the things off the mental list I made in my head. Pull-ups, check. Extra panties, check. Alex asked me to send more socks with her, so socks; check. Her favorite stuffed "wolfie", check. "Bubby, do you know if your daddy-" I stop talking when I look up from her bag and see that she's straining the milk out of her cereal bowl and dumping it on the table. "Lyla Isabella Karev, what are you doing?!" I put her bag down.

"...I want...dwy ceweal mumma." She stops mid-movement and gives me the deer-in-headlights look. Her little green eyes are apologetic and she looks so guilty. "I no want milk in it." She shakes her head, sending her pigtails flying in a frenzy all over her head.

"Well you don't dump the milk all over the table to get dry cereal, Lyla!" I snatch a dishtowel off the rack hanging by the stove and rush over to the kitchen table to clean up the mess she made before she can make an even bigger one. I can't stand yelling at her because she's just so adorable and she's really not a bad kid but Alex already lets her get away with murder. She's not naughty, she's just ornery and she likes getting into stuff she knows she has no business getting into. I snatch the spoon out of her hand and put it back in the bowl. I push the bowl away from her and wipe the milk off the placemat and wipe her hands as well. "You're gonna get milk all over your outfit and then you're gonna get a spanking if I have to change you." I put the bowl of cereal back in front of her. "Now eat, Lyla. I'm not playing."

"I want dwy ceweal!" She pushes the bowl away from her and shakes her head. I just ignore her request because when I ignore her, she knows that I don't care what she wants. When I ignore her, she knows that it's my way or no way at all. I'm not Alex and the demands don't go over with me. I walk back to the counter to finish checking her bag. When I look back up to see if she's eating like I told her to, I see that she's back at it. This time, she's taking the milk out of the bowl by the spoonful and dumping it on the floor.

"You're gonna get a timeout!" I pick up the dishtowel again and go back over to her. Even though I've caught her again and I'm clearly standing right next to her, she's still dumping milk on my kitchen floor. I toss the towel down onto the small puddle of milk so I can wipe it up and as soon as I do that, I hear my front door open. Alex is here but I don't care. "If I have to tell you again Lyla, you're going to timeout. End of discussion." After I clean up the milk, I yank the spoon out of her hand again, stick it back in the bowl and complete the regime with a light but still firm slap on her hand. "Now STOP." She pulls her hands back fast. I know I stung her pretty good.

"Owwwwieeee..." Her little face turns firetruck red and tears well up in those pretty green eyes of hers. She throws her head back and screams at the top of her lungs. "Owwwie, mummy!" Tears stream down her cheeks and she starts wailing. Alex walks into the kitchen wearing a pair of jeans and a black t-shirt. He goes immediately to Lyla and pulls out her chair so he can pick her up. "I want dwy ceweal, daddy!"

"Alex, put her down at that table so she can eat." I squat down so I can better clean up the milk she poured on the floor. "She hasn't eaten breakfast yet. She spent the entire time dumping milk on my floor and my table. So put her down and make her eat breakfast." He's holding Lyla on his hip and comforting her. "Put her down and make her eat."

"Well Jo, if she wants dry cereal..." He puts Lyla back in her chair.

"She's not getting dry cereal." I throw the dishtowel into the dirty laundry basket in the corner of the kitchen and zip up her zebra bag. "I know Lyla better than Lyla knows herself and I know that the only reason she's asking for dry cereal is because she's only gonna eat about a handful and then she's gonna tell you that she's hungry because she didn't eat enough for breakfast and she's gonna ask you to take her to McDonald's or something. Any other day, she has no problem eating her Fruity Pebbles with milk. Now all of a sudden, you're coming to get her and she doesn't want milk? No. She's eating that cereal with milk on it." Lyla's sitting at the table, tears still coming out of her eyes. "And I'm not kidding, Lyla. Stop crying, sit up straight, DON'T DUMP MILK EVERYWHERE and eat your breakfast. Now."

"Noooooooo...Daddy!" She turns to Alex and holds her arms up. "Dadddyyyy..."

"Lyla, eat." He puts the bowl of now-soggy cereal in front of her. "Do as your mother says and eat. We're gonna miss the princesses if you don't eat."

Lyla puts her head down on the table and screams. "Ehhhhhhhh!" She starts kicking her feet and banging her hands on the table. "I WANT DWY CEWEAL! I NOT EATING DAT!" She pushes the bowl of cereal away from her. "I WUNNA GOOOOO, DADDY! I WUNNA GO!"

"Not until she eats." I mumble to Alex and he nods, in awe that Lyla's freaking out like this. She's had temper tantrums before, especially back when she was going through her terrible twos. But she's never screamed at us like this and she's never banged her hands. "You're not getting up until you eat, Lyla."

"I WUNNA GO! I WUNNA GO!" She leans towards Alex with her arms out. Her face is so red that she looks flushed and her eyes are leaking out tears. "GEH ME DOWN! GEH ME DOWN!" When she sees that Alex isn't giving in like he normally does to her tears, she clunks her head down on the table and just cries. "I HAY YEW MUMMY! I HAY YEW!" Alex looks over at me and I just shrug. Not the first time Lyla's said she hates me, won't be the last either. Just so she knows that we mean business with her, I scoot the cereal back towards her. She lifts her head up, forcibly pushes the entire bowl off the table and onto the floor and clunks her head back down.

"That's it!" I pull her chair out and grab her by her armpits. "You're going to timeout!" I hold her by her arms and start walking with her but she starts flailing her legs. I swing her around and put her underneath my armpit so I can hold her like that but before I can secure her, she slams her face against my side and bites me.

"LYLA!" Alex finally steps in and takes her off of me. "WE'RE NOT GOING TO SEE THE PRINCESSES!" He throws her over his shoulder. "...You okay?"

"Yeah..." I nod my head and pull up my shirt to examine the damage. "...She never freaks out like this, Alex... we really need to take her to see someone. I'm kidding anymore." I feel myself getting ready to cry. I've never seen my little girl freak out and bite me like that. She's not my sweet little bubbles anymore. She's so angry...and she's been this way since me and Alex split. "I don't like seeing her like this..."

"I'll get her in with the child psychiatrist at Presby. She's really good." He nods, finally agreeing with me.


	12. Psychologist 1

**Lyla visits the psychologist, part one.**

* * *

"Fox in socks our game is done, sir." I turn the page of the book we're reading and put my hand back on her stomach. We read two books while we was sitting here and the doctor still didn't come out to get yet. Alex made this appointment and he said that this child psychiatrist is really good. I hope she's good because I haven't been sitting in this waiting room for 45 minutes for a mediocre psychiatrist. Since he works here and apparently everybody here loves him, he had the appointment pushed up. Apparently this psychiatrist is really busy because everyone brings their children to see her. "Thank you for a lot of fun, sir." I close the book and put it down on the table next to the chairs. I've been reading to her since I signed her in because if I don't find some way to entertain her, she'll be in here tearing up the books and the toys and I don't want her to do that. I want her to stay tame. "The doctor's gonna come out and get you any minute now, baby." I push her hair back and rub her tummy to keep her calm. Lyla hates doctors, which is kind of ironic considering that she's the daughter or two doctors. If I don't keep her calm, she'll freak. She opens her mouth and sticks her thumb in it. "Don't suck your thumb, bubbles." I pull her thumb out of her mouth. "That's cucka. You know how many germies are on your thumb?"

She wipes her thumb on her shirt and adjusts herself on my lap. "Let's wead anothuh stohy, mummy. Yookie." She points to the pile of books next to us. "Let's wead anothuh." She turns her head and looks at me. "We can wead mouh doctuh shoes!"

I stifle a laugh at her. "Dr. Shoes, huh?" She's slipping so I pull her up on my lap and wrap my arms around her so she doesn't fall off. "As much as I like Dr. Seuss honey..." I lean forward and kiss her cheek. "No more stories, bubby." I fix her flower headband and pull her shirt over her belly to fix her. "The doctor's gonna come out and get you and then we won't be able to finish the story we start. So no more stories." She pokes her lip out to show her dissatisfaction but doesn't throw a fit. "You gonna be a good girl when the doctor comes out and gets you?" She nods her head. "Gimme a kiss...okay? Mommy needs a kiss." Lyla eagerly turns around and kisses me on my lips. "Mwah!" I put my hands under her armpits and lift her up. "Thank you, beautiful!" I put her down on the floor. "Stand up baby..let mommy fix your outfit."

The doctor will surely be out any second now and I'm all about making sure Lyla looks her best, even when she's wearing what she's wearing right now. I dressed her in grey sweatpants and a grey sweatshirt. Her hair is down and pulled back with a pink flowery headband She's like my personal baby doll so I like to dress her up. After I get done fixing her, the door across from the chairs we're sitting in opens up and out walks a tall woman. She's older, with blonde hair and glasses but she looks like she's very friendly. "Lyla?" She calls her name and Lyla immediately backs toward me and holds onto my leg.

When she sees Lyla shy away from her, it becomes clear which of the four children in the waiting room is Lyla and she walks right over to us and I stand up. When I stand up, Lyla hides behind my legs and I put my hand against her head. "Jo Wilson, ma'am." I smile and shake her hand.

"Right!" She smiles at me too and shakes my hand with overeager action. "You must be her mother and Dr. Karev's ex. I've heard about you." She lets go of my hand and turns her attention to Lyla. "And this must be miss Lyla." She kneels down to Lyla's level. "Lyla, your daddy told me all about you. He told me how pretty you are and that you're a real good singer." She's treating Lyla like she deals with shy children all the time and she probably does. It's her job, isn't it? "He also told me that you like princesses. I like princesses too." Lyla peeks out from behind my leg. "WOW. You really are a pretty girl!"

"What do you say, Ly?" I look down at Lyla. She's so shy. She's holding onto my leg for dear life. "Say thank you." Lyla shakes her head.

"Hey Lyla...you wanna come play with me?" The doctor holds her hands out for Lyla to take it and since I know my child, I know that's not gonna happen. "Come play with me. I have lots of toys and we can spend the next hour playing with them. You wanna come play?" Lyla shakes her head again and the doctor looks up at me. I mouth a "sorry" to her and she nods her head, telling me that it's okay.

"...Bubbles, go play with her." I bend down and pick her up. "This is your doctor and you're gonna go play with her. I told you this doctor's appointment was gonna be fun, didn't I?" Lyla sticks her thumb in her mouth, puts her head on my shoulder and starts playing with my ear. "You gonna go play with her?" She shakes her head and squeezes me. I kiss her cheek and sway back and forth with her. Lyla's one of she shiest people I know so I'm not really surprised that she's so nervous and scared to go off and play with a perfect stranger. My poor little baby though. Her life must be in shambles right now and I'm trying to help her by letting her talk to this doctor but this is probably just making it worse. "Go play a game with the doctor..."

"...Mummy come wiff me?" She squeezes her arm around my neck and holds on to me.

"Mommy's gonna come back to the room with you and me...she'll walk you back." The doctor steps in to help me out. "Follow me." She motions with her head and I nod. We walk back through the door she came from and she leads us down a long light green hallway. She opens up a door and I look inside. It's a big, big, BIG playroom. There are toys all over the place and a small table with four chairs. Lyla lifts her head up and looks inside the room but she doesn't seem amused. "You wanna come play in here with me, honey?" Lyla slowly, hesitantly shakes her head. The doctor stands next to me and motions to me as if she wants to whisper to me. I lean to her. "There's a room with a double mirror that you can sit in for the first visit. You'll be able to hear everything that we talk about. But only for the first visit. Every visit afterwards is completely private."

"Okay." I nod my head once and kneel down with Lyla still in my arms. "Go play baby." I point to the room. "Go play in there..." Lyla looks into the room. The doctor walks inside and picks up an Elsa doll. I gasp with mock enthusiasm. "Lyla, looky! There's Elsa! Go play with Elsa!"

Lyla cracks a big smile and runs excitedly into the playroom. "Ewlsaaa!" She grabs the doll off of the doctor and hugs it like it's her baby or something. "Mummy, looky! Mummy! Mummy, her...got...the...her got the sparkles in her haihhh! Looky!" She points to the sparkles in the Elsa doll's hair. I smile at her and give her a thumbs up but don't step into the room. "Come heoh mummy! Come heoh!"

"Where do I go?" I turn and question the doctor. She points to a small door in the corner of the playroom and I nod. "...I'll see you in a little bit baby."

"Lyla, mommy's gonna go and she's gonna wait outside until we're done playing...okay?" The blonde doctor tries to ease her into it.

Lyla drops her toy and runs to me. "Noooo...mummy, don't goooooo...don't leave me..." She holds onto my leg. "Mummy, don't go...pease? I be good...don't go."

"I'll be right back, baby." I kneel down and give her a hug. "I'll be RIGHT back. I promise I'll be back. I'm not leaving you. I'll be back. I promise, honey. I promise."

"No!" She holds on to me. "Pease? Pease, mummy?! Stay...pease stay." She begs me and this is too much for me so I can only imagine what it's like for her. I shouldn't have done this alone. I can't do this alone. I should've made Alex get out of surgery early so he could come with me. I can't listen to my sweet baby girl crying and begging me not to leave her and promising me that she'll be a good girl if I don't go. I can't do this. I just wanna scoop her up so she'll stop crying. She's my baby...and she's crying for me to stay with her. When I talked to Alex about this, he said that the visit with the psychiatrist would only be an hour and they'd be doing something called "play therapy", where Lyla goes into a playroom and she and the doctor play and while they're playing, the doctor will ask her questions and get all the information out of her. I really should've brought Alex. I need him more than I'm willing to admit. "Mummy stay..."

I swallow a lump in my throat and pry her arms from around my neck. "Let me go, Lyla. Just play with the doctor..." I gently push her into the room since I know that I have to leave her alone. I'm getting ready to cry myself. Lyla throws herself on the floor and starts WAILING. I just keep hearing her say over and over again, "mommy don't leave me!" I close my eyes and bite my lip. She'll come around. Once they start playing, she'll come around. The doctor knows how to handle this. She does this for a living. Lyla will be fine. I take a deep breath and go into the room that I'm supposed to go through.

I think I'm gonna call Alex and tell him to come down to the psychiatric floor though. Because I can't do this alone.


	13. Psychologist 2

**Lyla visits the psychologist, part two.**

* * *

"Lyla..." I watch through the two way mirror as the therapist kneels down next to my baby and tries to get her to stand up. I left out of the room about five or so minutes ago and Lyla still hasn't gotten up off the floor. She did, however, lie down on the floor. She's curled up into a ball on the floor with her thumb in her mouth, still crying "mommy" as she ignores the therapist completely. I texted Alex and asked him if he could come down to the psychiatric floor and sit with me because Lyla wasn't doing so well and he said that he's on his way. I hope he comes soon because I'm having a breakdown of my own. It's breaking my heart to see my baby crying like this. "Honey, why don't you get up off the floor? You can sit up at the table if you want." The blonde haired doctor rests her hand against Lyla's hand and tries to pick her up but Lyla snatches away. It would really be a good thing if the doctor got her up off that floor because if she lies there and cries long enough, she's going to end up crying herself to sleep. "But Lyla, Elsa really wants to play with you." She puts the Elsa baby doll next to Lyla's face. "She really wants to be your friend..."

"I wann my mummy..." To my surprise, Lyla actually sits up and looks around. Her little face is all red and her hair is sticking to her face from her tears and she's just so upset. I've seen my baby girl upset before but never this upset. She's distraught. "Wheah my mummy? Her leave..." She crawls over to the door she saw me leave from and her pants come down, exposing her bright pink and yellow big girl panties. "Mummy!" She puts her hands against the door and smacks it. "COME BACK, MUMMY! DON'T LEAVE ME!" I have to turn my head so I can't see her. Man, screw this. This can't possibly be helping her. She's SCREAMING for me. My baby is screaming for me and I have to sit here and watch her? No. I walk to the door so I can go in that room and hold my baby but as soon as my hand touches the knob, the other door behind me opens up and through it walks Alex. He's wearing his scrubs and his white coat still.

"Hey...what's up?" He shuts the door behind himself and although we're not together, I really need him to support me right now because I'm half a second away from stopping this therapist appointment or whatever it's turning out to be. So as soon as he shuts that door behind himself, I take two steps towards him and hug him. "Jo...what's the matter?" Alex's sweet, sensitive side takes over and he hugs me back. "What's wrong?"

"I can't do this, Alex. Look at her." I keep my arms around him but I turn and motion with my head to the two way mirror. He braces my body against his and starts walking towards the mirror so he can get a better visual. "How could this possibly be helping? This is torturing her. Look at her...look at my baby." The tears make my eyes swell up and I have to really try so I can fight them off. "She's being tortured, Alex...this is torture. Have you ever seen her cry like that?"

"...She's okay, Jo. Dr. Jordan is great." He rubs my arm and surprisingly kisses my temple. He's kissing me? We aren't together. I still have so much love for Alex that it hurts but I really wasn't expecting him to kiss me. Maybe we should just stop all this divorce/separation crap and get back together. He loves me and I love him. I don't know if I'm ready to open myself up to getting hurt by him again but I know for sure that I miss him like hell. I miss having a man next to me while I sleep and I miss seeing my little baby girl smile. "The fact that she's acting like that just proves that she needs to be here. She's alright. She'll be fine." He keeps one arm around me and the two of us watch Lyla and the therapist in silence.

"Your mommy didn't leave you, Lyla. She'll be right back as soon as me and you are done playing. I promise she'll be back. Your mommy loves you and she'll be back to get you. She would never leave you." The doctor, Dr. Jordan, kneels down on both her knees and puts her hand in the middle of Lyla's back. Lyla's hands are still on the door that I left out of but she seems to have calmed down quite a bit. Her lip is poked out though and that makes my heart melt. "How does it make you feel when your mommy or you daddy leaves you, Lyla? Why do you want to cry when they leave?"

"...Cause...they won't come back..." She takes her hands off the window and looks at the doctor. She still has tears coming out of her eyes but they're more like leftover tears. They're not very fresh anymore. She stands up from being on her knees and walks over to the Elsa doll. "They won't come back and I nevuh see them again. They go...away and then...and then they move out." She sits back down on the floor and pets the doll's hair. "They leave me..."

"Is that what your daddy did? Did he leave you?" Dr. Jordan picks up Elsa's sister and acts like she's really interested in playing with it. "Is that why you don't like it when they leave you? Cause your daddy left?"

"...Yeah." Lyla nods her head and puts the doll down on the floor. "I go home a day and...and...and daddy gone." She's talking to the floor, not to the therapist but the therapist is still listening to her speak. "I ask mommy...wheah daddy go and her...um...her sayed..." She lifts her head and looks at the doctor with her pretty green eyes. The tears she shed really made her eyes sparkle. She's so pretty. "Daddy wasn't comin' back...and daddy been gone. I miss him. Him goed away and I only get to see him sometimes. But daddy my best fwend I wanna see him all the times." I silently slide my hand into Alex's and squeeze it.

"Daddy's your best friend?" Dr. Jordan hands Lyla a doll's hairbrush and Lyla takes great joy in brushing Elsa's hair. "That must be awesome. Tell me, what are some of the things that you and your daddy do? What do you guys do to have fun?" I have to admit that I'm a little bit shocked. I didn't think that this therapist was going to get anything out of Lyla besides tears. It really seems like they're getting somewhere.

"Daddy...um...him..." She keeps brushing her doll's hair. "Him holds my hand...and him...bwush my haroh and take me to ice cweam and stuff. And him watch cinnawella with me and play bawbies. Daddy so fun." She puts the brush down and looks around the playroom. "But him get a...a divowsh and now I don't see him a lot...but him take me mowah places now." Lyla walks over to a pink baby doll stroller and puts her Elsa doll in there. She's in her element now, playing and stuff. "I hate divowsh." To be honest though, I didn't even think Lyla knew what a divorce was. Me and Alex really do try not to discuss such adult themes around her but I guess we failed.

"Why do you hate divorce?" For the first time this visit, the doctor actually picks up a notepad and a pen.

"Cause it wooined my life. Mummy and daddy awen't even togedduh no mowah and I don't see daddy a lot and then when I see daddy I can't see mummy. It wooined my life." Lyla pushes her baby doll over to a box of toys. "It was beduh when I was little. Mummy and daddy stayed togedduh."

"Tell me about your mommy...what's she like?" She's writing in her notebook.

"Mummy the best! Her my othuh best fwend. Mummy mean sometimes cause her smack me on the butt but her so so nice. Her hold me when I cwy and tweat me like a baby. Sometimes she um...um...bake me cookies and I help her."

"So it sounds like you really love your mommy and daddy." She closes the notebook and stands up. She grabs a box of Legos and spills them out onto the table. Lyla's eyes light up when she sees the Legos because she's not allowed to have them at home. The last time I bought her Legos, she swallowed one and almost choked herself to death so I banned Legos from the house. "How about school? Do you like school?" She starts building something with the blocks and Lyla sits down at the table and joins her. "Do you have lots of friends at school?"

"...No." Lyla stacks a pink block on top of a yellow block and shakes her head. "I don't have fwends at school. Eveybuddy finks I'm...not a good a fwend so they not my fwends. They fink I'm weohed cause I like Monstuh High and they like Shake It Up. I don't have fwends. Nobody talk to me. I eat lunch by mysself and I don't evuh have a pawtnuh in weading gwoops. I don't have a best fwend in daycawe eithuh. I like Ellie though...Ellie good."

"Who's Ellie?" The therapist keeps stacking Legos on Legos.

"Ellie is...um...Aunt Mewedif dawduh. Her my best fwend but I not hers. So daddy is mine." It makes my heart melt to hear her talk about how Ellie is her best friend but she's not Ellie's best friend. Ellis is a whole year older than Lyla and they're not in the same grade so Elle has her own friends and half the time, Elle and her friends don't want to be bothered with Lyla. But there are plenty of weekends when Elle will call Lyla on the phone and ask her to spend the night. "Eveybuddy at school...their pawents don't have divowsh. I don't get to go places cause my parents divowsh and they don't want me there cause I'm weohed."

"You're not weird because your parents are divorced though. Lots of families get divorces." The doctor assures her.

I look up at Alex and sigh. He just puts his tongue in his cheek and looks down. "...Did you know she didn't have friends?" He asks me and I nod. "I should've known too. Why else would she bring me in for best friend day and not someone her own age? I shoudl've known that she didn't have friends." He sighs. "But Jo...I didn''t think she would get ostracized for us not being together. I never wanted that to happen." He puts his head against mine and strokes my hand as he holds it in his. "I didn't think that would happen..."

"She's in kindergarten, about to go to first grade. Alex, in her world, that's all there is. Everyone she has to go to school with has two parents in their household and they get to bring both their parents to events. You think Lyla lies to them if and when they ask if her parents are together? She doesn't know how to lie. She doesn't know how to tell lies yet. She just fibs to us when we ask her if she did something naughty. You really think that she could flat out lie to another child if they asked her if her parents were together? People do look at you weird if you're different...especially if you're five years old, dealing with other five year olds. She's different from them..."

"...She said we ruined her life." He mumbles.

"I heard her." I keep watching as Lyla giggles and has a nice time building Lego towers with her therapist. I'm glad Alex opted to bring her here. It really does seem to be helping her.

"...Jo...why don't you come home?" He lets me go and stands in front of me with his arms crossed, giving me an ultimatum. I wrinkle my brow and look at him. "I'm serious. I'll buy you outta your lease, you and Lyla can move back home. We should just stop. We both know that this isn't worth it anymore. You miss me and I miss you...I miss you like hell. I miss you and I miss Ly and...we should just stop kidding ourselves. You should just come home."

"...Alex, I..." I bite my lip. Maybe he's right. There's no sense in fighting it anymore. "Okay." I agree.


	14. Pregnant

**Jo finds out that she's pregnant for a second time.**

* * *

Jo sat on the cold porcelain toilet seat, staring at a crack in the tile of the floor. A tear dribbled down her cheek, rolled down her chin and splashed on the cloth of her navy blue scrub pants. She licked her lips and swiped away her tears with the palm of her hand, preparing to stand up and finish what she was doing in the bathroom. She cleared her throat, pulled her pants up and flushed the toilet. She tied her scrub pants around her waist again and opened up the stall, clutching the piece of urine-christened plastic against her hip. When she came out of the bathroom, she was glad that nobody else seemed to have wandered in.

She tossed the pregnancy test in the trashcan and quickly washed her hands, wanting to leave out of the restroom as quickly as she possibly could. Her shoulders slouched as she pulled open the door and she flipped her long ponytail over her shoulder so it was out of her way. She held onto the railing and trotted down the steps as she headed for the cafeteria. She was upset, there was no disguising that. But she did her best to put on a brave face because she didn't want anyone to ask her what was wrong. So even though she wanted to hide away in an on-call room and cry until her knees were weak, she plastered a smile on her face and walked right over to the table near the trashcans, where Stephanie sat.

"Hey!" Stephanie excitedly greeted her friend, removing her feet from the chair across from her so Jo could sit. Jo tried to convince herself to mimic Steph's enthusiastic demeanor but she just couldn't bring herself to do it. Instead, she just lifelessly plopped down in the chair and fought the urge to cry. "Are you not eating again today?" Stephanie transferred the chewed up lettuce in her mouth to her cheek with her tongue so she could talk. "You still feeling sick?"

"Doctors don't get sick." Jo mumbled routinely in the same tone she had been mumbling in all day. She eyed the salad that her friend was munching on and turned her nose up at the smell of the ranch dressing that was drizzled all over it. She usually loved ranch dressing but for the same reason she had just spent a few moments in the bathroom crying for, the ranch dressing seemed unappetizing. She swallowed the feeling of vomit rising up in her throat and drummed her fingertips along the table. "I'm not hungry, Steph. I had a big breakfast." She lied. Truthfully, she hadn't eaten a thing since last night. Last night for dinner, she had ordered pizza for her and Lyla and that held her over until this morning. But this morning, as she dressed Lyla and got her ready for school, she began to feel sick and she had her first throw-up spell. "…Steph, can we talk? About something?" Jo looked at her friend with a hint of desperation on her face, tears lining her eyes.

"Of course." Stephanie swallowed her mouthful of food and put her fork down. She perked up in her seat and waited for Jo to begin spilling her guts. She thought about prodding a bit when Jo sat in silence but she decided against it. She and Jo had been friends for a while now and she knew that when Jo was being silent, it was best to be silent with her. She knew that if she was patient, Jo would eventually spill her guts. Across the table, Jo opened up her scrub top and lifted it to her forehead so her face wasn't visible while she cried. "...Jo, I can't help you if you're too busy sobbing." Steph maintained a soft whisper and handed her best friend a wad of napkins. "What happened?"

"I-I…" Jo stuttered, not able to form a sentence through her powerful sobs. She graciously took the napkins out of Steph's hands and dabbed her eyes with them. She sniveled and quickly composed herself from the quick and slight breakdown before anyone other than Steph saw her crying. "I'm pregnant, Steph." She shrugged her shoulders and rested her chin in the palm of her hand. "I'm pregnant." She reiterated again but mostly for selfish reasons. Hearing herself say it really put it in perspective. She was pregnant. She was having another baby.

"You're…what?" Stephanie raised her eyebrow and had to bite her lip to keep her jaw from dropping. She knew that Jo was single and had been for six months. She knew that her best friend had been divorced for six months, she wasn't seeing anybody and she wasn't having sex. So hearing that Jo was pregnant was no less than a surprise. "Did you—you didn't say—"

"Pregnant." Jo licked her lips and nodded her head.

"Oh my god Jo, who's the father?!" Stephanie's eyes widened when she finally processed that yes, her friend was pregnant.

"Who do you think!?" Jo slapped her hands down on the table, insulted that Stephanie would imply that she was sleeping with anybody other than Alex.

"You're having SEX with Alex again?!"

"Shh!" Jo motioned with her hands for Stephanie to quiet down. She looked around to ensure nobody else saw or heard the exchange and sighed in relief when everyone appeared undisturbed. Alex didn't work at Grey Sloan Memorial anymore; not since a couple months before the divorce, but Jo still wanted to ensure that nobody heard. She wasn't exactly proud that she was pregnant to the man she was divorced from. "And no…I'm not…having sex with Alex again. It was just…" She sighed. "It was a mistake. It was one night, it was a mistake and I wish it never even happened. It literally wasn't even supposed to happen, Steph. It wasn't supposed to happen." Her eyes stung with tears as she thought back to the night she must have conceived. "…Lyla was upset and she was begging me not to leave so I just stayed the night over Alex's and we were honestly just talking. We were TALKING, Steph…and then it just went from there."

"Was that the same night he brought her back from the wave pool?" Steph asked. Jo nodded her head. "I thought you told me that you guys were interrupted. You said that La wet her bed and you guys got interrupted so how did you get—"

"We went back at it." Jo mumbled, ashamed. "She did interrupt us but we went right back at it after he put her back to bed."

"And you didn't use a condom? I thought you were on the pill?"

"For one, he didn't have condoms because even when Alex and I were together, we didn't use them. We stopped using them after we got married and then we started again after we had Lyla but Alex hates condoms so I just went on the pill but we're divorced and I'm not having sex with anyone else so why would I need the pill? I just stopped using it. We were totally unprotected." She sighed again. "…I can't believe this. I literally do not need this right now. I don't need this. I'm—I'm—I'm divorced, Steph. We're not even together and I don't want to be with him. This is just so…this is too much. This is such a mess." She shook her head and looked at the table. "I'm still getting used to being divorced and a single mother of one. I'm still getting used to that. How the hell am I supposed to just…I just…" She sighed yet again. "I don't need a baby. I don't need to put a baby in the middle of me and Alex's shit. It's bad enough Lyla's already in the middle but now I'm putting another."

"Well are you gonna keep it?"

"Of course." Jo gasped, offense laced all throughout her voice. "It's my baby. I'm not going to abort it. Of course I'm keeping it. And it's not the baby's fault. Why would I punish this baby for something me and asshole did? It's a messy situation but I wouldn't do that. Of course I'm keeping my baby."

"I'm just making sure." Stephanie picked up her fork again and just shook her head. "How'd you even find out?"

"I just knew." Jo discreetly removed her hands from the table. She leisurely placed her palms over her bellybutton and swallowed the urge to vomit again as she felt a flutter move from her kidneys to her ribs. "I was feeling like I felt when I was pregnant with Lyla. I didn't even count my missed period because you know how irregular I am anyway. But I felt it. I've been feeling it for a couple weeks now but this morning I just…I _really_ felt it. I puked this morning and I had a headache and when I laid down, my boobs just hurt so bad that I couldn't lay on my stomach. So I just knew. I had that 'oh shit' moment this morning and I just pissed on a stick in the bathroom. I gotta be pretty far along because well, we had sex like three months ago for one and then the results popped up so quickly today. I took it and less than two minutes later it was a positive result."

"Are you gonna tell Alex? I mean obviously you're gonna tell him but like…are you scared to?"

"No." Jo stated, matter-of-factly. "I'll just tell him straightforward. I'll just be like 'Alex, I'm pregnant. I'm not asking you for money and I'm not saying that we're going to be together.'"

"You really think he won't want to be involved?"

"No, that's the thing. He's gonna want to be involved and that's what makes this so complicated. Steph, you know how much easier it would be if I got pregnant to someone random? I wouldn't even tell the guy. I'd pop the baby out and take care of it myself, you know I don't have a problem doing this by myself. I do it by myself with Lyla, I can do it by myself with another baby. But Alex…he's SUCH a good dad and he's gonna want to be involved. He's gonna want to hold my leg in the delivery room and he's gonna want to come to every ultrasound appointment….See, this is why people shouldn't sleep with their ex-husbands. It's too frickin' complicated."

"Are you complaining because you didn't get pregnant to a deadbeat?" Steph laughed.

"Shut up, Steph." Jo rolled her eyes and sighed. "…I'm more scared to tell Lyla more than anyone."

"Yeah, La's not gonna take it too well."

"Definitely not."


	15. Pregnant 2

**Jo tells Alex that she's pregnant again.**

* * *

The car slows down to a rolling stop as I push down on the brake and when it's completely still, I turn my keys in the ignition to shut the car off. I'm exhausted, to say the least. I've been running around like a chicken with my head cut off all day and since I haven't really been allowing myself to drink coffee since Tuesday, I'm about five seconds away from crashing and burning. Seriously, I'm exhausted and so drained that I don't even know what to do with myself. It's only Thursday, too. I don't have an off day until next Wednesday.

I pull my keys out of the ignition and open up my car door, grabbing my purse and my cell phone out of the cup holder. Normally, I'd leave my phone and my purse inside the car if we were doing just a normal drop off but today isn't the normal drop off. I'm not just walking Lyla up to the door and handing her off to Alex so he can keep her until Sunday, I'm actually going in to sit down and talk to him for a while. I shove my phone in the pocket of my jeans that are already getting to be a bit snug on me and open up the back door. Once the door is open, I look in and find my baby with her head lifelessly slumped to the side and her mouth gaped open. I crack a smile at that.

Her cheeks and lips are very bright blue and she's clutching the culprit tightly between her thumb and her forefinger. I gently pry the lollipop out of her hand and toss it on the ground since she's done with it. I unbuckle the straps to her car seat and very carefully lift her out. It won't be too much longer that I'll be able to actually carry her. She's somewhere between 40-45 pounds and though she's not heavy, she'll soon be too heavy for me. As soon as I bring her out of the car and into the brisk, wintery air, she whimpers and sounds as if she's about to cry. "Shh, stop it. It's okay, bubbles." I force her head on my shoulder, support her weight by putting my arms underneath her butt and bump the door shut with my hip.

Although it's only a very short walk from the car to the front door, I still adjust the hat I stuck on her head this morning and make sure her neck is covered with her coat. It's chilly out here and I don't want my baby to get sick. The fact that I'm almost three months pregnant probably doesn't help with the fact that I'm exhausted. In fact, it's probably the reason. I can usually go pretty long stretches during the work week but I'm ready to drop dead from the one ten hour shift I pulled today. I'm honestly just drained of energy. I adjust Lyla's positioning and walk up the small flight of steps to the house, pushing the doorbell so he'll know that I'm here.

I'm not scared to tell him. I already told him this morning when he called me to ask what time I was bringing her by tonight that I had to talk to him about something important. So I'm truthfully not afraid to tell him. I'm more nervous than anything, but not for the reasons one would think. I'm just nervous about what this is going to mean for us. Honestly, I don't want this to change the situation. I want to still be divorced from him, I want to still be living apart and I just want to co-parent this baby the same way we co-parent Lyla. I'd rather just cut him out completely. I'd rather just not have him apart of my pregnancy or the baby's life but I know Alex isn't going to let that happen. I mean, I guess I'm just glad that he's such a great dad. He really is an amazing father and I couldn't have picked a better man to have babies with but I don't want him back and if he was out of the picture, this would be so much easier.

The door opens up and behind it, he emerges. He's wearing a pair of dark blue jeans and a red sweater. His hair is neat like he just cut it and his face is stubbly like he needs to shave. God, he's beautiful. He really is so beautiful. I can't lie, I miss him like hell. I miss his lips and his touch, I miss the way he used to roll over in the middle of the night and wrap his arms around me, I miss the way our daughter used to laugh while he was playing with her. I miss Alex so freaking much but I just…I can't. It's so hard to put something aside when someone you love hurts you. I love Alex so incredibly much but I just can't trust him. I can't trust him and I hate that. "I thought you weren't bringing her 'til 6."

I climb up the final step, stumbling slightly because I'm so tired and carrying a child. He hurries and moves toward taking her off of me. "I told you I had to talk to you about something, didn't I? I texted you and told you I'd be here around 5:30, did you not get it?" I willingly pass Lyla off to him and walk into his house. I've been in his new house maybe twice before. After the divorce, Lyla and I moved into a nice two bedroom place and it really wasn't home. Lyla didn't like the house and as soon as she told Alex about that, he packed up and he gave the loft back to me. So now, he lives in the house I bought, I switched the deed over to his name and it works out for us. I've been in his house twice and both times, I've been surprised. When I walk into his house, I'm always expecting to see a bachelor pad. I'm expecting a pool table, an open bar, no couch, a video game system, all of that.

But he has a nice living room set up with Lyla's toys stowed away in a corner, he actually has a kitchen, he has nice furniture and Lyla even has her own bedroom here. He has a very nice house and I actually feel pretty comfortable with sending Lyla over here when I have to. "I didn't get your text, sorry." He mumbles, supporting Lyla's body with only one of his arms. He shuts the door behind me and carries her into his living room. "What'd you want to talk to me about? Is everything okay with her? Did she get a bad progress report at school?" I hate how he automatically assumes that it has to deal with Lyla. I understand why he would assume that; Alex and I only speak to each other when it's in regards to Lyla but still, I hate that. It hurts how we don't have anything to talk about other than Lyla anymore. That really stings.

"No, she's fine. Everything with her is fine. I picked her up today and her popsicle stick was still on green, so she's being good." I rest my tired head against the wall and watch him as he lays our baby down, unzips her coat and takes off her boots. He folds her coat and places it neatly on the couch cushion, he puts her boots down on the floor and he takes her hat off her head and places it atop her coat. He makes me melt with the way he leans down and gives her a kiss on her sticky blue lips. "Oh, but when you pack her lunches from now on, I'd prefer if you didn't pack her ranch dressing to go with her carrots. She never puts the container's lid back on right and it always spills all over the place so can you just…not do that anymore?"

"Yeah, I'm sorry 'bout that. I've just been…" He stands up straight and puts his hands on his hips, clearly looking for the words to say to me. "…You know, you've just always been on me about feeding her healthy and…" He looks at me from head to toe. "I'm sorry, Jo." He says it as if he's apologizing for me having to clean up the ranch dressing spillage in Lyla's lunchbox but his voice is laced with genuine sorrow, so it's like he's apologizing for something different entirely. He sighs and looks down at the ground. "So what'd you wanna talk about?" He puts his hands in his pockets and heads for the kitchen. I pick my head up off the wall and follow him. On his stove is a boiling pot of spaghetti noodles and it smells like he's currently making the sauce as well. His fridge is littered with Lyla's many drawings and paintings, pictures of her and her activity period schedule for school. He goes immediately over to the stove and starts stirring the noodles. "You can sit, if you want."

I pull out one of the chairs at his kitchen table and sit my tired, pudgy, pregnant ass down in it. "I just have something to tell you, that's all." I try to make it sound like it's not a big deal but it is. It really is a big deal. I'm about to have another baby to my EX-husband. I mean, how messy is that? I divorced him six months ago and here I am, pregnant with his child. "You remember that time when I stayed over here?" I stare at his salt and pepper shakers. "A few months ago?" He knows what I'm implying. I'm asking him if he remembers the night we had sex, without distinctly saying "the night we had sex".

He hesitates a moment. "Yeah, why?" He stops stirring the noodles and starts stirring the sauce. "What about it?" I can tell by the tone of his voice that he's remembering the part where we had sex…twice. Which is good because that's exactly the part he needs to remember. I wonder if he remembers the part where he said he was going to pull out but never did. I clear my throat and try to think of the proper way to drop this bomb on him. "Did you…" He starts. "Did you like…want to do it again? Or something?" He puts his stirring spoon down and faces me.

"Definitely not." I roll my eyes at him and sigh. I remove my hands from the table and put them in the front pocket of the hoodie I'm wearing. My fingertips press against my abdomen, which is already pretty firm. "Something happened that night." I mumble. I swallow a lump in my throat and mentally tell myself to refrain from crying. I've been crying about this enough since I found out on Tuesday. I've cried myself to sleep for the past two nights, I've ducked into on-call rooms at work and cried about it every time I felt my baby move around inside me and I've cried every time I felt a little sick. I'm all cried out. I can't cry anymore. "So…I'm pregnant." I stare at the black and white checkered pattern on his kitchen table and zone out.

"You're..." I can feel the mood in the air change. "What?"

"Pregnant." I blink once and tears flood my face anyway. I lick my lips and bring my hand up to wipe them away. I glance at him. He's staring at the ground and his face is white as a ghost. I've only seen Alex cry a handful of times. He cried on me when his dad died, he cried on me when Derek died, he cried on me when Lyla was born and he cried on me in the courtroom after the divorce was finalized. He's definitely about to cry but I don't know if they're tears of joy or not. "…Yeah, that's not what you were expecting now, is it?"

He pulls his shirt up to his forehead and hides his face away. I hear him sniff pretty hard and eventually, he lets his shirt fall again. His face is red and blotchy and his long eyelashes are sticking together from being wet with tears. "You sure?" He sniffs again and wipes his face with the side of his palm. "You're sure about this?"

"…Yeah." I nod my head and close my eyes. "I um…" I clear my throat from the lining of phlegm it clogged up with. "I had my first appointment today, actually. With Dr. Thomas, back at the hospital…you know, the one that—"

"Delivered Ly." He finishes my sentence with a half-hearted mumble.

"Yeah." I nod again. "…She said it's growing right…has a strong heartbeat; 135 per minute. My fluids are good and all that." I sigh again. I really want to cry so hard but I won't. "I'm due on the 28th of May."

"135 a minute…" He clears his throat too and stands up straight but his shoulders are still slouched. "It's gonna be a boy." He pinches the bridge of his nose. "…When'd you find this out?"

"Tuesday."

"And you're just now telling me on Thursday? Are you serious, Jo?"

"Alex, I'm NOT arguing with you tonight. I don't have to tell you everything anymore, I'm not you damn property or your damn concern." I push out my chair and prepare to leave because he's pissing me off.

"Jo, you're pregnant with my kid! You DO have to tell me! Since when did I lose the right to know about my kids?!"

"The moment you fucked Maggie Pierce." I mumble under my breath and run my hands through my hair. "Alex, it's not like I waited two freaking months to tell you. You'd have a right to be pissed if I waited until I was nine months pregnant and popping the kid out. I waited two DAYS, get over yourself!"

"No Jo, you get over yourself. You should've told me the SECOND you even suspected anything. I should've been there for everything like I was with Lyla. This is MY kid too, Jo. It's half of me! I deserved to be there for your first visit. You don't just go without me, you don't just make decisions about MY kid without consulting me!"

"Oh, for the love of GOD, Alex! Give it a rest! It's my body, it's my baby and I'll do whatever the DAMN hell I want to do with it! I don't even want you there! I don't want you to be there! I want you to just leave me alone and disappear! I can take care of it myself! What, all of a sudden you want to be a man about things?! WHERE WERE YOU A YEAR AGO? WHY WEREN'T YOU BEING A MAN A YEAR AGO?!"

"And it always comes back to that! What is it with you, Jo?!"

"YOU CHEATED ON ME, WHAT DO YOU MEAN?! THIS NEVER WOULD'VE EVEN HAPPENED IF YOU JUST—" I can literally feel my blood pressure rising and that's not good for my baby so I cradle my hand across my stomach and calm myself down. Plus, I don't want to wake up my other baby. "Okay whatever, I'm sorry I waited to tell you. I should've told you sooner but Alex, I was scared. I still am scared, I guess. I just…I don't know what we're going to do with a baby. Do you see us? Look at the way we just yelled at each other. Can you imagine putting an innocent little baby in the middle of this? It's bad enough bubbles is already in the middle and we're about to bring another. I should've told you. But I didn't and I'm sorry. I…I don't want a baby, Alex. This is such a big mistake."

"Don't say that." He defends. "How could you say that? Our child is not a mistake Jo…maybe a little accidental and unplanned but it's not a mistake." He takes a step towards me and puts his hand on my stomach. I flinch away at first because I don't want him touching me but well, he's touching his child and I can't deny him that right. He presses on my stomach a little, feeling around, clearly surprised by how hard it already is. "You're far." He sounds shocked. "How far? …Ten weeks?"

"Eleven." I correct him and reach in my back pocket for the crumpled up picture that Dr. Thomas took today. "Here." I smooth it out and hand it to him. "I made you a copy…thought you'd want it. I already have mine in my purse." He takes the picture off of me and immediately, a goofy grin spreads across his face. "She said it's measuring big already."

"Look at that." He sounds so pleasantly happy. He holds the picture up and keeps staring at it. "He is kind of big for 11 weeks. He's gonna be a linebacker." He smirks. "My man." He sounds so proud of himself.

"Or your girl, just throwing that out there." I look at the picture with him. I put my hand on my belly and grin. I didn't mean what I said about my sweet little baby being a mistake. It's an accident and it shouldn't even be inside of me right now but it's not a mistake. I love my baby already. "…If it's a girl, I was thinking Layla Arabella. So we can have a Lyla Isabella and a Layla Arabella."

"Yeah, but it's not gonna be a girl. That 135 BPM heartbeat says so." He chuckles. "We've got an Alexander here."

"…I like Nathan. Or Cadence."

"His name is Alex, Jo. It's my son—my FIRST son and his name is Alex, end of discussion."


	16. No Baby

**Jo and Alex reveal to Lyla that she is pregnant again.**

* * *

"You should probably go get her." Jo kicks her sneakers off on the mat next to the front door and heads back towards the kitchen so she can fix something for dinner. "Just bring her down here. We can tell her together." She calls from inside the kitchen. I lock the door behind the babysitter that just left about five minutes ago and take off my shoes as well. I admit that it feels a bit weird to have gotten out of the car and come into the same house—the house I once shared—with Jo. It's strange because the two of us aren't back together but here she is, standing in my kitchen, about to cook dinner for me and my daughter. It's starting to feel like me and Jo are back together but I know that it's not the case. However, with the news we got today, I'd say there's a pretty good chance that maybe eventually me and Jo will get back together.

I put my car keys down on the banister and climb up the steps so I can go get Lyla out of her bedroom. This wasn't something that me and Jo wanted, for the record. Jo had no intentions on being with me and I really had no hope of getting back together with her. So it's not like this is something that we knew was going to happen and it's not like we're overly excited about it. Truth is, this is a crappy situation. I don't think this is where Jo wants to be and this surely isn't where I want to be either. But we did it, this is what it is and we're going to face it. "Lyla." I open up her pink door and peek inside her room. Lyla is sitting on her butt in front of her TV, "feeding" her baby doll. This seems fitting for the situation. I don't think she heard me call her name. "Lyla."

She turns her head and looks at me. "...Daddy!" She springs up and runs over to me. "Daddy, daddy, daddy, daddy!" She jumps right in my arms. "You back! You back, daddy! I missed you!" I pick her up and hold her so she doesn't fall. She's been having separation issues lately, I've noticed. I think sometimes she just gets scared that I'm not going to come back. "Hi daddy!" She starts rubbing my facial hair. "Hi...Hi."

"Hi honey." I kiss her cheek and leave out of her room with her still on my hip. "I need you to come downstairs with me and mommy. We have something to tell you...something real important." I walk down the steps with her. Jo thinks that maybe we should take her to see somebody that she can talk to about how this divorce is affecting her because her behavior lately has been ridiculous. She's not a bad child by any means. Lyla's very well behaved, except for the occasional temper tantrum here and there. Other than that, she's a little angel and I really mean that. So when I say ridiculous, I mean that she's been behaving in ways that aren't acceptable for a five year old. There's no way that our five year old should be in pull-ups but she is because she just refuses to use the bathroom on the potty anymore. Luckily, it's the summertime so she's not in school to be peeing on herself. Also, there's no reason why our five year old should want to suck on a pacifier again but she does. Me and Jo had to throw away the pacifier she found underneath her bed the other day. She's been crying a lot lately and throwing temper tantrums more than usual. Jo's really concerned and swears that we should take her to talk to a therapist or something and the more I sit back and look at how Ly's developed a bad case of separation anxiety, I think that maybe Jo has a point.

"Mummy!" As soon as Lyla sees Jo, she starts beaming. She's not used to having me and Jo around in the same house together for more than ten minutes or so at a time. "Hi mummy..." She waves her hands at Jo and smiles with her little crooked teeth. The more I think about this, the more I start to realize that telling Lyla this right now might not be the best time. But then again, it's only a matter of time before Jo can't hide it from her anymore. She doesn't have that long before she starts showing. "Mummy...Gabby...teached me...to hold a bubba, mummy." Gabby is her babysitter and she's really attached to Gabby. "I did it."

"Did you? That's awesome, sweetheart." Jo takes her off of me and kisses her on her cheek. Lyla is such a sweet, pretty little girl...she has no idea what we're about to tell her. She has no idea that her life is about to be rocked. Lyla tangles her hands in Jo's hair like she always does for comfort and sticks her thumb in her mouth. I think me and Jo need to get it together for Lyla's sake at least. It's probably so confusing for her to see her mom and her dad together one minute, arguing the next then together again. "Hey honey, me and daddy have something to tell you." Jo sits Lyla down on the counter. "Guess what, Ly?"

"Huh?" Lyla swings her feet and stares at the two of us with those melting green eyes.

"Mommy's gonna have a baby." I just spill the beans...rip the band-aid off...all of that.

Lyla wrinkles her eyebrows and shakes her head. Jo giggles, "Yeah sweetie...mommy's gonna have you a baby brother or a baby sister in a few months." I like the way Jo makes this sound like it was completely planned when in reality, we couldn't have made a bigger mistake. It happened the night she stayed here after I took Lyla to the wave pool. We ended up having sex that night then Lyla interrupted us but after we put her back to bed, we did it again and what do you know? Jo's pregnant. "Are you excited?"

"No." Lyla shakes her head. "...What about me? You getting a new baby...no LyLy no mow?" She tilts her head.

"You'll still be our baby, honey." I kiss her forehead. "That won't change."

"...I don't want...a baby." She crosses her arms and shakes her head.

"But you said you did...didn't you tell me that you wanted a brother or a sister?" I ask her.

"...No baby, daddy. No."


	17. Movies

**Alex takes Lyla to the movies and has to discipline her while there.**

* * *

"Oh, and daddy...I want pahcorn." She holds her arms out for me to pick her up as soon as I get done unstrapping her from her booster seat. She wiggles her legs out of the holsters and excitedly scoots towards me. I lift her up by her armpits and hold her. She wraps her legs around my hip and draws circles with her fingers in my hair. "I get pahcorn, daddy?" She formally asks me and I nod my head since I'm busy looking down at my phone. Jo just texted me and asked me if I had a pair of pajamas at my house for her. I'm texting her back to tell her that I do. "What else they have?" She's asking me a bunch of different questions about the movies. She's never actually been to a movie theater before. Me and Jo always thought that she was too little to sit through an entire movie without crying or getting restless. She's five now so I think she'll do fine. I have her for two days so I figured that we could go catch a movie tonight. She's been wanting to see "Big Hero 6". "What else they have, daddy?"

"Lots of stuff." I put my phone in my back pocket, secure my grip around her little body and start walking through the parking lot, towards the entrance. It's pretty packed here at the theater but I'm not exactly surprised, considering the fact that it is a Friday night. "You'll see when we get in here. You can pick what you want." I open up the door and carry her inside. "Daddy's gonna have to pay, so you gotta get down." I lower her down to ground and to my surprise, she gets down without a fight. She nestles her tiny hand inside my big hand and we walk to the ticket booth together. I grab my wallet from my pocket and fish out two twenty dollar bills. "Two for uh..." I lean back to look at the movie listings to make sure I tell the ticket seller the right movie. "Big Hero 6."

"26.95, sir." The elderly woman holds her hand out for the money and throws a friendly smile down Lyla's way. When I hand her the money, she takes it and leans forward to better see her. "What's your name?" She asks and Lyla buries her face in my thigh and ignores the woman's question. It's not that she won't talk to strangers, it's just that she's shy. She really WON'T talk to strangers but it's not a bad case of stranger danger. She's just so shy that she'll talk with her head down or not talk at all.

"Her name's Lyla." I put my hand on the back of her head and rub, just to let her know that it's okay if she talks to this woman. Lyla picks her head up but she looks behind me instead of at the woman. I grab my change off the woman and wait for our tickets to print out of the machine.

"I like your outfit, Lyla." She rips the two tickets out of the machine and hands them to me.

Lyla turns her head back to looking forward but she puts her head down and nervously starts tapping her feet. "What do you say?" I nudge her.

"Thank you." She squeezes my leg and I watch the color drain from her cheeks then see them redden as she blushes. Her outfit is really cute but Jo always dresses her so nicely that I'm never surprised when she looks cute. Plus, today was kindergarten picture day so her outfit is really eccentric and girly. Her hair is straight and down and held back with a black sparkly headband. She's wearing a long-sleeved black shirt that comes to her knees. The shirt has silver rhinestones all over it. She has on black leggings with rhinestones around the ankle and silver sparkly converse sneakers.

"You're welcome, sweetie." She hands me a ticket receipt. "She's a real cutie." The woman has the biggest smile on her face. "Enjoy the movie, you two."

"Thank you, ma'am." I grab Lyla's hand and move on to the concessions window. As soon as we're away from the woman, Lyla's her normal self again.

"I can get anyfing I want, daddy? Anyfing?" She looks up at me. I look down at her and nod, smirking at 1) how much she looks like her beautiful mother and 2) how the color still hasn't returned to her cheeks from her blushing a few moments ago. "I want pahcorn...and um...um..we get chips and cheese, daddy? And candy. OOOH! DADDY, THEY HAVE SLUSHIES!" She points to the slushy machine and eagerly taps me. "I get soda pop?"

"You're not getting all of that, Lyla. We can get a thing of popcorn and I'll get a container of nachos and we can share that. You can pick out ONE box of candy and you can get a slushy. No soda pop."

"...But I want Skittles and Stawbuwst, daddy. And I want Siewa Mist." She presses her face to the candy window and points at the candy shes wants. "We get emma emms? They got peanut emma emms, daddy."

"If you want Skittles and Starburst then you have to pick either popcorn or nachos. You're not getting two boxes of candy and popcorn and nachos. You're not going to waste my money, Lyla. And if you want soda then you get no slushy. You can't have everything."

"You sayed I could..." Her voice sounds like she's about to cry. "You sayed I could have anyfing I want..."

"You're not wasting my money though, Lyla. You're not going to eat all that food and you know you're not. You're not getting everything. Daddy lied."

"I want Skittles and Stawbuwst and nachos and pahcorn though. I eat it all, I pwomise. I eat it all...pease daddy?" She clasps her hands together and puts on her begging face. "Pease..."

"No. I'm not going to tell you again." She takes her hand out of mine and sits down on the ground, about to start crying her eyes out. "Lyla, get up. NOW." I hold my hand out to her. If Jo was here with her and told her no, she wouldn't even think twice about acting out. She just wouldn't do it because she knows that Jo doesn't play around with her. But with me, she's used to getting her way because I spoil her rotten. Now I'm telling her "no" and she's having a conniption fit. I'm really not a pushover though and when I mean something, I mean it. Now I've only ever had to yell at Lyla a few times before because she really, really is a good kid. She doesn't do much wrong. But I'm going to have to yell at her in front of all these people, I can tell. "Lyla. Isabella. Karev. Get off the floor!" I speak to her through clenched teeth.

"But I just want mowah food...I eat it all, daddy!" She looks up at me with tears streaming down her face but she doesn't even bother getting off the floor. She's still sitting, cross-legged on the floor. "I eat it..."

"I told you to get off the floor." I bend down and grab her by her arm.

"NNNNO!" She pulls away from me and screams at the top of her lungs. "Lemme go, daddy!" I purse my lips into a hard line to keep my cool and hoist her up in the air by her armpit to carry her out of sight so I can properly discipline her without spectators. "No, daddy! Nooooo." She's still trying to get out of my grasp.

I take her around a corner, out of sight and put her down. I hold her arm up so she can't cover her butt and smack her, not too hard, across her butt. "NOW STOP IT!" I back her against the wall and kneel down so I'm eye-level with her. She's screaming and holding her butt but she's just being dramatic because I DID NOT hit her hard at all. "You're being a brat, Lyla and I don't like it. I DON'T like it. Now you have a choice. Either you listen to me or we go home. And if we go home, you're taking a bath and going to BED. No watching Cinderella, no playing Wii, no playing tea party and no watching TV. If we go home, you're going to bed. So either you listen to me or we go home." She wipes her eyes and sniffs. "...What do you decide, Lyla?"

"...Sowwy, daddy." She wipes her eyes and sniffs. "Sowwy..."

"It's okay." Her tears and her little voice makes me feel bad now. I know that I'm right for disciplining her when she was acting like a brat but I still feel bad. I don't hit Lyla often. Jo usually does all the spanking. And my tolerance for her "brattiness" is usually a lot higher but Jo made a good point when we were talking the other night. Lyla needs to get out of the mindset of thinking she'll always get her own way and not liking to share with people. She's an only child so she's used to me and Jo spoiling her and not having to share with anybody but the point that Jo made is that Lyla's not going to be an only child for much longer. She freaked out when we told her that Jo's pregnant so we haven't really mentioned it to her again and we probably won't mention it until Jo starts showing. But she can't be a brat for much longer. "Hug and a kiss." I open my arms for her. She hugs me and kisses me on the lips and I pick her up. "What do you want as a snack?"

She sniffs again. "...Skittles, nachos, pahcorn and a slushy."


	18. Big Belly

**Lyla asks Jo why her belly is getting bigger.**

* * *

I wrap my hand around the lid of the jar of spaghetti sauce and twist it with all my might. Luckily for me, I was given the day off today and I was actually able to get something done. I cleaned up Lyla's filthy bedroom, I unpacked some of Alex's boxes and I was able to put some of Lyla's clothes away. To be in my second trimester, I have an awful lot of energy. I remember when I was pregnant with Lyla and in my second trimester, all I wanted to do was lie down all the time. I was always so drained. But I straightened up the house today and I still have enough energy left to make a pot of spaghetti for dinner. After I finish dinner, I think I might go unpack some more boxes. Alex has been working an awful lot lately and I if I don't unpack his stuff, it'll just sit in boxes and it'll never get done. He moved in here two weeks ago and his boxes are still filled up.

I pop the cap off the jar of sauce and dump it into the pot of ground beef I already browned up. I grab the spoon and stir it. I glance at the clock on the stove and find that it's quarter after three and Lyla should be walking through the door at any minute. Since me and Alex have officially moved back together, there's been some pretty big adjustments. For one, Alex is back to working at Grey-Sloan full time so his hours and my hours are all screwy. Since the two of us work hectic schedules, we don't get to pick up and drop Lyla off at school anymore. She rides the bus and she appears to love riding the bus but for me, it's nerve wracking. The bus stop is literally right outside the door since our house is on the corner of the street but I still hate the idea of my five year old being alone on the bus like that. I put the lid on the pot of sauce and go to the refrigerator to see if maybe there's some garlic bread I can make with the spaghetti.

As much as I hate to admit it, living with Alex again feels right. I notice that Lyla is a lot different ever since we moved back together. She's happier, bubblier and she talks a lot more. It feels good to see my baby girl back to her normal self. And I feel a lot better myself, actually. I missed having him in the bed next to me. It's still not perfect between us but it's getting there. We're starting to fix it and I'm really starting to forgive him. It's hard to forget all the things that made me want to divorce him in the first place but I'm really, really trying to. I'm trying to let the good things about having him back outweigh the reasons that we weren't living together anymore in the first place. When I think about how he cheated and stuff, I try to push the thought out of my head by thinking about how much happier Lyla is...and how good it feels to have a man in my bed.

I grab a box of garlic bread from the freezer and put it on the counter. Just as I start to tear open the box, I hear the front door open and an unconscious smile creeps across my face. It shuts quietly and it's not long before I hear the stomping of her little feet entering the kitchen. I turn around to face the entrance and my face immediately falls when I see her. She's lugging her black and pink Monster High backpack and limping not because she's hurt, but because the strap is torn off her white sandal. Her pigtails are all askew and her clothes are horrendous. Her pink skirt is torn, her stockings have runs in them and her white shirt is absolutely filthy. I drop the box of garlic bread immediately. "Hi sweetie." I walk over to her. I'm at a loss for words but I don't want to freak out and scare her so I'm trying to keep calm. "How was school today?" I put my hands under her armpits and pick her up. It's my second trimester and I'm not supposed to be picking her up anymore but I can't help myself. Her cheek is dirty too but I kiss it anyway.

"Hi mummy." She puts her head on my shoulder and sucks her thumb. Her hands are filthy so I absolutely wish she wouldn't put her fingers in her mouth right now but I'm not exactly in the position to tell her to stop. It looks like she had a rough day. "You makin' sketti?" She looks at the stove. "Daddy home?"

"Yeah, bubbles...I'm making spaghetti. And no, daddy's not home yet. He'll be home pretty soon though." I carry her over to the counter and sit her down. "Why don't you stir the sauce for me?" I hand her the spoon. "How was school? What did you do all day?" I'm trying to ease her into it because as of right now, I don't think she even knows that I find something wrong with the fact that her shoe is broken, her clothes are ripped, her hair is screwed up and she's dirty. I think she just thinks it's a normal day.

She starts stirring the spaghetti sauce. "Okay." She starts swinging her feet and the tone of her voice raises a notch. Call me crazy or just a mom, but I can tell that she doesn't talk like this all day. I can tell that the only time she gets to really talk is at home, to me and Alex...and that breaks my heart. "We haded wecess today, mummy. And we payed...um...we payed tag. And Kenzie pushed me down when her tag me and her wipped my stawking, mummy. And den...I payed on the slide and Gigi comed down behind me and I falled off acause her kick me in the back...and my shoe bwoke. So I hitted her back and we fighted, mummy."

"You got in a fight?!" I take her shoes off and look at the broken one to see if it could be fixed. I'm not mad at her for getting in a fight. When I was five years old, I got into tons of fights with girls and boys, too. And Kenzie and Gigi...I've heard those names before. Those girls have been picking on my baby for the longest time. I've called the school numerous times about those girls. I hope Lyla beat the crap out of them. "Aww, it's okay bubby." I brush her hair back away from her face and kiss her lips. "Remember what I told you about karma? Those meanies will get what's coming to them someday, won't they?" She nods her head. "Did you push Gigi real good, though?"

"Yeah. I pushed her and she pushed me and I pinched her." She's smiling. That's my girl. "...Hey mummy."

"What honey?" I lift her up so I can take her ripped stockings off.

"...Why your belly gettin' fat?" She swings her feet and lets me fix her. "You eatin' too much?"

I smile at her. "Well your baby brother or sister's in there, remember? And when your baby brother or sister gets bigger, mommy's belly has to get bigger too. So the baby's growing and mommy's getting bigger too." I hold her hands. "You wanna touch your baby brother or sister?" She shakes her head. "It's okay, bubbles. You can touch it...here, let mommy show you." I lift my shirt up a little and when she sees just how big my bare stomach is, she wrinkles her brow. "Here, looky." I put her hand just above my bellybutton, where she should be able to feel the baby kick if it starts. "That's your baby brother or sister, Ly. Just wait...it'll get bigger." I make her push my stomach in hopes of waking the baby up so it'll kick her. "My belly's gonna get bigger and bigger and eventually, the baby will come out and you'll be able to hold it."

"...Where's it gonna live?" She takes her hand away from my stomach.

I stifle a laugh and smile at her again. "It's gonna live here. With me, you and daddy."

"When's it gonna leave?" I can tell she's getting mad about it.

"Never, Ly. It's going to be our baby. You know how you're mommy and daddy's baby? And you live with us and you're never leaving us? Well the new baby is going to be the same."

"No thank you, mummy. We don't need a baby." She shakes her head hard, firmly telling me that she does NOT want a baby. I'm still hoping that she comes around. She's got six more months to come to terms with the fact that we're having a baby.

Six more months.


	19. Birth 1

**Jo gives birth to their second child, part one.**

* * *

As I'm laying down on my back with my feet in the stirrups and my eyes staring up at the light pink ceiling tiles of the birthing room, I actually have a moment to think. I've had nine months to think about this very moment but right now is the first time I actually have to _think._ From the corner of my eye, I'm watching Dr. Thomas—the same doctor that delivered my Lyla—put her gown on along with her headlight and her gloves. Off in the corner of my delivery room, the labor and delivery nurses are prepping the little table where they're going to take my baby after he's out of me and Alex is sitting in the chair next to the window since I told him a few seconds ago to "leave me the hell alone". I don't mean to be rude to him, it's just that I'm in a horrible amount of pain right now and pain makes me evil. I have a high pain tolerance and I like to consider myself as a tough girl. I can take ungodly amounts of pain in stride but I develop a bad attitude when I'm in pain—it's one of my many quirks. I'll be back to my normal self when this is all over, I swear.

"Alex, you might want to come over here if you want to watch. It's just about that time." The doctor waves him over just as she sits down on a swivel stool in front of my bed. I roll my eyes and take a deep breath to prepare myself for this. I've been through this before. I've pushed a baby out of my body before so I generally know what to expect; but I've never done it this way before. With Lyla, I was in labor for 13 hours and I had two epidurals. The first one wore off so they just gave me another one and I had her out in six pushes. I felt nothing with her and for that reason, having my baby girl was a beautiful experience. I was in no pain, Alex and I were still in that honeymoon phase of our relationship and we were just over the moon about becoming parents. With this baby, everything is totally different. For one, I've only been in labor with him for four hours and I've been progressing at the speed of light. In fact, I've been progressing so quickly that they didn't have time to numb me up with an epidural so I'm doing this naturally. I have no pain medication in my system, I feel everything and I'm in PAIN. I can feel my uterus contracting, I can feel my baby moving down and I can feel myself stretching down below and I'm telling you, it's a terrible feeling. They make epidurals for a reason. But the one thing that makes this delivery so much different than Lyla's is that Alex and I still can't stand each other. We're divorced and having a baby that was made during a quickie in his bedroom and if that doesn't spell "complicated" then I don't know what does.

Alex stands next to my bed and leans to the side so he can see between my legs. I want to tell him to back up and quit looking but I know if I tell him that, it'll be nothing but an argument and the last thing we need is an argument in the delivery room. He'll yell at me for not being able to watch the birth of his son and I'll tell him that it's my goddamn body and it'll be one big screaming fest so I just let him look anyway. "…Can I hold one of your legs?" He looks up from between my legs and in my eyes. "Like I did with Ly?" To someone that doesn't know the history, it's easy to think that I'm just a big coldhearted bitch when it comes to Alex. I'm not, by the way. I'll freely admit that he's been the biggest sweetheart for a while now but there's a reason why I can't stand to look at him. All the years we were married, he treated me like dirt and now that he lost me, he wants to treat me like a queen. It sucks but I'm over this. I'm over him. There are just some things that are unforgivable. "Jo? Can I hold one of your legs?"

"I don't freaking care, Alex." I mumble and slip the heel of my foot out of the stirrup so he can hold my leg. To be honest, I'm totally fine with raising Lyla and my son on my own. I'm fine with being a single mother of two. I want nothing to do with him as far as I'm concerned but Alex is such a good dad that he would never let me get away with that. He wants to be involved and while that's admirable, it's annoying to me. I never thought I would be the woman to hold something together for the sake of my babies but here I am. We found out that I was pregnant after we slept together ONCE at his house and things just went from there. I told Alex that he could move back into the loft and I really was willing to try and work things out for the sake of our two kids. But he still sleeps on the couch at night, we don't kiss each other, we haven't had sex since I got pregnant and I can't even look him in the eye anymore. I miss what we used to be. I really miss what we were before he did everything that he did to make me hate him.

"Do we have a name for him yet?" Dr. Thomas spreads my legs open a little bit wider, pulls her face mask over her nose and mouth and starts pushing on my big round belly. "I like to call my patients by their names." She chuckles.

"Alexander." I prop myself up on my elbows so I can watch her while she does all the pre-pushing examinations. In a way, this is sort of a new experience for me. I know everything that's going to happen and when it's supposed to happen because it is very similar to when I had Lyla but at the same time, it's different because I can actually feel everything this time. It's new and it's old at the same time. "His name's Alexander." I sigh.

"Oh, so we've got a little junior in here?" I can tell by the way her eyes crinkle up at the sides that she's smiling behind her mask. "Alex Jr...how sweet."

Alex looks at me and I look back because we both know that Alex Jr. isn't entirely the case but neither one of us are going to correct her. I roll my eyes at him again and just continue watching Dr. Thomas work. He's not an Alex Jr. and I don't want anyone to ever call him that. My baby is not going to be named after a lying, sneaking, and conniving, neglectful asshole cheater. Yes, his name is Alexander but his name is Alexander JOSEPH Karev, not Alexander Michael. He's not a Jr. If I had it my way, his name wouldn't be Alexander at all. If it was entirely up to me, his name would be Caydence Lincoln Karev, just because I love that name for some reason. But Alex went all "my boy" and "my son" on me when we found out he was a boy so I just went on ahead and said that his name could be Alexander Joseph. The more I think about it, the more I like the thought of calling him "baby Alex". The thing that really convinced me to name him after Alex is the thought that maybe someday down the line, Alex might have more babies with another woman and if another woman had a son and named him Alex when MY SON was his first born son, I'd be so pissed.

"Okay, Jo…gimme one push. Lemme see how this is working." She puts one hand on my belly and the other hand on my vagina. I purse my lips together, tuck my chin, bear down with my butt and give one hard push and holy cow, this hurts! Oh my god, I can feel…I can feel the baby coming out. "Beautiful…you're crowning…I see his head." I can feel her pulling the sides of my vagina and my toes curl under to bear with the pain. It hurts so bad. "Another push?" I shake my head. I can't do this without medication. This hurts too bad, I can't do this. I need an epidural. "Can you give me another push, Jo?" I shake my head. I can't. I can actually feel my baby coming out of me and it hurts too badly.

"You can do it." Alex starts tracing his fingertips along the skin of my inner thigh. "You did it with Lyla, you can do it now…you can do it." He starts rubbing my knee. "It's for our baby…"

"Alex, I can't…I can't. I don't remember it hurting this bad with Lyla. I don't' remember…" One single salty tear trickles down my cheek and I sniff. I look up at him. "I can't do this…" He takes his hand away from my leg and wipes my face off. Our eyes lock and it's automatically…it's like nothing ever happened. It's like we were never divorced, like he never cheated, like he never neglected me and like we're still married. He leans down and I lift my face up and just like that….

Our lips touch.


	20. Birth 2

**Jo gives birth to their second child, part two.**

* * *

I rest my hand atop of his head and slowly pull back the little light blue hat the nurses stuck on his head a while ago. I'm still trying to make myself acquainted with his little face and all his features. He's got the sweetest little face I've ever seen in my entire life. His little nose is knobby, his lips are puckered and poked out in somewhat of a pout, his cheeks look like someone shoved a bunch of acorns in them and even though he's got that sappy, gooey antibiotic ointment over his eyes, I can already tell that he's going to have big eyes just like my other baby did when she was born. He's so precious, I can't stand it. I'm already 110% completely obsessed with this little boy and he's only been in my arms for twenty or so minutes. Oh my god, I'm obsessed with him. It's so crazy how just holding him automatically made me feel better. Alex and I should never stop having babies because every baby we have turns out to be the epitome of perfection.

"Alex, can you hand me my phone?" I reluctantly peel my eyes off my perfect baby and look at his father. Holding baby Alex in my arms put a lot of things into perspective for me. When I was in pain from pushing this nearly nine pound baby out of me, I was the nastiest person in the history of the universe. I kept telling Alex to leave me alone, I kept telling him to get away from me and I kept thinking these terrible, horrible thoughts about him. But as soon as Dr. Thomas pulled the rest of my baby's body out of me and laid him on my chest…the moment I saw his little face all cracked up and crying, I snapped out of everything. I was normal Jo again, nothing else mattered but my baby and when I looked at Alex—big Alex, not little Alex—I could actually see glimpses of the man that I fell in love with. Before having Alex, I kept thinking that I could do it on my own. I kept thinking that I could be a single mom and I didn't need Alex but having my son just made me think…why would I want to do it alone when I don't have to? When Alex is willing to help? When he wants me back?

I'm not saying that I can erase everything that he did to me and I'm not saying that after only being divorced from him for a little while I can forget but I'm going to try to forgive. We should work this out, not only for Lyla and Alex but for Jo and Alex as well. My baby made me realize how much I still love him. I loved him enough to lay down and make another baby with him and I love him enough to raise our babies together as mommy and daddy, the way it should be. I slip my finger into the palm of Alex's hand and smile when he squeezes it. He's so perfect. He really shouldn't be here though. I wouldn't take away the quickie in Alex's bedroom for anything in this world because it gave me my perfect baby boy, but he really shouldn't be here. I should've never been irresponsible enough to sleep with my ex-husband but I'm glad that I was. "Here." Alex hands me my cell phone and sits down on the bed next to me. "Lemme see him?"

"I guess." I sigh hard and give my baby a kiss on his forehead before I hand him over to Alex. I don't want to hand him over but Alex is his dad and he does deserve a chance to bond with his son. I've had twenty minutes worth of mommy time and the only daddy time he got was the few seconds that he spent bringing him over to me. I unlock my phone after Alex has custody of Alex and look to see if Steph texted me yet. I'm beyond sore down below. I can't believe I did it without pain management. I'm on a morphine drip now but even that didn't take the pain completely away. I tore so badly with him too. I have six stitches between my legs because he was huge. I was fine with his head but when I had to push his shoulders out, I tore all the way down to my butt. I guess that's what I get for having a baby that was seven pounds and jacking it all the way up to nine pounds. I put my head on big Alex's shoulder and stare down at little Alex in his arms after I check my phone. "Steph said they're on their way up."

"This should be exciting." Alex chuckles and like the pediatrician he truly is, he starts literally kneading my baby's head. My baby's still sleeping perfectly in his arm with his cheek against his daddy's black t-shirt, but Alex is massaging his head. I wish he wouldn't, for fear of waking my baby up, but it has to be done. I know the L&D nurses probably hate Alex because he was breathing down their necks while they were doing his APGAR assessment. He was making sure they were doing everything right, he was asking them questions…it was a little bit annoying for me myself to watch but it was kind of cute how concerned he was. He did the same thing with Lyla. And now he's massaging my baby's head because he doesn't want him to have an oddly shaped head so he has to massage it while his fontanels are still soft and pliable. "…Here Jo, take him. I'm gonna go grab the doll."

"I wrapped it…and put it in the bag over there." I take the baby back off of Alex and immediately smile. "…Hi sweetheart." I hold him around his torso and press my lips to his little ones. "Oh, I love you so much." I put him on my shoulder and rub his back. "I love you so much baby boy." I turn my head to the side and kiss his ear. Just as Alex grabs the doll that we bought for Lyla a couple days ago, the door to the birthing suite opens up and in walks my best friend and my babydoll. Steph's carrying Lyla on her hip and Lyla's holding a stuffed Tigger toy in her hand. We came to the hospital at 5:30 in the morning while Lyla was still asleep, so I called Steph and asked her if she would come sit with her and I told her that I would call her when she could bring Lyla by. I think Steph just took Lyla out of bed and brought her here, because she's still wearing her pink flannel jammie pants, her purple Doc McStuffins t-shirt and her hair is all over the place. Alex had the bright idea to have baby Alex "give" Lyla a toy in hopes of getting her to warm up to the idea of having him around because as of right now, she hates the idea of him. "Lyla!" I secure Alex in my arms and hold out one arm for my little girl. I missed her so much. "Come here, bubbles!"

"Hi mommy." She puts her head down on Steph's shoulder and holds the Tigger toy close to her body. Steph nudges my baby girl and she leans forward. "Here mommy." She holds out the toy.

"Who's that for? Is that for baby Alex?" I raise my eyebrows and try to sound enthusiastic. Steph brings Lyla over to the bed and puts her down. I wince a little bit because I'm still pretty sore, but I still manage to put my arm around her as well. "Awww, that's so sweet. Baby Alex says thank you, Lyla…" I take the Tigger from Lyla and nuzzle it by the baby's face. "See, he loves it…" Lyla's looking down at him with her eyebrow raised and her lip poked out. "Can you tell Alex thank you?" She's just looking at him like she's trying to figure out exactly where he came from. I kiss her on her forehead and turn towards Steph. "Thanks for bringing her, Steph…thanks for getting up early and stuff."

"No problem." She sits down at the foot of the bed and leans forward. "…He's gorgeous. Jeez…he's a cute kid. Lemme see, Jo." She moves my hand away and pulls the blanket down so she can get a better look. "Jo, he's so fat!"

"I know! Me and Alex were like…what the hell? He tore me all the way down to my asshole, Steph!" I bite my lip to silently chastise myself for swearing in front of Lyla but she's heard way worse. She's heard Alex dish the "F" word out, she's heard me call him a "dick" and a "prick" and I try to make it a point not to cuss in front of her but sometimes it just slips. "He needs to go on a diet already…nothing but fat-free breastmilk for him. He's a chunkster."

"I finally got my linebacker though." Alex carries the wrapped doll over to the bed. "Hey Lyles…the baby told us to give this to you. He said he wanted you to have it…yep. He told me and mommy to give this to his big sissy because he loves her so much." He hands it to Lyla but she doesn't take it. "Take it, Ly…it's from the baby."

"Him comin' home with us?" She looks at me.

"Yeah, baby…he has to. He's our baby now too. Just like you're our baby…" I stroke her hair and kiss her head. "He got you a gift to say thank you for being his big sissy." I take the doll off Alex and try handing it to her. "Take it."

"We can just leave him here, mommy. We don't need him." She shakes her head.

"We can't leave him here, Ly…here, just give him a kiss." Alex moves my arm up so the baby is closer to Lyla. "Give him kisses…tell him you love him."

Instead of giving him a kiss, Lyla sticks out her tongue and spits right at the baby…and I just shake my head. I knew this wasn't going to be easy…


	21. Big Sister

**Lyla dislikes being a big sister once the baby is home.**

* * *

"Alex, will you put a bib on the baby?" I call to him as he sits on the couch. He doesn't say anything back to me, but he does get up so I know he heard me. I pull the orange lid off the can of Similac Formula and stick my fingers down into the nasty smelling powder. I pluck out the orange scooper and use the side of the can to pack the powder down and scrape it off the top. I tap the scooper against the ring of the plastic bottle liner and scoop up another capful of the powder. I wish Similac didn't smell as bad as it does. I think it smells like a dirty diaper and it always leaves it's stench behind after I feed the baby and it's just so gross. Then again, all formula powder smells pretty bad. The only formula that smells even remotely okay is the Gerber Good Start but of course, I can't feed that to my baby because it's too hard on his stomach. He was on the Gerber formula for like a day and he puked all over the place and Alex changed it to the Similac with the orange lid because it's for sensitive tummies.

I take the plastic liner over to the sink and pick up the little container of my milk that I put on the counter. Instead of dissolving the formula powder in water like normal mothers do, I pour some breastmilk into the liner to dissolve the powder. I pop the cap back on the container, stick it back in the fridge and grab the transparent nursing bottle. I drop the liner into the bottle and screw the white cap back on. I pull on the bottle's nipple to make sure it's the non-collapse nipple and once I make sure that it is, I plug my finger over the nipple's opening and shake the bottle hard to get the powder to dissolve in my breastmilk. Up until last week, I didn't even know that it was possible to mix breastmilk and formula in the same bottle. I consider myself some sort of professional at the whole handling a baby thing because after all, this is my second baby but I really didn't know that mixing formula and breastmilk was possible. We took the baby to the doctors last week because even though Alex switched his formula, he still wasn't gaining weight the way he should've been. The doctor told us to start mixing in formula in with his breastmilk and that should help him gain weight and I must say, it's working. I stick his bottle in the microwave and heat it up for twenty seconds.

He was eight pounds when he was born but when they weighed him to discharge him from the hospital, he lost four ounces. The four ounces wasn't exactly a big deal because most babies do end up losing weight but he just wasn't gaining it. I was nursing him for a little while when we were still in the hospital after having him, but he stopped nursing. He'd push my nipple out of his mouth and act like he didn't want it so we just started formula feeding him. The Gerber was bad on his belly so Alex switched it to Similac and he's been okay on the Similac, except for the fact that he wasn't gaining weight. I started mixing his formula with breastmilk almost two weeks ago and he's already gained two and a half pounds. If I'm being honest, I don't know why he needs to gain weight. He has enough fat on his body to store for the winter. He's a fat little thing and the doctors are still telling me that he needs to gain weight. I remove the bottle from the microwave and continue shaking it as I go back to my living room. "Where's the baby?"

"Swing." Alex mumbles and continues folding the tiny pink underwear that belong to our daughter. It's rare that we both get off days, especially since his schedule is back to normal now that he's working at Grey-Sloan again. He had a bunch of free time and off days when we was working at Seattle Presbyterian but since we've decided to try and work things out for Lyla and for the baby, everything's starting to fall back into the way they were before we got the divorce. He's back to working at Grey-Sloan, he's back here living with us and Lyla's not acting out as much as she used to be in school. Things are doing well with us so far, but I'm still a little hesitant to marry him again. We're still divorced and eventually, I'd like to marry Alex again but right now, I don't want to chance anything. It's rare that we both have days off to just spend at home together and what's funny is that when we do have days off, we spend them sitting on the couch and in Alex's case, fold Lyla's laundry.

I put the warmed bottle down on the coffee table and walk over to the swing. As always, when I see him, I have to crack a smile. He's so perfect and precious, I can't stand it. He's laying down in his vibrating swing and snoozing so peacefully. The blue and gray headrest is positioned perfectly around his head and neck, he's strapped in neatly and he's sucking on his favorite green pacifier. I think he looks fake. Wearing a pair of dark gray sweatpants, a light blue and navy blue striped onesie and fluffy white socks; he looks so fake. He looks like a little baby doll just laying there all perfect and whatnot. I'm so in love with him. "Alex." I kneel down in front of the swing and start unstrapping him. "Come here, buddy. Come see mommy." I carefully pick him up and he whines a little bit. "No…don't cry. Mommy's got some good eats for you." I give him a kiss on his cheek like I do about fifty times a day and rest him on my shoulder as I carry him over to the couch. "Alex, hand me his bottle." I sit down slowly on the couch and position my baby boy in my arms so I can feed him. "Thank you." I take the bottle off Alex when he hands it to me.

I wonder when the newness is going to wear off for me. I remember back when we had Lyla, her newness didn't wear off for like…a year and a half tops. I wanted everything to do with my baby girl and it took me a good solid year to be alright with other people holding her. Lyla was my world when she was a baby. She still is my world, of course but when she was a baby, I used to go nuts over her. I'm crazy over my baby boy too but I can't help but wonder when the newness is going to wear off. I'm completely obsessed with everything he does. Every cry, every whine, every crappy diaper…I'm so obsessed with him. Granted, he's only three weeks old but I can't imagine ever letting anyone else take care of him. Eventually I'll have to. When I go back to work after six weeks, he'll have to go into daycare and I'll probably be a wreck but I don't want to think about that. He's so precious. "You got breastmilk in that bottle, right?" Alex starts folding up Lyla's socks. "Make sure he eats that whole thing. That bottle is what…8 ounces?" I nod my head. "Yeah, make sure he eats all of that."

"I will." I ease the pacifier out of Alex's mouth so I can start feeding him. Once the pacifier is gone, he starts whimpering. "Oh no…no, buddy…don't." He opens his mouth up and starts screaming at me. "No, bubbs…don't cry." I put my lips to his tiny little ones and gently bounce him up and down. While he's crying, I turn my head to the left since I heard a door open up. Sure enough, my other baby is walking out of her bedroom and rubbing her eyes. Kindergarten's been kicking her ass lately. She's like a little teenager when it comes to waking up in the mornings and on the weekends, she sleeps so late it's not even funny. "Look who finally decided to grace us with her presence." I mumble to Alex, sitting on the couch next to me. Still rubbing her eyes, Lyla teeters into the living room. Her hair is all over the place and her Little Mermaid nightgown is all disheveled but she just woke up so she has an excuse. "Hey bubbles. Are you up?"

She looks at me with the most evil look on her face and yawns. "You want some juice?" Alex asks her. She nods her head and yawns again. He springs up off the couch and bustles into the kitchen to get her something to drink. The two of us have been trying really hard lately to make sure Lyla knows that she's still a very big part of our lives. When I went into labor with Alex, Steph came over and sat with her while me and other Alex went to the hospital. After I had him, Steph brought her to the hospital to meet him and Lyla's initial reaction was flat out terrible. I kind of knew it was going to be bad because throughout my whole pregnancy, she just wasn't having it. She wouldn't touch my belly, she wouldn't help me pick out clothes for him, she wouldn't help me set up the nursery, she did NOTHING. She wanted nothing to do with the baby at all. Alex had the idea of getting them presents to give to each other to hopefully ease the tension between Lyla and the baby and that didn't even work. Lyla came in and handed the baby a little stuffed Tigger toy and we had the baby "give" her a werewolf Monster High doll. That didn't work. She still looked at him like he was dog shit to her and she didn't treat him any better. We told her to give him a kiss and she blew a raspberry at him instead. She hasn't been doing well with the baby at ALL.

I can understand why, considering the fact that she had been an only child for five years before this but for the last three weeks, we've had to yell at her, send her to timeout, smack her hands…I've caught her trying to push the baby out of his swing twice, Alex caught her putting a blanket over the baby's face and she takes his little comfort toys out of his crib. She yells at him and tells him to "shut up" when he cries…I love my bubbles to death but she's been a little nightmare with Alex. "Bubbles, come here." I hold the bottle in Alex's mouth and rub the spot on the couch next to me. "Come here and see mommy." She drags her feet over to me and climbs up next to me on the couch. "Did you have a nice sleep?" I lean to the side and kiss her on her forehead. She nods her head and lays against my thigh since she can't lay in my arms. "You wanna help mommy feed little Alex?" She shakes her head. "No? Why not? Here, I'll show you. It can be your big girl chore." She sighs. "Sit up bubbies. Sit up." Lyla sits up and sits back against the couch. "Here, feed your baby brother….remember how daddy taught you how to hold him." I take the bottle out of the baby's mouth and hand him over to Lyla. "Hold him nicely…there you go." I adjust her arms behind Lyla's head. "Look at you…my big girl, holding my little boy." I try to sound enthused.

"Him's so little, mommy." She looks up at me like she's nervous. "Is him evuh gonna be big?"

"Yeah, he'll get bigger. You'll see." I show her how to hold the bottle in his mouth. "You gotta be nicer to him, Ly. He's your baby brother. He looks up to you and he loves you. So you gotta be nice." She looks down at him and holds the bottle in his mouth like a little natural. I can't believe she's not trying to rip him limb from limb right now. This is such a nice change. "Tell Alex you love him. Give him a kiss."

She pecks the top of his forehead and keeps looking down at him. Alex brings her juice back into the living room and pauses to watch the two of them interact for a second. "Daddy, look at me…I feedin' the baby." Lyla looks up at Alex and smiles. "Mommy say it's my big girl chore. I's a big girl." She kisses his forehead again. "Him's a little guy." Just then, Alex opens up his eyes and the first thing he does when he opens them is looks up at Lyla. "Mama hims awake. Hims awake."

"It's okay, he's allowed to be awake." Alex sits down on the couch next to the two of them and adjusts her hands against the bottle. "You're so big, Ly. You're a good big sister."

"…When's him leaving, daddy?" She looks up at Alex this time. "When him go away?"

"He's never going away…he's your brother."


	22. Sick Baby Alex

**Alex has to take care of baby Alex when he gets sick at daycare.**

* * *

"Dr. Karev…" As soon as I pull open the heavy yellow wooden door to the baby room of the daycare, the first thing I see is the goofy blonde caretaker holding my son in her arms and bouncing him up and down on her shoulder to get him to quiet down. He's only been here for seven weeks but I already know what my son's cry sounds like and I've got it down pact. I'm not sure what's going on here but it certainly doesn't sound like my buddy is happy. He's the youngest baby in the daycare right now and I'm not entirely sure if they know how to handle one so young. I slip my pager in my pocket and rush over to the two of them. "He's been crying nonstop and throwing up. We tried giving him a pacifier, rocking him to sleep and nothing's helped." She willingly relinquishes the baby to me. "I didn't know if I should page your wife and—"

"It's fine." I'm glad she didn't page Jo. Jo's mommy hormones have been all over the place since he was born and if she had paged her, she would've dropped whatever she was doing just to rush down to this daycare and hold him and it's likely that someone would've had to talk her out of taking him home. It's her first week back from maternity leave and she doesn't need to be interrupted. She needs to be back at work, settling in, otherwise she would never be able to get back into the swing of things. She's not much different now than she was when Lyla was born as far as the craziness goes. She's been nuts lately over Alex though; ever since we took him to the doctor and the doctor said that he wasn't gaining enough weight. "What's going on, buddy? What's going on? Huh?" Alex shoves his hand in his mouth and flails his legs while he cries. It's a pain cry. He's in pain.

"Should I page your wife?" The blonde chick seems a bit frantic, probably because like I said, he's the youngest baby in the entire daycare for one and for two, he's the youngest the daycare's had in a very long time. Most people, doctors or not, don't usually return back to work after seven weeks of maternity or paternity leave. Most normal people wait until the baby is at least three months but Jo's more a fan of going back ASAP and as soon as she was fully healed from delivering him, she wanted to go back. "He was sleeping one minute and the next… I tried everything."

"It's not your fault…we've been having issues with him stomach for a while now." I take Alex off my shoulder and lay him down in my arms with my elbow supported behind his head. He juts his legs outward, arches his back and throws his head back, screaming pretty loud. I put my hand against his stomach and feel it while he cries. It's hard and rigid. Yeah, his belly's bothering him. I don't know why but I'll figure it out. It might be that he's still getting used to drinking the Similac…or maybe Jo accidentally put too much formula powder in the bottle she made this morning and not enough breastmilk. She's still learning how to mix formula and breastmilk appropriately because it really is a delicate mix. You can't put too much of either one or it'll screw with the baby's stomach. I'm guessing that's what happened. His usually cream-colored chubby cheeks are bright red right now and his mouth is wide open, exposing his gums while he screams. "I'm gonna take him home." I have surgeries I'm supposed to do today but it's better for me to take off than it would be for Jo to. I can take him home. "Can you get me his diaper bag?"

"Absolutely." She rushes over to the area where they keep all the diaper bags and searches for the brown, green and yellow one. Alex's diaper bag is all brown with green giraffe print on it and a yellow giraffe on the outside pocket. She probably thinks that whatever happened to Alex is her fault but it's really not. This has been happening with his stomach for a while like I said. "Here you go, Dr. Karev." She hands me the diaper bag. "I hope he feels better." She puts her hand on his head and starts stroking his hair forward.

"He'll be alright. He'll probably be back tomorrow." I swipe his favorite green pacifier out of the front pocket of his diaper bag, close it and pull the strap of the bag over my shoulder. "Yeah…you'll be alright, buddy…won't you?" I try easing the pacifier in his mouth while he's still crying. "Thank you." I mumble to the girl and turn to leave. Alex starts sucking on the pacifier I stuck in his mouth and eventually, he calms down. With his diaper bag on my shoulder and him resting in my arms, I leave out of the daycare and start walking up the ramp that leads onto the second floor. I need to go to the lounge and grab my stuff so I can go home for the day, then I need to tell Arizona that I have to take the baby home. She'll understand. She's a parent herself so I know she'll understand. "Yeah buddy…we're gonna go on home." If I'm not mistaken, I think his car seat is in the lounge. Jo left it in there this morning because she couldn't carry it down to the daycare with the way her chest was aching. I don't blame her for not wanting to carry the car seat though. The car seat itself is like ten pounds and then we put an eleven pound baby in it. The thing can get pretty heavy.

I open the door to the lounge and carefully carry him inside of it. Meredith is sitting at the table stabbing her fork around in a bowl of fruit, Arizona is sitting across from her holding a medical magazine and Bailey is sitting over on the couch eating something red from a Tupperware container. "Hey, Robbins…I was actually about to come looking for you." I interject as professionally as possible. They both looked like they were in a deep conversation, so I do feel bad for interrupting but I have to tell Arizona that I'm not staying. Mere stops mid-chew to look at me, Robbins puts down her magazine and the both of them look like I just inconvenienced them. "I…have to take the rest of the day off. I'm gonna take the baby home…the daycare can't take care of him and I think he's sick." As soon as I mention the baby, both their faces soften.

"Aww, what's wrong with the little guy?" Robbins coos in her lame baby voice and rubs her finger across Alex's cheek. "Is he still having stomach troubles? Even after you switched his formula?"

"Yeah. I think Jo's just having a hard time finding the right balance of her milk and formula…It's just a mess, really." I look down at my son in my arms and I finally think I know what Jo means when she says that she can't help but smile every time she looks at him. Jo's borderline obsessed with the poor kid and she never leaves him alone. I think I get where she's coming from though because when we had Lyla, I was completely obsessed with her as my little girl. Jo's obsessed with him as her little boy. I won't lie…the kid is pretty stinking cool. I still can't believe he's even here because he shouldn't be. Jo and I had no business having sex when we were still divorced and she had no business getting pregnant. But she did and now he's here and I wouldn't trade him for all the babies in the world. He'll always have some sort of place in my heart. Not only because he's my first son and he's named after me, but because he made it possible for me to get my family back. If Jo had never gotten pregnant with him, I think we'd still be divorced and living apart. He's the reason we tried to make it work and he's the reason Jo was willing to take me back.

"Maybe you should stop feeding him so much. Kid's already a linebacker." Mere grabs Alex's foot and wiggles it.

"Screw you." Everybody's always commenting on how big Alex is but really, his weight is normal. Of course he's a little on the heftier side but I really think that the only reason my friends think he's huge is because they're used to babies that look like chickens with their feathers pulled off. Take Robbins' kid for example. When Sofia was born, she was barely bigger than a can of soda and when both Bailey and Ellis were born, they were both tiny little things at six or so pounds apiece. So Jo had an eight, almost nine pounder? He's normal. "…Jo worries about his weight enough for the both of us." I mumble. "She freaked yesterday because his stuff doesn't show anymore. It's buried underneath all his fat. We gotta pull his skin back when we change him to clean it…and he's circumcised."

"Alex! That can't be healthy!" Mere stands up and takes Alex out of my arms. "Come here, little guy…your mommy and daddy overfeed you…"

"I don't know where they got his pediatrician from but whoever the guy is told him and Wilson he needed to eat more. I mean really? Baby was nine pounds when we was born, only an idiot would tell the parents to shove bottles down his throat." Arizona's just bitter because Jo took him elsewhere to be examined by a pediatrician and not to her. She knows Alex's weight is alright. "Fatten the baby up, sure. That only leads to juvenile diabetes."

"Shut up, he's fine." I walk over to the fridge and bend down next to it to grab the red and black car seat that Jo left in here. Maybe I have blinders on with him though. He's my kid so of course I think he's cute. It's like when parents have ugly kids. Everybody in the world knows that the kid is ugly but the parents swear up and down that their kid is beautiful and to them, their kid IS beautiful because as parents, you don't see the ugliness in your kid. So for all I know both Alex and Lyla could very well be ugly but I don't see it. I mean, I KNOW they're not ugly. Lyla gets called gorgeous by everyone that comes across her and people stop me in the hallways to tell me how cute Alex is but the principle of the thing is that they could be ugly and I don't know it. So just like the ugly thing, Alex could be obese and I don't know it.

He's only eleven pounds and that's normal for the fact that he's about to be two months old next week. He was eight pounds and fifteen ounces when he was born…just one ounce away from being nine pounds. So he was a big boy from the jump. Poor Jo needed six stitches because she tore so badly with him. Lyla was teeny tiny, she was only seven pounds when she was born so Alex was a near two pounds heavier than she was and he wrecked Jo on the way out. She didn't tear at all with Lyla but she tore badly with Alex. On the contrary, she was only in labor with Alex for four hours and she was in labor with Lyla for thirteen. Anyway, I think Alex's problem is that he's just…short. He's normal weight but his weight is distributed amongst a very small area and he's short so he's chunky. He's really okay. Me and Jo don't overfeed him or anything. He's perfect and I love the little dude. I loved him from the second I saw him come out.

I thought for sure that we were going to have another girl. I didn't think that Jo and I were capable of having boys and in all honesty, after having a little girl for five years, we were pretty proficient at handling a little girl and I couldn't imagine us having a boy. But when they told us that we were going to have a son? That was….wow. I already knew what his name was going to be because back when we had Lyla, Jo and I both had a boy's name picked out. We knew from the start that his name was going to be Alexander Joseph Karev. I can't believe I actually have a son now though. No more constant dance recitals, wearing tutus and painting toenails all the time. I'm actually going to have the opportunity to kick around a soccer ball and wrestle with him. I have son. I don't think anybody knows how good that feels.

"Aww, Alex…" After Bailey finishes her lunch, she goes over to Meredith and starts messing with my son's hair. Bailey likes to act like she's a tough hard ass but she can't resist a baby. "Tell everybody to leave you alone…tell everybody that chubby guys are in these days." She tickles his tummy. "He don't look like you Karev…thank god for that. He looks like Wilson."

"Yeah, yeah, yeah." I wave them all off. "Gimme my son. I'm taking him home." I lift him out of Mere's arms and he whines when I do because he was very comfortable in Mere's arms. "Shh…I know. These ladies pickin' on you…talkin' about your weight. You're fine, buddy." I carry him over to the car seat and lay him down in it. Since it's the middle of July and I'm about to take him out into the sun, I unzip the gray jacket Jo put on him this morning and open it up. I smirk at his onesie because at least the jokiness of Jo as a mom hasn't subsided. His onesie says, "Pick me up, darlin'. I like older chicks!" And at least that hasn't changed about Jo. We've been divorced for a while and somewhere along the lines, I felt like I didn't know her anymore but seeing that she still finds it cute to dress our kids in obscene and sometimes inappropriate clothes makes me feel like I still know her at least a little bit.

"You're the one that said you can't see his weenie anymore because he's so fat. We're not picking on him." Arizona taps me on my shoulder. "Have fun at home with your baby. I'll see you tomorrow."

"Yeah, see ya." I mumble.


	23. Jealous

**Lyla gets jealous of all the attention the baby is being given.**

* * *

I tear the plastic off from around the frozen pizza and lift it up out of the packaging. I glance at the thermostat on the oven to make sure it's completely preheated and once I see that it is, I slide the solid frozen pizza on the cookie sheet and open up the oven. The pizza set out on the counter for a little while which gave it time to defrost. I wipe the smidge of tomato sauce I got on my thumb off on the seat of my papery scrub pants and close the oven in hopes that the pizza will be done by the time Alex and Lyla get home. I'm still somewhat settling in to being back into the work routine after being off on maternity leave for six weeks. I've been back to work for a full week now and I'm finally starting to get the hang of this.

I get off work at 2:30, which is way before Alex gets off. So I run down to the daycare, pick up Alex, come home and wait until 3:30. Alex gets off work at 3:00, he goes immediately to the elementary school to pick up Lyla and everybody's home by 3:30 every single day. It's a neat little system we've got going on but I can't help but think that Alex is only being so helpful towards me because he's still sucking up and trying to be on his best behavior considering the fact that he lost me once. Don't get me wrong, I love my baby boy to death, but he shouldn't be here. There's no way in hell that baby Alex should be here. I wouldn't trade him for the world, I'm totally obsessed with him and I utterly adore him but he should not have happened. I fully believe that had I not gotten pregnant with him, me and Alex still wouldn't be together. I love Alex to do death and I always will love him for being the father of my kids but I wasn't ready to take him back. I wanted to stay divorced so I could continue to work on myself and learn how to be a better mom to Lyla.

But one night of weakness, one night of letting Alex spend the night over my house because Lyla was crying for him to stay and what do you know? We ended up having sex and bam, nine months later, I have a precious baby boy. He shouldn't be here because I should've never had sex with my ex-husband but I was weak, he's here now, I love him, I couldn't be happier and his father is being on his best behavior. Alex and I are doing a pretty good job of working it out but I still have trust issues. Once I get the pizza in the oven, I walk over to the counter and as always, I smile when I see him. I set his car seat on the counter when we got home a little while ago because he was sleeping and I didn't want to disturb him right at that moment. Since he was sleeping, I straightened up the house a little bit and got the pizza in the oven but I'm ready to snuggle now. "Alexxx." He's still sleeping but I call his name anyway. I unstrap him from his car seat and pick him up gently. He's so heavy. He's seven weeks old and I swear he has to weigh close to twelve or thirteen pounds. His chunky cheeks are so adorable though. Alex and I make the most perfect babies.

"Let mommy change you, bubbs." I rest him on my shoulder and put my hand against the back of his head as I carry him over to the couch in the living room. I have to come up with a nickname for him. I came up with "bubbles" as a nickname for Lyla when she was a baby because she used to constantly blow spit bubbles at me while I was changing her diaper. But Lyla has a bunch of nicknames. We call her Bubbles, Ly, Lala, Ladybug, Lyles, Bug, Booger, Boogies…there's a bunch for her. And I always swore to myself that I wouldn't be that lame mother that makes up embarrassing nicknames for her children but I kind of am. I think I'm gonna call Alex "Bubba." I do call him a bunch of things…I call him Chunka, Monkey, Boo Boo, Chubbs…but I think I'm going to stick with "Bubba." Bubba suits him. He's fat and his bubba is his best friend. Yep, he's officially my Bubba.

"Ooookay…here we go." I lay him down beside me on the couch and pull off his pants. He tilts his head to the side and coos in his sleep. I reach in the caddy on the side of the couch and grab the wipes and the diapers. His cream-colored legs have rings in them from all the weight on them and he has the biggest potbelly. Steph told me today that my child is obese. He probably is overweight for his age but the doctor said that we needed to feed him more and so we took it literally. Besides, if there really was a problem with Alex's weight, big Alex would've done something about it by now. He's been fat since day one….he was BORN fat. He was eight freaking pounds. If there was an issue, his father is a baby doctor and there would've been something done about it. Steph pissed me off with that comment but I let it go. She meant it in the most loving way possible and I know that. I peel the straps off his diaper and pull it down. "No poopy in the diaper." I jabber at him in my own baby-babble language.

Just as I start to wipe around his little penis, the door to the loft opens up and my husband and my other baby are finally home. Good thing too, because I want to ask Alex something about Alex. I hold a baby wipe over his penis and turn my head to watch the two of them clamber into the loft. Alex is holding the door open for Lyla and Lyla's dragging her backpack in the house with her. She looks like she had a rough day. She's been having issues with bullies at school lately but she hasn't had any situations in the last three days so I hope that maybe it's over. Kids are cruel. "Hey Alex….come here." I motion him over to the couch. He shuts the door, kicks off his shoes and comes over to me. "I'm concerned about Alex's weight…Steph told me today that she thinks he's obese."

"Screw Edwards. What the hell does she know? She studies the brain, not kids." He walks around the perimeter of the couch and sits down near Alex's head. "Hey buddy...what's up?" He slips his finger into Alex's hand. "Ooh…good grip, bud. You'll be liftin' weights in no time."

"Yeah but Alex, last time I weighed him, he was 11 pounds and three ounces. That's not…that's not too big, is it? I don't want him to be overweight." I stare at our baby boy. He has such flawless, creamy white skin. He has big, round, dark green eyes, a knobby little nose, chubby cheeks, long eyelashes and kissable little lips. I think he's perfect but I'm his mama so of course I'm gonna think he's perfect. "I'm just worried…like look at his—"

"Mommy, looky!" Lyla drags her backpack over to where Alex and I are sitting on the couch and kneels down to unzip it while it lays on the floor. "Looky, I made this…"

"Hold on one second, bubbles." I put my finger up at her. If I stop with me and Alex's conversation at the point we're at right now, I'll lose my train of thought. "Alex, look at his stuff…." I take the wipe away from my baby's penis and show it to Alex. "It's been like this for a little while but it never looked…like this?" His penis is literally gone. It's all sucked up and all that's left is a little whole and it kind of looks like he has a second bellybutton with testicles underneath of it. "His pee-pee should not look like that. It's been…swallowed up before but it never completely disappeared. Is he too big? Should we stop feeding him so much?"

"Well is he peeing right?" Alex grabs the baby's foot and holds his leg open. "When you change him…he pees, doesn't he?"

"Mommy, look!" Lyla tries getting my attention again but I'm not done talking so I put my finger up at her again.

"Yeah, he does. His diapers are wet. He pees fine, but…shouldn't it be out more? It shouldn't be all sucked up like this." I put my hands down on the baby's groin and push down to show him what I'm talking about. "It pops out when I push the skin back, but I shouldn't have to push the skin back to see his pee-pee. Especially if we got him circumcised. It should not be like this. I work with bones, not with babies but I know what a baby's penis is supposed to look like. And it didn't look like this last week. Last week, it was hanging out. This week, it's gone and I have to push skin back to get it to pop out? Something's wrong."

He gently swats my hand away and uses his two fingers to push the skin back like I was just doing. "…Jo, he's fine. He's just…he's just…he's fat." He shrugs his shoulders. "But I don't see any adhesions, he's peeing right and it looks like the circumcision healed right. He's just fat, that's all. And in chubbier babies, sometimes the fat pad…this thing right here." He points to the area around his penis. "That's the fat pad. In heavier babies, the fat bad can envelop the penis. He's fine though. Eleven pounds is normal for a two month old. He is a little heavy for his size but he's not obese and he's not in danger. He's just chubby, that's all. When he starts crawling and stuff, he'll thin out and his… 'pee-pee' will pop right out and be normal."

"You promise?" I start strapping a diaper on him.

"He'll be fine, Jo. Stop babying him so much." He puts his hand over Alex's face and gently shakes his head.

"He IS a baby, Alex! Stop! Leave him alone!" I pick the baby up and kiss him on his chubby cheek.

"Mommy, will you looky now?" Lyla stands in front of me, holding up a piece of white construction paper. She had gym class at school today and on gym days, I never dress her nicely because I don't want her to ruin her cute clothes. So I stuck her in a pair of gray sweatpants with a gray sweatshirt and I tied her hair back with a gray ponytail holder. "Ii made this! Miss Wobbason said we had to dwaw our um…family and I dwawed this. Do you like it mommy?" With the baby on my shoulder, I start patting his butt and looking at her drawing. She has Alex wearing a pair of dark blue scrubs with a blue scrub cap on his head and he's holding her hand. She drew herself wearing a pink dress and a tiara on her head and she drew me with scrubs on too but my hair is out and down to my kneecaps. "Miss Wobbason told it was very nice!"

"It's gorgeous, baby." I don't even question where little Alex is because I already know. She doesn't consider him part of the family at all. She hates his guts. "I'm gonna hang it up on the fridge. It's so pretty." She smiles at me, so very proud of herself. "Come gimme a hug and a kiss. I missed you today." I've learned how to work Lyla within these last seven weeks of having the baby here. She needs truckloads of reassurance that Alex and I love her these days. She lives for the kisses and cuddles now and she enjoys being praised. Before Alex, she didn't care to show off her artwork or cuddle with me other than when she was sick. But now, she searches for praise, she likes to cuddle and she loves to be kissed. She's feeling left out and I understand that. She climbs up on the couch next to me and lays on my hip. "Did you have a nice day at school?" She nods her head. I start stroking her hair back. "Were Kenzie and Gigi picking on you at all today?" She shakes her head. "That's good. I'm glad. Did you eat all of your lunch today?" She nods again. "That's my girl."

"Mommy, can we go play Bawbies?" She lifts her head up.

"…In a minute. I gotta feed the baby first." I bounce Alex up and down on my shoulder with one hand. "Why don't you go help daddy cut the pizza?"

"But mommy, I wanna cuddle…wiff you." She wraps her arms around my waist and starts pulling herself up, trying to lay in my arms too.

"Lyla, stop…I have the baby in my arms. Hold on."

"No mommy!" She sticks her thumb in her mouth and lays on my shoulder. "Mommy…" Alex starts to whine on my shoulder, so I start bouncing him up and down again. I turn my head and look at him, only to see that his face is starting to crack up. His nose is wrinkling and his eyebrows are furrowing. "Mommy…" Lyla puts her hand on my cheek and tries to force me to look her way. "Mommy…" I resist her so I can continue looking at the baby. I think he's hungry. I'd better go make him a bottle. He's whining and about to start full blown crying. "Shut up, baby!" Lyla's hand goes flying across my face as if she's trying to hit Alex but I catch her.

"You better not!" I squeeze her hand hard. "You don't hit the baby Lyla, you know that!" She sticks her tongue out and blows a raspberry but not at me, at him. "Alex, come get your daughter! Now, before I kill her! She's trying to hit my baby and if she hits my baby, I'm going to break my foot off in her little ass!"

"But mommy…" She snatches away from me and sits back against the couch. "Mommy."

"Come here, Ly." Alex walks back over to us.

"I want mommy!" She lays her head on me and squeezes my waist. "Mommy…"

"…Here, take him. Make him a bottle. There's breastmilk in the fridge." I hand the baby off to Alex. "Come here sweetie." I was angry with her a second ago but it wore off. I know she didn't mean it. I know she's just upset right now. "I got you." I kiss her on her cheek and hold her like a baby since that seems to be what she wants. "You're my baby too…" Her tears soak through my paper-thin scrub top. I rub her back and pat her butt. "I love you bubbles. I know mommy and daddy have been busy with your little brother but we love you too. In fact…" I pull away so I can look her in her eyes. "I loved you first." I don't want to say I love her more because that's not true; I love her and Alex both with every bone in my entire body but I can tell her that I loved her first. That makes it sound better and it should satisfy her. "You were here first so I loved you first. Me and daddy loved you before we loved baby Alex."

"Can him go away?"

"No, Lyla…he can't go away." I shake my head. "You'll learn to love him."

"No I won't." She shakes her head.


	24. Hit

**Lyla strikes baby Alex for crying so much.**

* * *

"You're getting something outta there, aren't you bud?" While his cheeks bob, the bottle is moving up and down very gently and he's grunting with every swallow. We took him back for a check-up the other day, after I took him home from the daycare because he was throwing up and the doctor said that he's still okay. She did say that we should cut back on how much we feed him but not how often. So now, instead of filling up his bottles to the top and giving him eight ounces every three hours, we give him four ounces every two hours. He's still on formula and breastmilk but we've started putting rice cereal in his bottles as well because cutting back his food intake when we was used to having eight ounces every sitting, he's still hungry after his feedings. The rice cereal thickens the milk he drinks and it fills him up better.

I move the bottle over to the side of his mouth since it's getting a bit low and it doesn't look like there's enough milk in the nipple of it. He's really not that big but if you aren't careful and sitting against something sturdy and soft, he WILL hurt your back after holding him for too long. "You got an appetite like me, don't you bud?" I steady his bottle against my chest and take my hand away from it so I can rub his hair. He barely has any hair but it's enough to warrant a hairbrush and it's certainly enough for Jo to give him lame comb-overs when she brushes his hair. He's a pretty good looking kid, if I do say so myself. He looks like me. He's got my head, my eyes, my lips, my ears, my nose…everyone says he looks like Jo but I think he looks like me. They just don't want to admit that the kid got his devilishly handsome good looks from me. "Gotta put the food on pause for a second, bud." I ease the nipple out of his mouth and catch the milk he's spitting out with his bib.

"Jo!" I lift him up and put him on my shoulder. He grunts again and shrieks when he finally realizes that I look his bottle away from him. "Shhh…okay, okay…it's not that serious. It's just food…we don't cry over food, bubs." He kicks his foot down into my chest and starts whimpering, sending signals that he's about to start screaming. "Jo! Can you warm up another bottle?! He's still hungry!" The shoulder part of my shirt is suddenly hot, so I'm pretty sure he just threw up on me but I don't really care. I've been barfed on, crapped on, pissed on…what's another puke stain? He's starting to wail, so I put my hand on his fat butt and start patting it. I turn my head and press my lips to his eyebrow, since that's the only part of his face my lips can reach. "Yeah, it's okay buddy…It's just food." He starts flailing his arms and crying full-out. "Jo!"

"Alex, shh!" With a pink stuffed Care Bear in her hand, Jo comes lightly tiptoeing out of Lyla's room. "I just got her to fall asleep, don't yell!" She yells at me herself but it's more of a loud, exaggerated whisper. Ever since Alex was born, Jo's been making Lyla go to sleep earlier on school nights and take naps when she comes home. Before the baby, she used to go to sleep at 9:00 every school night and she didn't need a nap when she came home from school at 3:30. But these days, she's in bed by 8:30 and when she comes home, she takes a nap from 4:00 until about 5:30 or so. Alex cries a lot and sometimes he wakes Lyla up and Jo worries about her not getting enough sleep for that reason. She is pretty tired anymore. Like when she gets home from school, she immediately passes out. Sometimes she falls asleep in the car on the way home. "We're not supposed to feed him more than four ounces." She tosses the teddy bear in the playpen and goes to the kitchen.

"Oh, so what…he's hungry. He's a big boy…he needs to eat." I start rubbing his back, chuckling to myself as my fingers bump along the rolls in his little back. He's screaming directly in my ear. His cry is pretty strong…masculine, even. I can tell my son's different cries. He has about four. He has a "mommy, I miss you so come pick me up" cry that stops as soon as Jo gives him some attention. He has a "dammit, give me food" cry that stops as soon as he even sees a bottle. He has an "ouch, something on my body is hurting" cry that doesn't stop unless either me or Jo make funny faces or apply pressure to the area that's hurting (it's usually his stomach). And he has an "ew, I'm wet somebody change me!" cry that stops when we take his diaper off. He's doing his "give me food" cry right now; screaming hard and loud and demanding to be heard. "Yeah…say gimme another bottle, mommy. I'm hungry."

Laughing at the way I "made" Alex talk, Jo walks over to the couch as she shakes a bottle in her hand. "Here." She hands me the bottle. "But go get his pajamas before you feed him. He'll be fine in the swing for a couple minutes. I want you to give him his bottle and put him to sleep after, because I'm exhausted and ready for bed." She hurries back into the kitchen so she can wash the dinner dishes and put the leftovers away in the fridge. Like she asked me to, I get up from the couch and carry the baby over to the swing. I put my hand on the back of his head, my other hand on his chubby butt and lean down.

"Here you, bud…I'll be back with the food in a minute." I kiss his cheek and lay him down in the soft, cushioned baby swing. I adjust the blue headrest around his head and shoulders to make sure he's comfortable. "Until I get back…enjoy some nice, warm plastic." I pop his pacifier in my mouth and suck on it for a couple seconds to clean it off before I stick it in his mouth. "There you go…" He starts sucking on the pacifier so hard that it violently bobs up and down and I can tell that he's wishing it was a bottle. He's a cute kid, I love him. I pat his chubby stomach and hurry off to get this pajamas like Jo asked me to. As soon as I go into his nursery and open up his drawers, I can hear him screaming again. He probably realized that he was sucking on hunk of plastic and not milk and he kicked out that pacifier after noticing what bullshit it was. He's screaming pretty loud too. I gotta get back out there.

I rummage through his top drawer to find a comfortable, loose-fitting onesie and a pair of socks. Jo and I had to go shopping for him last weekend because he can't fit newborn clothes and newborn diapers. He's already in a size one for diapers and he's in four month clothes when he'll only be two months next week. I choose a plain white onesie, a pair of little red socks and a fresh diaper. I close his drawer and head back outside to the living room. At the same time as I exit Alex's nursery, across the room, I can see Lyla stumbling out of her room. She's wearing a pair of purple underwear, a pink t-shirt and her hair is all messed up because she was clearly sleeping. Alex is screaming at the top of his lungs, Jo's hands are elbow-deep in dishwater and Lyla's slowly but surely stomping her way over the baby's swing. "Hey Ly…what are you doing up?" I dump all of Alex's bedtime supplies down on the couch. She looks very cranky but she gets that from Jo. Jo is a force to be reckoned with when she's woken up before she's ready to be woken up. "Did the baby wake you?" I pick up the bottle to check if it needs warmed before I grab the screaming baby. Lyla nods her head and sticks the pacifier back in the baby's mouth, which quiets him down again. She mumbles "shut up" to him and evilly turns back around to go back to her bedroom. I start laughing to myself at how evil she is when she's woken up. She's just like Jo.

Jo turns off the faucet and comes over to where we're all standing as well. "You going back to bed, bubbles?" She stands by the couch and dries her hands from washing the dishes. Alex kicks his pacifier out of his mouth again and starts screaming his lungs out again. Lyla stomps right back over to him and I just as I think she's about to put the pacifier in his mouth again, she proves me wrong when she draws her hand back and slaps him, hard, right across his cheek. My jaw drops and I…I can't believe she just did that! "LYLA!" Jo screams at her so loud that even I have to jump but I still…can't believe she did that! She always said she wanted to beat the baby up but I never thought she would…she slapped him! She actually slapped him. Poor Alex's cheek has a fiery red welt streaking across it and he's crying actual tears at this point. Lyla knows she messed up. She knows she made a huge error, because she starts to run to her room but Jo snatches her up by the collar of her t-shirt before she can get past her and holds her arm up so she can't cover her butt. Jo doesn't spank Lyla very often and neither do I because she really never does anything major to deserve to be spanked, but this time, Jo's going OFF. "YOU DON'T HIT THE BABY!" She draws her open hand back and whacks Lyla so hard against the butt that I can hear it. "YOU KNOW BETTER! HOW MANY TIMES…." She just keeps smacking her and smacking her and smacking her on her butt.

"Jo…Jo, stop it! You're gonna hurt her. Stop it!" I hold my hand out to stop her and move to pick up the baby, who's still crying in pain. At the same time as the baby's crying, Lyla's screaming too and asking Jo "please mommy, stop!" Jo's going to kill her. I think she lost her mind. "JO, STOP! THAT'S ENOUGH!" Personally, I don't like doing the spanking when it comes to Lyla because I don't think that I, as a man, should put my hands on my five year old but sometimes, I think it would be best if I was the one that spanked her because when Jo loses her temper, she LOSES her temper. I cradle the baby against my chest with one of my arms and walk over to pull Jo away from our daughter. "Let her go, Jo. Let her go." I have to pry her hand away from Lyla's t-shirt. Jo's shaking right now. She's literally trembling and Lyla's crying her eyes out too. "Go to your room, Ly…right now. GO." With her hands over her stinging butt, Lyla runs to her bedroom and closes the door. "…What the hell, Jo? What the hell?"

Her jaw is trembling, her face is red and she's breathing out of her mouth. I think she's going to cry herself. "Gimme my baby." She mumbles under her breath and takes Alex off of me. She cradles him in her arms and starts bouncing him up and down. "It's okay, bubba. It's okay…shh." She presses her lips to his red cheek and starts rubbing the back of his head. "Shhh." She brushes her fingertips along his back. "Shhh shh…" She puts her mouth against his head and looks up at me finally. I shake my head at her. I can't believe she lost it like that. "I didn't mean to, Alex." As soon as she blinks, tears flood her face and she starts shaking her head. "I didn't mean to do that. I didn't mean that. I just…I lost my temper. She hit him, Alex. She hit him…and I lost it. I just…lost it. I didn't mean to hit her that hard." She starts swaying from side to side with Alex in her arms. "Alex…I thought I was going to kill her." She starts shaking again. "I really thought I was gonna kill her. I was so…she hit him. She slapped him…"

"I know." I put my hand on her shoulder and rest my forehead against hers because that always used to calm Jo down back when things were perfect between us. She's changed a bit since the divorce but I think putting my forehead against hers will still calm her down. "I'm not saying you were wrong for hitting her. She needed spanked…but you can't lose control like that." She looks in my eyes while my forehead is still against hers and calms down. I guess I still do know Jo a bit. I still know how to calm her down. "And he's alright…" I rub the back of Alex's head and stroke his soft hair downwards. "You need to go tell her that you're sorry for doing that…but she needs to know that she can't hit him." She sniffs, nods her head and kisses Alex's head again. "Gimme him…so you can talk to her." I can tell she doesn't want to, but she hands him to me anyway. "…Lyla Isabella, come here." I call her name.

Jo walks over and sits down on the couch. Lyla slowly but surely walks out of her bedroom, peeking around the corner. Jo clears her throat, puts aside the anger she was feeling towards her for hitting the baby and rubs the seat next to her. "Come here, Lyla. Come sit." I already knew that Jo was going to flip as soon as I saw Lyla raise her hand. Even if she didn't go through with it and actually hit him, Jo was going to snap at her for even raising her hand at him. But she actually went through with it. She actually hit him and she just snapped. Probably because she's still a hormonal mess and she's very, very, very, very, very, VERY protective of Alex as her baby. Lyla looks at me with tears still in her eyes. I nod at her to let her know that it's okay and she walks over to the couch and sits next to Jo. "Come here, bubbles…" Jo wraps her arms around her and gives her a hug. "Mommy's sorry…she's sorry." She pulls Lyla on her lap and starts stroking her hair. "You can't hit the baby though…you can really hurt him. He's little so he can't be hit like that. You cannot hit him. Do you understand me? You can't hit him."

"What do you say to her, Lyla?" I butt in.

"Sorry mommy." She wraps her arms around Jo too. Jo kisses her on her cheek and holds her close. "Sorry."

"It's okay baby girl." Jo assures her.

"Who else do you need to apologize to?" I walk the baby over to the couch and sit down with him in my arms. "Don't you think you should apologize to Alex?" She nods her head. "Say sorry Alex."

"Sorry Ally."


	25. Bully

**Jo witnesses Lyla being bullied at school one day.**

* * *

I stick my hands in the pockets of my hoodie sweatshirt and walk quickly down the hallway, glancing at each room that I walk past for the one that says, "Mrs. Robertson." I came home early from work today, which means me and Alex switched our daily "chores". Usually, I pick the baby up from the daycare on my way out the door from work and Alex swings past the elementary school and grabs Lyla. But I threw up twice at work today and I just wasn't feeling good so I had to come early. I started to go down to the daycare to pick my baby up and bring him home with me, but I kind of realized that sickly mommies and healthy babies don't mix so I just texted Alex and told him to grab little Alex on his way home from work. I have to pick Lyla up from school today though because Alex's surgery ran late and he wasn't going to be able to get her until 4:00, which is way too late. So I had to peel my sick, vomitty self up off the couch and drive ten minutes to pick my other baby up from school.

I make it to the wooden door that has frogs decorated all over it and cutout cattail flowers that say "Mrs. Robertson." The door is already open since it's dismissal time, so I walk right into the classroom and find myself in a sea of other parents that also don't let their children ride the bus home. "Excuse me…" I mumble under my breath and brush past a big, burly man that's holding a toddler in his arms in addition to helping a blonde little boy with spiked hair put his coat on. Once I make it past the man and am fully into the classroom, I look around for my baby. Parents that pick their children up are allowed to come into the classroom at dismissal and get them, but when Alex picks her up from school, he lets her walk out with the bus children so she can look like a big girl. I would let her walk out with the bus children too but if let her, she'd be looking around for Alex's black Mercedes as opposed to my red Volkswagen and she'd probably be confused and it's just easier if I come in here, I think.

Over at a desk with a pink Hello Kitty lunchbox in her hand and a purple and pink Monster High bookbag on her back, my baby is sitting down with her shoulders slouched and her head down. She's playing with the zipper on her pencil case and just waiting for the bus children to be dismissed. I start to open my mouth so I can call her name but before I can get anything out, I see two little girls walk over to my baby's desk. One little girl has long, curly, bright red hair and the other has short, bleached blonde pigtails. The blonde one is heavier set and carrying the same Monster High backpack my daughter has and the redheaded one is tall for her age and very skinny, carrying a backpack with the Disney princesses on it. The redheaded one snatches the pencil case out of Lyla hands suddenly, causing my baby to jump back out of fright. I wrinkle my brow. What the hell? "Hey…that's mine…" Lyla reaches out to grab her pencil case back but the redhead snatches away from her. "My daddy gived that to me…" She's right. Alex did buy her that pencil case.

"What's in it?" The blonde one takes the pencil case off the redhead and unzips it.

"Nuffing." Lyla puts her hand on her pencil case and tries to take it. "Give it!"

"Move, Loser Lyla." The chubby blonde puts her hand in the middle of Lyla's chest and pushes her pretty hard…so hard that my baby stumbles backward and lands on the chair she was sitting in, but her weight distributes on the chair unevenly and the chair topples over, sending my daughter down to the floor with a loud, hard crash. The stockings I put on her this morning are ripped, her black velvet miniskirt is hiked up so the world can see her bright pink panties and the white headband I put on her came forward, causing her hair to be all in her face. Like it does when Alex and I yell at her, put her in timeout or spank her, Lyla's face turns bright red and I can tell that she's going to cry. The redhead starts to laugh and point at her and the blonde takes the moment to snatch Lyla's lunchbox out of her hand. And because she's embarrassed, Lyla just lets her take it.

I feel like I've just been punched in the stomach. I want to throw up; and not because I'm still feeling a little sick, but because I can't believe what I just watched…and nobody did anything about it. My heart hurts right now. I have this lump in my throat like after you dry-swallow a big pill, and I really want to cry. "Excuse me…" I mumble, pushing past the crowd of overzealous parents just standing around so I can get towards the back of the room and over to my daughter. The teacher is standing at her desk, talking to some woman with short black hair, laughing and having a marvelous time while my baby is sitting on the ground and getting ready to cry! I sidestep a few desks so I can get over there to her and clamp my hand over my mouth when I see the little redhead reach down to pull my baby's hair. "Lyla!" I call her name as I weave my way through desks. The little redhead and the little blonde both look at me with fear in their eyes. The blonde drops Lyla's pencil case and her lunchbox and makes a break for it and the redhead backs away from my daughter and runs too. "Uh-uh!" I shake my head and grab both the little girls by the collars of their shirts before they can run past me. I'm shaking so bad right now. I have to full-out convince myself not to hit somebody else's kids. I want to beat both their little asses right now. "Why are you two picking on her?! Huh?! What'd she do to you?!" I look at both of them. "I'm her mommy, so if she did something to make you mad, you tell me about it! Don't hit her." I let both their shirts go and bite my lip. I want to kill these two little girls. "Come here, bubbles." I kneel down on the floor and start fixing her.

"She's…she's mean to us! So we were mean back!" The little redhead puts her hands on her hips. "We didn't do nothing!"

"Then like I said, you tell me! You don't hit her!" I have to take a deep breath. They're not my kids…I can't yell at somebody else's kids. I'd be pissed off if somebody else yelled at mine. Then again, I raised my baby with freaking respect and she wouldn't be going around bullying other kids because she knows better. I pick her up and wipe her tears. "It's okay, baby…mommy's here." I snatch up her lunchbox and her backpack and angrily stomp over to the teacher's desk. "Excuse me!" Me myself, I know better than to interrupt other people's conversations, but too bad right now. She's sitting here laughing and having a good old time while my baby was just pushed, knocked to the floor and called a loser! "Uh, Jo Wilson…Lyla's mother." I don't even bother offering my hand for either of them to shake. Mrs. Robertson looks at me like I'm a crazy person and the black haired woman just slowly backs away. "I believe we've talked over the phone COUNTLESS times."

"Yes, Miss Wilson…" Like a trained professional, she holds her hand out for me to shake but I don't take it. I'm not about to shake her hand when I'm about to cuss her out the way I'm about to.

"Yeah, I just witnessed those two little girls back there come up to my daughter who was MINDING HER OWN BUSINESS and start picking on her. They took her pencil case, her lunchbox, pushed her down and called her a loser! What are you doing about this?!" I kind of want to put Lyla down because I don't want her to witness this side of her mother, the side of Jo that I put away long before she was born. This side of Jo has been gone for quite some time. I think the last time this side of Jo came out was when I was an intern and I beat the hell out of my ex-boyfriend for putting his hands on me. I've long since retired that side of myself but it's coming out again.

"Miss Wilson, I can assure you that this doesn't happen—"

"BULL! Because she comes home EVERY SINGLE DAY with a bruise, a bump, a ripped shirt, a broken shoe….just last week I had to super glue the strap back on her shoe because those two little girls pushed her and broke it! And I can't tell you how many clothes I've had to throw in the trash because they're so ripped that I can't sew them! These girls have been picking on her for a long time now and every time I call up here to do something about it, NOBODY does anything! I've had enough! I've had enough of sending my daughter to this school perfectly healthy and bringing her home with a new bump or bruise every day! Now, she does nothing to anybody to deserve this! Either YOU put a stop to it or I will!"

"Miss Wilson, there aren't any specific rules that I can enforce. I've given Mackenzie and Gianna both fair warnings but the school doesn't suspend kindergarteners and—"

"Then where the hell are their parents?!" I turn around and look around the room. The two little girls are still standing over by the bookshelf just talking amongst themselves. "Where are their parents?!"

"They should be arriving very shortly…again Miss Wilson, I'm so sorry—"

"I'm waiting for their parents." I cut her off yet again and walk away. If the administration isn't going to do anything about the blatant BULLYING that's going on here, then I will. I'm not going to sit here as her mother and let this continue to go on. Now enough is enough. My daughter comes home every single day with a new story to tell about how those two evil little bitches mess with her. I'm not saying that Lyla's this perfect little angel because I know she's not. I know my child better than my child knows herself and I KNOW that she's not always innocent. But I also know that her father and I both raised her better than to be running around calling people names and hitting people. Lyla can be mouthy, bratty and very stubborn but ONLY when it comes to me and Alex because she knows us! My child is way too timid and shy around new people to go around acting like a little bitch so I KNOW FOR A FACT that she doesn't do anything to those girls. If they won't do anything about it then I will. I'm sick of this. "You okay, bubbles?" I change my tone to something more motherly and look at her. She has tears streaming down her cheeks and her hair is all messed up. I push her hair back away from her face and kiss her on her cheek. "I know…mommy's gonna stop this. Mommy's not gonna let them get away with it no more. Kay?" She nods her head.

Just as I kiss Lyla's cheek once again, two blonde haired women walk into the classroom, laughing and giggling amongst themselves and acting like they're best friends. One of them is heavier set just like the heavier set blonde little girl and the other one is short but very thin. I'm going to take a wild guess and say that they're their mothers. Mrs. Robertson blows right past me. "Mrs. Davies, Mrs. Anderson…" Mrs. Robertson starts briefing the two on the issue and it's a good thing she got to them before I did. Sure enough, the two little girls go running to their mothers. As soon as Mrs. Robertson steps aside, I carry Lyla over to them and stand in front of them.

"Hi, I'm Jo Wilson…Lyla's mother." I clear my throat and offer my hand to the both of them. They both shake my hand and give me their full, undivided attention. "Um…for a while now, my daughter's been coming home and telling me and her father that your two daughters have been…for lack of a better word… _bullying_ my daughter. She comes home with ripped clothes, broken shoes, clumps of her hair falling out sometimes, bruises on her face and her back…and she always tells me that they're inflicted by your children and I would really appreciate it if maybe—"

"My little Gianna is the youngest of four; she has three older brothers." The heavier set one cuts me off and puts her hand on the chubby blonde one's head. "She's a little bit rough when she plays because she's used to roughhousing with her brothers, but she means well. I hardly think this is a case of bullying."

"Yeah, kids are going to be kids. Mackenzie is fairly well mannered, respectable…are you sure maybe your daughter isn't misinterpreting their intentions?" The skinny one lifts the redhead up and kisses her cheek.

"I understand that kids will be kids and I'm in no way implying that my daughter is some dainty, petite little princess…she can take a hit pretty well and she understands what it means when someone is playing with her. But I just witnessed both of your daughters picking with her a moment ago. They snatched her pencil case, pushed her down on the floor, called her names and proceeded to pull her hair. You're telling me that they're just playing with her?"

"Well did you ask your daughter what she could've done to provoke such a thing?" The heavier set one keeps stroking her hair. "Because Gianna wouldn't attack another child without reason."

"Does it matter?!" I can feel myself getting angry and I can't stop it. "I don't give a damn if my daughter called your daughter names or took her lunch money or whatever! Nothing gives your daughters the right to gang up on her and beat her up! My child should not fear to come to school every day because your two want to hurt her! And I know my child, I know she's not innocent but I also know that she's too terrified of your daughters to do anything to deserve what they've done. I don't care if your child grew up with brothers, she should be taught to keep her hands to herself the way I teach my daughter to keep hers to herself!" I don't give a damn what excuses their throwing at me. If anyone in this world has the right to lash out, it's Lyla! She just went through her parents getting a divorce, she went through five years of her life being an only child until seven weeks ago, she's probably sleep deprived because her new baby brother cries so damn much but she still manages to behave herself at school! I don't care if she did grow up with brothers, the little bitch needs to keep her hands off my child.

"I think you're way overreacting here. Is this what we want to teach our children? I don't know what methods you practice in your own home, but I teach my Mackenzie to be self-sufficient, independent and strong. I don't want to send the message to my child that if someone doesn't like her, she should go be a little tattle tale and cry about it. There are people all over this world that aren't liked every day and we can't stop that. You can't make our daughters like your daughter and be her best friend…it doesn't work that way. I don't know what you teach your child, but this is not the message I send to mine. I want Mackenzie to be able to handle things on her own. She doesn't have to be everyone's friend."

"Right, so if I tell my daughter to whoop both your daughters' asses next time they lay a finger on her, you're not going to have anything to say about it? You're not going to want to have a word with me or my daughter? You're going to tell your daughter to lick her wounds and deal with it because not everybody is going to like her? I imagine both of you would be pretty pissed off if both your children were the smallest children in the class and was being picked on by two of the biggest! You'd be pretty angry if you sent your child out the house wearing $70 outfits, only for her to come home with them ruined. You'd be mad if your daughters came home with bruises that another child put there and I imagine you'd be just as ticked as I am if you found out that MY child was the one that was doing it. I don't care how you slice it, they've been BULLYING Lyla and I'm not going for it anymore! All I'm asking is for you to have a conversation with them because I'm giving BOTH of you a fair warning. If my daughter comes home after today with so much as a strand of her HAIR out of place, I'm giving her full permission to kick both your daughters' asses and if you don't like it? Both of you can see me in the damn parking lot and I'll kick your asses too! Got that?"

I don't even wait for them to respond, I'm so mad. Instead, I push past them and carry Lyla out of the room. I tried so hard to be nice and professional but they both want to act like their kids are perfect angels and that ticked me off. All I asked was for them to talk to their kids and assure that they don't mess with daughter again. That's all. I was nice about it, I was professional, I acted like an adult…until they pissed me off. Over the years, I learned how to control my temper and manage my anger but I get so defensive and protective when it comes to my kids. I'll kill someone over Lyla and I'll kill someone over Alex. I don't mess around when it comes to my kids! I didn't have a mother to defend me and protect me and I'll be damned if my kids will grow up and be able to say the same. I don't regret anything I said in there. "…You okay, bubby?" Lyla nods her head. "Sorry you had to see mommy act like that…"

"It's okay." She whispers and puts her head on my shoulder. "Thank you, mommy."


	26. Dress Up

**Lyla dresses her brother up in her dress-up clothes.**

* * *

Lyla quietly crept out of her room and glanced down the hallway to make sure neither one of her parents her watching. When the coast was clear, she tiptoed down the hallway and disappeared into the bathroom. There were a lot of things that the five year old knew she wasn't allowed to do. She wasn't allowed to touch the stove while her mommy was cooking, she wasn't allowed to play on her daddy's phone without asking and she wasn't allowed to tell her baby brother to "shut up." Amongst the long list of things she wasn't allowed to do, on that list was playing with her mommy's makeup. Still, she climbed on the back of the toilet seat and grabbed the black velvet bag that Jo kept all her makeup inside of. When she had the bag in her possession, she climbed back down off the toilet seat and peeked out of the door again. There were no signs of Alex or Jo, so she tiptoed right back to her bedroom and shut the door.

"I'm back…told you I wasn't gonna be long." She walked over to the swing that her baby brother was resting in and sat down in front of him. The baby lay asleep in his swing, relatively undisturbed by his big sister's actions. He had fallen asleep in the arms of his father and when he was sound asleep, Alex had nestled him in his swing so he could take a shower and Jo could finish up dinner. Somewhere along the line, his older sister got bored with watching TV alone in her room and she decided, when nobody was around, that she would drag her brother's swing to her room to play with him. "I have this, Ally?" She put her hand on her brother's pacifier. "Thank you." She pulled the pacifier out of his mouth and put it down on the floor.

The baby stared at his sister and poked his lip out, preparing to cry over the fact that she stole his pacifier out of his mouth. Lyla sensed that her brother was going to cry and if he cried, she would get into trouble for playing with her mother's makeup, so she put her hand on his head and stuck her tongue out at him like she had seen her daddy do. The baby's bottom lip began to quiver, so Lyla started to rub his head. "Don't cwy, Ally. Kay? Don't cwy. You gemme in twouble if you cwy." Although her baby brother didn't boast much hair on top of his head, she still made a point to rub it and wiggle her tongue in an effort to make him laugh instead. Alex tilted his head at his sister and curled his lips up into a drool-filled, gummy smile. "I'm so funny, huh?" Lyla didn't want to admit it but over the last few weeks, she had really began to grow some kind of attachment to her brother. Once she started to view him as the ultimate baby doll, she found that she kind of enjoyed holding his bottles and pushing him around in her baby's strollers. Her daddy didn't like it when she put bonnets on his head because that made him look like a girl but her mommy didn't care.

"I think…purple is good." The five year old picked a tube of bright purple lipstick from her mother's makeup bag and uncapped it. She didn't think her mother would mind if she used her purple lipstick because the only time she could ever recall her mommy putting on such an odd shade on her lips was when she dressed up as Sulley last Halloween. She twisted the bottom of the lipstick tube and held it in her hand like she was holding a pencil. "Hold still." Gently, she squeezed the cheeks of her brother and began to color on his tiny lips. Her mommy and daddy were always telling her that she should play with her little brother and today's the day she finally decided to listen to them. After all, she was always looking for new live subjects to put makeup on. "You look gweat." She recapped the lipstick and stood back to admire her work. "You gotta put this on next." She picked up the bonnet she always tied around her baby doll's head and stuffed it on her brother's head. She tied it carefully underneath his neck but for some reason, Alex wrinkled his nose and gaped his mouth open, preparing to wail. "No…shhh! Shhh, Ally don't! You gonna gemme in twouble! Shh!"

She picked up the pacifier again and tried to shove it back in her brother's mouth to get him to quiet down, but the baby just brought his hands up to his mouth and chewed on them while he cried. "I take it off! I sowwy…I sowwy, I take it off." Lyla untied the bonnet but not before her bedroom door swung open and both her parents busted up her party. She jumped back, away from her brother and tried to hide Jo's makeup bag behind her back but she knew that she was busted because her brother had purple lipstick on his lips, his cheeks and even on his hands. "…We was playin…" The five year old guiltily looked up at her parents and cowered.

Jo looked over at Alex who was standing beside her and back down at her baby. The baby had lipstick on, a bonnet on his head and sparkly stick-on gems on his earlobes. Jo wanted to be mad at her daughter but she just couldn't bring herself to do anything but giggle. Even Alex, who hated the thought of his son being dressed up like a little girl, found it within himself to laugh. "Awww, Alex…what'd she do to you, handsome?" Jo knelt down at the swing and began to unbuckle her son. The baby was screaming his head off because the bonnet on his head was on too tight. "Lyla, what did I tell you about putting makeup on the baby?"

"…Nuffing?" Lyla tilted her head and raised her eyebrow because her mother really had never told her anything about putting makeup on her baby brother. This was the first time she had ever done it. She did know that she wasn't allowed to do it because she wasn't allowed to even put bonnets on him without being yelled at by her dad and anytime she played in her mother's makeup, she got yelled at but still. Her mother had never mentioned anything about putting makeup on the baby.

"Well don't do it again, bubbles." Jo looked up at Alex, who was still laughing so hard that he had to cover his mouth. "I thought for sure you'd be more pissed with this." She looked back down at her son who had stopped crying.

"I gotta take a picture of this…" Alex shook his head, still laughing. "Perfect discipline for when he gets older. Perfect blackmail." He took his phone from his pocket. "If he doesn't behave, I'll send this out to all his friends. This is going in the little baby book thing, too. Good thinking, Ly…real good thinking. This is genius."

"Thanks." Lyla blushed and finally felt some relief for the fact that she didn't seem to be in trouble.


	27. Bath Time

**Lyla asks about the physical differences between she and her brother during bath time.**

* * *

Jo knelt down on her knees and pulled the smallest washcloth hanging up on the shower rack down. She winced at a slight ache in her back that she only got from hunching over into the deep bathtub and held the navy blue washcloth underneath the water until it was drenched. Normally, she'd bathe her two children one at a time but being that Alex was working the night shift and left her with the two kids by herself, she decided to kill two birds with one stone by bathing them together.

"Mommy?" Five year old Lyla rubbed her eyes and looked up at her mother, balancing her head at an off-kilted angle to keep the suds from the shampoo in her hair from running down her forehead and burning her eyes. Jo raised her eyebrows to let her know that she was listening and she began to scrub the creases in nine week old Alex's neck. "Why's it okay to go pee pee in the shower tub but not the bafftub?" She wondered.

Jo smirked at her daughter's blunt curiosity and held onto her son's arm while she looked away. "Because in the shower, your pee will go down the drain but in the bathtub it won't. So then it's like you're taking a bath in your pee pee and you don't wanna do that. You take baths to get clean and pee pee isn't clean." She laid the two month old baby down gently in his bath chair and placed the washcloth over his penis so he wouldn't pee all over the place. "Tilt your head, baby." She picked up the large cup she always used to wash her daughter's hair and filled it with water. Lyla obediently tilted her head back and just as Jo poured the water into her hair, a loud, demanding screech came from the bath chair. "Hey mister! It's sissy's turn, don't yell at me!" She glanced over at the baby to make sure his shriek wasn't anything serious and grinned when she saw that he wasn't doing anything but kicking his legs and flailing his arms with a gummy smile on his face.

Lyla opened her eyes once Jo was done rinsing her hair and looked over at her brother. She wouldn't admit it to anyone that ever asked, but deep inside Lyla really adored her baby brother. She thought he was the cutest thing she ever laid her eyes on and he was fun to dress up as well. "Mommy?" In the bathwater, she crawled the few inches over to her brother's chair and grabbed his feet. "Why hims feet never stink but mine do?"

"Because you walk on your feet and he doesn't." Jo peeled the washcloth off her son's private area and squirted some more baby body wash onto the cloth. With the sudsy cloth, she started to scrub her son's neck again. "Give it a while, Ly. His feet will stink way worse than yours do." Lyla rubbed her fingertip along her brother's foot and made him giggle. "Are you tickling him?"

"Uh-huh." She nodded and gathered up some bubbles in her hands. While Jo moved on to wash the rest of the baby's body, Lyla fashioned a bubble beard on her brother's face and gave him a bubble hat to match. "Mommy?"

"What, Lyla?" Jo tried her best to remain calm but she was beginning to get annoyed with the inquisitiveness of her five year old. Sometimes she wished she could change her name to something other than "mommy" because Lyla would say it at least 500 times a day. She held her son's arm up and washed his armpit and moved on to his other arm.

"Why him not have a no no?" Noticing that her mother was close to having to wash her brother's face, Lyla began to clean the bubbles off. "Him don't have a no no so how does him pee pee?"

"He's a boy so he doesn't need a no no like you and me do." Jo gathered the baby in her arms and casually prepared for the thing she knew she would eventually have to explain. She leaned further into the bathtub and braced the baby's body against her arm so she could wash his backside. "You're like mommy and Alex is like daddy, okay? So you and me have no noes but daddy and Alex don't. Daddy and Alex have…" She caught herself. She never really thought about what to call her son's parts. When it came time to explain to Lyla what her parts were when she was around two years old, at first she and Alex had collectively agreed to call it a "peach". When Lyla was around four, again Jo and Alex had mutually agreed that it would be right if they explained to her that nobody was allowed to touch her there so from the word "peach" a private part went to a "no no". She never really thought about what to call her son's private parts though, mostly because she never thought she would even have a son. She just decided to go with the most natural thing. "Daddy and Alex have pee pees but me and you have no noes. Okay?"

"Okay." Lyla nodded, satisfied with her mother's answer. She was sure that eventually she'd have more to ask about when it came to things like pee pees and no noes but for the moment, she was satisfied. "I hold him mommy?"

"Not in the water." Jo declined and began scrubbing the baby's little bit of hair with her hand. "You can help mommy give him a bath though. Here…" She stopped touching the baby's head. "Wash his hair for me like a big girl. Help me out."

"I got it." Excitedly, Lyla began scrubbing her brother's hair too. While resting in his chair, baby Alex lifted his arm and grabbed onto his sister's hair. Slowly, he brought her hair to his mouth and began to chew on it. "No, eat this." Lyla snatched her hair away from her brother's arm and gave him one of her bath Barbie dolls instead. She didn't understand why her brother felt the need to eat everything—even things that weren't tasty. She shook her head when she observed her brother stick her Barbie's hand in his mouth. She kept rubbing suds in his hair and while he chewed and slobbered all over his sister's doll, Alex cooed and kicked his feet as if he was in the most pleasant mood possible.

As she sat back against the wall, watching her children and letting her back take a rest, Jo thought to herself that her life was so much more pleasant when her children were getting along.


	28. Being Nice

**Lyla gets embarrassed when Alex and Jo catch her being nice to the baby.**

* * *

"But I thought you had gym class on Tuesdays. Isn't it Thursday?" Alex scooted his daughter up on his hip so she didn't slip and carried her towards the front door. He didn't usually make it a point to carry her around considering the fact that she was five years old and very capable of walking herself, but her shoe was broken and although he and Jo spent a good few months cleaning up the loft before they actually moved into it all those years ago, he still didn't trust the floors enough to let his kid walk around barefoot. He switched her backpack to the hand he had supporting her weight against his hip and fumbled around in his pocket for his keys. "Art class is on Thursday, gym class is on Tuesday. How'd you break your shoe in gym if you didn't have gym today?" He lightly questioned the five year old just to see what she would say to him.

"No daddy, I had gym today. We played…um…" Lyla paused mid-sentence as her little mind worked to find a game played in gym class that would account for her falling down. There were a lot of things that she didn't like to talk about. She didn't like to talk about what happened when her mommy and daddy didn't use their inside voices when they talked to each other, she didn't like to talk about how she felt when daddy moved out of the house and she didn't like to talk about her noisy new brother. But most of all, she didn't like to talk about the two girls in her class that didn't like her for some reason she didn't know. She knew it was wrong to tell fibs. Fibs were when daddy or mommy asked her a question and she didn't want to get in trouble, so she didn't tell them the truth. She knew it was wrong to fib but she also knew that if she told her daddy the truth about why her shoe was broken, why her shirt was dirty and why she has a booboo on her face, daddy would tell mommy and tomorrow at school, she would get more booboos and more broken shoes. "We played cat and mouse…with the paratoot…and I fell."

After hearing the story that she fell while playing with the parachute in gym class yet again, Alex still knew that his daughter was lying to him. He had memorized her schedule strictly because when he and Jo were still split up and living apart, Jo insisted that he'd dress her according to her activity period for the day when she stayed with him on school days. Alex knew that on Mondays, she could wear skirts because Mondays are music class, Tuesdays she had to wear sweats and sneakers because she has gym on Tuesdays, Wednesdays she could wear cute clothes because she had library class, Thursdays she has to wear clothes that she can get dirty because she has art and Fridays are casual days because she has health class. As part of their new routine, it was his responsibility to pick Lyla up from school every day while Jo brought the new baby home from daycare when she got off work. Today was different than any other day he had picked his daughter up from school, however.

On a normal day, he'd park his car in the lot where all the other parents parked to pick up their children and stand outside near the sidewalk so his daughter could see him when she had finally been let out for the day. Usually, Lyla would run to her father after a long day and share with him all the new information she had learned throughout the day. But today, when Alex picked her up, there was no running and no chatting about what she had learned. Instead, Lyla approached the car with the strap torn off her white sandal, a dirt stain on the front of her white t-shirt and most shocking of all, a strawberry-red brush burn on the underside of her chin. Alex knew something was wrong when he questioned her about what happened and she gave him the story that she fell down in gym class. He didn't know why she was lying to him about what happened but he didn't want to pressure her into telling him the truth. Instead, he went along with her story and decided that the best thing would be to discuss it with Jo when he got home.

Alex slid the door to the loft open after unlocking it and deposited his daughter on the floor of their home. It smelled like something was cooking in the oven and he automatically knew that it was something frozen. Jo wasn't a horrible cook but the majority of the meals she did make were frozen in packages. Alex thought her spaghetti was pretty okay and he liked it when she made pots of chili but that was pretty much the extent of Jo's cooking. "Jo…" He called her name after looking around and not seeing any signs of neither her nor the baby. Lyla sat down on the floor next to the door and yanked her shoes off her feet. The fact that she didn't hear screaming and crying from her new brother when she walked through the door was a nice change for her. Her baby brother was _always_ crying. Even when she was trying to sleep at night, her baby brother was crying. She didn't understand how anybody could cry that much.

With baby Alex in her arms, Jo emerged from the nursery and walked towards the kitchen to greet Alex and her daughter. "Hi bubbles." Excited to finally see her daughter after a long day at work, Jo immediately passed the baby off to Alex and held her arms out for Lyla to jump in them. "How was school today?" Jo picked her daughter up and kissed her on the cheek. "…How'd you get this? What happened?" Almost immediately, Jo noticed the red blemish on her daughter's face and gently tilted her head back. "What happened, honey?"

"Go play in your room for a little bit, booger. Mommy and daddy need to have a grown up talk." Alex shot Jo a look that she immediately understood. She nodded her head at him to let him know that she caught his drift and slowly put Lyla back down on the floor without getting any answers as to how her daughter got injured. Lyla knew that when mommy and daddy needed to have a grown up talk, she had to go to her room without question. Alex gently patted his daughter on her backside as he dismissed her to her bedroom. Like a good girl, Lyla took off for her bedroom to see if there was a new episode of Sofia the First on TV yet. Alex craned his neck to make sure his daughter was out of their earshot and began walking over to the swing so he could put the baby down while he talked to his ex-wife. "She told me that she fell down." He knelt down and carefully put the baby in the swing. He walked back over to the kitchen area where Jo was still standing. "She's lying to me though."

"Well Alex, maybe she did fall down. Why do you have to assume she's lying?" Jo pulled open the oven door to check on the frozen lasagna she stuck in there after she got off work. "She probably did fall down. You know she can be clumsy sometimes."

"In gym class, Jo?" Alex retorted. "Because that's what she said. She said she fell down in gym class. And it's Thursday."

"…Oh." Jo closed the oven door and looked down at the floor, realizing what he was implying.

"Yeah. I picked her up and look…" Alex stomped over to the door and snatched up Lyla's broken shoe. "I picked her up and she was limping so I rushed over to see what her issue was and here, her damn shoe is broke. Her shoe's broke, she has a big dirt stain on her shirt, her ponytail's falling out and she has a brush burn on her chin. I asked her what happened and she said she fell in gym class. She's lying about something…she won't tell me."

"Because they call her an effin' crybaby when she comes home and tells what they do to her." Jo yanked her daughter's broken shoe out of Alex's hand and looked at it to see if she could fix it in any way. "I'm not going to keep going through this. I call up to that school so many times a week and they don't do anything! They're going to stop picking on my daughter. If I have to talk to their parents myself, I will! She hates going to school and every time she comes home, it's something new. Either her stockings are ripped, she has freaking paint in her hair, her clothes are torn or her damn shoe is broken! I'm sick of this…" Jo grabbed her phone off the counter and scrolled through her contacts for the number to Lyla's school. "She doesn't do anything to anybody and they freaking…"

"Jo, calm down…calm down." Alex put his hands on her shoulders. "Maybe we should talk to her about it first. We should talk to her about it and make sure she knows that it's okay for her to tell us about the things that they do to her. And maybe we should ask to speak to her teacher. Do you know the girls' names?"

"Mackenzie and Gianna…she talks about them all the time. They push her off the slide, push her down during gym class, color on her shirt with sidewalk chalk…I'm sick of it, Alex. They're going to do something about those girls or I WILL. I'm not going to keep sending my baby to school for her to come back with messed up clothes, broken shoes, marks on her body…I'm not going to keep doing this. Something's gotta give." In the background, baby Alex started to cry and the moment Jo glanced at the clock on the stove, she realized that his bottle was late and he was hungry. She rushed to the fridge to begin preparing it for him. "I don't appreciate my daughter coming home with marks all over her body when she doesn't do anything! Alex, I don't even leave marks on her when I spank her! You think for one second, I'm going to let somebody else's kids leave marks on her? This is bogus. I'm not going to keep—"

"Jo…" Alex whispered and nudged her with his elbow.

"Don't tell me to calm down, Alex! I'm not going to—" As soon as Jo turned around, she saw what Alex wanted her to see. He wasn't telling her to calm down at all, he was telling her to be quiet so he could see what he saw. A smile quickly made its way across Jo's face when she saw her daughter kneeling down by her baby boy's swing, pushing the swing so it was moving back and forth.

"Shhh! Shhh!" Lyla put her finger over her mouth and motioned for baby Alex to quiet down a bit. When the baby continued to scream even after she asked him to be quiet, she put her hand against his head and rubbed his hair. "Shhh…" Just moments ago, the five year old was in her bedroom, trying to watch the new episode of her favorite TV show when of course, her new baby brother began to cry. She couldn't hear the TV over the sound of her brother screaming, so she walked outside to tell him to shut up. She was going to find a sock and put it in her brother's mouth because when she cried sometimes, her daddy would tell her to "put a sock in it". She couldn't find a sock to put in her brother's mouth so she settled for a blanket, but just as she went to stick the blanket in his mouth, she started to feel sad. She didn't know why she felt sad because she didn't even like her brother much. But when she looked down at her little brother, she felt really sad. She thought about how at school, Kenzie and Gigi were always really mean to her and how they always pushed her down because she was so much smaller than they were. Lyla didn't want to be like Kenzie and Gigi with her little brother. It didn't feel good when people were mean to her so she didn't think it would feel good to her brother if she was mean to him. "It's okay baby Ally." She pet his hair. "Stop cwying. It's not that bad…what's wrong?" He wouldn't stop crying though. "…Gotta long list of lovers…I'm insane…" Lyla recalled all the times that Jo would sing to her when she was sad and it made her feel a lot better. "You love the game. Young and reckless…and we take this bar. I got a blank space baby…I'll write your name." She rubbed his hair some more and tried to think of another song she could sing to him. "Even in your…wildest dweams…"

"Aww, Lyla." The five year old jumped back as soon as her mother interrupted her. Jo walked over, not wanting to interrupt the sweet moment her two babies were having. She would've killed to sit back and watch Lyla sing to Alex for hours on end because Lyla was never nice to him but she knew that Alex would never stop crying unless she gave him the bottle she just made. "That was so sweet of you to sing to the baby like that. That was so sweet…do you wanna hold his bottle while you sing to him?" Jo offered the bottle to her daughter.

"…No." Embarrassed that she had been caught being nice to the brother she was supposed to hate, Lyla stood up and started to walk away.

"Are you sure? Here, bubbles. Hold his bubba for him. You can sing to him while he eats. You're being so nice to him today." Jo tried again.

"No!" Lyla folded her arms. "Leave me lone, mommy…I go to my room."

"Ly, why are you so scared of being nice to him? He's your brother….are you mad that we caught you being nice?" Alex chimed in.

"I was NOT bein' nice!" Lyla insisted.

"But you were." Jo knelt down next to the swing and held the bottle in baby Alex's mouth. "It was nice of you to sing to him."

"I just wanted him to shut up!" She stomped her foot. "I was not nice."

"Aww, Lyla was nice to little Alex…" Jo started to tease her. "Lyla loves her baby brother. Lyla's so nice!"

"No I'm not!" She looked over at her dad. "Daddy, mommy being mean!"

"Why, because you were nice?" Alex chuckled.

"…I goin' to my room." Lyla rolled her eyes at her parents and stomped down the hallway to her bedroom.


	29. Emergency

**Alex and Jo are paged to the E.R. one day, only to find out that the emergency is about Lyla.**

* * *

"He's maxed out on his pain meds, so no more morphine but page me if his vitals start tanking." I scribble my name at the bottom of the chart, close it and hand it to the nurse that's sitting at the nurses' station. I have a free minute so I think I'm going to head down to the daycare and go see my baby. I miss him, he always puts a smile on my face and after the patient I just had to deal with; I really need to smile. I just had to treat a drug addict that broke his own collarbone so he could get drugs. And of course, I'm a doctor so I had to give him morphine for the pain but he made me so mad with the way he kept lying. He told me that he fell while playing flag football and broke his collarbone but I've been doing this whole orthopedic thing long enough to know that the kind of break he has was caused by self-inflicted, blunt force. He would've fractured his shoulder AND his collarbone if he fell the way he's saying that he did but he just has one hairline fracture in his collarbone. He did it himself and he's looking for drugs.

I'm irritated and all I want is Alex. Not big Alex either, little Alex. He makes me smile and it's literally impossible for me to be in a bad mood when I'm around him. I need cheered up so I'm going to go spend a few moments with my baby boy. I put my hands in the pockets of my lab coat and head for the elevator. I kind of want to run down to the daycare, bust in the room and grab him. I can't wait to have him in my arms. He's all chubby and cute and he's so precious. Ugh, I miss my baby. I step on the elevator and push the number "2" so I can be dropped off right at the ramp to the daycare. As soon as the elevator doors close, my pager starts going off. I sigh and glance at it. It's not a 911 so I'm not going. I don't usually ignore my pages but I really need to go see my son. My mommy hormones are racing, I miss my baby and I need to smile. So sorry, but I'm ignoring my page since it's not a 911.

The elevator doors open up and spit me out on the second floor, so I step off and start heading for the ramp that leads down to the daycare. As I start walking down the ramp, my pager goes off again. Begrudgingly, I snatch my pager back out of my pocket and look at it again. It's a 911 this time. I'm being paged 911 to trauma room three. "Dammit." I mumble to myself, slip my pager back into my pocket and turn around. I sling my arm across my chest because my boobs are still sore and filled with milk and I have to run. I run up ramps, down the hall and turn the corner. I run down two flights of steps until I get onto the ground floor and eventually, I slow down. Suddenly, from behind, someone bumps me and I jump up. "Whoa…sorry." It's nobody but Alex. He was too busy staring at his pager to pay attention to where he was going, which is why we bumped into each other. "Where are you headed?" He puts his pager away and walks close beside me.

"Trauma room three." I turn the corner that leads to the trauma rooms and he turns it right along with me.

"You were paged to trauma three too? So was I…" He mumbles. "Probably a kid with a couple broken ribs or a broken leg, yeah?"

I giggle. "Yeah, probably. It's kind of weird though because I thought Torres was on all traumas today yet they're paging me. Is it bad that I'm hoping for some type of open fracture? I want blood… I just had to deal with the most despicable human being on the planet. I was about to go see the baby but I got paged…I need blood. It's been a hell of a day already and it's not even 12:30 yet." I sigh and put my hand on the doorknob to trauma room three. "How's your day been?" I tilt my head and ask him. I admit that I'm starting to feel bad for the way I've been treating Alex. I haven't necessarily been treating him badly but I haven't been making as much of an effort as he's been to mend our relationship. He's been busting his ass with Lyla and with the baby just trying to make things happy and I guess he might think that sometimes I don't really care about our relationship but I do. I care about making this work; not only for the sake of Lyla and baby Alex but also for our sake. I do love him and I want to make this work. I should probably start acting like it though. "Anything…cool?" I reach up and pluck a piece of lint out of his hair.

"Not at all. Couple of Pyloric babies, a bowel obstruction…boring." He looks at me with longing, sorrowful eyes. I can't fully forgive him for cheating on me. It hurts too badly. When I look at him, I still see the man I love but I can't shake the feeling of betrayal. He's sorry. I know he's sorry and I know he regrets doing what he did but I just can't shake the feeling. "If I get a good surgery, you wanna scrub in with me? It'll be like old times…you, me..surgery…"

"Sure." I nod my head and fashion a smile at him. He starts leaning in for a kiss and I think I might actually want to kiss him back, so I lean in too. I haven't kissed Alex since Alex was born and before that, I had gone months without kissing him. I just wasn't feeling on kissing the man that I so badly wanted to hate. But when Alex was born, I realized that I still loved him with all my heart and we kissed when the nurse set my bloody, gooey baby on my chest. We haven't kissed since then though. I close my eyes and tilt my head to prepare for the kiss, but just as our lips are about to touch, I hear screaming coming from trauma room three. Hard screaming too. The screaming of a child that's clearly in pain and crying tears. I pause the progress of our kiss and listen. "Alex, doesn't that sound like…" I hear another loud whine from behind the door. "Alex, that's…" We both realize the exact same thing at the exact same moment and without any more words, I twist the doorknob and he pushes the door open.

"Why hasn't anyone paged Wilson and Karev yet?!" Dr. Torres barks at everyone bustling around the trauma room, not noticing that Alex and I are actually standing in the doorway. Standing off in the corner is a familiar brown-haired woman, clutching a purple and pink Monster High backpack to her chest and holding a pink Hello Kitty lunchbox in one of her hands. She's standing by the paddles crying almost hysterically while the most hysterical person in the room is laying on the trauma table. Dr. Robbins is holding the little girl—my LYLA—she's holding her head still so she won't move around too much while Dr. Torres has her hands around her arm. Her screaming is filling up the entire room. "DID SOMEBODY PAGE WILSON AND KAREV?!" Torres can't get a good grip on her arm because she's flailing around too much. One of the paramedics insists that they paged Alex and I already and Callie rolls her eyes. "Then page them again!"

I had to pause for a moment because I really didn't know what I was looking at for a second there. It seemed like I was looking at two of my superiors trying to calm my daughter down and in that moment, I couldn't' believe that I was seeing exactly that. But once I get out of shock, a mixture of mommy hormones and medical training takes over and I storm into the room. "What the hell is going on?!" I pull the ponytail holder off my wrist and start yanking my hair up in a ponytail so I can get to work. "Somebody get me a gown and gloves…." I take off my white coat. "What the HELL happened?!" I bark at the woman, who happens to be Lyla's teacher, that's standing over by the paddles. She's crying hard and she just shakes her head. She better have answers for me!

"Wilson, we're gonna need you to stand back…you know the rules about treating family members." Torres puts her hands up at me and waves me back but Alex has her chart. If I'm not allowed to touch my baby as a doctor because she's MY baby, then how the hell is he allowed? "Lyla…" Torres uses her best mommy voice possible to talk to her and she smiles at her in hopes of calming her down. "Hi there, pretty girl. I want you to calm down, okay? Your mommy and daddy are here…yeah, they're here. You have to calm down though."

Arizona starts to grab Lyla's chart out of Alex's hands but Alex snatches away and keeps staring at it. "Alex, step back." Arizona pulls her chart out of Alex's hands. "We've got this."

I stomp over to the head of the table and look at her. Her little face is bright red and she has tears coming out of her eyes and slobber coming out of her mouth too, from crying so hard. "Hey baby…" I put my hands against her cheeks and start stroking them. She looks up at me and whines. "What happened? Can you tell mommy what happened?" Personally, I'm freaking out right now. I'm freaking out, I'm ready to hurt someone, I'm ready to break down and cry too but I'm holding it together. Barely, but I am. I'm holding it together. "Tell mommy what happened." I slide her headband off her head and start rubbing her hair. Lyla shakes her head and starts trying to get up again. "Ooh, no bubbles…you can't get up. You gotta lay here." I keep stroking her hair. "Can you guys push one of morphine? She's in too much pain, I really need you guys to get her out of pain…please give her something." I look around. "And somebody tell me what the hell happened?!" I glance down at the arm that Torres is messing with. It looks like her arm is making an "S" shape. It's broken pretty bad. That's a nasty break. It's a radius break, I can tell that just by looking.

"A five year old doesn't break her arm like that on her own!" Alex is snatching her backpack and her lunchbox out of her teacher's hands and yelling at her. "What happened?!"

"There was an incident on the playground at recess. I turned my back for one second— _one_ second…" The teacher shakes her head again.

"So what. The hell. Happened?!" Alex's scary voice is very intimidating.

"They did this, didn't they?" I reluctantly leave my baby's side and walk over to Alex and the teacher. "Those girls…they broke her arm…didn't they?" My eyes well up with tears. "How'd they do it?"

"The monkey bars…" The teacher whispers and immediately, I get sick to my stomach. I have to put my hand over my mouth and look around. Seriously? Seriously… I had a talk with those girls' parents last week. Last week, I talked to them and they still didn't do anything? Now her arm is broke and they're still going to tell me that they can't enforce any specific rules about bullying? What kind of school are they running?

"Alex, she's not going back to that school." I hold my own tears back and shake my head. "She's not going back. I'm pulling her out and she can go to private school or catholic school or…I'll have her homeschooled. She's not going back. I told you last week I tried to put a stop to it and they did nothing. I can't…her arm is broken!"

Alex puts his arm around my shoulder and pulls me close. "We'll figure something out."


	30. Broken Arm

**Lyla's broken arm, part two.**

* * *

"Jo, you might need to put her down so they can cast it." I run my fingers through my hair, rub the back of my neck and sigh. I don't know what we're going to do about all of this. Jo's talking about pressing charges, pulling Lyla out of the school district, having a meeting with the school, suing the school district for not caring enough to prevent it…Jo's snapping right now and honestly, it was to be expected because if there's one thing you don't mess with when it comes to Jo, it's the kids. She always said that she didn't want to be like her mom and she takes that very seriously. You don't mess with Lyla or with little Alex unless you're ready to deal with Jo. She's like a mother bear and you're messing with her cubs and she _will_ bite. I finally stop pacing around the room we were given and turn to face Jo and our daughter. "You're gonna have to put her down."

"Too bad I'm not." She mumbles as if she doesn't really care what I've just said and she remains preoccupied with staring at Lyla's x-ray scans. She fractured her radius into two pieces and Torres had to put three pins in it to stabilize the fracture and Lyla screamed the whole time before Torres and Robbins decided that morphine would be alright. We don't usually give kids morphine because it's pretty strong, but Jo and I signed off on it and they allowed it. So she got a little bit of morphine for the pain and although Torres told her not to, Jo picked Ly up anyway. She rocked her to sleep and she's still rocking, staring at her x-rays as if staring is going to change the break. "There should be laws against this." Jo whispers to me. She's got her legs crossed and Lyla's all curled up on her lap and Jo has her arms wrapped around her little body. "I just feel so guilty, Alex. Like I couldn't do anything to stop it. I tried and it didn't work and her arm is broken." She quickly wipes away a tear that just fell and presses her lips to Lyla's forehead.

"Jo, that's not your fault. It's not your fault the school did a lousy job handling this. It's not your fault that you couldn't stop it and it's most certainly not your fault that they decided to push her off the damn monkey bars. You can't blame yourself." I sit down in the chair next to them and take the x-rays out of Jo's hand so I can look at them myself. Man, that's a nasty break. It's completely broken, cracked right in half. I don't know much about bones but when Jo was explaining the break to me, she told me that a break like that would only happen if she tried to catch herself and put all her weight on one of her arms. She had to have fallen from a pretty significant height to sustain a break like that. After Lyla got the morphine, we were able to get the whole story out of her. She said that she was on the swings at first and the two girls that have been messing with her came over and started grabbing at her feet and last week, Jo told her to try to just ignore them. So after they started messing with her on the swings, Ly got off the swings and went over to play on the monkey bars. She said that one of the girls took her shoe while she was hanging on the bars and the other girl went to take her other shoe but she started kicking her feet and they just pulled her down. "It's just a messed up situation."

"Can you imagine how scared she was?" She was probably so scared, Alex. And I wasn't there…we weren't there. We're mommy and daddy and we're supposed to be able to fix everything but somehow, we can't fix this? We can't make her comfortable at school? We can't stop these two girls from making her life hell, but we're supposed to be the two people in this world that she can count on to keep her safe and we…didn't." She wipes her tears with the back of her hand. "They literally pulled her off the monkey bars." She sniffs. "…Look at her. She didn't deserve that." She looks down at Lyla laying in her arms and sighs. Right now, her cheek is resting against one of Jo's boobs that are still engorged with milk from breastfeeding baby Alex and her eyes are peacefully closed. Since the shirt she was wearing today is long-sleeved, Jo took it off of her and she's shirtless with a loose, white blanket draped over her and her arm is splinted and wrapped until Torres gets back to cast it. "Alex, we have to do something. Are we really going to let them get away with _breaking_ her arm?"

"Well what do you want to do, Jo?" I put Lyla's x-ray films down on the floor and hold my arms out so I can give Jo a break. I know she's not going to want to give Lyla to me but she needs a break. She's got our daughter pressed all against her sore chest and she's holding 45 pounds of a five year old when she's still sore from giving birth a while ago. She kisses Lyla's forehead and starts gently passing her off to me. "What are you thinking that we should do? Are you trying to look into pressing charges? What are you looking to do? I'm with you 100%, whatever you decide to do." I shove my hands underneath Ly's armpits and pull her over towards me. Mindful not to bump her arm, I situate her against my chest and let her rest.

I don't like seeing her like this any more than Jo does, but being a pediatrician, I can't help but feel lucky. I see cases every day where the kid had it a hell of a lot worse than Ly got it. I thank god every day that Jo and I have some perfectly healthy, beautiful babies because I know the hundreds of thousands of complications that our kids could've been born with. This is the first major hospital visit that either of our kids have had. Well, except for baby Alex's hour long stay when he wouldn't keep food down, but that doesn't count. Our kids have been pretty healthy for the most part. Ly's pretty tough though. She did a whole lot of screaming but when Torres gave her the morphine drip, she was all smiles, talking to Robbins about penguins and Monster High dolls. She gets that from Jo. "…Well I'm not letting them get away with it." Jo wipes her face with the sleeves of her white coat and clears her throat. "I don't care if they are five and six years old and I don't care what they are and are not allowed to do to kindergarteners. I'm not letting them get away with it. I want to do everything we can do. Press charges, hold a meeting, pull her out of the district…I want to do everything." She rests her hand on Ly's foot. "What do you think we should do?"

"I think we need to press charges too. And we need to have conversations with the parents, the principal, the schoolboard…" I adjust the white blanket we have draped over Ly's naked top half so that no skin is showing. I trust everyone here that's been working on her and I know that nobody's looking but still, I don't like the thought of my daughter having her chest hanging out in a public place. "I'm on board with everything you want to do, Jo."

"You don't think I'm overreacting?" She turns toward me.

"Not at all."


	31. Broken Arm 2

**Lyla's broken arm, part three.**

* * *

"You want me to take her?" Alex leans over from the seat next to me and holds his hands out, offering to take Lyla off my hands and give me a break. I slowly shake my head to let him know that I'm not interested in having him take her off of me and look down at her while she lays on my chest. She's being very pleasant right now. Her head is on my chest, she's all curled up in a ball on my lap and she's sucking her thumb while running the battery out on Alex's phone by watching Austin and Ally. I brush my fingertips along the bumpy fiberglass cast on her right arm and sigh. She's had the cast for three days now and it's already been pretty tiring for me and Alex, as well as Lyla. Of course I don't mind, but we have to help her do everything. She broke her right arm and she's left-handed so that's a good thing, but Alex and I have to wash her up a certain way in the tub, we have to wipe her butt after she uses the bathroom, we have to get her dressed…it's so tiring, especially when we have a two month old at home to take care of too. Ly's been getting a little frustrated with it too because she's so used to being self-sufficient and she has to rely on me and her dad for a lot of things now. Every time I think I'm over what they did to her, I look at the cast on her wrist and I get irritated all over again.

I press my lips down to Lyla's forehead and continue to slowly sway back and forth with her on my lap. Dr. Torres let me put her cast on for her back at the hospital. I wasn't even supposed to touch her as a doctor because there are very strict rules at the hospital that prevent us from treating family members; especially our children, but she let me. I layered a bright pink fiberglass base for her cast and I striped it with black fiberglass so it had the same color scheme as Monster High. She wasn't happy to get a cast but when I told her that I could make it look like Monster High, she got a little bit more excited. I still can't believe I had to cast my baby's arm because two other children caused her to break it. That's still absolutely blowing my mind. "…Alex, are you sure?" I whisper so I don't disturb Lyla while she watches her TV show and turn towards him. He nods his head and holds his arms out, but I just sigh. "Not about taking her, I'm fine with holding her." I dismiss him and look down at the tiled floor of the waiting area we've been sitting in for ten or fifteen minutes. I probably should let him take her for a little while. She's not heavy, but 45 pounds of a child on my lap right now isn't something I should be handling, plus she's laying on my very sore boobs that feel like bricks due to the fact that they're full of breastmilk. But I just can't bring myself to put her down. "About letting her come back." I look up and at him. "To this school."

"…Jo, I really think we should." He rests his hand on Lyla's knee and rubs it. "I don't think pulling her out of the district will teach her anything…and I don't think it'll teach the two girls that did it to her anything either. If anything, it'll teach them that bullying another kid will get them what they want in the end. They were trying to get rid of her and make her life hell and if we pull her outta school…I mean, doesn't that show them that they won? Why should she have to change her life all around, go out of the school district that she's comfortable in just because they mess with her? I think sending her back is a positive thing." I bite down on my lip after hearing him explain to me why he thinks sending her back is a good option and sigh. One of the reasons that Alex and I used to fight so much before the divorce is because he sometimes felt like he wasn't being heard as a part of Lyla's life. He felt like I made all the decisions and I didn't respect his decisions as a father so I've really been trying to hold my tongue but I really don't think that sending her back to this school is a good idea. I don't want to piss Alex off though. We're just now starting to get back on the same page. "There's a lesson to be learned with all of this, don't you think?"

"I don't know, Alex." I rest my chin on top of Lyla's head and rub her belly. "Maybe I'm just being a mom, but I really don't think we should let her come back. If they didn't do anything before, what makes you think they're going to do anything after? What if they decide to pick on her again?"

"They won't, Jo. They won't pick on her again after this." He reaches his hand up and tucks a loose strand of my hair behind my ear. If this was a few months ago before we had baby Alex, I would've pulled away from him because before we had our second baby, I couldn't even stand the thought of Alex touching me. But I'm okay with it now. He's been my rock and I feel bad, but it really did take me giving birth to our baby boy to realize exactly how much I still love him. I don't want to forgive him for cheating on me but I'm ready to just let it go and get back to where we used to be. He proves to me every day that he's still the same Alex I fell in love with. I've been trying to put myself in his shoes and I've been trying to think about what I would want if I was the one that made a drunken mistake one night and I like to think that I'd want him to forgive me. If I was drunk one night and went down on one of his coworkers, I wouldn't be able to forgive myself but I would surely want him to forgive me. Granted, the cheating wasn't the only reason why I filed for a divorce but it was the cherry on top of everything. I should forgive him. Not only for Lyla's sake and baby Alex's sake, but also for my own. I still love him so much. I secure Lyla on my lap and lean over a little bit. I put my lips to Alex's cheek and rest my head on his shoulder. He smirks but if I look in his eyes, I can see how the cheek kiss just hurt him. For a while, he's been wanting more than a cheek kiss. I'm afraid to kiss him on the lips though. I want to but I'm afraid to.

"Mr. and Mrs. Karev?" A secretary comes out from behind a door and waves us back. "You can come on back. Ms. Gates will see you now."

"Gimme the phone, baby. We gotta put it away now." I take the phone off Lyla and to my surprise, she doesn't even fight me on it. I put her down on the floor and stand up. Alex grabs Lyla's hand and the three of us start walking back through the door and down a small hallway that leads to the conference room as opposed to the principal's office. The secretary that called us back opens up a wooden door and steps aside to lead us in and there are already eight people sitting at the conference table. Sitting at one side of the table, there's the same heavy-set blonde woman that I spoke to last week and sitting beside her is a man with blonde hair, holding the chubby little blonde girl that is named Gianna. Next to Gianna's family, there's the thin redheaded woman and she's holding her redheaded child and they're sitting next to a man with dark brown hair. Lyla's teacher is sitting at one head of the table and the principal is sitting at the opposite. When Alex and I walk in with Lyla, the two girls' parents' eyes go immediately to her pink and black cast and I have to tell myself not to say anything to them yet.

"Mr. and Mrs. Karev, nice of you to join us. And Miss Lyla…nice to see that you're feeling better." I roll my eyes at the principal and pick up my baby. Alex pulls out the chair for us to sit down in and I do, securing Lyla on my lap. She turns her head toward me and buries it between my breasts so she doesn't have to make eye contact with the two little girls responsible for breaking her arm. I wrap my arms around her waist and hold her tight for comfort while Alex sits down in the chair beside us. "So we all know what we're here to discuss…no need to beat around the bush." The blonde-haired principal puts her pen down and looks up. "…Mrs. Karev, can you just explain to me…briefly what's been going on? The events that led up to your daughter's injury?"

I think Lyla's crying, because the fabric in the middle of my t-shirt is wet so I start swaying back and forth with her again and start stroking the middle of her back. My poor baby's so traumatized. She can't even look at them. I really don't know about sending her back to this school. "For a…really long time now, my husband and I…" I cringe when I say "husband" but it just slipped out. "Have been dealing with our daughter coming home with tattered clothes, broken shoes, bruises on her face, neck and back…at one point, it got so bad that she didn't even want to come to school. And ever since it's been going on, she's been giving us the same two names. She always tells us that it's Kenzie and Gigi that pick on her. It's been a really long battle with these girls and I hate the fact that it had to escalate into this, but this is what it's become…"

"And we've tried to nip it in the bud." Alex clears his throat and starts to speak up now. "My wife's called the teacher countless times, she's given my daughter advice to ignore the two girls, she talked to the parents just last week and nothing's been able to help. Nothing she's done has helped the situation—if anything, it's getting worse. And like she said, we tried everything in our power to prevent this from happening and unfortunately, it escalated into this." I find it so sexy when Alex speaks in his professional voice. I stroke Lyla's hair and just look at the girls and their parents. I don't understand how two little girls could cause so much damage. They're babies…just like my baby. "We're not here to…cause any unnecessary drama, but something's got to be done because this shouldn't have happened."

"We agree." The principal nods her head. "When it comes to kindergarteners, we don't enforce any set rules because they are so young and they're still adjusting to the school environment and we try to provide a secure learning place. We've seen bullying before and it's usually handled in the classroom by warnings, disciplinary actions that are necessary and most often, phone calls to the parents and that usually helps resolve the issue, however…we've never seen a case of bullying this severe in such young children. So we're coming up with a new plan of action to prevent this from ever happening again and I'm personally working with Mrs. Robertson to come up with a disciplinary plan to handle the two girls responsible. But before we go into that, I'd like to speak with Lyla…I want her version of what happened that day."

"Ly? You gonna tell them what happened?" I nudge her. She shakes her head. "Give me one second, please." I motion to everyone at the table with one single finger and lean down to whisper in her ear. "You gotta tell them what happened, okay? So they can't do it again. Just tell them everything you told me and daddy…alright?" She finally nods her head. "Go 'head baby. It's okay."

"…Kenzie and Gigi pull me down. And I falled and I hurt my arm." She mumbles into my chest. I sigh. That's not the full story but I don't think we're going to get anything else out of her so they're going to have to settle.

I clear my throat and take it upon myself. "She told us that she was on the swings and the two girls came over and started messing with her. She got up and left so they'd leave her alone and she went to the monkey bars. They weren't trying to pull her down off the bars; they were only trying to pull her shoes off but it went too far and they pulled her off the monkey bars and she fell…and she has a distal radius fracture and a hairline fracture in her ulna…which is just fancy talk for saying that she cracked this bone right here in two pieces." I point to my own radius bone in my forearm. "And she has a slight crack in this bone here." I motion to my ulna. "She has pins in her arm…she's on painkillers, and the cast won't be off for eight weeks, which at that point, she'll have to wear a brace for an additional six weeks. So we're looking at a long recovery period." I don't mean to rant, but I want them to know exactly what they did to my baby. I stare at the two baby-faced little girls that are responsible and I really just want to cry. They're just babies… "Like my husband said, it isn't my intention to hurt your daughters or anything of that nature…but I just really don't want anything like this to happen ever again. They're all children here." I don't know why I'm feeling so much compassion for these little girls but I am. "We are looking into pressing charges, though. As her mother, I can't let this go." I clear my throat and look away from the little girls before I change my mind.

"I think this is ridiculous." Mackenzie's father speaks up now. "My daughter has never been in trouble before and she's not a trouble maker. She couldn't have known that your child was going to break her arm. She's five, for god's sake! She wouldn't break a child's arm intentionally. It was accidental and I can assure you it'll never happen again. I think this is all a mere overreaction and a big misunderstanding. Mackenzie didn't mean for this to happen."

"But it did." I feel myself getting angry just like I did the day I talked to their mothers. "But it happened and your child is responsible for my child's broken arm. Of course your daughter didn't think that a broken arm was an option—she's five, how could she? But she's responsible. I don't care how you put it, she's responsible for my daughter's broken arm because she pulled her down off the monkey bars and if I'm overreacting then so be it, but I'm not letting either one of these girls get away with it anymore. I let it go on for far too long."

"Kids will be kids and playground fights happen all the time. You don't see those parents asking to press charges against five year olds for having squabbles on the playground." Gianna's father speaks up this time.

"Right, kids will be kids and I understand that. I totally understand that kids will be kids." I'm getting really fired up and Alex knows that because he reaches over and holds onto my hand. "But if my baby leaves the goddamn house in perfect health, I DO NOT EXPECT HER TO COME HOME WITH AN ARM THAT'S BROKEN IN TWO PLACES BECAUSE SHE JUST WANTED TO PLAY ON THE FRICKIN' MONKEY BARS!" I take a deep breath. "We're pressing charges, Lyla will be coming back to this school and the SECOND I find out that she's being even so much as BREATHED on in the wrong way while she's here, I will be suing this school for not doing more than necessary to prevent this from happening to my child." I don't know why I get so crazy when my babies are on the line. I get kind of animalistic when things concern my two babies. "Let's go, Alex…I gotta get outta here." I mumble and push out the chair with Lyla still on my lap.

"Wait, Jo…" Gianna's mother stops me. I turn and look at her, raising my eyebrow. If she says something that pisses me off, I'm taking her out in the parking lot. "Paul and Daniel are relatively unware of everything that has been going on with Mackenzie and Gianna, and they're speaking ignorantly on the subject. However, Colleen and I would like to say that we're very sorry for what happened to Lyla." I calm down enough to actually listen. "I have you know that Mackenzie and Gianna have both been punished…beyond capacity and although they may not realize the magnitude of their actions, we do. And I speak for myself when I say that I am so very sorry for what happened to your daughter. It should not have happened and I should've taken my daughter's actions more seriously. You have my sincere apologies." She strokes Gianna's blonde hair and sighs. "Gianna Maria Castanelli, you need to apologize to Lyla. You need to tell her that you're sorry and you need to promise her that you will no longer bother her in school. NOW, before I tell daddy to take the TV off your wall in your room."

"I apologize on behalf of Mackenzie and I take full responsibility for her actions." The redhead speaks up now and I really think I might cry. All I wanted was a sincere apology from the girls' mothers, at least and now that I'm getting one… I think I just want to cry. I don't know what possessed them to hurt my baby like that, but I can assure anyone that she didn't deserve it. I'm not…mad at the girls or at their parents because kids are kids and kids are cruel. But I was bullied as a child and I know what it does to people. All I wanted was for sincere apologies. That's all I wanted. "I realize that you're looking into pressing charges and I'll cooperate in any way you need. I'm very sorry that this had to escalate into this and I'm sorry that it took a broken arm for us to take this seriously. I just…I never saw this side of my child before and I didn't know it existed. I'm very sorry to both you and your daughter and I intend to have Mackenzie apologize as well." Underneath the table, she tries to be discreet with the way she pinches her daughter's leg.

"Sorry Lyla." The little redhead pokes her lip out. "Sorry for pushing you off the monkey bars and giving you an owie. And sorry for being mean to you all the times. I won't do it no more."

"Sorry too." The blonde sighs. "Sorry for calling you loser, sorry for pulling your hair, sorry for pushing you down, sorry for kicking you in the back on the slide sometimes, sorry for coloring on your shirt and sorry for stealing your um…pencil case. I won't do it again."

I purse my lips together and wipe a stray tear off my cheek. Alex holds my hand again and I lock our fingers together, sniffing. I clear my throat and look down at Lyla. "…What do you say to them, bubbles?"

"It's okay." Lyla whispers to them but she still doesn't look at them.


	32. Stick Up

**Jo tells Lyla to stick up for herself to her bullies.**

* * *

I twirl my fork around in my bowl of Ramen Noodles and blow on them to cool them off before I put them in my mouth. I would much rather be at work getting blood all over my hands right now but I have to admit that this is a nice way to spend a day; sitting around on the couch in an oversized t-shirt and underwear and watching trashy reality TV. I didn't even know I liked Jerry Springer until today but I do. There's something about women pulling up their shirts and transsexuals beating up midgets that I find interesting. Who knows? Maybe I'll let Alex take Alex to daycare again tomorrow so I can spend another day at home like this. I shovel another forkful of noodles in my mouth and just as I start to chew, my quiet solitude is interrupted by a very loud, demanding "MOMMY!" Sighing, I lick my lips and lean forward to put my bowl of noodles back on the coffee table. I didn't even know she had woken up. Last time I went to check on her, she was till knocked out in me and Alex's bed. When Alex left for work with the baby today, the baby started crying and he woke Lyla up so Alex stuck her in the bed with me and she passed right back out. "MOMMY! COME HERE!"

"I'm coming!" I get up off the couch and slip my bare feet into my slippers. It's only been three days. Three days…and I'm ready to lose my mind. I love her to death and I wouldn't trade her for any other five year old in this entire world but she's driving me up a tree. For the last two days, Alex has been the one to stay with her because he wants me to get back into the swing of working since I just got back from maternity leave. But he couldn't take off today and for that reason, I'm the one that had to stay home with her. She's been driving me bananas with this cast. She cries when it itches underneath, she wants to take showers instead of baths all of a sudden even though she knows she can't and she's been so bossy towards me and Alex. I make it down to me and Alex's bedroom and she's not laying in the bed anymore. "Where are you at, babydoll?!"

"I'm in the bafroom!" She screams at me. I tuck my hair behind my ears and walk across the hallway so I can head for the bathroom and sure enough, I can see her sitting down right on the toilet. Alex and I are always yelling at her to shut the door when she's using the bathroom but she never does. I walk into the bathroom to see what she wants. She's sitting on the toilet with her little purple underwear around her ankles and her pink t-shirt hiked up around her waist. She looks up at me with a helpless little grin on her face. "I done poopin' mommy." I want to be mad at her so bad for interrupting my TV time and my lunch, but I can't look at that little face and be angry. Those little eyes and that nose and her crazy bed-hair. I smirk and grab some toilet paper off the roll.

"You stink, bubbles." I pull up her t-shirt so it's out of my way and lean her forward so I can wipe her butt. She hooks both her normal arm and her cast-covered arm around my thighs and sits still while I wipe her. Being a mother has its perks, but wiping butt isn't one of them. I wipe Alex's butt every day and now I'm stuck wiping Lyla's again since she has this cast on her arm. "Alright, all clean." I drop the last piece of toilet paper in the toilet and help her step down. I kneel down and pull up her underwear. "Your butt stinks so bad. You smell worse than your brother." She giggles at me and I put the toilet seat down and flush it. I turn on the faucet and start washing my hands before I lift her up so she can wash the one that' snot occupied by the cast. "Are you hungry baby?" She nods her head. I pick her up and put her on my hip. "Mommy's some noodles that you can eat…kay?" I push her hair back away from her face and kiss her cheek. She puts her head on my shoulder and sticks her thumb in her mouth.

I carry her to the living room and put her down on the couch. I pick up the bowl of my noodles and sit next to her. "Mommy, we can share." She scoots over towards me and puts her head down on my shoulder. I twirl some noodles on the fork, blow on them and test it with the tip of my tongue to make sure it won't burn her. It is pretty nice to be able to spend time with my babydoll without having to worry about a baby crying. I hold the fork next to her mouth and she leans forward and takes the bite. Still chewing, she begins to talk to me. "Mommy, when am I goin' back to um…school?" She tilts her head up and looks at me. I lick my thumb and wipe it across her bottom lip to clean some crusted drool off. Back when Alex and I used to be divorced and living apart, I used to hate looking at Lyla because she would confuse me. It's so confusing to love someone that looks so much like someone you're supposed to hate. I used to think she was Alex's twin but now, looking at her…she looks just like me. My eyes, my forehead, my lips…she's my little twin. And baby Alex? God, I want to choke my baby sometimes because he's the spitting image of his father. "Mommy, what if go back and Kenzie and Gigi are mad at me and stuff?"

"I don't think they'll be bothering you anymore, bubbies." I wrap my arm around her shoulder and force her to lay on my chest. "But if they do…" I rub my hand across her hair. "You know how mommy…you know how I'm always telling you that you should ignore them? And let them be mean because eventually they'll get tired of it? How I'm always telling you to walk away?"

"But I did walk away, mommy." She lifts her casted arm up and touches my chin with the little tips of her fingers that were left out of the cast. "I walked away just like you said and them followed me. Them followed me and still pull me down so it don't work mommy." She takes her hand away from my chin and sticks her thumb back in her mouth. She turns forward and watches Jerry Springer until I turn the channel to the Disney network. I turn my head and press my lips to the top of her head. I keep my lips against her hair and swallow a lump in my throat.

There are some things…that I'll never tell my babies. Things that Alex knows…but things that I'll never, ever, ever tell my two babies. When they both were born, I had the same thoughts but when Lyla was born…it was a different feeling than when Alex was born. When I held my baby girl in my arms, I started thinking…about all the things in this world that could hurt her, scare her, make her cry. I thought about everything in this world that I would have to protect her from and I knew in that instant that I would be willing to die if it meant that I could just shelter her from any of that pain, rejection…hurt. There are so many things that I'll never tell my little girl or my little boy. I'll never tell them that there are people in this world that will hurt them just because they can, people in this world that like to see them fail…people in this world that can and will hold them down and force them into doing things that they don't want to do. I'll never tell my babies about half the things that happened to me. But there are some things that can be taught from the evils that were done to me. "…Can mommy tell you a secret?" She nods her head and keeps looking at the TV. "Do you know what a secret is?" She nods again. "What's a secret then? Tell me."

"Somefing where you can't say nuffing to nobody no matter what. You can't tell them nuffing." She talks with her thumb in her mouth and looks up at me again. "I won't tell nobody mama." She drapes her arm across my waist and lays on my chest. "What's your secret?"

I pull her onto my lap and press my lips to her temple. I don't know why, but I can't stop kissing her all of a sudden. "You know, mommy used to be five years old once. And you remember what mommy always told you…about how…"

"You didn't have a mommy?" She finishes my sentence.

"Yeah." I nod my head. "But mommy did have a girl that were mean to her like Kenzie and Gigi are mean to you." She gasps, which makes me smirk. "Yep. There was a girl that was really mean to me because I didn't have a mommy. She thought I was weird because I didn't have a mommy and she really mean to be because of that." She looks at me with that thumb still in her mouth. I nod my head. "Yep. She would call me names, sometimes she would throw food on me at lunch time and she would tell everyone that I was smelly and a bunch of other bad words. But you know what?" I stroke her hair again. "Mommy stuck up for herself. I told her that she had to stop picking on me and I told the teacher on her, I told her to leave me alone and I told her that she was nothing but a big bully. I stuck up for myself. And you gotta stick up for yourself too, bubbles. You're not a rug…people can't walk all over you. You're better than those girls. They pick on you because you're jealous. They're jealous that you have a mommy and daddy that love you, they're jealous because you have nice clothes…they're just jealous. But you can't let them pick on you. You can't sit around and let them be mean to you, baby girl. Okay? Promise me you'll stick up for yourself next time Kenzie and Gigi…or anyone is mean to you. Okay? Promise me?"

"I pwomise. I pinky pwomise." She sticks out her pinky finger for me and I hook mine around hers.


	33. Potato Chips

**Lyla gives her brother a potato chip.**

* * *

"Really? And what happened after that?" Jo tried to sound enthusiastic as she talked to her daughter but in reality, she was exhausted. Alex was working until 4:30, which meant that she was totally in charge of childcare for the day. For the last two months since the baby was born, she and Alex had been working together to ensure that everything got done efficiently. The two of them had worked so well together that Jo had actually begun to think that having two kids was easy, but now that she had to do it herself, she was beginning to understand exactly how hard it is to do it alone without Alex's help. "Did you end up winning?" She huffed, out of breath from climbing the steps while holding both her daughter's hand and her son's car seat.

"Uh-huh. We winned and everyone say…they said I was a good um…kicker." The five year old continued to gush to her mother, telling her all about the great day she had in gym class despite the bright pink and black striped cast she sported on her left arm. Although Jo was tired, she genuinely did want to hear about the kind of day her daughter had. After having a stint with bullies that resulted in Lyla's broken arm, she demanded that the school switch Lyla's classroom. Today was the first day the new classroom was in effect and already, she could tell that her daughter was doing better at school. She never had exciting stories to tell upon coming home from school and suddenly, she was gushing to her mother about everything that went on in her new classroom now that she was finally separated from the bullies. "I made a fwend, mommy."

"You did?! That's awesome!" Jo leaned down and placed the baby's car seat on the ground so she could mess around with her keys and find the right one to open their front door. In the car seat, the bright-eyed baby boy lay happily cooing and grabbing up at the multicolored animal figurines hanging from the handle of his car seat. "What are their names? Are they nice to you?" She shoved the key into the lock and twisted it, opening up the door to their loft. She picked the baby back up and shuffled into the house right behind her five year old daughter. "Were they nice to you?"

"Their names are…Cassie and Megan and Gage." Lyla plopped down on the floor right in front of the door and began untying her shoes. As much as Jo didn't want to admit it, she was actually glad that Alex talked her out of switching Lyla's schools. She reluctantly agreed to keep Lyla in the school district that she was in, but she demanded a classroom change and it seemed to have been working. It was just the first day and already Lyla was making friends. "I sit by Megan. Her shared her cwayons wiff me." The little girl tossed her sneakers to the side and sprung up. "They colored on my arm mama, see?" She held her cast out for her mother to see.

Jo knelt down on the floor to unstrap the baby from his car seat but she looked up momentarily to appease her daughter. It took her a while to get used to having two children to pay attention to and although she wasn't proud, she admitted that she didn't know how to equally divide her attention between the two. She was beginning to get the hang of it though. "Woooow…that's so cool." She pretended to be very interested in the two chicken-scratch handwritten names on the elbow of Lyla's cast. "You said Gage though…" Since the little girl's arm was still in her face, Jo jutted her head forward and kissed the parts of her hand that were left out of her cast. "You said Gage?" She gently nestled her hand underneath her baby boy's head and carefully lifted him up out of the car seat, planting a kiss on his downy soft brown hair. "Is Gage a boy?" Embarrassed, Lyla looked down at the floor and wiggled her feet to avoid her mother's question. "Oooh! I'm telling daddy!" While laying on Jo's shoulder, Alex grabbed a chunk of his mother's hair and smacked his lips together while trying to put it in his mouth. "You know better than to have boyfriends, don't you?! I'm telling daddy!" Noting that her son's actions meant hunger, she switched the baby to her other shoulder and winced when he didn't let his grip on her hair go. "Lyla's got a boyfriend…mhm, I'm tellin' daddy."

"He not my boyfwend!" With reddened, rosy cheeks, Lyla looked up and gave her mom a cheeky smile. She thought about how her mommy never went a day without telling her how pretty she was. Usually in the mornings while Jo was brushing her hair for school, she would make it a point to tell her daughter that she was either "gorgeous", "so pretty" or "beautiful". Lyla never really thought her mommy meant it. Even though she was only five, she was still pretty smart for a five year old and she knew that it was her mommy's job to tell her how pretty she was. "All him did was gimme a stwawberry at lunch." She did think that Gage was cute though…and she liked the way his hair was spiky and his shoes lit up when he walked. And Gage told her that she was pretty today too…but she wasn't going to tell her mommy that.

"Look at you! You're all blushin' and smilin'!" Jo teased, cradling the baby with one arm and making a bottle with her one single free hand. "I'm tellin' your daddy. Lyla's got a boyfriend…he gave you a strawberry at lunch? Uh-huh. You got a boyfriend. What do you think daddy's gonna say?" Once the bottle was made, Jo began to shake it up. Although she really wished Alex was home to help her out—especially with the fact that she was about to cook dinner—Jo liked spending alone time with just her and her babies. "I can't believe you got your first boyfriend, bubbles…you're growing up on me."

"Mommy…mommy." Lyla happily skipped over to her mother and patted her on her lower stomach. "Don't tell daddy…but Gage tell me…him say…him say I pwetty. Shh!"

"OH MY!" Naturally, Jo took the baby off her shoulder again and situated him in her arms. She held the bottle in his mouth and gazed down at his big, round, deep green eyes while he sucked hungrily on the bottle. "I'm so telling your dad! I can't wait for him to get home!" She braced the bottle against her chest and reached down to her daughter. Lyla closed her eyes and Jo pressed her finger to the corner of her eyelid, getting off a pesky green eye-booger. "I'm telling your dad. Just wait." Lyla giggled and shook her head at her mom. "You hear that, fat man? Your sister's got a boyfriend. And yep…I'm telling daddy." Baby Alex just gazed up at his mother with nothing but adoration in his eyes. Jo was his most favorite person in the world and sometimes he would wake up and cry in the middle of the night just because he missed her. Jo and the baby had a very strong bond, like she had with both her babies. She leaned down and kissed the top of his forehead. "Hey flirty mirty…" Jo called her daughter, catching her creeping to the snack drawer. Lyla looked at her mom innocently. "Will you hold your brother's bubba for me so I can cook?"

"Can I have chips?" Lyla put her hand on the snack drawer and challenged.

"Not too many…you'll spoil your dinner." Jo carried the baby to the living room and slowly placed him in his favorite swing right in front of the TV. Lyla snatched a bag of nacho cheese flavored Doritos from the snack drawer and happily skipped to the living room to help feed her brother. Today was the best day she had at school in a very long time. For the first time in a long time, she didn't feel threatened at school. She loved her new classroom and she loved the fact that she made friends. She plopped down on the floor with her bag of chips and replaced her mother's hand with her own. The five year old girl had become pretty efficient at multitasking with her cast on. She held her brother's bottle with her casted arm and chomped on her chips with the free one. Jo turned on the TV for her to watch and stroked her hair. "Let me know when he's all done with it, bubbles. Daddy should be home soon."

Lyla nodded her head and tuned into the latest episode of Austin and Ally. In his swing, baby Alex continued to suck hard on his bottle. In the recent weeks, Lyla had really grown to like her baby brother. She thought of him as a real, live baby doll and when she thought of him that way, she thought he was a lot of fun. She also liked it when her mommy and daddy would praise her for being such a big girl when she helped feed him or brought her mommy a diaper. She also felt important because she was the only person that could get him to stop crying when his belly was hurting; even if it was only for a little while. With her mouth full of chips, she glanced at her brother's bottle. When she saw that it was almost empty, she tilted it higher like her daddy taught her how to do. "Mommyyyyy….him done!" She called back to the kitchen with her mouth still full of chewed up chips.

"Just take it off of him then. Give him his nini." Jo called back from the kitchen. Her hands were too dirtied up with the ground beef she was pressing into hamburger patties to rush to the living room and help. She was only slightly surprised to know that her son had finished the bottle so quickly. She had only given him four ounces and she knew that he was going to dust it off pretty quickly. Baby Alex was all too much like big Alex…he loved to eat. "His nini is in his playpen…grab it and give it to him." The fact that Lyla wasn't trying to hurt the baby anymore took a weight off of Jo. The little girl really had been being the picture-perfect big sister lately.

Lyla scooted on her butt over to her brother's playpen and plucked the pacifier out of the side pocket. In a very motherly kind of way, Lyla sucked on the baby's pacifier first like she had seen her mother do sometimes. She looked at it to make sure there was nothing on it and stuck it in her brother's mouth. "There Ally." Alex sucked on his pacifier and stared at his sister intently. "Why you lookin' at me for?" She rubbed his hair forward and stood in front of him. She covered her eyes with her hands. "Peek-a-boo!" She took her hands away and shouted. Alex's lips curled up into a smile and his pacifier fell out. Lyla covered her eyes again. "Peek-a-boo!" Alex giggled, looking at his sister with such fascination. He was amazed that she could just disappear and appear like that!

Jo watched her daughter play with her son with a half-smile on her face. The fact that Lyla had finally warmed up to her brother really made her happy. Just then, the door to the loft slid open again and through it walked Alex. "…Hey." She wiped her hands free of ground beef on the dishtowel and walked over to greet…whatever he was to her. He was still her ex-husband but she didn't feel right referring to him as that. "How was your day?" She raised up on her tiptoes and pecked Alex on his cheek. The two of them still had never shared a kiss since the day their son was born but Jo thought that would change soon. She just didn't want to be the first one to kiss him and likewise, Alex didn't want to be the first one to kiss her.

"Busy…glad to be home." Alex shrugged out of his jacket and hung it up. He was slightly confused about why Jo was suddenly kissing him on his cheek when most of the time, she wouldn't even look at him. Things between him and Jo had been looking up lately but he didn't want to jinx anything. He finally felt like he was getting the family that he lost back and he didn't want to mess that up for himself. "What's going on there?" He motioned with his head to the living room, referring to how Lyla was still playing with her brother and how the baby was shrieking with laughter.

"Don't question it." Jo mumbled and walked back to the stove so she could start placing the hamburger patties into the frying pan. Just as she started to put one in there, something crossed her mind and she turned back to Alex. "Oh yeah, guess what…Lyla has a boyfriend."

"…No the hell she doesn't." Alex shook his head and opened the fridge in search of something to quench his thirst. "She's five. She doesn't have a boyfriend." He dismissed. "What else happened today?"

"She really does have a boyfriend though. He gave her a strawberry at lunch and told her that she was pretty. His name is Gage. I say we meet him." She knew how much it bothered Alex to think about Lyla being involved with boys so she decided to tease him a little longer.

"Lyla doesn't have a boyfriend. End of discussion." He mumbled.

Back in the living room, Lyla kneeled in front of her brother and stuck her tongue out. She liked to make him laugh but Austin and Ally came back from a commercial, so she plopped down on her butt again and paid attention to the TV. She grabbed a handful of chips and shoveled them into her mouth just as her brother began to whine. Without his sister to entertain him, Alex had begun to think about the fact that he was still hungry. Lyla glanced at her brother again but when she saw that he wasn't fully crying, she just continued watching TV. Alex poked his lip out and his eyes welled up with tears as another crying whimper came out of his mouth. "You want some?" Lyla plucked one chip out of the bag, noticing that her brother was staring at her the entire time she was eating. He was staring at the chips so surely he wanted one, right? "Here you go." Nicely, Lyla placed the clip on her brother's lip. Instinctively, Alex opened his mouth just like he did when ANYTHING touched his lips. Lyla pushed the chip in his mouth and smiled when she saw him smacking his lips together.

Alex's natural sucking reflex kicked in and he pushed the chip back with his tongue and swallowed like he did whenever he drank his milk. The chip wasn't soft and liquidy like every other thing Alex had ever eaten was. The chip was hard and jagged and it hurt him on the way down and he wanted his mommy…mommy always made things better. He poked his lip out again and contorted his face up to cry but as soon as he look a breath to let out a wail, the chip lodged in his throat and he gasped. Lyla had never heard her brother make that noise before so she looked away from the TV again and when she looked at her brother, she suddenly got scared. Baby Alex's lips were turning light blue and his usually creamy white skin was turning blue too. "MOMMY!"

"Alex, she's going to date someday. You might as well get used to the idea." Back in the kitchen, Jo smiled, still teasing Alex.

"She's not dating until she's 40, Jo." Alex remained stern.

"MOMMY!" Lyla ran to the kitchen and frantically tapped her mom's belly. "MOMMY!"

"What, pumpkin?" Jo looked down and immediately, she sensed that something was very wrong. The look on her daughter's face was something crossed between terror and sadness. "What?"

"Ally, mommy! Ally!" Lyla continued to tap her.

"What about him?" Jo's eyes roamed into the living room and she instantly saw that something was horribly wrong. The baby laid in his swing completely limp, all color drained from his face and his lips an unnatural shade of indigo. "ALEX!" Jo screamed so loud that everyone's ears rang and she bolted straight to the living room. "ALEX GET IN HERE, NOW!" She dropped to her knees and picked her baby up out of the swing. "No, no, no, no…"

Alex dashed to the living room seconds after Jo and kneeled down to see what he could do. "Jo, move…move, I need to see." He tried to remain calm. He had handled asphyxiation cases more times than he cared to count….he knew how to give an infant CPR. "Jo, move."

"He's not breathing! ALEX, HE'S NOT FUCKING BREATHING!" Jo put her ear to her son's chest to listen for a heartbeat but she was too worked up to properly listen. "…WHAT HAPPENED?!" She turned to her five year old, since she was the last person with him. Lyla stood by the couch, shocked and horrified at the sight of her brother's limp, lifeless body on the floor. She saw this on an episode of Monster High. Cleo almost drowned in the Nile River and her lips were blue…she knew that this wasn't good. "WHAT HAPPENED, LYLA?! I NEED YOU TO TELL MOMMY WHAT HAPPENED!"

Lyla wanted to tell her. But how could she tell her mommy that she's the reason her brother's like this? She didn't want a brother anymore. Just when she thought she was doing good with being a big sister, she hurts her brother. She didn't want to be a big sister anymore.


	34. Choking

**Baby Alex chokes, part two.**

* * *

Alex shifted his position in the cushioned waiting room chair and scooted closer to the other chair on his right so that Jo had a more comfortable angle of his shoulder to lay on. As a doctor, he had gone out to waiting rooms to talk to patients' families before. He'd come out of the operating room with a scrub cap still on his head and he'd go talk to frantic parents that freaked out on him over the most minor provocations. Even if it was as minor and routine as a simple appendectomy, as soon as he went to update the parents, they'd spring up from the chair and demand a routine update. He never understood the anxiousness of his patients' parents until today. He himself was feeling antsy and being on the other side of the spectrum wasn't something that he liked. For once, he wasn't the doctor in the trauma room or the O.R. working on the sickly child. He had inherently swapped roles and he was now playing the part of the anxious parent. It was all a new experience for him and an experience that he hoped to never have to go through again.

Jo blankly gazed at the wooden baseboard across the room from where she was sitting and continued rubbing the tips of her fingers across the soft cotton fabric of the baby's favorite blanket. The blanket, a green one with giraffes on it, was resting neatly across her lap and her fingertips were dancing across the fabric in a slight rhythmic fashion. Her other arm was awkwardly draped across her body, resting on the top of her daughter's head who was sitting in the chair next to her. Her arm was twisted at an awkward, uncomfortable angle but it became sort of her security blanket as she needed to at least be touching some part of her other baby—the baby she could actually take care of right now. The five year old little girl was laying with her head on her mother's lap and she was playing Angry Birds on her dad's iPhone. She was too young to understand the severity of what was going on around her, but she did know that she should be quiet because her parents were both being very quiet.

"…You think it's SIDS?" Jo wondered aloud, her voice coming out in nothing but a tired, raspy whisper. She didn't even budge when a flood of tears streamed down her cheeks because she knew that wiping them would be pointless. She was proud of herself, though. She didn't start crying until they whisked her baby away in an ambulance and she was sure that she'd start crying way sooner than that. Immediately after they had discovered that the baby wasn't breathing, Jo called an ambulance while Alex tried to perform CPR on him. Jo preferred to have driven him to the hospital herself but she knew deep down that an ambulance would've been the best way to go because they would've gotten him here faster, and they did. They got him to the hospital in under five minutes. She closed her eyes as she began to realize exactly what she just said. The word stung coming off her tongue but it stung even worse when she had actually processed what it would mean. "Could he really just…" She turned towards Alex and tilted her head. "..D-die? Could my baby really just die like that?" She covered her hand over her mouth because she felt sick. She didn't understand why this was happening. Just an hour ago, she had a healthy baby boy that was grabbing onto her hair and doing his favorite thing in the world—eating. She put him in the swing and he was cooing and laughing at his sister and all of a sudden…he wasn't breathing.

"I don't think it's SIDS." Alex shook his head and tried to comfort her. He didn't know what it could be but he didn't think it was Sudden Infant Death Syndrome because baby Alex hadn't been sleeping. He knew that SIDS could occur at any time but the risk factors were relatively high when the baby had been laid down to sleep for the night. Still, SIDS would be the only logical explanation as to why the baby would just stop breathing all of a sudden like that. He didn't want to think about the possibility of SIDS though. While he was doing chest compressions on his two month old's body, his mind was racing and SIDS was actually the first thing he thought about. SIDS made sense, but the symptoms didn't exactly fit the bill completely. "I don't know what it is…we'll just wait for Arizona. I'm sure he'll be fine." His words felt hollow. He was only saying them to make Jo feel better. He didn't know how much truth his words held. In truth, to him, baby Alex looked to be a lost cause. He was limp, completely lifeless and not breathing. He couldn't even hear breath sounds when he listened to his chest. The doctor part of him believed that his son—his only son—was dead and Arizona Robbins was only there in the trauma room trying to figure out a way to tell them this. Still the fatherly part of him didn't want to believe what the doctor part of him was beginning to believe.

"But he could?" Jo choked back vomit and picked her head up off Alex's shoulder. "He could just…die? Without…explanation or warning? He could just die like that?" Alex just looked at her, not wanting to reveal the terrible actuality that yes, sometimes infants do just randomly die. Jo had known Alex long enough to be able to decipher the meanings behind most of the things he said but this time, she found it hard. She didn't' know what anything he was saying meant. She could usually tell when Alex was lying to her or just sugarcoating something to make her feel better but he was doing a hell of a job doing it this time…but she did know what that look meant and that look made her physically sick. She shifted her positon in the chair, reaching over to pull Lyla onto her lap. She wanted to hold at least one of her babies close while she still could. She wrapped her arms around Lyla's torso and planted a kiss on the five year old's cheek. "You okay, bubbles?" She managed to ask, even through feeling like she needed to vomit.

Lyla slowly nodded her head and just continued to play her game. To her parents, Lyla seemed to be calm, cool and collected with the situation. But internally, her mind was racing faster than theirs were. She needed to tell her parents a secret. She needed to tell them that her brother only stopped breathing when she gave him a chip. They didn't know that and she thought that if they did, she'd be in big trouble. She was really hoping that the doctors were able to fix up her brother and make him okay. If the doctors fixed her brother, then she would tell mommy and daddy what happened and maybe they would be too happy with the fact that her brother is okay to be mad at her. Or maybe it wasn't even the chip. Maybe baby Alex choked on his spit like she sometimes did. Yeah, that could be it. After all, it was only one little chip. It was a little piece of a chip and it looked like he chewed it first. She didn't meant to hurt her brother. She hoped he was okay…but if he was okay, she wanted to talk to her parents again about getting rid of him and giving him back to the stork. She didn't want to be a big sister anymore.

"Alex…what am I gonna do?" Jo's eyes ached but she couldn't fight off another round of tears. "What are _we_ gonna do?" She turned her head to face him again and although he was blurry through her tearry vision, she still looked at him intently. "He can't die. Alex, if my baby dies…" She felt her throat starting to close up. "I…I have to go see him." She gently put Lyla back down on the chair next to her and stood up. "Just for a second, I have to go see him…if my baby dies, he should be held, right? We should hold him…he should be held…by his mommy, he should be held. Right?" Alex just looked at her, ready to cry himself. He knew that if either one of them sat in that trauma room with Arizona while she worked, they'd be violating all kinds of hospital policies. "Alex, he should be held… I'm-I'm gonna…gonna go hold my baby now." She backpedaled towards the trauma room and Alex held out his hand, trying to get her to come back and sit down. He knew that Jo would be even more heartbroken than she is now if she went into that room. If she went into the trauma room, she would either be kicked out by Arizona or she would walk in there and see a dead baby on the table…and both options would kill Jo more than she was already being killed. "No, I'm just gonna go hold him, okay? I'm gonna go hold my baby."

"Jo, come sit." Alex tried again, trying so hard to spare her feelings. It was torture for him to be sitting in the waiting room too but he wasn't quite sure if he wanted to see what was behind that door. He didn't know if he was ready for the doctors—his colleagues—to tell him that his son was dead. Jo shook her head, gathered up the baby's favorite blanket and walked aimlessly to trauma room three. "Jo, you have to come sit!" He called after her. She shook her head again and put her hand on the doorknob. "Stay here, Lyla. Don't go anywhere…you hear me?" The little girl nodded her head and Alex got up to go after Jo.

Before Alex could even get over to her and attempt to drag her back to the waiting room, Jo opened the trauma room door and barreled through it. "WILSON!" Arizona's head snapped up and she immediately paused her work. Jo's eyes flickered down to the table where her baby was still laying. The doctors had stripped him free of his clothes and he was laying in nothing but a diaper, still unconscious with a tube directly in his neck. "Somebody get her outta here! She can't be in here while I work!" Arizona stopped trying to get the scope to pass through the baby's esophagus.

"It's been twenty minutes…I…." Jo tried to explain herself but seeing her son laying on the table was a bit too much for her. "I just want to hold him." She ignored the doctor's orders and bolted straight through the table. Just then, Alex came into the room as well and although his initial purpose for coming in the room was to drag Jo out, when he saw that his son's vitals were stabilizing, he decided to stay. He stared at the monitors on the screen and saw that they had logged sinus tachycardia for him and he had normal breath sounds on both sides. "Alex…" Jo stood near the baby's head and began massaging his cheeks. "Mommy's here, buddy…I'm here." She looked at the tube in his neck and at the thin black wire Arizona was trying to thread down his throat. "…You had to trach him?" Her jaw trembled. "Is that a scope? Does he have something in there? I…I was careful. I never gave him more than four ounces at…one time, I kept him on his back…he didn't sleep in the bed with us…I did everything right. Is this SIDS? What did I do?"

"Wilson, I need you to step back. There's nothing you can do here besides get in the way. I need you to step back." Arizona barked at her and resumed trying to pass the scope.

"I'm not leaving him." Jo grabbed onto her baby's hand and stroked his fingers. "Alex, I'm not leaving…I'm staying here, buddy. Mommy's not leaving."

"What are you doing a scope for?" Alex stood next to Arizona and watched her while she passed the wire. "Is there something in this throat?"

"It looked like…" Arizona focused hard on getting the wire in straight. "A tortilla chip. He swallowed a tortilla chip whole…blocked off his air supply. Now if I could just get this wire to pass…" She bit down on her bottom lip.

"A CHIP?!" Alex exclaimed. "Who in the hell….Jo who gave him a CHIP?!"

A tortilla chip…the baby choked on a tortilla chip. Jo wracked her brain to think about how he could've gotten a tortilla chip when they didn't even keep those kinds of chips in the house. And then it suddenly dawned on her…Doritos are tortilla chips. "…I'll give you one guess." She mumbled through clenched teeth, anger filling her body like blood. "I'm gonna kill her." She let the baby's hand go and stormed out of the trauma room.


	35. Choking 2

**Baby Alex chokes, part three.**

* * *

Jo opened up the door to the trauma room she was standing in and barreled through it like a tornado ripping its way through the flat, grassy plains on a warm Kansas day. The anger that pulsated through her body was different than any other kind of anger she ever felt before; it was powerful and commanding, it took over her actions and made her body its down vessel. She knew that she needed to calm down before she got to the waiting room. She knew that if she didn't calm down, the end result would be brutal. But she couldn't calm down. She was a slave to her anger, it controlled her and it was relentless. It was a part of her that she put away a very long time ago. Six years ago when she urinated on a pregnancy test and saw two very prominent black lines as a positive result, she vowed to herself that she wouldn't be the same person. From that moment forward, she wanted to be a mom. She didn't want to be the monster that put people in the hospital, the monster that had a hard time controlling her anger and the monster that didn't trust a soul. She wanted to be a mother; caring and understanding, gentle and warm, loving and nurturing. She had worked long and hard on putting that side of her personality behind her, yet in a split second, all her efforts were fruitless.

She stomped furiously around the corner, her arms flailing wildly with every step and approached the waiting room where she knew her daughter would be. The five year old little girl innocently sat in the cushioned waiting room chair with her knees pulled to her chest and her hands holding her father's iPhone steady. When Jo looked at her, she didn't see her daughter sitting in the chair. She didn't see her five year old beauty. She didn't see the sandy brown hair that she loved, the haunting turquoise eyes that made her melt or the face that retained the same look it had when she was a baby nursing from her breast. Instead, when she looked at the little girl sitting in the chair behaving like she did 80% of the time, she saw the reason. She saw the reason her eight week old baby boy was laying in a trauma room unconscious with a scope down his throat and a trach tube in his neck.

As she sat in the chair without moving a muscle like her father told her to, Lyla heard the heavy footsteps nearing her and she turned her head to see who it was that was coming for her. She expected to see her daddy coming back to sit with her while they waited to hear about her brother, so she was surprised when she saw her mommy instead. She was happier with seeing her mother as opposed to her father though, because she was starting to get sleepy after not having taken her usual after school nap and she always liked to take naps in her mommy's arms because her mommy was more comfortable than her daddy. When she noticed the look on her mother's face though, her happiness was immediately wiped clean. Her mommy only looked like that when she was about to get a spanking. "….Mommy?" She started to ask if she was in trouble but she quickly realized that she didn't need to ask because she already knew the answer.

Jo pursed her lips together in a hard, serious line and reached across her body to ensure that she grabbed her daughter by her right arm as opposed to her left one, which had a pink and black cast on it. Lyla dropped Alex's phone on the floor when Jo grabbed her arm and immediately, she started crying. "I don't want to hear it." Jo spoke with her teeth clenched and her jaw hardened, dragging the little girl out of the chair by her arm. "What did you do to him?! What were you THINKING?!" She pressed her daughter up against the wall and put her hands on her shoulders. The loud interaction between the two of them drew an audience from the rest of the people waiting to hear about their loved ones but Jo didn't care. "YOU GAVE HIM A CHIP?! HOW MANY TIMES HAVE WE TOLD YOU THAT YOU HAVE TO BE CAREFUL WITH HIM?! YOU COULD'VE KILLED HIM! WHY DID YOU DO THAT?!" Lyla looked up at her mother with wide, round eyes and a guilty look on her face. "ANSWER ME!" Jo hoisted the 45 pounds of her daughter up and held her against the wall. "DO YOU UNDERSTAND WHAT YOU DID TO THE BABY?! WHAT DID YOU DO TO HIM?!" When she still didn't get a response, she jolted her daughter back and forth, causing her head to jerk forward and backward. "ANSWER ME!"

Lyla's bottom lip slid out from underneath her top lip and her jaw began to quiver. She wanted to tell her mommy that she was sorry. She wanted to explain that she was only trying to be helpful. She was eating chips and watching TV and the baby kept looking at her and whining and she thought that meant that he wanted some. She only gave him one teensy weensy little chip. She didn't know that giving him the chip was going to hurt him. She was sorry and she wanted to tell her mommy that but she was scared that if she said something, her mommy would do more than just shake her around a little bit. Her mommy was scary and when she would give her spankings, it would hurt for a few hours but she had never been as afraid of her mother as she was in that moment. She put her head down and started to cry.

"No, Lyla! You're going to tell me what you did." Jo forcibly lowered her back down to the ground and grabbed her by the back of her neck. Her level of anger had lowered a bit, but still not enough to the point where she was over being angry. It had lowered just enough for her to pull herself together long enough to find a private place to discipline her. She squeezed the back of Lyla's neck hard and dragged her around a corner to where there were no witnesses. "What did you do?! Did you give the baby chips?!" Lyla shook her head and looked at the floor. "No?! Then how did he get a chip?!" The five year old shrugged her shoulders and continued looking at the ground. "You don't know?!" She shook her head. "And now you're lying to me!" Jo drew back an open hand and whacked her hard across her butt, which finally drew a noise out of the little girl. "If you keep lying to me, I'm going to give you a real spanking! How did the baby get a chip?!"

"I don't know, mommy!" Lyla cowered against the wall and covered her eyes with her hands. She knew that another hit was coming and she thought it was better if she couldn't see it. She also thought that smacks she got for continuing to lie would be a lot better than the smacks she would get if she told her mommy the truth about how the baby got a chip. Instead of hitting her daughter again, Jo took a step back and took a very deep breath. Lyla slowly took her hands away from her eyes and when she did, she saw that her mommy was crying just as much as she was. Jo had her head against the wall and she was sobbing, mostly because she knew that the baby was still in critical condition. "…I gived it to him, mommy." Lyla touched her mother's leg in hopes of getting her to stop crying because seeing Jo cry was scary to her. She never saw her mommy cry before today and she didn't like it. Jo picked her head up off the wall and looked down at the three-foot little girl. "I gived it to him in his mouth…" She put her other hand on Jo's leg as well. "I just thinked him wanted some…" Jo bawled her hands up into fists and bit down on her lip, trying to control herself. "…I'm sorry. I just thinked him was hungry… I didn't mean—"

Jo grabbed her daughter's arm again and although she felt herself losing control, she couldn't stop. She drew back with an open hand once again but this time, once she hit her daughter's butt, she couldn't stop. Her hand was landing all over the little girl's body, on her butt, across her legs, on her back...each time her hand landed, the noises would be louder and louder and Lyla's cries would get stronger. Jo knew that she should probably stop, but she couldn't. She couldn't' find the willpower to stop drawing her hand back and laying it on her time after time after time. Alex had tried to stay in the trauma room with his son because he thought that the baby should have someone there with him but after ten minutes, he realized that Jo had been gone too long and he decided to go check it out. When he got out to the waiting room, he found his daughter gone, his cell phone on the floor and he heard crying coming from around the corner. He followed the wails that he knew belonged to his daughter and he wasn't surprised when he rounded the corner and found Jo really giving their daughter a spanking. "Jo, that's enough….that's enough, she gets it." He didn't know how long Jo had actually been spanking her but he figured that it was enough anyway. "That's enough, JO! She gets it!" He put his hand on Jo's shoulder and tried pulling her away.

"No Alex, she doesn't get it! She doesn't get it, she never will!" Beginning to feel bad about wailing on her daughter the way she did, Jo eased up until eventually, she ceased to hit her. Crying in pain, Lyla sat down on the floor and buried her face in her hands. She was sorry for giving her brother the chip. Her daddy always told her that saying sorry could fix a lot of things, so she didn't understand why her mommy had to hurt her so bad when she already sad sorry. "We tell her all the time that he's not a toy! We tell her all the time that he's a baby and she has to be careful, yet she's slapped him across his face, she's pinched him while trying to strap him in her baby doll stroller, I caught her trying to give him frickin' Kool-Aid and now she gave him a chip? And he's choking to death?! She could've killed him! How many times are we going to have to tell her, Alex?! He's a baby! He's two months old, he's not even cutting teeth yet and he's been hurt so many times by her. You know how that makes me feel? That I can't protect my baby? How many times are we going to have to tell her that he's not a toy before she ends up killing him? She doesn't get it and she never will…she doesn't get it, Alex…and I'm sorry, but I can't…watch her kill the baby."

"…I know." Alex took Jo into his arms and embraced her. "I know….but she'll get it. He'll be fine and she'll get it. Whooping her isn't going to change anything. Look at her, Jo…she's sorry. Look at her. She's five years old. She didn't mean it. She needs to be taught. Open your eyes…she's our baby too. You can't….look, I know your mommy hormones are still going crazy because he's the baby and he's our son, he's our little boy but you have a little girl too, Jo. I know you're all fierce and protective and I love that about you. I love it when you go all 'momma bear' but there's another one here that needs you too. She's sorry. You really think she would've given him that chip if she knew it was going to kill him? Especially when she's been liking him lately? She didn't mean it, Jo…look at her. She didn't mean it." He rubbed her shoulders. "Just look at her."

Jo wiped the tears away from her face and took Alex's advice. She looked down at her daughter, who was still cowering on the ground in tears. Unlike before when she looked at her, she actually saw her baby this time. She saw more than the reason why baby Alex was being hospitalized. She saw her bright, vibrant, happy, talkative and smart little girl sitting on the floor crying from being beaten. Instantly, she felt like a monster again. She shrugged away from Alex and knelt down on the floor. "…Come here bubbles." She started to cry all over again, but not because of the baby. This time, she was crying because she felt like a horrible mother. "Come here." She held her hand out for Lyla to take and her heart broke when instead of taking her hand, the little girl cowered away in fear. "No, baby…come here." She eased her hands underneath Lyla's armpits and pulled her closer to her. She gave the little girl a hug and let her rest her head on her shoulder. "I'm sorry, okay? Mommy's so, so sorry…mommy's sorry." She caressed her back and combed her fingers through her hair. "I'm sorry, bubbles. I love you….kay? I love you. Mommy loves you…and she's so, so sorry." Lyla slowly but surely wrapped her arms around her mom's neck to reciprocate her hug. "Yeah…I'm sorry." Jo squeezed her tight and kissed her cheek. "Can mommy have a kiss?" She pulled away. "Huh? Just a little kiss?" Lyla nodded and pulled back to. She gave her mom a kiss on the lips and Jo rubbed her nose against hers. "I love you. You still love me too?" Lyla nodded. "….You wanna go see your brother?" She nodded again. "Alright, come on." She picked the little girl up.

Alex put his arm around both his girls and the three of them went back to trauma room three to check up on the baby to see how he was doing.


	36. Reconciliation

**As their son's life hangs in the balance, Jo and Alex finally reconcile.**

* * *

Alex slid open the glass door when he came back from the cafeteria and stood near the door, taking in the scene. Nothing had changed since the last time he was in the room, forty five minutes ago. With a cup of black, sugared coffee in one hand and a bag of roasted almonds in the other, he walked over to the chair that Jo was sitting in and glanced down at the baby that Jo was still haplessly staring at. He placed his hand atop her shoulder and gave it a gentle yet and supportive squeeze. Jo didn't budge when he touched her, her eyes stayed locked on the plastic cradle where the baby lay and her arms stayed neatly wrapped around their sleeping daughter's body. Alex couldn't stand looking at his son in the state he was in, so he quickly looked away and back at Jo.

She had been sitting dormant in the chair for the last hour, still and unmoving, staring at the tiny yet hefty twenty-one inch long, thirteen pound baby laying in the bed. Once he had woken up the first time and fought the tube in his nose, Arizona decided that it was alright to take the tracheal tube out of his neck. He had three single stitches in his neck, a feeding tube up his nose and a tube down his throat to help him with his breathing. He was stable, able to be held and had control over his motor skills, but he remained in a medically induced comatose state so his tiny body could recover from the trauma of the day's events. Jo's mind raced with thoughts of not only her baby boy but her baby girl as well. Her mind jumped from one event to the next, starting with the vision of her son's lips being blue. That was a particularly rough memory for her but the memory that made her want to break down in cry was the flashback of how scared her daughter looked when she was hovering over her.

It wasn't often that Lyla's behavior called for a spanking because truly, she was a very well-rounded, respectful and polite child. Though she was heavily spoiled due to being an only child for five years, Jo and Alex made sure they raised her with respect. Every so often when Lyla would misbehave, Jo and Alex both preferred to put her in the timeout chair and that usually did the trick. However, on the rare occasions in which she did require a spanking as discipline, Jo was always the one to dish it out because Alex was heavily uncomfortable with the idea of being a grown man and spanking his little girl. Truthfully, Jo didn't like to spank. She had used it as a last resort and it wasn't always the first thing she jumped into because she knew how easy it was to cross that line from discipline into abuse. When she found out she was pregnant with Lyla six years ago, she made a mental list of all the things she wanted to be as a mother. She wanted to be the mother that read bedtime stories, the mother that baked cookies, the mother that packed her child's lunch with loving care. Nowhere on that list did she ever account for spanking. She just knew that spanking is something she didn't want to do.

Today, Jo felt like she had done the unthinkable and crossed the line into abuse. When she first found out that she was going to be a mother, she made it a point to do away with the kind of person she used to be. Her violent past, her lashing out, her incredibly short temper; she decided that it was going to be no more a part of who she was as a person. But today, for the first time in a long time, Jo felt herself slip back into the person she used to be and for her, that was a feeling that was far too hard for her to even cope with. With the vision of her child staring up at her with horror in her eyes neatly tucked away in the back of her conscience, Jo geared her head downward and looked at her. She didn't spank Lyla hard enough to leave bruises and the welts that she did leave had long disappeared, but the scars that were emotional were the ones that stung the most for Jo. Lyla laid with her eyes gently closed, pressed against Jo's chest. Her cheek was buried between her mother's breasts, her arms were wrapped around her mother's waist and she was more at peace than she had ever been. Jo knew that holding her daughter while she slept was no consolation for the way she had hit her earlier but it nursed her pride quite a bit to have her in her arms.

"Jo…" Alex slid his hand from her shoulder down to the middle of her back and whispered her name like it was fragile and able to be broken as the syllables travelled through the air. "…It's not gonna be tonight, Jo. We should just…" His eyes made their way to his son and he felt his stomach drop. He knew that it looked worse than what it was; especially since he had undoubtedly seen worse with his profession. Yet, the sight of his son laying in the plastic cradle with tubes and monitors hooked up to his body was still too much for him to bear. "We should just go home, okay?" Jo removed her eyes from her daughter and looked back at her son. Baby Alex was peaceful; silent as if the day's events hadn't even phased him. The only sound coming from where he lay was the beeping of the monitors he was hooked up to. "Come on, Jo…we should go home."

Jo snatched her shoulder out of Alex's grasp and continued to look at the baby. She let her mind roam again, this time with thoughts of how she wished she could have more than two arms. She wished she could magically sprout two extra limbs; limbs that would allow her to disconnect all the scary wires from her little boy and hold him in her arms the way he liked. It was no secret that Jo was little Alex's favorite person in the entire world; she was the only person he would cry for with the sole purpose of seeing her. At nights, the baby would lie awake in his crib and just when the thought of his mommy would cross his mind, he would cry because he missed her. And Jo never failed to come rushing to his aid, immediately making him happy again the moment he saw her face. Jo knew that she had a special connection with her son—the same connection she had with Lyla when she was a newborn. It was killing her that she couldn't at least hold him. "I'm not leaving." She whispered to Alex.

"Jo, he's not gonna wake up tonight. It's not going to happen tonight. Maybe tomorrow, maybe the day after, but definitely not tonight." Alex put his hand on her shoulder again, trying to offer her some more comfort. He didn't know how long little Alex would be in the comatose state he was in. He could wake up in two minutes, he could wake up in two hours…he could even wake up in two weeks, but he was fairly confident that he wasn't going to wake up anytime soon. If he had to guess, he thought that it was likely that he would wake up tomorrow morning; tomorrow afternoon at the latest but in the event that he woke up sooner, he told Arizona to call him whenever he did. "…It's medically induced." He tried consoling her by putting things in medical terms, terms he knew Jo would understand. "He's not going to wake up tonight."

"I'm not leaving him, Alex…get off of me." She snatched away from him again, which made Alex just turn around and sigh. Sometimes, Alex didn't even know why he bothered trying with Jo. At times when he looked at her, he saw the same Jo he fell in love with so many years ago. He saw the Jo that was patient, kind, loyal, beautiful…the Jo that was everything to him. Other times when he looked at her though, he saw the Jo he saw now. The Jo that was cold, almost heartless, intense and sometimes downright mean. As ashamed as he was to admit it, Alex could pinpoint exactly when Jo switched from being the delightful, bubbly person she was. It was the night he came home from work and finally decided to tell her what he did with Maggie Pierce in the backseat of her car. After three days of keeping it a secret from her, he couldn't take it anymore. He came home and found Jo in the bathtub relaxing with Lyla. After Jo put their daughter to bed that night, Alex closed the door to their bedroom so she wouldn't be able to run out and he sat down on their bed and explained to her what happened that night when he made a terrible drunken mistake.

That night, a light inside of Jo went out. She was never really the type that believed in a "happily ever after" and given her childhood, she was justified in that. After being bounced from foster home to foster home and being both physically and sexually abused, she didn't really trust anyone and she didn't think there was such a thing as living happily ever after. When she met Alex however, that all changed. She met the man she wanted to marry. She met the man that would father her children and she was sure that he was the one she wanted to spend the rest of her life with. So when Alex came home that night and told her about the oral sex that he both gave and received, her worst fears came true. She was right back to not believing in storybook romances and from that day on, a small piece of Jo had gone missing. The day after he admitted what he did, Jo packed their daughter up, left divorce papers on Alex's pillow and went to a hotel until she could find a suitable house.

"Fine Jo, you can stay. But she needs to sleep in a bed tonight. I'm going home. Let me take Lyla with me." Alex lunged forward and wrapped his arms around Lyla's torso. Jo clenched her arms around her daughter in an animalistic fashion and turned away from Alex. "Jo, I'm taking Lyla home. She doesn't need to spend the night in a hospital and you know that. Let me take her home and put her to bed, alright?" Jo licked her lips and eventually, she loosened her grip on the slumbering little girl. Easily, Alex lifted Lyla out of her mother's arms and held her against his chest with her head on his shoulder. He supported her weight with his arms under her butt and kissed her on her cheek as she slept. "Text me if anything changes, alright?" Jo blankly nodded her head. Alex gave one last look at his son and turned away. Secretly, he was glad to get out of that room for at least the night. Having chosen pediatrics as a specialty, Alex saw every day the ins and outs and he knew how quickly a baby of Alex's age and size could go from bad to worse. He knew that his son was in bad shape. It was a waiting game to see when he'd wake up and even then, they didn't know how extensive the tracheostomy damage was. He didn't want to be there to witness his son's condition deteriorate. Alex considered himself a really strong man but he wasn't strong enough to sit back and watch his own child slip away.

"…..Wait, Alex." Jo sprung up out of the chair she was sitting in and rushed over to her daughter and her ex-husband just before they got out of the door. "…Lemme see her." To Alex's surprise, Jo had thick tears running down her cheeks. She held her arms out and took Lyla away from him again. "….Hey pretty girl." She sniffed and pressed her lips to sleeping Lyla's ear. "I love you, okay?" She held Lyla in her arms and gently swayed from side to side. She couldn't help but feel partially responsible and very uncomfortable as Alex was preparing to leave the building with her daughter. She couldn't help but think that the last time she took her eyes off one of her children, one of them ended up choking. Baby Alex choking put a lot of things into perspective for Jo and she knew just how quickly things could change in the blink of an eye. "Mommy loves you so much…and she's sorry. She's really, really sorry. She'll never do it again…she promises." She rested her cheek against Lyla's head and rubbed her back. "I love you…."

"She knows you love her, Jo. She knows." Alex took a small step back and looked at his girls. He looked at Lyla, who was still sporting the same clothes she wore to school earlier that day and he looked at Jo…Jo who was so grief-stricken and lost without the baby boy being alert. He suddenly felt conflicted. He didn't know if he should take Lyla home so she could sleep in a proper bed or if he should stay for the sake of being Jo's rock. "…It's gonna be okay." He put his hand on Jo's back and just waited for her to tell him to get off; surprised when she actually didn't.

"…He might not wake up." Jo whispered, finally coming to terms with what exactly her baby's condition was. "…He could die, Alex. And the last…" She clutched her chest as the tears began to take over. "The last person he's going to see is A-Arizona. I mean, what is that?! He's two months old…shouldn't he see us? Shouldn't he at least have us holding his hand? I'm not leaving him. I can't leave him Alex, he's my baby…he's my baby, he's our baby…we can't leave him. We can't leave him…" As she finally lost control, she rested her head against Alex's chest and sobbed. "We can't leave him…"

"Alright, alright…we can't leave him." Alex finally agreed. "But at least let me get someone to bring a cot in here. Ly needs a bed." He ran his fingers through his daughter's hair. "I'll get them to bring in three. One for you, one for Ly and one for me. We'll sleep here." He mumbled, accounting for the fact that Jo still refused to sleep in the same bed as him. He took Lyla back off of Jo and laid her down on the small and uncomfortable couch near the window of the room. "I'll be right back."

"…Alex?" Jo folded her arms across her chest and looked down at the ground, solemn and deep in thought. She herself noticed the same light that Alex noticed. She knew herself that ever since the divorce, she hadn't been the same person. Loving Alex was exhausting in itself. Divorcing the man when she knew that she still loved him took a toll on her, a toll way bigger than anyone ever knew. She didn't even know if it was worth it anymore though. Was wasting energy hating Alex worth it? She obviously loved him enough to lay down one night of pure frustrated passion and make yet another baby with him. She obviously loved him enough to let him move back into the loft. And she would always love him for being the father of her children together. "…Me and you can share a cot." She shrugged her shoulders.

"…You sure?" Alex felt his mood heighten but he didn't want to get his hopes up because getting his hopes up with Jo never got him anywhere. He got this hopes up with her once and all that did was land him in the bed with her and two months later at the doctor's office discovering she was pregnant again. He got his hopes up again when she agreed to let him move back in but all that got him was a spot sleeping on the couch. The last time he got his hopes up with her was when baby Alex was born and that still got him nowhere with her. "I can sleep in my own. I can get someone to give us three."

"No, it's fine." Jo whispered. "I…I want to sleep with you." She spoke up. Alex stared at her, still subconsciously reminding himself not to get his hopes up. "….I love you." He felt his mouth turn up into a smile. Nobody had any idea just how long he had been waiting to hear Jo tell him that she loved him again. He walked over to where she stood and looked in her eyes, silently asking her if she meant it. She nodded her head. "I love you."

Alex gently placed his hands on Jo's face and leaned in. For the first time since the birth of their son, Jo tilted her head to the side and raised up on her tiptoes and finally…

Their lips met once again.


	37. Sorry

**Lyla apologizes to her brother.**

* * *

The only pink painted door in the entire loft creaked open, cutting through the deafening silence that stilled the entire place. Just like every normal house, the loft made noises at night; especially when the weather was changing and made the old wooden structure swell and constrict. It wasn't normal for the loft to make noises but the pink door in particular always made the most when it was being opened. Alex had oiled the hinges on more than one occasion and nothing was able to make it stop squeaking.

The door peeled open, creaking the entire time until finally, through the crack poked a tiny five-year old head. Her unruly, straight hair was frizzy and strewn all over her head from having just woken up and her eyes were still somewhat closed. Usually when she woke up, she made it a point to slip her tiny size three feet into the fuzzy purple slippers that her mommy bought her but tonight was an exception. Normally, she didn't wake up in the middle of the night the way she just did. Jo and Alex both made it a rule to not let Lyla have anything to drink for bed but before she had fallen asleep tonight, Alex allowed her to have a sip of his iced tea and of course, it had gone straight through her weak bladder. She had finally stopped peeing in the bed and sometimes when she'd wake up in the morning accident-free, her mommy would give her extra special kisses for being a big girl.

After what had gone down between her and her mother two days ago while her brother was still in the hospital, Lyla really wanted an extra special kiss from Jo. She needed an extra special kiss, in fact; anything to let her know that her mommy didn't still hate her for nearly killing her brother. There weren't many things that Lyla did that warranted a spanking. In fact, she could count on one hand how many times her parents had spanked her. Alex had only put his hands on her once, back at the movie theater when she was misbehaving and as far as she could remember, Jo had only truly spanked her three times. She had never been more frightened of her mother two days ago in the hospital though.

She dragged her bare feet down the hallway past both her brother's room and her parents' room and turned into the bathroom. Without turning the light on, she walked over to the toilet and lifted up her purple and pink Disney Princess nightgown. She slid down the big girl undies her mom let her wear to bed and climbed up on the toilet seat. Since she didn't know how to put her potty adapter on the seat, she held onto the sides of the toilet seat so she didn't fall in. When she was done, she unrolled an excessive, unnecessary amount of toilet paper into her hand and wiped herself from front to back like her mommy always told her to. She flushed the toilet when she was done and groggily headed for the sink. Personally, Lyla didn't see the point in washing her hands after every little thing she did in the bathroom but being that her mommy and daddy were both doctors, they made it somewhat of a rule that she had to. It had become somewhat of a habit for Lyla to wash her hands.

She dried her hands on her mother's towel and finally turned to leave the bathroom. She dragged her feet back down the hallway and passed her parents' room, which was quiet and silent with the sounds of them asleep. As she passed her baby brother's room, the sound of something beeping caught her attention. Although she was still pretty groggy and tired, the beeping caught her attention and Lyla couldn't help but saunter inside the room. Usually the door to baby Alex's room was closed so if he woke up during the course of the night, his crying wouldn't wake up Lyla but since he came home from the hospital, Jo refused to close it. Lyla crept into her brother's room and stood near the door, just staring at the brown wooden crib that he slept in. The walls in baby Alex's room were a shade of soft, pastel green and there were lion and giraffe cutouts hanging up on the walls. The beeping in the room was a little bit louder, which made Lyla go over to the crib. She found that the beeping came from a white box-shaped monitor sitting on the same nightstand that the lamp was on. The monitor had long white wires that extended and snaked through the bars of the crib.

Lyla snuck over to the crib and peered through the bars, trying to figure out if the beeping meant something bad or good. When she looked through the bars, she found her brother laying down shirtless with something that looked like a belt wrapped around his chest. His eyes were closed, his hands were clenched into fists and resting leisurely up by his face. His head was tilted to the side and his diaper appeared to be full and his chubby stomach hung over the waistband of his diaper. For the last two days, things in the Karev household had been fairly different. Two days ago, it was like Lyla went right back to being an only child. Her brother was in the hospital for observation, which meant he wouldn't be home and it seemed to Lyla as if things really had gone back to normal. She spent the last two months of her brother's life wishing that he would just go away yet, when he actually was away, Lyla actually missed him and wondered when he'd be back. She saw just how differently things were without her brother and she didn't like it.

Without her brother around, her mommy seemed to have been missing. It was like Jo was there but not really. Her ear was constantly glued to the phone, she cried a lot and she mostly spent her time holding baby Alex's blankets. Her daddy seemed better than her mommy, but not much. Alex's ear was glued to the phone just like Jo's but he didn't cry. He mostly just waited to hear word from the doctor about when his son would be able to come home again. Lyla couldn't help but wonder if her parents would act the same way if it was her in the hospital instead of him. Either way, she noted that her parents were really very sad without her brother and she realized that she was too.

She slipped her hand through the crib bars and touched her brother's hand. She was nervous to touch him, considering the fact that every time she did, he would end up hurt but she took her chances. Carefully, she pulled her brother's hand over to where she stood and kissed his hand by putting her lips against the bars on the crib. "…You feelin' better, Ally?" She tilted her head to the side and watched her brother sleep. "Your neck hurt?" She glanced at the two stitches he still had in his neck from his tracheostomy and poked her lip out.

Back in their bedroom, Jo began to stir in her sleep. Before she had become a mother, Jo used to sleep very hard. So hard that she used to pride herself in being able to sleep through a freight train. But soon after she had Lyla, her sleeping habits changed and these days, she couldn't sleep through much of anything. Even the minutest noises caused her to stir. Her eyes fluttered open and she took a breath, careful not to disturb Alex because for the first time in a long time, he was actually holding her in his sleep. He had his arm draped across her waist and admittedly, Jo was sleeping very well in his arms again. She was glad that she had let him come back to the bed and of course, Alex was glad to not be sleeping on the couch as well. She yawned softly and turned her head towards the baby monitor that she kept on her nightstand. She was relieved to hear that the apnea monitor was still beeping properly, but she heard something strange in the baby monitor.

Being careful not to disturb sleeping Alex, she leaned over slowly and picked up the monitor. She held it to her ear and wrinkled her brow. "I sorry, Ally. I sorry I hurt you, I sorry I mean. I want you to forgibb me a cause you my brother and I will be nice again. I pwomise I be nice. I never hurt you again, kay? I never hurt you again. I be a good big sister. No more givin' you chippies and no more hitting. I sorry. I be really sad if you not here no more so I stop. And mommy and daddy be sad too…you a good brother. You a real good brother, Ally… I lub you. And I sorry." Jo's lips inherently turned up into a smile and she felt a tear trickle down her cheek when she heard the soft smooching noise of a kiss through the monitor. "Night Ally."

Jo swiped away her tear and put the monitor back on her nightstand.

"Yeah, you should've heard it… She was really apologetic. I think we should do something for her…maybe take her out somewhere, just us." Jo tested the temperature of the breastmilk against her forearm and shook the bottle up some more. "Maybe we could take her to the movies or something...maybe out to dinner. Just something with us. I'll have Steph watch bubba." Jo was uncomfortable with the thought of leaving her son with someone else, especially when he had just been released from the hospital, but she really felt as if Lyla needed quality time with just her and Alex. With a mouth full of scrambled eggs, Alex nodded his head, agreeing with Jo about taking Lyla out. Jo leaned down and picked up the baby boy from the swing he was resting in, mindful of his stitches. "Come here, bubba…you wanna go stay with aunt Stephy for a couple hours?" She pressed her lips to the baby's head and cradled him like he was the most precious thing in the world. "Yeah, you can go see aunt Stephy for a little while. She loves you."

Baby Alex laid his head down on his mommy's chest and closed his eyes. He was glad to be back in his mommy's arms. Mommy was his favorite person in the entire world; he loved her so much. When his tummy hurt, mommy was there. When he was sad, mommy was there. When his diaper was wet, mommy was there. Mommy was amazing. Daddy was almost as amazing as mommy but not quite. "Yeah, we should take her out." Alex swallowed his food and spoke up. "I was thinking we could—" He stopped talking just as Lyla's bedroom door opened. A very tired Lyla emerged from the room and stomped down the hall, tired and cranky.

"Good morning, bubbles." Reluctantly, Jo passed baby Alex off to big Alex and headed for her daughter. "Did you sleep well?" She picked Lyla up and let her lay on her shoulder. Lyla nodded her head and wrapped her arms around her mommy. "…Baby Alex told me to tell you something." She rubbed her back. "…He told me to tell you that he loves you. He told me to tell you that you're an awesome big sissy and he loves you so much." Lyla lifted her head and looked at her mom. "Yep…he told me to tell you that he loves you. He said he forgives you." Lyla raised her eyebrows. "…You wanna give him a kiss?" She nodded. "Go give him a kiss. Go 'head." Jo put her on the floor and let her rush off to give the baby a kiss.

Lyla walked over and gave her baby brother a kiss, which made him smile. Baby Alex's lips curled up and his usual happy, bubbly demeanor took over. Lyla kissed her brother on the lips and rubbed his hair. "I love you too, Ally."


	38. Letter To Santa

**Lyla writes a letter to Santa on behalf of her brother.**

* * *

Jo used the small kitchen knife in her hand to slice open the plastic covering that sealed the frozen turkey and gravy meal that she was fixing for dinner. She threw the covering in the trashcan and proceeded to stick it in the oven. Today was one of her very rare off days, which meant she didn't have to work. Originally, she planned on getting some cleaning and laundry done since she had an empty nest. Alex was working until 4:00, Lyla was in school until 3:00 and baby Alex was away in daycare until his father picked him up at 4:00 when his shift ended.

But halfway through the day, she realized that she didn't quite like being in the loft alone without Lyla to talk her into painting her toenails and without Alex demanding to be fed. So even though she was looking forward to having a day alone to herself, she ended up bringing Alex's lunch to the hospital, picking up the baby from daycare an hour early and swinging by the elementary school to grab her daughter too. It wasn't until today that Jo realized she didn't like being too long without her children.

Still dressed in the blue skirt and blue blouse that Jo put on her this morning, Lyla sat at the kitchen island atop a barstool with a black crayon in her hand and a sheet of paper with chicken-scratch handwriting all over it in front of her. "Mommy?" She put down the jumbo-sized crayon she was holding and looked up at her mother, swinging her feet since they didn't touch the ground. "How you spell 'preciate?"

"A-P-P-R-E-C-I-A-T-E." Jo spelled, carefully enunciating each letter with slow precision so that her five year old understood every letter. She slid the container of turkey and gravy in the preheated oven and looked down at the floor, glancing at the portable swing resting near the fridge. In the swing, baby Alex laid shirtless with a glistening bare chest. He occupied himself with a bright orange stuffed tiger. Tons of drool and slobber collected on his chest but Jo didn't bother to wipe it because she knew it'd be pointless because he was just going to drool all over again. "Alex…" Jo called his name and smiled at him. "Alexx…"

The baby stopped fingering the toy's shiny black eyeballs and tilted his head in the direction of his mother's voice. He was beginning to get the hang of this whole "name" thing. He slightly understood that when his mommy said "Alex" that she was talking to him. He caught a glimpse of Jo's warm, cheeky smile and the corner of his own mouth turned up into a slobbery, gummy grin. A soft, smooth dribble of his saliva trickled down his chin and added to the pile on his chest. He held his chubby, stout arm out and flexed his fingertips toward his mother.

"Hi bubby. Whatcha doin', bubba? Huh?" Jo used a playful tone as she teased him. It wasn't unusual or rare for little Alex to smile the way he was. He was generally a very happy, pleasant and content baby. Smiles were part of his everyday regime. Jo especially liked it when his large, round eyes would squint as he smiled. The way his eyes squinted reminded her of when big Alex would force a smile. "You's a happy bubba, aren't you?" Alex gnashed his gums together and made a slight cooing noise, as if he was talking back to his mother. Jo smiled at him again and finally turned back to her daughter. "What are you writing, Lala?" She fills up a pot with water so she can make mashed potatoes. "Why do you need to know how to spell 'appreciate'?"

"I'm writin'…" Lyla stated, sticking her tongue out to signify true concentration. "I'm writin' a letter to Santa Claus."

"Santa Claus?" Jo raised her eyebrow and started shaking potato spud flakes into the water. Admittedly, she and Alex _had_ already begun talking about Christmas shopping for their two babies. It was getting to be near the end of September and since Lyla was old enough to understand what Christmas was, she and Alex had done their Christmas shopping three months prior to December. "Santa's not taking requests yet." She lied, swiftly. "He said talk to him after Halloween. Daddy and I talked to him on the phone the other day and he said that he's not taking requests until after Halloween."

"It not a waquest, mommy." Lyla carefully went back through the word "appreciate" and dotted the "i" and crossed the "t." She moved on to the next line of her letter. "I writin' to make sure him bring my baby bruddy somefing for Kissmiss. I no want him to fuhget about Ally."

"Santa won't forget about Ally, Ly. He knows that Ally needs something for Christmas." Jo turned on the flame on the stove and stepped back, looking at the words on the paper that her daughter wrote. "What made you think Santa would forget him?"

Lyla shrugged her shoulders. "I just wanna make sure him don't." She signed her name at the bottom of the letter and put the crayon down, admiring her hard work. "…Can you wead it and tell me if it good to send to Santa, mama?"

"Read it to me." Jo walked over to the island and stood next to her daughter. She placed her hand on Lyla's head and started smoothing her hair back. "You tell mommy what it says."

"Dear Santa. Can you please give my brother something good for Kissmiss? Hims name is Ally and hims a baby. I don't know what him would want cause him can't talk but him likes bubbas, ninis, blankies and puffs. Him likes tigers and giraffes. Him likes mommy. Him does not like Doritos. Can you please give him something him will like? Him was sick and him should get something good. Thank you. Love Lyla." The five year old looked up at her mother when she was done reading.

Jo's eyes glossed over the leader, reading it in her head. _Der Santa. Can you plez giv my broter sum thing good for Cismast? Hims name is Aly and hims a babby. I dunt now wat him wood want cus him cant tak but him like babas, neenees, blankys and pufs. Him likes tigers and jarafs. Him likes mommy. Him duz not like Daretos. Can you plez giv him sum thing him will like. Him was sik and him shod git sum thing god. Thak you. Luv Lyla._ Jo blinked back a tear that stung her eye and continued stroking her daughter's hair. She forced Lyla's head against her lower stomach and held her close for a moment. "You wanna mail this today?" Lyla nodded her head.

Jo really thought that "Santa" would enjoy reading this letter.


	39. Bonding

**Jo spends some quality time with Lyla after the baby is born.**

* * *

"So, what'd you work on today?" Jo eased her foot down on the brake as the car approached the red traffic light and glanced in the rearview mirror to take a look in the backseat. "Anything cool and exciting?" She gave her five year old a cheerful tone and tried her best to sound enthusiastic. In the backseat, her daughter shook her head and continued quietly staring out the window. "…Come on." She prodded. "Tell mommy what you did…You're all stinky and sweaty so you must've done something big." Two weeks ago, Alex had approached Jo and told her that he thought that Lyla should be signed up for a sport because she was five years old and at the point in her development where she could understand directions. Jo didn't think organized sports were a good idea so instead, she signed her daughter up for gymnastics as opposed to the local soccer team. "Tell me what you did."

"I did a roll, mommy." Lyla turned her head away from the window and faced forward since her mommy seemed genuinely interested in what her third day of gymnastics actually consisted of. "I show you when we go home, kay? I get down…on the mat thing and I did a roll.

Jo raised her eyebrows and dropped her jaw with only a little bit of mock enthusiasm. "Wow! You did a roll?! That's so cool! Mommy should've been there to see it, huh?" She took her foot off the brake and propelled the car forward. She felt somewhat guilty for the fact that she wasn't there to watch her daughter do her first real piece of gymnastics today, even if it was only a somersault. The gym that she and Alex took her to had an observation room for the parents to stay and watch in. For the first two days of class, Jo stayed and watched for the entire 45 minute class. Today was the first day she decided to go home and come back and of course, she missed her daughter's first somersault. "What else did you do?"

"I jumped on the twampaline and I did….um…wormies. It was fun mommy. I go to nastics tomorrow, too?" As the car began to move again, Lyla turned her attention back to the window and watched the world pass by outside again.

"No gymnastics tomorrow, baby. You only go on Tuesdays and Thursdays, remember? Tomorrow's Friday." Jo easily let her daughter down. She was glad that she was finally starting to like gymnastics. "But I'm glad you like it, bubbles. Maybe mommy and daddy can see if you can go on Mondays too."

"Kay." Lyla tucked her chin into her chest and looked down at the bruise on her knee that she got from falling down while she was on the mini balance beam today. She pushed on it and watched her skin turn from purple to bright red and back to purple again. On the first day, she didn't really understand what gymnastics even was. All she knew is that she had to run around in a place with no shoes on. Jo didn't know what to expect either so instead of putting her daughter in a leotard on the first day, she had her running around in regular, loose-fitting clothes. The first day was fun as Lyla got to run around and release some of the energy that she had. Jo stayed the first day and as she observed, she became more and more aware of the kinds of things that she should do. On the second day of gymnastics, Lyla still didn't understand what it was. All she knew is that her mommy made her put on a really tight, sparkly pink outfit without any big girl undies on underneath. She had her hair pulled back in a ponytail and she wasn't allowed to wear shoes. Her second day was a lot like her first day where she got to run around and jump on something like a trampoline. When she saw the big kids running and doing cool flips in the air, she began to understand what gymnastics really was and she loved it. "Mommy, where we goin'?" She asked as she noticed that they had missed the turn to go back home.

"To a place." Jo dismissed her question and made the turn that would take them to the Applebee's restaurant. She told Alex before she left to pick Lyla up from gymnastics that she was going to take Lyla out for dinner afterwards. He told her what he wanted her to bring him back and he was actually quite happy to spend a few hours alone with his son. "Are you hungry? Do you wanna get something to eat with me?" As she drove along the straight road, she glanced in the backseat again. Lyla nodded her head and swung her feet, halfway expecting her mom to take her to McDonald's or Burger King. "Okay, let's go get something to eat then."

Jo flicked her turn signal on and waited for a clear lane. Once everything was clear, she turned and pulled into the parking lot of the restaurant and circled around for an empty spot. The last three months was a big adjustment period for everyone in the Karev household. It was an adjustment for Alex because he was finally living back at home with his ex-wife and his now two children. It was an adjustment for Jo, considering the fact that she had gone from being a mother of one little girl to a mother of two and a new little boy. But perhaps the biggest adjustment was for Lyla. She had gone from being an only child for five years to now having to share the attention with a baby. She had gone from being the one and only apple of her parents' eyes to a mere background distraction. Jo recognized how big of an adjustment it must've been for her daughter and for that reason, she thought a "mommy/Lyla" day was way overdue.

"…Ally and daddy already here?" Lyla stretched her neck and lifted her head so she could better see out of the window. She knew that this wasn't going to be a quick run through the fast food drive thru like she originally thought it was going to be. Usually when they went to fancy sit-down restaurants, the entire family was involved so she was greatly expecting to have to meet her brother and her father. "Where they at?"

"Nope." Jo parked the car and shut it off, gathering up her purse and her wallet. "It's just me and you, kid. No daddy, no baby Ally…no stinky boys, okay? Just mommy and you."

"Oh." Lyla sat back in her car seat and processed what her mom just said. No boys? No daddy and no Alex? Just her and mommy? Did that mean that she got to spend her own time with mommy? No interruptions from a crying baby, no having to share time with her brother. It was just her and mommy and that was it. "…Mommy, I get whatever I want here?" She asked, just as Jo closed the car door. She patiently waited for her mother to walk around to get her out of her seat. Jo opened the back door and leaned inside so she could unstrap her buckles. "…I get whatever I want, mommy?"

"You can get whatever you want, monkey." Jo unbuckled her daughter's straps and helped her out of the car. "Lemme put these on you…" Jo held up the pair of light grey sweatpants that she grabbed before leaving the house, knowing that her daughter was in nothing but a leotard.

"I even get a milkshake, mommy?" Lyla held onto her mother's shoulder and cooperatively stepped into the pants.

"You can even get a milkshake." Jo pulled the pants up to her daughter's waist and lifted her out of the car. "Are you cold, baby?" She picked her up and swung her around to her hip as she shut the car door. "Are your arms cold? You want mommy's jacket?"

"No, I kay." Lyla wrapped her legs around her mother's waist and laid on her shoulder. She was excited to just have a day with her mom alone without her brother.


	40. Help

**Baby Alex is sick and Lyla wants to help take care of him.**

* * *

Jo stood in front of the open freezer, staring inside of it to get an idea of what it was that she should cook. Eyeing the blue box of frozen fish sticks, she turned around to face the kitchen table that her daughter was sitting at, silently doing her homework. "You want fish sticks and macaroni for dinner? Or fish sticks and french fries?"

"Macawoni." Lyla chewed on her finger as she stared at the worksheet in front of her. Tracing the letter "G" was proving to be a bit of a challenge for the little girl. "Mommy, I can't do this." She put her pencil down, signaling defeat and sat with her back completely against the cushion of her chair. "This is too hard."

"What is it that you're doing?" Jo ripped open the box of fish sticks and dumped a reasonable amount onto a cookie sheet. "What's your homework on tonight?" She asked. As a kindergartener, Lyla only got homework once a week and last week, she had requested help from her father while she tried to master the color orange and all the letters that went into spelling it.

"Gween. It's too hard. This is not a letter 'G'." She shamefully held up her paper and showed her mother three poorly written lowercase G's. "Can you help me, momny?"

"Why don't you just take a break? Mommy will help you later but for now, I want you to take a little break." Jo closed the oven and sauntered over to the kitchen table. She placed her hand on Lyla's soft, golden brown hair and peered over her shoulder. The letters _were_ poorly drawn, but she knew that once she overlapped Lyla's hand with her own and showed her how to accurately write a letter "G", she'd catch on very quickly. "Let's go watch some TV, okay? Since the baby's sleeping and daddy won't be home for a little. Let's go see if Monster High is on."

"Kay." Lyla slid out of her chair and followed her mother to the living room. "Mommy, can I lay on you?" She stood near the couch and waited for Jo's answer before she sat down. Jo sat down on the couch, scooted all the way back and held her arms out without giving her daughter a verbal answer. Lyla climbed up on the couch with her mother and rested her head against Jo's chest. Jo turned on the TV and went immediately to the channel that all Lyla's favorite TV shows played on. "…Mommy, you smell like work." She looked up at her mom. "You smell like the hosipple."

"Do I?" Jo looked down and met her daughter's eyes, grinning to herself at how beautiful she thought the little girl was. "Mommy gotta take a bath later, huh?" Lyla nodded. "Do I stink too bad for you to give me a kiss?" Lyla shook her head and elevated her chin. Jo pecked her daughter on the lips and began combing her fingers through her hair. "So tell me what happened at school today." Jo asked, genuinely interested in how her daughter's day went. It wasn't unusual for Jo to miss her children throughout the day. In fact, she often found herself spending her lunch breaks down in the daycare with the baby because she couldn't contain herself. But today, the daycare paged her and told her that little Alex was running a bad fever and they kicked him out for the day. Since Alex was in surgery, Jo was the one that went down and got him and she took off the rest of the day. She didn't have the chance to miss baby Alex today but she did, however, find herself missing Lyla.

"Nuffing." Lyla smashed her cheek against Jo's breast and tuned into the TV. "We played wiff shavin' cweam today. We had some and we writed our names wiff it and I draw…um…mommy, I drew a bumblebee." Lyla enthusiastically told her mother about her day. "It was so fun mommy."

"Shaving cream, eh? Is that what's all over your pants?" Jo wrapped her arms around her daughter and pulled her a bit closer. "What else happened? What'd you learn?"

"I learned—" Before Lyla got the chance to really explain to her mother what it was that she learned in school today, the sound of loud, miserable wails began to spew out of the playpen next to the armchair beside the TV. "Uh-oh."

"Uh-oh." Jo nodded her head, agreeing with her daughter and slowly got up off the couch. To Jo's surprise, Lyla didn't seem the least bit upset with the fact that the baby's crying just ruined the moment she and her mother had been having. She willingly picked her head up off her chest and she willingly let her mother get up. "Awww, Alex." Jo bent over and situated her hands underneath the baby's armpits so she could lift him out. "What's a matter, bubba? You still not feelin' well, huh?" She pressed her cheek to the baby's forehead and felt his temperature. "Yeah, you're warm."

"Is him sick?" Lyla perked up and asked, her eyebrows raised.

"Yeah." Jo rubbed the baby's back and carried him over to the couch. Just like Lyla had previously been doing, baby Alex laid his head against Jo's chest and whimpered. Jo glanced at the clock and sighed once she found that it had only been two hours since the last dose of medicine she gave him. It would be two more hours before she could give him more. She leaned her head forward so she could look at his face to make sure he wasn't discolored. The baby's wide eyes were actually closed, his lip was poked out and he seemed comfortable. The only thing Jo noticed was a shiny stream of snot dribbling out of his nose. Careful not to disturb him, she ran her thumb across it and cleaned it up, causing him to jerk his head away. "I know, bubby. But mommy gotta clean your nasty nose."

"Him needs medicine. I go get it?" Lyla slid off the couch and put her hands on her hips, hoping her mother would give her some big girl chore to perform.

"No medicine, bubbles." Jo put her chin against the baby's head and gently swayed back and forth with him in her arms. "But can you go get mommy the thermometer? It's over in daddy's drawer. It's blue. Can you grab it for me?"

"Uh-huh!" Lyla rushed off towards Alex's and Jo's bedroom, excited to help her mommy take care of the baby.

"Oookay, buddy." Jo squeezed her knees together to create a sturdy surface from her legs and she gently laid the baby down on them. Once being taken away from the comfort of his mother's chest, Alex's eyes popped open and he looked up at Jo with a very sad, miserable look on his face. His lip poked out, his eyebrows contorted and his eyes welled up with tears. "Hey, Mr. Handsome. Whatcha doing? You lookin' at mommy? Are you sick, bubby?" Alex's lip restored back to normal position and for a moment, it looked as though he was going to smile. "Give mommy a smile? Huh?"

"Here mommy." Lyla returned with the thermometer in tow. "I take his tempature? I can do it, mommy. I know how." She pulled the cap off the thermometer.

"No, bubbles. I know you know how to take a temperature, I know you do. But he's a baby so we gotta take his temperature differently. We can't put it in his mouth or under his armpit. This is a special thermometer." Jo took the thermometer off Lyla and sat it next to her. "You wanna help mommy?" Lyla nodded. "Grab me a diaper." Lyla disappeared again and Jo began unsnapping the buttons on Alex's onesie.

"Mommy, how you take his tempature then?" Lyla put the diaper on the couch and observed.

"…I gotta check it on his bum." Jo unstrapped the diaper the baby was wearing and pushed his legs up into his chest.

"…On his bum? Ewwie." Lyla tilted her head. She watched as Jo inserted the thermometer into her brother and she cringed. Baby Alex's face twisted up and once again, he began to wail. "Mama, that hurt him." Lyla stood near her brother's head and rubbed his hair. "It's okay Ally. Don't cwy." She bent down and pressed her lips to his forehead. "You gonna feel better, I pwomise."

With that single kiss on his forehead from his sister, baby Alex actually calmed down.


	41. Scare

**Jo suspects she may be pregnant for a third time.**

* * *

I sit on the furry red and black covering on the back of my toilet seat, my fingertips quietly rubbing the shiny outside of the cardboard box. I purse my lips together and just stare at the box, trying to find my train of thought which derailed about five minutes ago when I looked underneath the sink for a new roll of toilet paper and spotted the black box instead. I haven't even brought myself to wipe and pull up my pants yet. I just can't do anything but think right now and this just in, I can't even think anymore either. Do you know how long it's been since—"Mommy!" Interrupting the moment of quiet solitude I had to myself is a loud, thunderous knock on the door and a yell. "Mommy, you in there?!"

I clear my throat and finally look away from the black box. "Yeah baby, I'm in here. What do you need?"

"Ally woke up and I can't find his nini! And he stinks so I think he pooped!" She knocks again. "Mommy, come out!"

"I'll be out in a minute baby, mommy gotta wash her hands." I try so hard to make my voice sound cheerful and happy but I'm really struggling right now. One thing I've never allowed my babies to do is see me cry. I've never, ever, ever allowed Lyla or little Alex see me cry. I think Lyla might've seen me cry once, the day when I left the divorce papers on Alex's pillow but even then, I cut it so short. I don't even think she noticed when I did. And I don't want my babies to see me cry so I pull myself together, toss the black box back underneath the sink and wipe myself. I clear my throat once again to free it of that pre-cry phlegm that gathered up and start washing my hands.

It's been really, really long since I've used a tampon. I didn't even notice until I saw the box underneath the sink but I did and then I started thinking and now I realize that I haven't used a tampon since before I got pregnant with Alex. Being pregnant took my period away for nine months obviously but little Alex is about to be four months in a couple weeks and I haven't had a period since he was born. I should've had a period by now and I haven't and I'm just really…freaking scared right now. I can't be pregnant again. I seriously cannot be pregnant again. I run around so much as it is with two kids and I'm always so exhausted with a five year old and a three month old and HE'S THREE MONTHS OLD. I can't be pregnant again.

I put my back against the wall and cover my face. I can hear my heart beating in my ears, I feel like the room is spinning and I just feel like I'm about to pass out. Oh my god, what if I'm pregnant again? Alex and I…we only had sex just once. We had sex a couple nights after little Alex got out of the hospital when we made up and no, we didn't use protection and no, I'm not on the pill and no, he didn't pull out. He didn't pull out. God, why do I keep being so freaking stupid? All of my pregnancies were unplanned and you would think I'd learn my lesson by now but I didn't. Lyla was unexpected, unplanned but she was wanted and welcomed with open arms. Alex was unexpected, unplanned and he truly wasn't wanted but he was welcomed, of course with open arms and I love him more than life itself but there's no way in hell I should be pregnant again. What am I gonna do with three kids? I'm barely managing with two and I'm gonna have three and I can't do this. I can't do this. I can't have another baby.

"Mommy!" Lyla knocks on the door again, making me jump. "Ally's crying mommy!"

"Alright, I'm coming honey!" I sniff again and quickly pull myself together again. I wipe my face and glance at myself in the mirror to make sure neither one of my babies will be able to tell that I just cried the way I did. I open up the bathroom door, wipe my face on the shoulder of my t-shirt and walk back to the living room. Sure enough, just like Lyla said, little Alex is screaming at the top of his lungs. Lyla is kneeling in front of his swing holding his pacifier to his mouth. "What's a matter in here?" I put on a smile and make my voice sound happy. "Alex, what's a matter bubby?" I bend down and pick him up. "Did you go poopy? Is your butt nasty?"

"Mommy, can I get a popsicle? Please?" Lyla tugs on the bottom of my shirt. "Please? I'll still eat dinner, can I just have one?"

"Just one, sweetie." I lay Alex down on the couch and take off his light gray sweatpants. "Your butt stinks, Alex…ew." He looks up at me with his usual goofy little grin. Sometimes…and God forgive me for feeling this way, but sometimes…I really, really, really want to shake my baby. I love him to death, I'm obsessed with him and I'd die for him but sometimes I just want to strangle him. And it's not because he cries a lot because he doesn't. He's genuinely a very smiley, happy, calm and mellow little baby. He doesn't cry much, he doesn't scream much…he's so happy. The problem I have with him is that he looks SO. MUCH. LIKE. ALEX. Do you have any idea how confusing it is to love someone so much that looks like someone you can't stand half the time? Because it's very confusing. I look at my bubba and he gives me that grin and his eyes get all squinty like his dad's eyes and I want to murder my baby because he looks like his asshole father. Don't get me wrong, I love both my boys with all my heart but big Alex is an asshole and little Alex is his twin and I hate that.

"Mommy, open this for me." Lyla approaches me with a pink freeze-pop and jabs it in my arm.

"Excuse me?" I hold Alex's feet and lift his butt up off the couch so I can wipe him.

"I said open this." She says again.

"Excuse me, Lyla." I clean the baby's butt pretty well and put his legs back down so I can grab a diaper out of the couch caddy.

"Can you please open this, mommy?" She tries again.

"There we go, pumpkin." I grab the freeze-pop out of her hands and bite the top off of it for her. "What do you say to me?"

"Thank you mommy." She looks at her brother and scrunches her nose up. "…Mommy, he's doing it again."

I glance back at the baby and just like he's been doing for the last couple weeks, his hand is on his crotch and he's messing with his stuff. "Alex, STOP playing with your pee-bug." I move his hand away and strap a fresh diaper on him. "Don't play with that, man. That's nasty." I pick my baby up and kiss him on his cheek. "La, do me a favor. Grab me my phone and go throw this away for me." Lyla hands me my phone like I asked her to and she grabs Alex's dirty diaper. I keep my lips against Alex's cheek while he jabbers at me and scroll through my phone for Alex's number.

 **Text Message**

 **Me:** did you leave the hospital yet?

 **Alex:** yeah why

 **Me:** I need you to do me a favor.

 **Alex:** what?

 **Me:** when you get home dont say anything at all ok? i just need you to go to the drugstore and grab a pregnancy test please

 **Alex:** really?

 **Me:** yes alex please just do this to me please and dont say anything about it i dont want to freak lyla out. idk if i even am so just chill right now

 **Alex:** alright ill be home in like ten

 **Me:** thank you

 **Alex:** yw. ily

 **Me:** you too.

"Alexxxxx." I put my phone down and hold him up in the air. I sway him back and forth, trying to coax a smile out of that precious face. "Whatcha doin' fatty? Can you give mama a smile? Huh?" I sway him from side to side and finally, he grins at me and his eyes squint up. "There's that smile! There it is!" I bring him back down eyelevel and give him a big, fat kiss on his chubby little cheek. I love him so much and I love Lyla so much but I really can't do this again. I don't want any more kids. I don't want more, two is enough. Please god, don't let me be pregnant. I wouldn't hate my baby. If I'm pregnant, I'll be so upset but eventually, I'll just accept the fact that I'm going to have another child. But I really, really don't want another. I'm content with my bubbles and my bubba and I don't need any more babies in my life. I don't need another chubby-cheeked, green-eyed beauty. My little boy and my little girl are perfect and the loft is perfect for a family of four and nowhere in my life am I planning on more. Please, don't let me be pregnant.

"Mommy, how many days 'til my birthday now?" Lyla plops down on the couch next to me and Alex and lays on my lap. "Mommy, I'm big now. Huh?"

"You _are_ big, booboo. You're gonna be six! You're getting so old." I take one hand away from Alex and place it on her cheek. "You're gonna go to first grade and you're not gonna be mommy's baby anymore. You're gonna be a real big girl." I stroke her cheek. "Mommy's sad. Can mommy have a hug?" She shakes her head. "NO?! I can't have a hug?!"

"No, mommy! You can get a kiss." She stands on her knees and puckers her lips. I squeeze her cheeks together and kiss her on her lips. "Mommy, take a pict-or with me. Kay? Me you and Ally, take a pict-or…and put it on the yellow ghost." I giggle and pick up my phone. I open up my Snapchat app and position it at a distance so that I'm in the picture with both my babies. Lyla's smiling so hard that her eyes are nearly closed, Alex's eyes are of course big and bulgy and he's kind of smirking and I genuinely look happy. Where is a third baby going to fit in all of this? Just as I finish captioning my newest snapchat, the loft door slides open. "Daddy's home!"

Great, Alex is home. Lyla springs up off the couch and rushes to Alex. I get up off the couch too, shifting Alex over to my hip. "Looky, bubby. It's daddy. Is that daddy?" I point at Alex and upon noticing exactly who is walking through the door, he grins again and shrieks, as if he's saying hi. "Yeah! Hi daddy!" Alex closes the door and sure enough, he has a plastic bag from the drugstore.

"Hey bug-a-boo." He picks Lyla up and gives her a kiss and puts her back down. He looks straight at me and gives me that "are you okay?" look. I shake my head and approach him.

"Here, take him." I hand the baby over to him in exchange for the drugstore bag. He takes the baby off of me and kisses him on his cheek. "I'll be back."

"Alright." He rubs Alex's back and kisses his head this time. "What's up, chubbs? How much you bench today?"

I rush back to the bathroom and tear open the box, throwing the plastic bag on the floor. I tear open the test and pull my pants down again. Dear god, please don't get me be pregnant. Please. Of course I would love another beautiful little baby in my life but please, please, please. I slip the test under my thigh and start peeing on it. I don't need it right now. I really don't need a baby in my life. I already have two babies and I don't want, nor need another. I just want to make it to 35. When I'm 35, they'll let me tie my tubes. I want my tubes tied so, so bad. I just don't want more children.

"Jo." Alex knocks on the door this time. "I'm comin' in, alright?" I say nothing. He opens the door and comes in. "…What's going on? How come you didn't tell me you were suspecting something? You been feeling sick?" He closes the door. "You'd only be like what, a month along? You think you're feeling signs this early?"

"Alex, I just haven't…I haven't had a period since Alex was born. I should've had one by now but I haven't. I'm not feeling sick or anything I just haven't had a period and you know that night…and I haven't started back on my pills yet because I still have to wait for my period to start so…" I put my head in my hands. "God, I just do NOT want us to have another baby. We don't need another baby Alex, I can't. I can't have another baby. I'm barely making it with two and the baby is only three months old…" My jaw starts trembling. "I don't want another baby."

"Jo, calm down. Alright? Calm down, right now." He takes the test, pee and all out of my hand. "It's gonna be okay. It'll be alright."

"No it won't, Alex…not if I'm pregnant again. I can't see myself with three babies."

"It's alright, Jo." He puts his forehead against mine and that always, always makes me feel better. "We'll be alright…even if you are pregnant. We'll figure it all out. We can have three beautiful babies. We can do it."

"…I don't want to do it, Alex." I rise up on my tiptoes and wrap my arms around his neck, squeezing him. "I just want to keep our two babies."

"I know…me too." He squeezes me back.


	42. Information

**So I realized today that I have some readers on here that are relatively unfamiliar with The Divorce Verse and I don't think I did a good enough job really explaining things, especially the kids. The readers I have on tumblr know both Lyla and baby Alex very well because they've been following them for a while.**

 **So if you're new to this story, here's a little cheat sheet for you guys.**

 ** _This story is actually an interactive story, if you didn't know._**

 **If you don't follow me on tumblr, I highly recommend that you either follow me or at least visit my tumblr because this story is very interactive. There are dozens of pictures of both the kids on my tumblr, videos of the kids I even make graphics related to this story at the request of people. For example, I've made graphics of Divorce Verse Jo's instagram account where she posts pictures of the kids and there are even graphics of what Divorce Verse Jo and Alex's snapchat accounts could potentially look like. This story is very interactive and I just suggest that you go look at my tumblr in order to get the full effect.**

* * *

 **General Information About Lyla:**

-Her name is Lyla Isabella Karev and her middle name comes from one of Alex's patients, not Izzie.

-Her birthday is July 16th.

-She was seven pounds, eight ounces at birth.

-She has a speech impediment, which prevents her from saying her "R"s correctly.

 **If you'd like to know what Lyla looks and sounds like, type flawlesspeasant . tumblr (/) Lyla into your search bar!** (without the parentheses around the /)

* * *

 **General Information About Alex:**

-His name is Alexander Joseph Karev, so technically he's not a junior.

-His birthday is June 3rd.

-He was eight pounds, fifteen ounces at birth (just one ounce away from being nine pounds).

-He is known for being on the chubbier side. In fact, his genitals are enveloped in fat, a condition that often worries Jo.

-His favorite thing to do is eat, despite the fact that he has a very sensitive stomach that often causes him trouble.

-Although he has a very special bond with Jo, he laughs the most when he is being entertained by Lyla.

-He is a very happy, smiley baby. He almost never cries.

 **If you'd like to know what baby Alex looks like, type flawlesspeasant . tumblr (/) baby-Alex into your search bar!** (without the parentheses around the /)

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 **If you'd like to see Jo and Alex's fake social media accounts based off this story, type flawlesspeasant . tumblr (/) edits into your search bar! :)** (without the parentheses around the /)


	43. Pumpkins

"Daddy, look at this one!" Lyla knelt down and attempted to pick up the biggest pumpkin in the patch. It had to have weighed about 20 pounds so her efforts of picking it up were fruitless. She tried pulling it off the ground by its stem and gave up. Next, she tried stuffing her hands underneath of it to pick it up but again, she couldn't. Sighing out of frustration, she turned to Alex and stomped her foot. "Daddy, get it! I want it!"

Alex grinned and effortlessly picked up the giant pumpkin that his daughter so desperately wanted. Delighted, Lyla stood up off the ground and smacked dead grass and bits of dirt off her black leggings. "This pumpkin's bigger than your big head, Ly. Are you sure this is the one you want?" Lyla nodded her head quickly and gazed at the pumpkin in her dad's arms, in total admiration of her daddy's strength. He was the strongest man in the world to her. "Alright. Let's go tell mommy you found your pumpkin."

"Wait daddy, look." Lyla knelt down on the ground again and picked up the smallest pumpkin she had ever seen. "Looky daddy. It's an Ally punkin!" She held the pumpkin in the palm of her hand and held it up to show her dad. "It's small like Ally."

"Wow, yeah. You're right. It is an Ally pumpkin." Alex tried to sound interested but he looked around the patch in search of Jo instead of paying attention to the pumpkin in his daughter's hand. It was a crisp, chilly day in Seattle today and although the both of them had made sure that the kids were bundled up and warm, baby Alex had still managed to get cold rather quickly and Jo whisked him off to the car to grab another blanket. She had left ten minutes ago though, so Alex thought that she should be back. "You wanna give that pumpkin to your brother?"

"Yeah! Daddy, he'll love it! Ally gets a punkin too." Lyla held the pumpkin and excitedly skipped over to her father. She couldn't wait to present the pumpkin to her brother. She knew he'd love it and it was the perfect size for him. Her only concern is that he might try to eat it because for some reason unbeknownst to her, the baby tried to eat everything he could get his hands on. "Daddy, where's mommy?"

"I don't know yet, squirt." Alex mumbled under his breath, shifting the heavy pumpkin onto his hip like a child so he could smuggle his cell phone out of his pocket. "I'm gonna call her."

"…We lost mommy, didn't we?" Lyla's shoulders slouched and her lip poked out when she looked around and didn't see any sign of her mother or her brother either. She had lost her mommy in the hospital before when her brother had to go for a check-up. She wasn't supposed to move while her mommy went to the bathroom and she did anyway and when she went back, her mommy wasn't there. Losing Jo was scary to her. "Daddy, what if we don't find her? What if she's gone for good?"

"She's not gone for good Ly, we'll find her. She's not lost." Sensing the tone of his daughter's voice heightening, Alex put his hand on top of her hat-covered head and stroked it. He turned his head to the left and narrowed his eyes. He spotted someone wearing a pair of tight blue jeans, brown boots and a bright orange hoodie with brown hair pulled back into a ponytail. On the woman's hip was a small child and she was heading towards where they were standing. Secretly, Alex felt a wave of relief wash over him too but he didn't want to admit to Lyla that he was also scared about the fact that they did indeed lose Jo for a moment. "Ly, look. There's mommy."

"Mommy!" Lyla jumped up and down and waved her hands frantically, as if she was using her entire body to wave. "Mommy! Over here!" Jo weaved her way through the pumpkin patch with the baby on her hip and made her way over towards her daughter and Alex. "Mommy, look! Look!" As Jo got closer, Lyla hoisted the small pumpkin over her head and waved it. "Look!"

"Wow." Jo jerked her head to the side to get her hair out of the way and looked down at her daughter. "You found a tiny pumpkin. Is that your pumpkin?" Jo tucked her hair behind her ear and looked up to see if it would be feasible for her to pass the baby off to Alex.

"No mommy, it's Ally's punkin. I got it for him. My punkin is that one." She pointed to the one that Alex was holding.

"Oh wow! That's a big pumpkin! I can't wait to carve it with you, Lala." Jo bent down and took the baby off her hip, depositing him safely on the ground. Baby Alex turned his head and looked back at his mother then down at the grass. "Give Ally his pumpkin, Ly. Let's see if he likes it." Jo remained on her knees behind the baby to ensure that he wouldn't fall. She adjusted the hat on his head and draped his blanket over her shoulder.

"Here Ally." Lyla got down on the ground too and sat the pumpkin in front of her brother. "It's a punkin and it's for you."

The baby lunged forward and rubbed his chubby hand along the foreign, bumpy orange object. What was this? He didn't know. He had never seen something like this before. He touched the stem of the pumpkin and his already large eyes widened. He pulled it closer and was surprised when it was light enough for him to pick up. He turned the pumpkin around. What was it? Instinctively, he stuck his tongue out and leaned his face forward.

"No bud, it's not food!" Big Alex leaned down and took the pumpkin away from the baby. "Not everything is food, you fatty." Jo and Lyla both laughed at the way the baby attempted to eat it and Alex picked him up off the ground. "Why you gotta eat everything?" Alex kissed his son's cheek. "Huh? Why you gotta eat everything?"

"Why does he eat everyfing, mommy?" Lyla tilted her head up and asked Jo.

"He's a baby, that's just what he does." Jo giggled and got up off the ground too. "You guys ready to go home so we can carve your pumpkins?" She swatted the dirt and grass off Lyla's butt and eventually did the same to her own.

"We should head home." Alex agreed. "Big man's cheek is freezing." He rested his cheek against the baby's cheek in hopes of warming it up. Baby Alex looked down at the pumpkin in his dad's hand and grinned.

"Wait, before we go…I need to take a picture." Jo took her phone out of her pocket. "Here, let Lyla hold the baby and put the pumpkins in front of them."

"Jo, can't the picture wait until we get home?" Alex protested, totally against keeping his children out in the cold air any longer.

"It'll be real quick! It's just for snapchat!" Jo insisted. "I'll make it totally quick!"

"Daddy, it's Ally's first punkin patch twip." Lyla sided with her mother.

And of course, Alex gave in.


	44. Used To Be

**After witnessing yet another argument, Lyla tells her baby brother about the times Jo and Alex used to get along.**

* * *

"Lyla, don't play with your food honey. Eat your potatoes, don't mess with them." Jo sighed and plunged a small plastic blue spoon into a shallow bowl filled with foul-smelling orange mush. Ignoring her mother's initial warning, Lyla continued to wave her fork through the mound of mashed potatoes on her plate. "Do you want to go to timeout?"

"No." Lyla shook her head and looked back down at her plate of mashed potatoes, turkey with gravy and corn. She wanted spaghetti for dinner today and she was honestly upset when her mommy presented her with anything but.

"Then eat your food and stop playing with it." Jo held the spoon beside her mouth and began to blow on it.

As he sat in the high chair in front of Jo waiting with a red bib strapped around his neck and a very hungry tummy, Alex turned his head and looked at his sister. At four months old, he was beginning to understand the concept of people speaking to each other. He was beginning to make the connection that Lyla was the one that was constantly in his face, making him laugh and stuffing bonnets on his head. He knew that Alex was the one that tossed him in the air and blew on his belly and of course, he knew that Jo was the one that had the ability to make everything better. He was learning about the different members of his family and upon learning, he recognized what it meant when "mommy" was speaking to "Lyla."

The baby watched his sister's fork as she brought it up to her mouth and took a heaping bite. His bottom lip parted away from his top lip and his smooth, babyish saliva lined the bottom of his lips. He smacked his lips together, hummed and turned back towards Jo, impatiently waiting for mommy to give him some of the orange gunk he was fixing to eat. He lifted his chubby hand and reached it out for the spoon Jo was blowing on. "I know, you're hungry bubba. I got it." Without hesitation, Jo stuck her tongue out and touched the tip of it to the spoonful of orange mush to test the temperature of it. She didn't mind tasting the baby food though. Ever since Lyla was born, she always found herself tasting baby food. She tasted everything before she fed it to her babies. She figured that if it was nasty to her, it'd probably be nasty to them.

"Mommy, can Ally have 'tatoes?" Lyla put her fork down and scooted her chair closer to her brother's high chair. "He can have 'tatoes mommy, right?"

"Not right now, baby. Maybe in a little while he can have potatoes but not right now." As if it was second nature to her, Jo shoveled the spoon into the baby's prepped and primed mouth and slid it upward so the baby food deposited toward the back of his throat. Alex rubbed his lips together in satisfaction and opened his mouth again, ready for more.

"What kind of food is he eating?" Lyla tucked her feet underneath her body and leaned against the table, suddenly interested in the feeding of her brother. Jo knew she was only interested because she didn't want to finish her plate of food. "Is that oranges and peaches, mommy?"

"It's sweet potatoes." Jo answered her daughter and scooped more into the baby's mouth. Alex shoved his index finger into his mouth and sucked on it while he swallowed his next helping of food, attempting to savor the flavor. He had only just started to be given solids a few days ago and he was already drifting into heaven. So many new flavors for him to try, so many yummy meals…he loved almost all of them. Yesterday, he spit squash out at his daddy and the day before that, he spit green beans at Jo. But everything else he tried? The carrots, the bananas, the peas, the turkey dinner…he loved all of those. "Get your finger outta your mouth, bubby. I can't feed you if your finger's in there." Jo pulled his hand away.

Just as she began to spoon more food into her son's mouth, the door of the loft slid open and through it walked Alex, tired and exhausted from his long day at work. He kicked his shoes off and hung his coat on the rack. Lyla slid out of her chair and ran so fast over to him that she almost tripped. "Hey squirt." Alex effortlessly hoisted the little girl up and greeted her with a kiss on her cheek. "How was school today? What'd mommy make for dinner?"

"School was fun. We learned about the color 'brown' today, daddy." Lyla quickly explained her school day to her father. "We learned that teddies are brown, logs are brown and my hair is brown too…like your hair and mommy's hair." Lyla stroked her hand back and forth across Alex's hair and smiled. "And mommy didn't make 'sketti even though we asked her to."

"Mommy didn't make 'sketti? Oh no." Alex bent down and deposited Lyla safely on the floor. He walked over to the stove and looked at the food on the stove that Jo had prepared instead of spaghetti. The turkey and mashed potatoes looked appetizing and he was starving so he'd settle; even though he really had a taste for some of Jo's spaghetti. Giving the meal his seal of approval, Alex made his way to the high chair. "Hey chunky butt." He leaned down and gave the baby a kiss on his head. "Hey Jo." He hesitated, but decided to lean down and kiss Jo's cheek as well. "Why didn't you make the spaghetti?" He asked, noting the plate that Lyla hadn't really touched and immediately knowing that she didn't eat because she didn't want turkey and mashed potatoes with corn.

"I had other things to do than to make spaghetti. The turkey was quicker." Jo scraped the spoon across the baby's chin to clean off the excess food that dribbled down it. Her hair was tied back in a messy bun, she donned a white t-shirt and a pair of sweatpants and she had vomit stains on her shirt. She was exhausted after spending her entire off day doing laundry, cleaning up the house and making sure everyone's clothes were put away. She hadn't had the time to fix the spaghetti and garlic bread Alex and Lyla requested. She didn't even have time to take a shower and rid herself of the clothes that Alex had thrown up all over. "Alex, it's Thursday." She got up from her chair.

"Okay, and? Tomorrow's Friday. Thanks for the update." Alex lifted the baby out of his high chair and tore the bib from around his neck. "What are you up to, bub? Gimme some dap." Alex bawled his hand into a fist and held it in front of the baby. Little Alex looked down at his daddy's hand and touched it with his hand. "We'll work on it." He chuckled and gave his son a kiss on his chubby cheek.

"Okay smart ass." Jo mumbled and began rinsing out the bowl that Alex's food was in. "I mean it's Thursday and Lyla has gymnastics at six. Can you take her? And sit with her while she's there?"

"Really, Jo? I just got home from work. Can I sit down and relax for a while? I haven't seen you all day, I haven't seen my son…you really want me to go sit for an hour at gymnastics? Why can't you do it?" He rubbed little Alex's back and pressed his lips to his forehead. He didn't think it was fair of Jo to ask him to go sit with Lyla for an hour when he just got home from work, spent all day running around and hadn't even spent time with his son. He had other things to do than to sit in a musty gym for an hour while his daughter was being taught how to tumble.

"Because I'm tired, Alex!" Jo complained with a hint of a whine in her voice. "I've been home all day, doing laundry, putting it away, cleaning up, making dinner, dealing with the baby…I'm tired and I don't feel like putting clothes on to sit around with her for an hour. I'm tired, I'm on my period, I want to take a shower and lie down. I'm not even feeling well. I'm exhausted."

"What makes you think I don't have better things to do? I'll drop her off but I'm not sitting around for an hour. I'm tired too Jo. All you did is sit in the house today. You can't possibly be more tired than me." Alex shifted the baby over to his hip and began to help Jo clean up the kitchen. "I'm hungry, I want to eat. I want to take a shower, I want to spend time with my son. I don't want to spend my night in a—"

"It's one hour! Oh my god…" Jo dried the baby's bowl and put it away. "When do I ever ask you to go sit with her? You never freakin' do. I'm always at that gym with her. I'm just asking you to go this once. I have cramps, I've been running around this house all day, I've been puked on, crapped on…I just want two freaking minutes to take a shower. Please, please, please Alex just take her to gymnastics and sit with her. They have that little waiting room. You can sit in there. I'll put her leotard on, I'll brush her hair and I'll fill her water bottle. Please just take her and sit with her."

"I'm not sitting there. I'm not sitting in that gym for an hour with all those girls. I'll take her but I'm not staying there. I'm tired too Jo." Alex remained firm.

"Alex, please! Just do this for me! You never spend time with Lyla anymore, it's always me! I feel like I'm a single mom! You don't do anything! I feed the baby, I bathe him, I put him to sleep…when's the last time you got up with him in the middle of the night? And I'm always the one to get up with Lyla. I get her dressed for school, I help her with her homework. Alex, you haven't done ANYTHING for these kids lately and I—"

"OKAY, FINE JO! FINE! GO GET LYLA READY! GO GET HER SHIT AND GET HER READY! I'LL TAKE HER!" Alex raised his voice a little louder than he expected himself to. Jo stood with her back against the sink and looked at him, totally in shock that something so small would lead to this. She didn't know that he would yell over something so stupid. Still angry, Alex stomped around the kitchen and continued to help clean up. "Since you make it seem like I'm such a goddamn bad dad…" He glanced at Jo. "GO GET HER SHIT AND GET HER READY!"

Baby Alex's lip poked out and his eyebrows contorted, a clear sign that he was getting ready to cry. He loved daddy so much. Daddy was funny, he was cool and he was always doing things to make him smile. But when daddy yelled, that was so scary. He wanted mommy. Mommy was always nice. She was never scary. He wanted to lay his head on mommy's chest and listen to her heartbeat. He loved mommy's heartbeat. Listening to mommy's heartbeat reminded him of when he could hear it inside her body. He wanted mommy.

"Gimme my baby." Jo shook her head and dried her hands on the seat of her sweatpants. She wrapped her arms around baby Alex's torso and snatched him away from Alex. "Don't yell like that with my baby in your arms, you son of a—" Jo caught herself when she noticed that Lyla was peeking around the corner. She had gone to her bedroom to put her leotard on herself but when she heard the yelling, she had to check it out. "Fine. I'll fucking take her." She gently swayed back and forth to comfort the whining baby, a complete paradox to how hateful and mean she was being to his father.

"No, I'm taking her. I'm taking her. Go get her shit and get her ready. I'll take her. You're not going to sit here and make it sound like I don't care about my kids, Jo." Alex calmed his tone down after he felt bad for making the baby cry. "Just go get Lyla ready."

"I have to finish the dishes." Jo rolled her eyes at him and carried the baby to the living room. She bent down and put the baby in his swing. "Here we go bubbies…here we go." She handed the baby a gray elephant with a blue blanket attached to it and tried to make him smile. "Sorry you had to hear that baby boy. Mommy's sorry." She turned the swing on and parted the baby with a kiss on his forehead. As she walked past Lyla, she gave her head a rub too as a silent apology for her and Alex's argument. Lyla was used to it though. She figured that's just how it was supposed to be between her mommy and daddy.

Jo went back to the sink to finish the dishes and Alex slammed things around as he helped her clean up. "If I'm a bad dad Jo, then you're a bad mother."

"I never even said that you're a bad dad! Why are you picking a fight?! I said I'd take her!" Jo felt herself ready to cry, mostly for the fact that her children still had to witness their fight. This was the exact reason she was so hesitant to take Alex back. She knew that the fights and the arguments would never cease and it broke her heart to know that her two babies were put in the middle of it. "There was literally no reason for you to say that to me."

"Don't even start crying. Don't make me sound like I'm the bad guy here. You're the one that attacked me. All I did was walk through the damn door and you started going off about how I never do anything for my kids. I do everything for those kids and you know I do. You don't get to call me a bad dad. Not whenever you're the one that goes around swinging on Lyla like it's nothing."

"Are you serious right now?! Really Alex?!" Jo kept her back turned to Alex so he couldn't see her tears. "If you're trying to hurt me then fine, you did it. Okay? Stop picking a fight with me. I'm not in the mood tonight. I said I'll take Lyla to gymnastics and I'll sit with her. If you want to spend time with your son so bad then I'll leave him here. Problem solved. Stop picking a fight with me. I give up. You win. Okay?"

After successfully shoving her body into her black leotard, Lyla crept out from her bedroom and sighed. She was quite used to hearing her mother and father argue like this and at this point, it had actually become normal to her. She dragged her feet to the living room and figured she'd sit down and watch TV until her mommy and daddy finished arguing so her mom could put a bun in her hair for gymnastics. In his swing, Alex chewed on the nose of his elephant and kicked his feet. Instead of getting on the couch, Lyla sat on the floor and crawled over to her brother. Upon seeing his sister, Alex put his elephant down and gave her his full attention.

He thought Lyla was funny. She was always making silly faces and singing him songs. He liked her most when she tickled his feet and he liked her least when she was trying to put a bonnet on his head. Sometimes though, he didn't like it when Lyla tried to play with him. When she did funny things, he loved her a lot but the majority of the time when his sister came to mess with him, it resulted in him being hurt and he was a little bit frightened of her for that reason.

Lyla grabbed the elephant out of his hands and held it herself. Alex poked his lip out and frowned. Why'd she take his toy? That was his! It was his favorite too! That was his friend! Lyla stared at the elephant and raised her eyebrow. She thought it was stupid looking. Alex held his hands out for it and whimpered. Please give it back. Lyla shook it around in front of his face, taunting him with it. For a temporary moment, she found a little bit of pleasure in his pain. It felt good to know that her brother was sad while she was sad too. She sighed and teased the blanket part along his face. "Imma elephant! Elephants go BRRRRRRR!" She made her best elephant noise and that made baby Alex grin. "BRRRRRRRRRRRR!" She did it again which caused Alex to giggle. "Elephant wants a kiss, Ally." Lyla made the elephant kiss her brother and she gave him the toy back, enjoying the smile on his face. She sighed and looked back towards the kitchen, only to find Alex still barking at Jo and Jo's face hidden by her t-shirt.

Alex tilted his head to the side to see if he could see what his sister was staring at. Giving up when he couldn't see anything, he just held his elephant and smiled at it. Lyla turned back toward him and touched his soft hair. "…They wasn't always like this, Ally. They was nice before. They was nice when we went to Disney World." Lyla sighed, remembering the times when her parents didn't completely hate each other. "Daddy use to kiss mommy all the times and mommy was happy. Mommy was nice. I miss when they was nice. They was real nice."

In the kitchen, Jo sniffed and paid attention to the conversation. Alex sat down at the kitchen table and listened too. Lyla hadn't realized how quiet the confrontation between them got and she carried on telling her brother all the stories of her parents' used-to-bes. It seemed like sort of a fairytale at this point. Jo sighed, heartbroken over the conversation but not wanting to interrupt the tender moment. She shook her head and turned around to wash the last little bit of dishes in the sink. Alex stood up and watched his daughter caressing his son's head. His shoulders drooped and he felt sorrowful. He didn't think his kids should have to grow up like this. He knew this was wrong. He knew that this was not how it was supposed to be. Silently, he walked over to Jo and stood behind her. Jo looked down into the dishwater silently crying and scrubbing mashed potatoes off a fork. She was particularly upset over Alex's comment about her being a bad mother.

Noiselessly, Alex wrapped his arms around Jo's waist and rested his chin on her shoulder, peering over and staring into the water. He listened to her quiet sobs and pressed his lips to her cheek. "…I'm sorry." He whispered to her. "I love you, Jo."

Jo swallowed. She didn't want to forgive him but after hearing Lyla tell baby Alex stories…she just realized how pointless and worthless the arguments with Alex were. She didn't want to fight anymore. She hated it.

She placed her wet hand over Alex's dry one and gave it a squeeze.


	45. Happy Birthday

**Lyla officially turns six!**

(The timing here is a bit shoddy because Lyla's birthday is in July)

* * *

"Why'd you buy so many boxes of these? We're not going to need all of these." Jo put the twelfth box of Capri Suns on the wooden picnic table and wiped a bead of sweat off her forehead with the back of her hand. She turned to Alex, who was busy tearing into the plastic bags of ice that they had picked up from the gas station. "We only invited a couple kids…why twelve boxes of juice pouches?" Taking a hint from him, she began opening up more bags of ice and helped him dump them into the plastic coolers.

"You know how kids are." Alex tossed the empty plastic bag in the trashcan and moved on to another bag. "They'll open one up, take a sip and leave it to go play. Then they'll come back, open another. I'd rather have too many than too little." Alex rambled, showing off his expertise knowledge of little kids. "Besides, we can always take them home if they don't drink them all. We'll have juice pouches coming out of our ears but it'll be well worth it."

"Yeah, I guess you're right." After emptying the final bag of ice into the cooler, Jo began dumping the pouches of juice into the ice. "Did you check your weather app? Did it say anything about rain?" Jo pondered. She looked out into the sky and didn't see any sign of clouds in sight. It was the middle of July and it was scorching hot but still, it was Seattle and they were prone to rain. She just didn't want anything to ruin this day. She had actually put a lot of planning into it.

This year was the first year Lyla was having a real birthday party at a venue with kids her own age. For the previous five birthdays, Alex and Jo were able to get away with taking her toy shopping and buying a cake that they stayed in and ate. Last year, she went to an indoor trampoline park for her birthday and she was satisfied with that. This year, after much discussion, both Alex and Jo mutually agreed that they could try a pool party with kids from the school as opposed to a small party with Meredith's kids. Jo had done a lot of planning and she wanted this day to be nothing less than perfect.

"It's not supposed to rain." Alex climbed on top of a picnic table and began stringing up the banner they had made at the party store last week. He tied the left side with a sturdy knot and moved on to the right side. "Even if it does rain, I'm sure they'll have fun out in the pool anyway. They'll already be wet. What's swimming around in it gonna do?" He stepped down and stood back, trying to tell if the banner was misaligned at all.

Feeling a little bit better about the possibility of rain, Jo sighed and walked back towards the empty picnic tables. She looked around the pavilion and tried to decide how much room they'd need for everyone to sit comfortably. Like she said, they didn't invite many people. They invited a couple kids from the daycare, a few kids from Lyla's old classroom in school (since it was summer vacation, she didn't talk to many of them anymore) and all of Amelia and Owen's children. Lyla was particularly excited to hang out with her best friend but her excitement was for the fact that she was actually having a party this year. Jo gazed out into the empty, still waters of the pool and raised her eyebrows. The pool was all theirs for the day. She and Alex had rented it completely and nobody else was permitted on the property for the day. She was nervous about how the party was going to turn out. She had never thrown a party before; not even for Lyla's first birthday. She hoped that all her planning paid off.

She snapped herself out of staring at the pool and bent down to one of the bags of decorations. She glanced at Alex, who seemed to have known better than she did how to decorate the pavilion, which made her smile. It was nice that he knew what he was doing. Jo pulled out the packages of black and pink table cloths and put them on the table. She grabbed the only table cloth that had characters on it and opened it up so she could set up the cake table.

Of course, the party was Monster High themed. Everything was in shades of pink, black, blue, purple and red. All the napkins, cups and paper plates had skulls and crossbones on them and all the decorations had pictures of ghostlike characters. Jo spread the table cloth over the only circular table and sprinkled confetti all over it. She carefully brought the box of cupcakes over to the table and began taking them out one by one, gingerly placing them on the cupcake tier she bought. On the other side of the table, she opened up the skull and cross-bone shaped cookies and began arranging them on a plate. In the middle of both arrangements, she placed the box that the cake was in.

Once she was finished, she dusted her hands off and turned back toward Alex to see if he needed help with whatever it was he was doing. Her eyebrows raised and a smile crept across her lips when she saw how far along he had gotten. The "HAPPY BIRTHDAY LYLA" banner was hanging proudly above the food buffet, the buffet table had the pink and black table cloths on it and he was busy setting the balloons up.

"Who knew you were so good at decorating?" She teased him, walking towards the other table so she could begin setting up the food. She had been up all night preparing food for the party but she was pleased with the way things had turned out. She went online and found "monster high recipes" and she found a way to turn everything into something spooky and monster themed.

"I think that was a compliment, but I'm not sure. If it was, then thank you." Alex chuckled and began to help Jo sort the food out as well. "What needs to be heated and what needs to be put over ice?"

"First of all, I want everything with a lid on it until we're ready to serve. I don't want bugs getting into peoples' food." Jo handed him a container of "mummy dogs" which were nothing more than hotdogs wrapped in biscuits. "Those need to be put over a flame but make sure they're standing up." Alex nodded and placed the container on the table while he bent down to grab the portable heaters they bought for the food. "What'd you do with all the dips? What kind of container are those in?"

"Those blue ones over there." Alex motioned with his head. "Don't forget to leave room for the pizzas. I ordered six boxes of that. And you gotta make sure the punch stays cold so that ice thing floats."

"I know." Jo nodded and began putting all containers of food down on the table. They had the hotdogs in biscuits, pasta salad made with monster shaped noodles, a fruit tray with green dip, a vegetable tray with pink ranch dressing for dip, cookie dough dip that was stylized with blue food coloring, pizza, punch that was being kept cold by a hand-shaped ice sculpture floating inside it (that was only made by freezing water inside a latex glove), and Alex had planned on making hamburgers with the patties that he and Jo shaped to look like hands. They really wanted to make sure Lyla's party was perfect.

"I think we're done." Alex turned the flames on underneath each container of food that needed to be kept warm and rested the foods that needed to be chilled on beds of ice. "When'd you say Edwards was bringing them?" Jo stood back and looked at all their decorations, wondering if anything could make it look better. In truth, it was very nice. The food tables had labels to tell what everything was, everything color coordinated nicely, everything was perfect and very nicely decorated. Nothing could make it better. But Jo was still skeptical. "Jo?"

"Hmm?" Jo turned towards Alex.

"I said what time is Edwards bringing them down here?"

"In a little." Jo mumbled. She sighed and looked down at the ground. "Do you think she'll like it? Are you sure we shouldn't have gotten more balloons? And the treat bags…you think they're too big?" She eyed the box of treat bags they made to hand out last night. "Do you think everything is okay Alex? Be truthful."

"Jo, it's perfect. Ly will love it and you know she will." Alex took a step back and admired their work. He was actually surprised that the two of them had decorated something so nicely. Honestly, it was all Jo's work. He just helped put it together. She looked around on Pinterest for an entire month for ideas and she scoured the internet for each and every decoration. Everything was carefully thought out and perfectly planned and that was all thanks to her. He was amazed by her, but he wouldn't tell her that. "We need to clean all this garbage up. Kids should be arriving soon."

"Yeah." Jo sighed and shrugged her shoulders. If there was anything she missed, it was too late now. She'd might as well suck it up. "Steph should actually be on her way with Ly and Bubba."

"I dunno about you, but I'm excited." Alex grinned.

Jo shook her head, smiling too. Alex was such a big kid at heart and that made her happy. "I'm excited too." She grabbed her phone out of her back pocket and opened up her camera.

She had to take a picture of all the decorations because as much as she didn't want to admit it, it really was a nice setup….and she just had to put it on Instagram later.


	46. Happy Birthday 2

**Lyla has fun with her best friend at her birthday party.**

* * *

As Jo sat down on the hard wooden benches underneath the pavilion, she crossed her legs and looked around to ensure everything was running as smoothly as it seemed to be. In the pool, the twenty-something children that she and Alex had invited were splashing around and giggling. She scanned around the pool for her daughter and smiled when she saw her hanging around the sliding board next to a little girl with long, pretty, bright orange hair. She had hoped that by inviting other children, Lyla would play with more children her own age but she wasn't surprised to see that her daughter had gravitated towards her best friend.

Lyla looked down at Ava as she climbed up the ladder to the slide and made sure she was still following. "Ava, we can go down together! Alls I gotta do is sit on your lap, come on!" She motioned for Ava to follow her. Ava watched for a moment, then shrugged and followed her. There weren't many people Ava was willing to follow, but Lyla was certainly one of them. Lyla went up first, then scooted forward enough for Ava to fit at the top with her. Ava leaned forwards and wrapped her arms around Lyla's stomach, scooting her butt forwards until they were sliding. They splashed at the bottom, giggling uncontrollably.

Lyla moved her hair away from her face as she laughed, trying to see her friend. "That was fun," she wiped her eyes free of water and couldn't stop giggling. "Let's do it again."

"Okay," Ava agreed, then looked down at her stomach. "But I'm hungry."

Lyla furrowed her eyebrows and tilted her head. Now that Ava said something, she realized that she herself had felt a familiar emptiness in the pit of her stomach. "Let's go get food," she agreed. "We gotta go find my mommy. We get food from her."

The two girls waded in the shallow end of the water and found the nearest ladder, with which they pulled themselves out of the water with. As she stood on the concrete pavement next to the pool, Lyla's teeth began to chatter.

"You cold too?" She turned to Ava and waited for a response.

"My mommy has a towel," Ava said. "I needa find her."

"Me too." Lyla folded her arms across her chest and walked towards the pavilion with shaky legs. She had been in the pool nearly all afternoon so she really wasn't sure where Jo would be sitting. She stood near the railing that enclosed the pavilion and looked around as her hair dripped down her back. She couldn't find neither her mommy nor her daddy so she gave up and began looking for Amelia. She figured maybe her mommy would be near Ava's.

At the table next to the cake and the gifts, Jo and Amelia sat across from each other, talking absent-mindedly about the stress of planning birthday parties and if they heard about the infamous Bed Seven that was in the ER last weekend, the man that got a screwdriver stuck somewhere unpleasant. Neither of them had been on the case or seen it in person, and they were trying to decide if it was a legend or really happened. When Jo sat back, declaring she had seen crazier, they both laughed. After that, the conversation lulled, and they both looked around, looking for their next talking point. Holding a plate full of pasta salad, three cupcakes, and two hot dogs, a heavily pregnant woman walked by them and sat down on a chair by the pool. Without realizing, both of their eyes trailed her as she struggled to get comfortable with her belly.

"Wow," Jo said, shaking her head. She looked down at the car seat in front of her and continued rocking it back and forth with her foot as it housed a sleeping baby Alex. "I don't miss being pregnant at all."

"Yeah?" Amelia asked, trying to keep her voice even. "I miss it sometimes. I used it as an excuse for everything."

"If all my pregnancies could've been like Lyla, I don't think I'd mind it so much. But I was so miserable with him." She motioned towards the sleeping baby. "I was a miserable bitch."

"Really? Usually boys are so much easier." Amelia looked towards the pool, where Owen was holding Connor on his shoulders and playing catch with Gracie. She thought about what she was going to say, because it felt like admitting a secret. She and Owen hadn't been meant to keep it a secret, but they hadn't gone out of their way to tell anyone they were trying for another baby. "I wouldn't mind being pregnant again."

"I always thought that I wouldn't mind it," Jo started as she glanced at Alex. He was standing beside the gift table, arranging things according to size and order that Lyla would open them in. He moved on to the pinata and began tying string on it. He hadn't sat down all day. He willingly thrust himself into Lyla's party and he had been all about making sure she had a good time. Jo admired that about him. "Alex is a great dad and everything...and I always thought I wouldn't mind it, but…" She looked away from Alex and back at her four month old son. "I don't think I can handle three. I'm barely handling two."

"I know what you mean," Amelia said. "Sometimes I don't know how I'm doing it with three. But then sometimes...," Amelia stopped without realizing. When she started again, her voice was lower, so that Jo had to strain to hear over the noise of the party. "Sometimes I can't imagine this being it. I feel I'm not finished. You know?"

"Yeah." Jo stopped rocking the baby with her foot and stared at him. She didn't quite know where Amelia was coming from because ever since she had given birth to little Alex, she knew that she didn't want more children. She figured that her family was complete with one girl and one boy, but hearing Amelia talk put things into perspective. She was content with Alex being her last baby, she really was, but she hadn't realized until talking to Amelia that he was really going to be her last one. The conversation unnerved her and she lunged forward to lift the baby out of his car seat. "But you and Owen manage so well with three," she adjusted the baby in her arms so he could still sleep. "You guys could probably hang in there with four."

"I know Owen wants another," Amelia admitted as dismissively as she could manage. She tried to brush it off as nonchalant, just idle chitchat. She ignored the burning feeling in her chest at her next thought. "But I don't think it's going to happen."

"Why not?" Jo wondered aloud. She bit her lip to chastise herself because she knew that she had no business asking Amelia such a personal thing. But she had already said it and she couldn't take it back so she tried damage control next. "I-I mean, if y-you want it and so does he...why isn't-why

it happen?"

"Good question," Amelia mumbled. She cleared her throat. "I just don't think it's going to happen for us. A few weeks ago- I just- I don't think it's going to happen for us. I don't want to get my hopes up. It's better to expect the worst, right?" Amelia tried to laugh, but it came out forced and fake.

"I-," Jo started. She glanced down at her baby in a desperate attempt to avoid eye contact with Amelia and wrinkled her eyebrows when she saw her son's eyelashes begin to flutter with the beginning signs of waking up. "I guess you're right about that." Jo could sense that Amelia was uncomfortable. She was sensitive to other people's feelings and she knew that something about this conversation was unusually heavy. "I had a scare about a month ago," she tucked her hair behind her ear and began bouncing her leg to lull the baby back to sleep. She didn't think that what she was going to say was going to clear the air or make Amelia feel any less uneasy, but she wanted to let her know that she was passing no judgment and for that reason, she decided to tell her something personal as well. "Alex says he's not upset that it ended up being a false alarm but I can tell that he is. But me? I just...really don't want another baby."

"How did you tell him?" Amelia surprised herself when she heard the question coming from her own mouth. She had no idea what possessed her to ask, but she couldn't take it back. She wanted to know. She was glad she asked. "Was it after you knew it was only a scare?"

"Um…" Jo bit her lip. Suddenly, the roles changed and she was the uncomfortable one. "Not really. I just kind of-I was home alone with both of them and...at this point, I'm kind of used to Alex pulling late shifts. I'm used to being home alone with the kids for a couple hours. But I was stressed and when I went to the bathroom-" She was interrupted by the soft whimper of baby Alex waking up. She bent down and hastily swiped a pacifier from his diaper bag. She popped it in her own mouth first and stuck it in his after she cleaned it off. "I haven't had a period since I had him and that scared me. So I had him buy a pregnancy test on his way home from the hospital. He was right along with me in the bathroom when I took it so he knew that it was false. He knew right away and he's been bummed ever since. He won't admit it but he is. We just don't need another kid. I feel like a single mom sometimes. I can think of a million reasons as to why we don't need another kid right now." She finally turned her head and faced Amelia, feeling comfortable enough to make eye contact again.

"Well, that's good. That's good he was right there with you, so you didn't have to tell him," Amelia stopped and looked around. She watched Owen laugh and jump up with Connor still on his shoulders, and Gracie climbing on his arm. She suddenly felt overwhelmed with guilt, desperate to get it off her chest. She looked at Jo, who was watching her carefully while bouncing the leg with her baby on it. "A few weeks ago I had a miscarriage. I haven't told Owen. He has no idea I was even pregnant. I was only four weeks, so it was barely anything there anyway." Amelia stopped, feeling tears collecting in her eyes. "But I knew. I knew through every single second of it. And I just- I was so busy holding it together after it happened. I couldn't tell him. I couldn't. And now it's been more than three weeks. I can't tell him now. It's too late. I should have told him right then, but I just... couldn't." Amelia tried to smile to hide the tears that were about to spill out. She looked away to compose herself, then looked back at Jo, regretting sharing, but also feeling an immeasurable relief from just saying the words out loud. Suddenly it felt real. Like she wasn't crazy. It was real. It happened. And now someone else knew.

Jo felt tears prick at the corners of her own eyelids. She was surprised, to say the least. Surprised, sorry but more than anything, she felt guilty. Guilty for thinking that her problems with a pregnancy scare were comparable. She felt her heart sink when she felt her son hiccup on her chest and she quickly swallowed a lump in her throat. "...Alex," she turned her head towards the picnic table that Alex was sitting at and carelessly interrupted the conversation he was having with Meredith and Arizona. He turned toward Jo to see what she wanted. "Come take him." Jo insisted, suddenly feeling as if she shouldn't have her four month old blessing in Amelia's presence.

Alex stood up and hurried over to grab the baby, eager to get back to his conversation. He bent down and took the baby off Jo's lap, "What's wrong with him? He need changed?"

"No, just take him." Jo shooed him and the baby away and without another word, Alex took the hefty baby away and back to his own table. Silently, Jo grabbed two purple napkins off the table behind her and slowly handed them to Amelia, as if they were doing something illegal. She moved slowly, tactfully, and carefully, as if sudden movements would disturb Amelia. "...I won't even say that I'm sorry," her voice came out in a tone just slightly above a whisper. She shook her head and licked her lips. "Sorry won't cover it. And I wouldn't want someone to tell me that they're sorry." She pursed her lips. "...But I am. I'm so sorry." She wanted to put her hand on her shoulder, let her know that she wasn't alone but she couldn't bring herself to. She knew that no amount of condolences could soften the blow of her loss. She couldn't even imagine losing a baby herself. "I'm so, so, so very sorry Amelia."

"The worst part," Amelia continued, finding herself unable to stop now that had finally confided in someone. "The worst part is that I can't stop crying. Just all the time. Whenever I'm by myself, I'm crying, and it's like, what am I doing? I have three beautiful babies. What kind of mother am I to be crying over one I never even knew? I don't know what's wrong with me. I didn't even think I wanted another baby, and now I can't imagine going on without one. I need to tell Owen, but I think- I told myself I was trying to shield him from the pain, but I think- I think I'm just scared he's going to be okay. Because I'm not. He loves those three kids so much, and I know they're enough for him. And as long as he doesn't know, I can pretend he'd be just as broken up about it as I am. I can pretend he would be the same. I can pretend I'm not the worst mother in the world for not thinking my babies are enough."

Jo quietly crept her hand over to the middle of the bench they were sitting on and turned it palm-side up, offering it to her newfound friend. She didn't know much about Amelia aside from the stories she had already heard about her. She knew a few things here and there but as a person, Jo didn't know much about her. She knew herself, though. And she knew, just by hearing Amelia talk, that they were alike in more ways than one. She didn't think that Amelia would want her to make a scene about it by hugging her the way she wanted to hug her. It seemed improper and a bit uncalled for to hug her in front of a bunch of people. So she offered her the only thing she could-a hand. Amelia looked down and stared at the outstretched hand next to her. She took her hand, looking up and giving Jo one small, grateful nod.

"Laying down and crying about your-your

doesn't make you a bad mother. That makes you human." Jo gave her hand a gentle squeeze. "That makes you human, Amelia. You need to tell Owen. He loves you, you know? Everyone knows it. You can tell just by the way he looks at you. He loves you. He'd understand. He'd understand and it wouldn't be so hard for you to do it alone. You shouldn't have to do it alone. You shouldn't have to go through this by yourself. He loves you and he'd understand. He'd be the one person in this world that knows what you're going through. He's the one person that would be in the same position as you. You have to tell him. And then after you tell him, you need to go hug your babies and realize that you still have them to hold onto. Because what you're feeling isn't a bad thing. What you're feeling is normal and what you're feeling is human. It's not that they're not enough. It's that you almost had something. Whoever said it's impossible to miss what you never had? You almost had something...you almost had your baby. That's something worth grieving about. That's not something that makes you a bad...

" Jo shook her head at herself, at how bad her empathetic speech was but honestly, the thought of Amelia thinking that she was a bad mother for grieving over the loss of her child crippled her. She couldn't imagine how anyone could think this way. The thought alone made her want to hug her all over again. But she didn't. Instead, she squeezed her hand again. "He will understand," she whispered. "And if he doesn't...then I do."

Amelia looked at her and nodded, trying and failing to stop the tears building up in her eyes. She took a deep breath before she felt a pulling at her sleeve. Instinctively, she recognized what it meant before she even realized she knew. She gave herself a second to appear like she hadn't been crying, then turned to Ava and Lyla with a huge plastered fake smile. They were damp from the pool with big towels wrapped around them. Amelia tilted her head, not recognizing the towel. It wasn't the one she brought for her.

"Aves, where did you get that?"

"Lyla's daddy," she explained. "We couldn't find you guys!"

"Mommy," Lyla tried to talk through chattering teeth. "I'm-"

"Freezing," Jo finished her daughter's sentence, rolling her eyes. "I'm gonna kill your dad. If he saw you shivering then why the hell…" She let her voice trail off. "Not on your birthday." She mumbled to herself and began rubbing Lyla dry with the towel.

"No mommy," Lyla shook her head. "Hungry. Me and Ava are hungry."

"What do you want?" Amelia asked her daughter. "You want a hot dog?"

"Is they dirty?"

"You mean grilled?" Amelia laughed. "We can scrape that part off." Ava nodded enthusiastically. Amelia stood up and started to lead Ava towards the table with all the food, then looked back at Jo, her silent way of asking if she was coming along.

Jo nodded and stood up too. "Come on, Lala. Come on," she held her hand out for Lyla to take. "Stand in front of me."

Lyla held onto her mommy's hand and dragged her towards the food table. "Mommy, who maked that?" She turned her nose up and pointed to the container of pasta salad with purple noodles. "I'm not eating that."

"I'm not in the mood for you to be picky, Lyla Isabella." Jo grabbed a plate and hovered over the pasta salad. "Aunt Steph made it and the noodles are just dyed with food coloring. It tastes the same. You like pasta salad," Jo scooped some on her daughter's plate. "You're the one that asked Aunt Steph to use purple noodles so it looked like Monster High."

"Who maked them?" Lyla pointed to the hamburgers next.

"Oh my god Lyla, go sit down."

"Go ahead, Ava, go with her. I'll bring you a plate," Amelia said, motioning towards the table near the sandbox. Ava looked longingly at the food, then towards Lyla. She decided to catch up with Lyla and wait for her food to be brought to her.

Instead of a table, she found herself shedding her towel next to Lyla's and stepping into the sandbox, sand sticking to the bottom of her feet and crawling up her lower leg when she kneeled down into it. She picked up a shovel and started digging, temporarily forgetting the growling noises her stomach was yelling at her.

Lyla spotted Ava in the sandbox and excitedly ran over to her. "Whatcha makin'?" Ever since she was baby and Alex and Jo had taken her to beach down in California when they went to Disneyland, Lyla hated sand. She didn't like the way it stuck to your skin and got between your toes and she didn't like all the creepy, crawly bugs that lived in it. She couldn't resist being with Ava though. So she kneeled down in the sand too and observed her friend. "A sandcastle?"

"Wanna help?" Ava picked up a pale and handed it to her. "We gotta pack it down real good, otherwise it will all fall out. My sister told me. She's eight, she knows everything."

"Wow," Lyla said with a sense of amazement in her voice. She had never known of anyone that was eight before. She must've been a real big kid. "I bet her even knows where babies come from." Taking Ava's advice, she began packing the sand down hard. "Mommy says they come from your belly but how to they even get in there?"

"My daddy told me it happens cause of love. But don't worry. You gotta be a grownup. I think you gotta know how to drive and stuff."

"Yeah, and you gotta know how to take a bath by yourself. Mommy says that's important. I can take a bath by myself though. You just can't go pee pee in the bathtub, that's all. It's like a swimming pool that you can't go pee pee in."

Ava listened intently while patting on the bottom of the pail. Tipped upside down, once they lifted it up, they would have a sandcastle. It was a little hard to talk while also building castles, so she had to devote her focus. After much concentration, she jumped back in shock and squealed in delight when the castle actually held.

"Lyla! Lyla, look! We did it! We did it!" Ava was practically yelling, looking around for more people to tell. By the time she looked back, there was a giant foot on top of it, making it crumble underneath them. Ava stared open-mouthed at the bully in front of her, not hiding her utter shock. She couldn't understand why anyone would do something so horrible. Lyla looked up and sighed when she recognized that face.

"Go 'way, Megan," she whined. "Why you have to do that? We wasn't bothering you."

"Because I felt like it." The blonde little girl laughed in the two six year old's faces and shook her head. "You guys are such babies. Don't you know that's not a real sandcastle? That's a lame sandcastle."

"It's a good-"

"No, it's lame. Just like you."

"That was mean," Ava said, still in somewhat shock. She had never experienced someone that was so mean for no reason. Lyla, however was no stranger to Megan. She had seen the ten year old around a few times before. Megan's father worked with Alex up on the Peds floor and for that reason, Megan was automatically invited to the party. If Lyla had it her way though, Megan would've been far, far, far away from her birthday party. Megan was always messing with Lyla.

"All I hear is barking. Lyla, did you get a puppy?" Lyla wrinkled her brow, clearly not understanding Megan's sarcasm. Megan cackled and bent down to pat Ava's head. "Good doggy, now roll over!"

"Don't touch me!" Ava grabbed Megan's wrist and threw it down, back to her side. "I'm not a doggy! And if I was, I would still be better than you! If I was a doggy, I'd pee on your mean face! And at least peoples like doggies! Cause if anyone liked you, you wouldn't be such a fat head!"

Lyla looked at her friend with a surprised look on her face. "...Yeah!" She just agreed with Ava because there's no way she could've hurled better insults than that. "Now go 'way! Or I'm telling my daddy or somefing." Lyla's voice got quiet. She wished she could say something half as good as what Ava said but she decided to settle. The worst thing she could think of was telling her daddy and that was that.

"Woof! Woof woof!" Ava barked.

"You guys are weirdos," said Megan, clearly uncomfortable at how close Ava was getting. She backed away, and turned around, rolling her eyes. When she was gone, Ava looked at her friend with triumph.

"...You gotta teach me how to do that," Lyla smiled at Ava, still shocked that her her words packed enough of a punch to get rid of Megan.

"It's easy," Ava said, smiling back. "But you don't gotta know, cause I'll be there wif you."

"Really?" Lyla raised her eyebrows. She really wished she had Ava around last school year when Kenzie and Gigi pulled her off the monkey bars and broke her arm. She really wished she had an Ava to stick up for her all the time. "Fank you, Ava. I-" Just as Lyla leaned in to hug her friend, Jo and Amelia stood near the edge of the pavilion and waved the two little girls over. "...You still hungry?"

Ava looked over to the plate in front of her mom, noticing the scraped hot dog with the purple noodles. She ran over and put a purple noodle in her mouth.

"It's good," Ava said after thinking about it. "It don't even taste like purple."

"Wait Ava," Lyla grabbed her own plate off of Jo and put it on the table. "You gotta eat it like doggies eat. Like this." Lyla held her wet hair back and dived head-first into her own pile of purple noodles. "Woof woof!"

"Good thinking!" Ava giggled and stuck her head into the plate, but forgetting to pull her hair back. It fell in strings around her when she stood straight up again, pasta falling out of the corners of her mouth.

"Why are we eating like doggies eat?" Jo questioned. "We're people, not dogs. Stand up straight and eat right, Lyla." Lyla just looked at Ava and giggled. Clearly her mommy didn't get the inside joke.

"Ava?" Amelia questioned.

"A meanie girl came over and said I was a doggy, so I barked at her and scareded her away! It was so funny! Right Lyla?"

"Yeah! Mommy, Ava barked at Megan and her was-"

"Megan?" Jo raised her eyebrow, trying to think of where she heard that name before. She sucked her teeth when she recognized that the name belonged to Nurse Thomas, the head nurse up on the Pediatrics floor. "She called Ava a dog? Seriously?" Feeling sorry, Jo combed her fingers through Ava's pretty red hair. "I'm sorry Ava," she turned to Amelia next. "I told Alex that I didn't want any kids older than nine here and he didn't listen. I'm sorry."

"Ava, are you okay? Why would she say something like that?"

Ava shrugged, nonplussed. She licked the ketchup around her mouth from her hot dog. "She broked our sandcastle and called Lyla lame. She not very nice, but I took care of it. Don't worry about it, Mommy."

"Oh? Is that so?"

"She not gonna bother me again," Ava said, very seriously. She tilted her chin down to show how serious she was. "Or Lyla. Or I'm gonna bark at her again!"

"Next time, maybe come get me instead," Amelia suggested, trying to swallow a laugh. She was halfway between reprimanding her daughter and congratulating her. "We can handle it together. Okay?"

"I didn't have time," Ava defended. "She TOUCHED my head."

Jo's jaw dropped. "Oh my god, no," she shook her head. "I'm gonna go talk to Alex. There's no way-she has to leave. I'm serious. I'm not having this at her party. Not today."

"Mommy, it's okay," Lyla touched Jo's arm. "Ava handled it. I promise."

Jo looked down at her daughter then back up at Amelia, trying to gauge how she felt about the situation.

"Ava, what did we talk about?" Amelia asked. "About being mean back when someone says something you don't like?"

"This is different, Mommy," Ava explained. "It wasn't just me. She was being mean to my best friend. That's different, right? You said you're 'apposed to stick up for the people you love."

"I did, and you did a good job sticking up for Lyla. But next time come to me, okay?"

Ava shrugged, figuring there was no point in arguing anymore. In fact, she thought she might like to see the look on Megan's face next time when she got her mommy involved. Then Megan would surely be sorry.

"What do you say to Ava, La?" Jo sighed and stroked her daughter's hair, deciding against making a scene. It was Lyla's birthday party and she thought that addressing the issue with Alex after the day was over would be the best way to go. After all, he was the reason Megan was even at the party in the first place. "Tell Ava thank you."

"I did mommy."

"You did?" Lyla nodded. "Ava, did she tell you thank you?"

"Uh-huh," Ava nodded, then an added an afterthought after she swallowed her bite of pasta. "But she don't gotta thank me for just being her friend."


	47. Not Again

**Jo finds out that Lyla is afraid of her parents divorcing again.**

* * *

Jo wandered through the hallway with her hands in her pockets, looking for the door that read "Mrs. Smith." Picking Lyla up from school was not in her usual routine. It was Alex's unspoken chore to pick her up from school and this was the first time Jo had been in the first grade hallway since school started, three weeks ago. She found the door covered in familiar flower decals and realized she was in the right place. Before entering the classroom though, Jo's attention was caught by artwork plastered on the wall beside the door. Her eyes wandered around the wall in search of her daughter's paper and as soon as she found it, she smiled.

She read over the assignment explanation hanging on the wall and raised her eyebrows when she saw that the purpose of the assignment was for the children to tell the teacher about themselves, since it was a new school year and a new teacher. Jo read over Lyla's with a smirk. The six year old drew her self-portrait in the space provided, and a giggle slid out of Jo's mouth when she saw that her daughter drew herself with brown skin and yellow hair. For eyes, she gave herself two green dots and she was missing a tooth down on the left side of her smile. She slid her fingertips along the paper and smiled to herself.

Sighing, she took her hand away from Lyla's artwork and entered the classroom, excited to see her daughter after a long day. She stood near the coatrack and eyed Lyla from across the room. The six year old was sitting a small table that was empty, due to the fact that her table mates had already been picked up by their parents. To anyone that didn't know her, it seemed as if Lyla was just being her usual quiet self by having her head down on the table and swinging her feet. But Jo, who knew her better than she knew herself, knew that the only reason her daughter's head would be down is if she was tired. She weaved through the sea of unoccupied and occupied tables and made her way over to her little girl.

"Hey bubbles." Jo knelt down beside her daughter and laid her hand on her back. Lyla picked her head up from her table and yawned. "Are you sleepy?" She stroked her fingers through Lyla's hair and cupped her cheek. Lyla nodded her head. She was happy to see her mother but too tired to express it. "Come on," Jo stood up and held her arms out. "Let's go home." She picked Lyla up and put her on her hip. "Did you have a good day in school?" Lyla nodded again. "Yeah? What'd you do all day?"

"We did adding," Lyla yawned again and put her head on her mother's shoulder. "And spelling." Her voice softened to a whisper as she struggled to keep her eyes open.

"Adding and spelling?" Jo grabbed her backpack off the rack and carried it. "Sounds like you had a loaded day. You wanna go home and take a nap? Mommy can use a nap too." She carried Lyla to the door and adjusted her positioning so she didn't fall.

"Mrs. Karev!" Lyla's teacher, Mrs. Smith, called out to Jo just as she was fixing to leave the room. Jo turned around quickly and waited for the teacher to make her way over to her. It was unusual for Lyla's teacher to want to talk after the day was over so Jo prepared herself for something that was going to make her angry with Lyla. The only time Lyla's teachers wanted to have a conversation is when she misbehaved and needed to be corrected. "I was just wondering if you had a minute; I'd like to discuss Lyla's behavior today."

"Oh god," Jo mumbled. "What'd she do?"

"Oh, nothing! She was perfect today." Mrs. Smith waved her hand to dismiss Jo's concern and shook her head with a laugh. Jo calmed a bit. It was reassuring to know that Lyla hadn't done anything naughty but still, it was alarming to know that there was something the teacher wanted to talk to her about. "Um, she was just a little…out of it today? She wasn't participating as usual, there was an incident where I caught her falling asleep during the lesson. After lunch she livened up a bit but she still seemed pretty… _upset_ to me. Just not usual…Lyla behavior."

"She…" Jo's voice trailed off as she tried to think of an excuse for Lyla's behavior. She didn't want the teacher to think that Lyla was being mistreated and/or abused at home. She wanted the teacher to know that Lyla was one of the most loved children in her class but how could she possibly excuse her six year old falling asleep in class. There was no excuse. "We have a baby in the house. A four month old. She must be tired. I'll see to it that this doesn't happen again. I'm very sorry."

"It's not a problem. Lyla's not a problem. I just wanted to make sure she was okay."

"Thank you, ma'am," Jo rested her cheek against Lyla's head and bit her lip. She herself felt the urge to cry. She thought that and Alex had gotten the baby's crying under control and that Lyla was able to sleep better at night but she must've been wrong. "I'll make sure she gets a good night's sleep tonight. It won't happen again."

"Take care, Mrs. Karev. And I'll see you tomorrow, Lyla." The teacher patted Lyla on the back and shot Jo a hopeful smile.

"Let's go home and get you some rest, bubbles." Jo whispered in Lyla's ear.

"Here, eat more of this…I want your belly full." Jo used the side of her fork to cut up more of her meatloaf. She held the fork beside Lyla's mouth and waited for her to eat it. Lyla felt a lot better after taking an hour long nap but Jo knew that there was still something wrong with her by the way all she wanted to do was lounge around and lay on her chest. Lyla took the bite off her mom's fork and laid her head back down on Jo's shoulder. "What's the matter, bubbles? What's wrong?"

"Nuffing." Lyla shook her head and chewed, continuing to watch Sofia the First.

"Really?" Jo challenged and held another bite of meatloaf to her daughter's mouth. "Because you know if there's something wrong, you can tell me…right?"

"Nuffin's wrong, mama." Lyla insisted and wrapped her arm around Jo's waist. "When's daddy coming home? He's coming home, right?"

"Yeah, he'll be home in a little bit. He and Ally will be home. He got stuck in surgery. He had to replace a little baby's kidney…you know where your kidney's at?" Lyla shook her head. "Right here." Jo pointed to her kidney. "He'll be here though." She patted Lyla on her butt and put her cheek against her head. "Lyla?"

"Huh mommy?" Lyla lifted her head up.

"What's wrong?"

"Nuffing!"

"You know mommy has super powers. You know mommy always knows when you're lying. You know mommy always knows when something's wrong. So if something's wrong, you gotta tell me." Lyla looked away from her mom. "Ally didn't wake you up last night and your teacher told me you were really sad all day. What's the matter?"

"…You and daddy fight all night…last night." Lyla admitted, still refusing to look at her mother. "I don't want daddy to go no more mommy. I miss him….I just got him back. You guys fight…that means he'll go away again. But I just got him back."

"Oh, Lyla…" Jo shook her head and put her dinner plate on the coffee table. She pulled Lyla onto her lap and held her. "No, sweetie…that's not for you to worry about. Mommy and daddy are SO sorry that you had to listen to us fight but you…you don't worry about that. You're a baby—you're my baby and you don't worry about me and daddy. That's not your job, you hear me? Daddy's not going away. Mommy…" Jo's voice trailed off as she thought about what she was about to say. She licked her lips and bit her lip. "Mommy promises that she won't make daddy go away anymore. Okay?"

Lyla nodded her head.

"…Let's finish your dinner now. And I'm sorry we kept you up."


	48. Don't Leave

**Alex has to go on a trip for work, which worries both Lyla and Jo.**

* * *

Jo stood in the doorway and watched as Alex buzzed around the room, busily pulling shirts, pants and underwear out of various drawers. In her arms, baby Alex's eyes roamed the room and he watched, just like his mother, but without a sense of comprehension. Jo put her hand on the baby's back, more so to comfort herself than him. "When are you going to be back?" She asked him, licking her lips and trying to choke back tears of her own.

"I dunno," Alex unzipped a brown suitcase and threw it open. He began folding up the shirts he threw on the bed so they were small enough to fit. "Arizona didn't say. Probably in a day or two. We're just gonna do the transplant and then be on our way. We're flying in tomorrow morning, doing the surgery tomorrow afternoon, sleeping at the hotel tomorrow night and coming back after that. So a day…two days at the most."

"Oh," Jo swallowed a lump in her throat and continued to watch him with a heavy heart. She hated to question him. She didn't want to question him and ask him where he was going and when he'd be back. Asking him those kinds of questions brought their relationship back to a marriage level and they clearly weren't at that point. As far as Jo was concerned, Alex really didn't have to tell her when he was leaving, when he'd back and who he was going to be with. They weren't married any longer and technically, he wasn't her business. But she wanted so badly to know these things. "Are you...excited?"

"Eh, not really." Alex shrugged and began folding up a few pairs of jeans. "It's just work. You know how much I hate working in other hospitals too. I'm not that excited but you know Arizona, she just wanted me to go with her." He stuffed a few pairs of pants into the suitcase and started on his underwear next. "I'm not excited about leaving the kids. Even if it is for a day." He stuffed his underwear into the suitcase next and sat down to fold up his socks. "Not excited about leaving you," he mumbled.

"Huh?" Jo raised her eyebrow, unsure if she heard him correctly. Alex shook his head and just continued packing. In his mommy's arms, little Alex grabbed a chunk of Jo's hair and brought it to his mouth. With his gums, he gnawed on a handful and hummed as he did. "No Alex, don't chew on mommy's hair." She pried her hair out of his hands and bounced him to keep him happy. "So you're leaving tomorrow morning?"

"Yeah," Alex nodded his head and continued stuffing socks into his suitcase. He could sense that something was wrong with Jo but he didn't know what. "Around 5:30. You gonna be alright getting bug off to school?"

"Do I have a choice? It's not like you can delay your plane." Jo pursed her lips, struggling to keep her tears in her eyes. She didn't want him to leave, even if it was only for one day. She didn't want to be home alone with two children, she didn't want to lay in bed alone again after three months of sleeping with him and above all else, she didn't want to be without him. She couldn't tell him that she was going to miss him though. Admitting that was weakness. "I'll be okay."

"Jo, don't pick a fight with me tonight. It's not like I'm leaving you to go sit in the lap of luxury, I'm leaving to—"

"Alex, I'm literally not picking a fight." Jo's tone immediately got defensive but her voice cracked. She didn't want to cry but she could feel herself getting ready to and for that reason, she walked over to the bed and laid her son on a pillow. "I'm not even picking a fight with you, I'm just—"

"'Do I have a choice? It's not like you can delay your plane'," Alex mocked her in the best impression of her voice that he could offer. "What was that? Because it sounded like you were picking a fight with your constant smart-ass remarks. I'm tired of it, Jo. You always have something smart to say," he sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose. "When are you gonna forgive me?"

"What the hell? I literally didn't say anything! This is YOU picking a fight! Alex, I've been silent for the last month! When's the last time I've said anything smart? I'm not trying to pick a fight. I'm sorry if you feel that way but I really wasn't trying to get smart. I was just saying…" She sat down on the bed and buried her face in her hands. "I don't want you to go," she sniffed. "I don't wanna miss you." As soon as he heard her say that, he stopped packing. "I love you…" She whispered.

"…Jo, I'm coming back." He mumbled under his breath. "It's not like I'm leaving for good, I'll be right back in a day. I'm not—"

"Can't you just say that you love me too?" Jo took her hands away from her face and sniffed again.

"I love you," Alex scooted up on the bed and sat beside her. "I love you so much, you know that. You know I don't wanna leave. You know I don't wanna leave you and the kids. But it's only for a day. It's for a day and then I'll be right back." He wrapped his arms around her and squeezed. "I love you, Jo. So damn much."

"I know you don't have to tell me but can you just…tell me anyway?" Jo rested her head on his chest and kept her arms draped around his body. "Who are you going to be with and where exactly are you going?"

"It's just me and Arizona and we're going down to UCLA. It's an hour plane ride." He answered without hesitation. Alex didn't see the problem in telling Jo where he was going and what he'd be doing. He knew that in all technicality, he didn't have to tell her because they weren't together, but he also felt that as the mother of his children and the woman he loved, she had somewhat of a right to know. "…Now will you help me pack? I have no idea how to fold my underwear."

Jo giggled and reluctantly took her arms away from Alex. "First of all," she gently picked the baby up off the pillow she laid him on and kissed his cheek. "Take him." With another gentle kiss to the baby's forehead, she passed him off to his father. Alex gladly took the baby and replaced Jo's lips on his forehead with his own. "Second of all, you have way too many clothes for just one day. You don't need—"

"Daddy?" Lyla poked her head around the corner of the bedroom and looked inside to see if the coast was clear. She didn't hear any swear words or screechy yelling coming from the room so clearly her parents weren't arguing, but it was very touch and go sometimes. "Mommy?" Her eyes fell on the suitcase that Jo was currently repacking and her heart sank. She knew what suitcases were for and there was only one reason why one would be getting packed. She remembered a time before when her mommy packed a suitcase. The last time her mommy packed a suitcase, the two of them moved out of the house and she had gone an entire week without seeing her daddy. The last time her mommy packed a suitcase, there was such a thing called "divorce."

"Hey butthead," Alex greeted his daughter as he shifted the baby over to his other arm. "What's up?"

"Mommy, where you going?" Completely ignoring her father, she turned to Jo and pointed to the suitcase. "You leaving?"

"No honey, this is for daddy."

"Daddy leaving?!"

"Yeah," Jo nodded. "Daddy's leaving. He'll be back though. You'll see him in a little while."

"NO!" She screamed at the top of her lungs and bolted into the bedroom, jumping up on the bed and throwing her arms around her father. "No daddy, don't go! Don't go!" She squeezed her arms very tight around Alex's neck and tears began rolling down her cheeks. "Please daddy. Stay with me…okay? Don't go daddy. Don't go again. I need you, daddy. I need you."

"Lyla...," Alex looked at Jo, hoping she'd know what to say. He rubbed his daughter's back and held her close to his body but he truly didn't know what to say. Jo always knew what to say though. He needed her guidance. Jo stopped packing Alex's suitcase and sat down. In truth, she didn't know what to say either. She couldn't comfort her daughter when she didn't want Alex to leave either. "I'll be back in a couple days. It's for work. Daddy's gonna go fix a baby and then I'll be back, alright? I'm coming right back."

"No." Lyla shook her head and kept her arms around him. "Please don't leave me daddy. Please stay here."

Jo cleared her throat and finally stood up. "Baby," she placed her hand on Lyla back but before she decided to take her out of Alex's arms, she took the baby instead. She figured she shouldn't rip her daughter away when she wanted her father so much already. "Lala, daddy will be right back. He's not leaving for good. He's coming back. We can Face-Time him. I'll set up the iPad and we'll Face-Time him. Okay? He'll be right back."

"You promise you be back, daddy?" Lyla took her arms from around her dad's neck and pulled back. "Promise?"

"I promise I'll be back." Alex kissed her cheek. "And you know daddy doesn't break promises." Lyla sniffled, still very upset. "When I come back, me and you are gonna go to the movies, okay? And we're gonna see whatever you want. I promise. Just me and you. No mommy, no baby. Just me and you. I promise." He watched with a heavy heart as his daughter rubbed her eyes. "Give me a kiss now." He puckered his lips. Lyla leaned forward and pecked her dad on the lips before giving him another hug. "Love you, Ly."

"I love you too, daddy."


	49. What Are We Doing?

**Jo and Alex discuss the affects their fighting has on the kids.**

* * *

"Alex," Jo mumbled as pulled three damp wipes out of the package. "Stop doing that." She gently swatted the baby's hands away from the area and wiped him clean. The baby laid still on the couch and looked up at his mommy, cracking the toothless grin that seemed to be permanently plastered on his face. As soon as Jo stopped wiping, he put his hand back between his legs and occupied himself. "Stop playing with your pee-bug," Jo moved his hand away again. "Don't do that. No!"

The baby kept his hand on his chest and continued smiling at his mommy. He really did think she was the greatest thing in the world. She was pretty, she was funny and she was so gentle. Mommy was the best thing in this world. She always made him smile. Jo strapped a fresh diaper around his waist and snapped his onesie again. "You smilin' at me?" She picked him up and pressed her lips to his very tiny ones. "You always smilin' bubby. You got a lot to smile about, huh?" At his mother's mindless babble, baby Alex of course, just smiled. "Yeah…mommy's smiley bubby," Jo kissed his cheek. "Love that smile."

She scooted back on the couch and cradled the baby in her arms, noticing that the clock read 4:30 which meant that it was time for his nap. She held a pacifier in his mouth and began swaying back and forth to put him to sleep. "Night night," she whispered to him. Alex adjusted his head on her chest so he could hear her heartbeat; a gesture that he always did. He enjoyed listening to Jo's heartbeat as it reminded him of being inside her. His memory, of course, was hazy but he vaguely remembered hearing her heartbeat from the outside for the first time. He vaguely remembered being put on her chest and hearing the familiar "thump-thump-thump", the same sound he had spent nine months inside falling asleep to.

Once she heard no more whimpering from him, Jo looked away from the TV and down at her chest to see if he was really asleep. Baby Alex was a good baby, he truly was. He never cried much, he had a bubbly and happy personality, he loved almost everyone and when it was time to go to sleep, he didn't fight it. He was a pleasant baby. She elevated her arms just a bit and brought her face down to plant a soft kiss right in the middle of his forehead.

As the baby drifted off into a deeper, more peaceful slumber and Jo lost herself in a trashy, overdramatic Lifetime movie, the door to the loft slid open and a gentle stir came from the corner. Jo turned around to see who it was that was coming in the house, although she knew that it could only be Alex.

Sure enough, Alex shuffled into the loft with their daughter in tow. Lyla was in her dad's arms, her head lifelessly and unconsciously slumped over his shoulder and she was clutching a brown paper bag of popcorn. He closed the door behind himself and looked around, noticing that Jo was holding the sleeping baby.

Jo secured the baby neatly against her chest and turned her head completely around to face Alex and her daughter. "How was the movie?"

"It was cute at first," he answered. He gently pulled the paper bag out of Lyla's hand and put it on the counter. "I wouldn't know how it ended though," he carried Lyla over to the living room and sat down with her still on his shoulder. "She didn't make it 'til the end so I left. I didn't want her in there sleeping."

"Aww," Jo looked over at her daughter and smiled at the way her mouth was open as her cheek was smashed against her father's shoulder. "Go put her in her room…I'm gonna go stick him in his."

"Alright." Alex stood up and carried Lyla back to her room as Jo carried the baby to his nursery.

Alex tucked Lyla neatly away in her bed and in the nursery, Jo laid the baby down in his crib. The pair went back to the living room and when Jo sat down on the couch, Alex sat next to her. "…Thanks for taking her," Jo whispered. "She really needed that, you know. She just…thinks you're gonna leave and never come back sometimes."

"I know," Alex nodded. "It's kind of a shame that she thinks that way."

"I know."

Jo sat back against the couch and stared blankly at the TV while Alex did the same. The silence between them was peaceful yet somewhat deafening. In the silence hung words that the two of them needed to say but couldn't figure out how to. Jo's mind raced with a way to start off the things she needed to tell him. She needed to tell him that she wanted to stop the fighting for good, thank him for being a good dad, tell him that all the fighting isn't right for the kids and finally, tell him that she loved him. Alex's mind raced with some of the same thoughts. He just didn't quite know how to tell Jo that he was sorry. He just didn't know how to approach her.

"…What are we doing to our kids, Alex?" Finally, Jo broke the silence. Alex turned his head and looked at her. "Our baby girl…Alex, she fears for you to leave the house…what are we doing? Our baby boy knows nothing but screaming and yelling. What are we doing to them?"

"I don't know," Alex shrugged his shoulders. "But I don't want to do any of this anymore, Jo. I'm tired of it. I'm sick of the screaming, the fighting, the cussing. You're right. Lyla shouldn't be scared for me to leave the house and she shouldn't be living in fear that we're going to split up again. And I damn sure don't want my son growing up thinking that a mommy and daddy are supposed to scream and yell at each other. This has got to stop, Jo."

"Of course it has to stop." Jo shook her head. "I can't keep living like this and Alex, if we can't get this together then…then we have to split again. If we can't be—"

"Don't say that, Jo."

"I have to say that. What kind of mother would I be if I didn't say that? I can't let my six year old and my four month old grow up in a house where mommy and daddy are screaming all the time. So if we can't get this together then Alex, we have to split again. We have to get this together…I don't know if I can do this again."

Alex put his hand on Jo's knee and squeezed. "Let's get it together then," he mumbled. He leaned in, got closer to Jo and tilted his head. "Let's get it together."

"Fine," Jo scooted closer to him too. "Let's."

When their lips touched, Jo parted her lips and slipped her tongue into Alex's mouth. For the first time since they reconciled whilst baby Alex was in the hospital, the two of them kissed deeply, passionately, so steamily. Alex's hands gingerly cupped Jo's face and held her still as he deepened the kiss. As the kisses weakened her, Jo leaned back until finally, her back was against the couch and Alex was on top of her.

"Alex," she breathed. "I don't think we—"

"Why not?" He held himself up and stared down at her with lustful eyes. "The kids are sleep."

Jo looked up at him and bit her lip. "…Yeah, you're right."


	50. Puppy Love

**Lyla tells Alex she thinks she's in love.**

* * *

Lyla put down the purple crayon she was coloring with and looked up at her dad, who was moseying around the kitchen trying to figure out where Jo put the no-collapse bottle nipples. She looked at the clock and sighed when it read "4:32." She didn't know too much about time but she did know that by the time the clock read "4:30" every day, Jo was usually home from work and making dinner. Of course, the one day she actually needed to talk to her mommy, she was late coming home.

"Daddy?" She swung her feet as she sat at the table and drummed her fingers, feigning impatience. "You know when mommy's comin' home?"

"She should be on her way," Alex answered her. He popped a nipple into the bottle ring and screwed the cap on, bending down to the bouncy swing near the refrigerator to hand the bottle off to his son. "She's running a little bit late but she's coming home butthead, don't worry."

In his swing, baby Alex kept his hands on his stomach and refused to hold the bottle that his dad was offering. At five months old, he was almost professional at holding his own bottle, as long as it was propped against something. He was grasping the concept of holding it and pulling it away when he needed to breathe and he was more than capable of holding it himself but today, he was feeling rather lazy. He didn't feel like holding it himself so he kept his hands placed neatly on his bare stomach and looked up at Alex with drool streaming down his chin.

"Come on, man," Alex sucked his teeth. "Quit being lazy. Either you want it or you don't. I'm sick of babying you all the time. You either hold it or you starve." The baby's lips curled up as he gave his father a goofy looking grin. "No," Alex shook his head. "That smiling crap doesn't work on me like it works on mommy. You can't flirt your way outta holding this bottle."

The baby tilted his head back a little and opened his mouth as he smiled, sputtering out a soft, innocent giggle. He thought daddy was funny. He had no idea what he was saying but that was the funny part. He knew by the tone of his voice that he wasn't happy and he found that in itself to be funny. He kicked his feet and gnashed his gums together, trying to talk back to his daddy. The only noises he managed to make were slobbery grunts and shrieks.

"You need to man up, dude." Alex playfully slammed the bottle down on the counter and huffed as he bent down to take his son out of his swing. "I don't know who you think is gonna keep holding this stuff for you. It's time for you to grow up. You're gonna be half a year next month. Time to grow up." He swiped the bottle off the counter and tilted it downward, gently easing the nipple into the baby's mouth. As his son began to suck hard and feed, he elevated his arms just enough so that he could ease his own head downward and plant a kiss on his forehead.

At the table, Lyla picked her crayon back up and attempted to continue coloring the bunch of grapes on her homework sheet. When she moved on to color the stem bright green, a cheeky smile worked its way across her face as she remembered something that had happened to her in school just a couple hours ago. She kept her head geared downward so her father couldn't see her cheeks as they flushed bright red. She put the green crayon down as she couldn't concentrate on anything besides her pleasant memory. She quickly wiped the grin off her face and slid out of her chair. She needed Jo, desperately at this moment. She walked over to the window in the living room and pulled the curtains back, looking down in the parking space for her mother's car, which wasn't there.

"Hey punk," Alex called her, which made the six year old spin around and look at him as if she had just been caught doing something naughty. "Go finish your homework. You have gymnastics tonight, remember? Homework done or you're not going."

"I need mommy, daddy." Lyla dragged her feet back over to the table, in too good a mood to argue with her dad about why she didn't want to finish her homework. "When's mommy coming? I NEED her."

"What do you need her for?" Alex secured the baby in his arms and propped the bottle against his chest so he didn't have to hold it any longer. His arms were beginning to cramp under the baby's weight and he needed to rest them. "You need some help with your homework?" He sat down at the table next to his daughter and examined the worksheet. "Daddy's not as smart as mommy but I can give it a shot."

"No, not homework. I hafta talk to her about something." Lyla shifted her position in her chair and leaned forward to gaze at her brother, who was more than halfway done with his bottle. She reached out and gave the fat rolls on his stomach a subtle pinch. "I need her abice."

"You need her advice?" Alex raised his eyebrow. "For what?"

"Something," she hesitated. "You wouldn't unna'stand. It's a girl thing, daddy."

"A girl thing?" Upon hearing that, Alex backed off. From the moment he and Jo found out that they'd be having a little girl, he knew that someday there would be things that she could talk to Jo about but not him. He knew that when the time came for her to "become a woman" he'd be booted out of all conversations. He just knew that someday, this would happen…he wasn't expecting it to be a six years old though.

"Yeah," Lyla nodded and started blushing. "I want mommy."

"What kind of girl thing is this? Is there something happening at school?" Alex's suspicions rose. He tried to appear as calm as he removed the now empty bottle from little Alex's mouth and propped him up on his shoulder. He began whacking the baby on his back to get him to burp. "What's going on, boog? You know sometimes you can tell daddy girl stuff. If it's important girl stuff. You don't always have to wait for mommy."

"…Okay," Lyla sighed and cracked a long awaited smile. It seemed as if all she needed was a little extra push to begin spilling her guts. She was bursting at the seams, excited to just tell SOMEBODY what happened to her today. She would've preferred to wait for Jo but she just needed to get it out. "Daddy, I'm in lubb."

"You're in…what?"

"Lubb, daddy! Like you and mommy used to be!" She shyly clasped her hands over her eyes and her cheeks reddened. Her smile was undeniable and unable to be hidden. She was smiling hard and wide, showing off the spaces between her teeth that were missing pearly whites. She kept her eyes covered but continued to speak. "Gage gimme his cookie at lunch today, okay? And Hannah telled me that I should ask him out but daddy, I'm not gonna date him! I don't know if like Gage! But him likes me and hims kinda cute and him got those shoes that light up and he always looks nice daddy but I don't wanna ask him out!"

Alex's jaw clenched and he closed his eyes. He stopped patting the baby's back and he took a long, deep breath. He couldn't believe what he was hearing. She was six! And in first grade! Since when do boys and girls start to like each other at this age?! "You're not in love, Lyla. Stop saying that."

"But daddy, I is! It's just like on Tangled wiff Rapunzel and Flynn! Him makes me happy and smiley and him holded my hand. I in lubb and I don't know what to do! I need mommy! Cause I'm not gonna date Gage!"

"Damn skippy you're not," he mumbled under his breath. "What the hell does Gage look like?"

"Him has spiky hair and glasses…you can meet him tomorrow when you gemme from school! Please meet him, daddy?!"

As he looked at his daughter, his eye twitched. She was only six. SIX. Just yesterday, he was making her bottles and changing her diapers. Just last night, he had tucked her into bed and gave her the necessary goodnight kisses. He still had to wipe her butt if she pooped sometimes for crying out loud! What did she mean she was in love? What did she mean she liked boys? She wasn't allowed to like boys! Not yet, at least! She was still a baby. Not his little girl.

"Daddy, please meet him? And maybe he can come over to play sometimes?"

Alex's eyes widened at that. His eye twitched yet again and his head just started shaking. He didn't want to yell though. He knew that yelling was unfair. She _was_ only six. She didn't know any better. But still, the thought of his daughter even beginning to think of little boys in terms of boyfriend and girlfriend…it unnerved him.

"…Finish your homework, Lyla," he sighed and shrugged his shoulders. He stood up from the chair he was sitting in and put the baby back down in his swing. He pinched the bridge of his nose as he shuffled through the junk drawer for the bottle of Acetaminophen. He felt a headache coming on and he wanted to catch it as soon as possible.

He really wished that he had let Jo handle it instead.


	51. Show Off

**At her gymnastics meet, Lyla wants to show her brother off.**

* * *

Alex folded the purple program he had in his hand, sighing as he plopped down in the chair beside the one Jo chose to sit in. In an attempt to appear helpful, he graciously took the brown and yellow diaper bag, Jo's purse and held the two items as she bent down to the car seat and unpacked the baby. While Jo busied herself with taking the baby out of his seat, he looked around the vicinity and just shook his head. He much rather would've been at an outdoor sporting event.

"It's crowded," he observed aloud. The chairs around the ones they elected to sit down in were full of overzealous parents with digital cameras in their hands and boats of nachos and/or french fries on their laps. "Are we early?" Jo nodded the answer to his question and concentrated on the buckles. "Why are we here so early? You said it started at 1:30."

"Give it a rest," Jo stuffed her hands underneath the baby's armpits and lifted him out of his seat once she managed to get all the buckles undone. She sat down in the chair next to Alex and adjusted the baby's clothes. "We're not that early. She'll be in the second group since she's a level one and when she's done, we can go. Take a chill pill, Alex."

"Still don't know why we couldn't have just signed her up for tee-ball instead," Alex mumbled and unfolded his program. He sighed again and scanned the paper for his daughter's name. "Can't wait for big man to get older…I'd rather be at a football or baseball game."

"You know Lyla actually told me that she wants to play tee-ball?" Jo gave the baby her cell phone to keep him entertained and turned her head to face Alex. "They sent one of those flyers home in her school packet…for the community team? She told me that she wants to play but I told her maybe next year."

"Why would you tell her next year?" Alex huffed, audibly offended that Jo would dismiss tee-ball without even speaking to him.

When he and Jo discussed putting Lyla on her very first organized sports team about two months ago, he suggested the tee-ball or soccer team. Jo insisted that she wasn't ready for sports of that nature and she opted for gymnastics instead. At the time, he agreed to gymnastics simply because he was thankful she had decided to quit dance. He hated sitting through lame dance recitals and gymnastics was a step up…or so he thought. It took him sitting through one of Lyla's gymnastics classes to realize that gymnastics was actually worse than dance.

"Did signups already pass?" He raised his eyebrow, still thinking about tee-ball. Tee-ball was something he could relate to. He knew about the bases, the three outs and the strikes. He could relate to that way more than little girls running around in leotards. "I'm signing her up for tee-ball. If she wants to play tee-ball Jo, I'm signing her up. I'll do it myself."

"First of all, I already talked to the lady in charge and she said that tee-ball runs from age three to five, so she'd have to be on a softball team instead. So I don't know about that, Alex. I don't know if she's ready for that. You know Lyla's not real good with…organized sports yet. She's not really good with following rules and stuff. Maybe she'll be ready next year. It's softball we're talking about."

"She'll be fine Jo," Alex sucked his teeth. "I'll work with her. I'll explain to her about three outs, running the bases and hitting the ball. I'll work with her on fielding too. When are signups? She'll be fine. You're just worried about her getting hurt. I'm sorry, but gymnastics is way more dangerous than softball. At least she'll be wearing a helmet and a face mask. And she'll be starting out with slow pitch. It won't be fast pitch."

"I don't know about it Alex. Maybe we should wait until next year. We're already forking out 35 bucks a week for this. How much is softball going to cost? Isn't that expensive too? And isn't that played in the summer anyway?"

"They've got fall leagues she can play in," Alex answered with a hint of all-knowingness in his voice. "She'll need a helmet, spikes, a face mask, a bat, a glove, a bag and some batting gloves. I'll pick it all up with my next check. I've got it covered. When are signups?"

"Why are you so against gymnastics?!" Jo looked down at the top of baby Alex's head and smirked to herself. She didn't want to admit to Alex that she was hesitant to sign Lyla up for softball because she was scared she'd get hurt. Softball was scary to her. She could get hit in the head with a ball, hit in the head with a bat, she could trip and fall while running around the bases, she could tear some ligaments in her leg while sliding and plus, Lyla wasn't good with following directions so she wouldn't listen to the coach anyway. It was all so scary to her. "Why are you so against this? It's cute. She's gonna learn how to tumble and everything. She could be a little Olympian eventually."

"Because Jo, something about little girls running around in things that show off their asses doesn't sit well with me. I hate it when you stuff her in those leotards, especially when she's not wearing underwear underneath. You know how many perverts come to these things? Just to look at the little girls? I hate this. I'd rather sit through one of those dance recitals. At least they'd wear outfits that covered their asses in dance."

"Alex, you're being unreasonable. It's just a leotard," Jo spoke quietly, knowing that her only defense was a weak one. "Signups are on Tuesday," she sighed. "But I don't want her to quit gymnastics. If she can do both then she's gonna do both. We already paid for her to do six months here. She's gonna do all six months. I'm not letting my money go to waste and she really likes gymnastics. She has fun here and it tires her out."

"Fine, whatever, I don't care. But I'm signing her up for softball. I can't take sitting here through non-contact sports. I can't do this." He closed the program again, smirking at the satisfaction of getting to finally sign his daughter up to participate in something that wasn't stupid. "Can't wait for him to get older," he mumbled and cleared his throat before putting his hands on his knees to get up. "I'm gonna go grab something from the little concession thing. You want something?"

"Just a bottle of water," she answered. She used her hand to smooth the baby's hair down and began bouncing her leg to keep him happy. She leaned forward to look at him and shrugged, unfazed when she noticed that the corner of her cell phone was deep in his mouth. She braced him against her chest and leaned to the side to look through his diaper bag for a toy that was better suited for him to teethe on. She picked up his baby keys and grabbed her phone. "Gimme," she took it off of him. "Here, eat those."

"He's really cute," spoke the lady sitting to her right. She made it a point to lean forward and nudge her glasses up with the tip of her index finger. "How old is he?"

"Thank you." Jo smiled at the woman and scooted the baby up on her lap, proudly showing him off. "He's five months," she hesitated, partly expecting the women to comment on her son's weight like most people that encountered him did. She bounced her leg to get the baby to smile and smiled herself when her gesture worked. Jo wasn't one of those mothers that needed people to tell her that her children were cute. She knew that Lyla was a pretty little girl and she knew that Alex was a handsome little boy and she didn't need people to reiterate it, but she did find that it always felt a little bit better when a perfect stranger told her so. "His name's Alex," she boasted with a proud grin.

"He is the cutest thing I've ever seen." The woman wrapped her hand around Alex's foot and gave it a light shake, attempting to get a smile out of him. "Hey there, cutie." Alex put his keys down and looked at the woman, tilting his head to the side to make himself familiar with her face. After a moment, his lips turned up into his usual grin and he formally introduced himself by giving her a genuine smile. He smiled at everyone this way; even people he just met. He always started off with a smile and it lasted until the person he was interacting with made it go away. "You're Lyla's mother, am I right?" The lady looked up at Jo, her index finger now firmly in the baby's closed fist.

"Mhm," Jo nodded her head and watched the woman interact with her baby with a very keen eye. She always watched people when they interacted with either one of her children, not just the baby. Sometimes it made her nervous when perfect strangers would feel the need to touch her kids but oftentimes, it went away within seconds once she realized that they weren't doing any harm. "Lyla's my daughter."

"I could've guessed," the woman chuckled and sat up, brushing her long blonde hair back with her fingers. "She looks just like you. She hangs around with my little Amanda sometimes. She's just the sweetest little thing."

"Pfft," Jo huffed. "Must be the wrong Lyla. There's nothing sweet about my child."

"Isn't that the case for all children? They're all perfect little angels for everyone except the people they're supposed to be perfect angels for."

"Yeah, that pretty much sums it up," Jo laughed.

When a loud buzzer sounded to command everyone's attention, Jo's eyes went to the middle of the floor and she scanned around quickly to find her daughter. Lyla stood off in a corner next to a dark-skinned little girl with purple glasses and Jo found herself smiling for the fact that it seemed like Lyla had friends at gymnastics. She was sure she'd make friends while playing softball too, but the thought of hard balls being hit at her daughter made her uneasy. Sure gymnastics was a dangerous sport but still, she didn't like the thought of softball.

She slid back in her chair and scooted the baby up on her lap, leaning forward to kiss his cheek.

"Look bubby," she pointed her finger towards the mat that Lyla was standing against. "There's sissy. You see sissy? Say 'Hi sissy!'" Alex's eyes widened when the laid on Lyla. He recognized her almost immediately and his eyes lit up with excitement. On Jo's lap, he bounced up and down and jabbered, as if he was talking to his sister.

Alex made his way back to the seat carrying a bottle of water for Jo, a bottle of Dr. Pepper for himself and a basket of chicken wings. Jo looked at him, then at the food and shook her head. She didn't understand why he felt the need to get food here when he knew that they were going out to eat after they were done with Lyla's invitational. It wasn't an actual meet just yet, considering that she was still only a level one gymnast, but Jo was still excited to see her daughter put together everything she had been working on.

"What'd I miss?" Alex sat down, putting Jo's bottle of water on the ground next to her feet.

"Nothing, it's just now starting. She's on the mat thing." She looked away just as Alex took a bite of one of his pieces of chicken.

The event began and at the request of her instructor, Lyla stepped up on the mat with her other friends and stood with her hands to her side in a straight line. On Jo's lap, baby Alex turned his head and looked at his dad, curiously watching as he took bite after bite. Noticing that he was being watched intently, Alex smirked and tilted his head so he could bite off the top of the chicken wing. He looked at Jo, studying her. He figured that she wouldn't notice, so he took the chicken bone from his mouth and handed it to his son.

At first, little Alex stared at it with wide, confused eyes. His mouth hung open and drool spilled out but he flexed his hand around the bone and curiously brought it up to his mouth. He shoved the entire thing into his mouth and sucked on it, savoring it's hearty flavor. Alex watched him closely to ensure he didn't choke or push the bone too far into his mouth, but he couldn't help but smile. It was baby Alex's first taste of real table food and he seemed to be loving it.

"…Alex," Jo clenched her jaw. "Please tell me you did not give my baby table food."

"I didn't give the baby table food," Alex said, swallowing a laugh. Jo sucked her teeth and leaned forward, shifting the baby to her other side so she could take the chicken bone off of him. "Jo, stop! It's just a chicken bone! Look at him! He's tearing it up!"

"I cannot believe you gave my baby fried chicken, what the HELL is wrong with you?!" Jo snatched the chicken bone from Alex's hand and tossed it into big Alex's basket. She used her shirt to wipe the baby's hands and face free of slobber and grease. "He's five months old Alex, are you serious? You're a freakin' pediatrician, you've gotta know better than that. How many times do I have to tell you, DON'T GIVE THE BABY TABLE FOOD. You already gave him a damn popsicle last week. Next thing I know, you're gonna hand him a freakin' beer bottle! Seriously Alex," she shook her head. "So irresponsible."

"Lighten up," Alex leaned over and took the baby off of Jo, planting a kiss on his cheek. "It was only a chicken wing and he was only sucking on it. I made sure I got all the meat and all the gristle off."

Jo shook her head slowly, still a bit annoyed and looked forward to watch Lyla do her thing. Her eyebrows wrinkled when she realized that Lyla and the group she was standing with was no longer on the mat. She felt a brief wave of panic wash over her as she looked around the small gym in search of her daughter. She didn't think that she had been paying attention to Alex and Alex long enough for her daughter to wander off without her recognition. She narrowed her eyes and looked towards the uneven bars, still no Lyla. She glanced at the balance beam, still no Lyla.

"Mommy!" Lyla navigated her way through the sea of chairs and made her way to Alex and Jo. "Mommy, mommy!" She jumped up on Jo's lap, breathing heavy with a sweaty forehead. "Mommy, didja see me?! Didja?! I did my roll mommy!"

"I saw," Jo lied and picked her up, secretly relishing in the fact that she was within her field of vision again. "You did so good baby girl, I'm proud of you." She began combing Lyla's hair back with her fingers, planting a kiss on her sweaty, salty temple. "Guess what baby? Daddy's gonna sign you up for softball. Do you still wanna play?"

"Uh-huh!" Lyla nodded her head excitedly and leaned back against her mother's chest. "My fwend Taylor plays softaball and she says that it's fun Mommy so I wanna play now too, kay?" Jo sighed. She was hoping that Lyla would've changed her mind. She reluctantly nodded her head. "Mommy, when we gonna eat?"

"Are you done?"

"No, I hafta go on the balancing beam and do my stretches but it's a break now 'acause the twos hafta go," Lyla explained. "Oh, and Mommy?"

"What, baby?"

"…I take Ally over 'dere?" She pointed to the corner where all her friends were sitting around in a circle, talking amongst themselves and waiting for their next event to start. "For a minute? To show him to my fwends? Please Mommy?"

"No, Lyla," Jo shook her head. "Alex isn't a toy. Go hang out with your friends." Jo forced her off her lap and carefully put her down on the floor. "Go 'head, baby," she encouraged as she fixed her leotard around her butt. "Go play with your friends."

"But Mommy, my fwends wanna see him. They wanna seem him real bad Mama. I'll bwing him right back, I just wanna show him to them. They never seen a baby small like him and I wanna show them. Mama, please? Please?"

"No," Jo said, firmer this time. "Now go over there, Lyla. Before I get angry. I said no."

"What are you whining about, butthead?" Alex leaned over to see what was the matter.

"Mommy won't lemme take Ally over 'dere to show him to my fwends even though I bring him right back and I only gonna be right 'dere!" Lyla stomped her foot. "Daddy, they never saw a baby small like Ally and I wanna show them. I'll bring him right back."

"Jo, I don't really see the issue. It's not like she hasn't held him before. She won't drop him," Alex reasoned. "You were little like that once. You know how it is to wanna show off to your friends."

"Yeah, but he's not a toy. He's not some show and tell project. He's a baby." Jo sighed, clearly starting to give in. "….Okay. Lyla, you bring him RIGHT back here, you hear me? Don't stop, don't pass go, don't collect 200 dollars. You take him right over here, you tell your friends that he's your brother and you bring him RIGHT back here, okay? And be careful with him. Remember what I told you about holding him?"

"Hold his head up, don't drop him, keep hands on his back. Got it." Lyla excitedly held her hands out for the baby and beamed once Alex placed him in them. "Ally, we gonna go meet people, kay?" Like a natural, Lyla shifted her weight onto her back leg to support the baby's heftiness and she held him the way she had seen Jo hold him on her hip before. "Make sure you smile, kay?"

Alex looked at his sister and grinned at her, reaching his hand up to touch the sparkly pink bow Jo had tied her hair back with. He pulled on the bow to get it down to his level and once it unfurled, he brought it to his mouth. Jo watched Lyla like a hawk as she carried the baby over to the circle of her friends. She watched as Lyla held the baby on her hip and let all her friends run up and gush over him. She could tell that Lyla liked being the center of attention for the moment, even if it was only because she had her baby brother. The little girls crowded around the baby and gasped their "Awws" and "So cutes" and in that instant, baby Alex's eyes lit up. He wasn't used to being so surrounded by people and he actually liked it. He flashed his cutest grins and gave each little girl equal attention.

Lyla pressed her lips to his cheek a few dozen times, clearly proud that he was her brother. She bounced him a little to keep him happy and even took the bow out of her hair that he was so fascinated with. Jo allowed a smile to creep across her face as she witnessed just how sweet Lyla was capable of being with the baby. She genuinely seemed to love him and that in itself made Jo happy.

"Look at him," Alex leaned forward, watching Lyla and his son as well. He chuckled at the way baby Alex was smiling at all the little girls and reaching out to them. "Flirtin' already…that's my boy."


	52. Happy Halloween

**While Jo works, Alex spends Halloween with the kids as they wait to begin trick or treating.**

* * *

Just as the masked murderer stepped out from behind a door and lifted his knife up to stab another hopeless teenager, Lyla took her eyes off the TV screen and turned her head to her left. She tilted it upward to look at Alex and swallowed the mouthful of chewed-up Kit-Kat so she could talk. Before she opened her mouth to speak to her father, she licked her lips and sucked on her finger, which had traces of melted chocolate on it.

"Daddy," she started, pulling her finger out of her mouth and tapping Alex on the shoulder with her now wet finger. "Daddy, is it time yet?"

Alex pinched the white stick hanging out of his own mouth and pulled the lollipop he had been sucking on out. He too took his eyes away from the movie and looked down at his daughter, who was sitting close to him on the couch with her head rested on the side of his chest and her leg draped across his lap. There was a small, orange bucket full of candy in the space between them, and a blanket spread out across them since Lyla was only still in the t-shirt and panties she wore to bed last night, Alex was still in his boxer shorts and little Alex only had on a short-sleeved onesie.

"Not yet," he answered Lyla and glanced at the time displayed on the cable box. Before sticking his lollipop back into his mouth, he looked down at Alex, who was intently focused on his set of baby keys rather than the movie. "Here," he mumbled to the baby and held the lollipop by his mouth. The baby took a moment but eventually, he grabbed the stick and the lollipop found its way to his mouth. Alex let him suck on it for a few moments before taking it off of him and putting it back in his own mouth.

Upon hearing that it still wasn't time for her to go put her costume on and get ready for trick or treating, Lyla's shoulders drooped, her face fell and with disappointment, she turned back to watch the scary movie that to her, wasn't at all scary. Alex watched her from the corner of his eye and sighed. He didn't have the heart to tell her that it was nowhere near time to go. The town's trick or treating charade didn't begin until 6:30 and it was only 2:45. Lyla still had a while to wait and he knew that she wouldn't be happy if she knew just how long, so he decided not to tell her. Lyla nestled her head in the crease between his arm and his chest and shoveled yet another piece of candy into her mouth.

Truthfully, Alex didn't want to get up at all to take the kids around to beg for candy. To him, this was the ideal situation. Sitting on the couch with Lyla on one side laying on his chest and Alex on the other side laying on his chest was idyllic for him and something cherished, because he didn't get to do it very often. Initially, he wasn't happy with the fact that Jo had to work all day today, which meant that he'd stay home with the kids. He wasn't happy about the fact that he had to wake up, make bottles for the baby, make breakfast for Lyla and be the entertainer for the day. But, as soon as he turned on one of the Michael Myers movies and found the bucket of candy that Jo stashed away for potential trick or treaters, both the kids were content to sit on the couch with him and he was no longer upset to spend time with his kids.

"Daddy?" Lyla mumbled, her eyes still locked on the television screen. To her, none of the Halloween movies were scary. Like any six year old, there were horror movies that she was afraid of. She didn't like Freddy Kreuger and she would cover her eyes over Jeepers Creepers. But she really had found all the Michael Myers movies somewhat interesting and just a little bit humorous. "Why him can never die? They shoot him so much and him can never even die. This is not real."

Alex chuckled, not at all surprised by Lyla's thorough analysis. It never surprised him when Lyla sat back, pondered about something and offered her translation. It was something she did often, something that made him realize just how bright his daughter was and ultimately, something that made him admire just how much of Jo's characteristics she had. She was a lot like Jo with how smart she was and she had a higher level of thinking. Sometimes he really liked to pick Lyla's brain. He liked to play devil's advocate and push her further; he enjoyed hearing her miniature-Jo responses.

"Maybe they just don't shoot him in the right places," he suggested.

Lyla didn't even need a moment to think. Her response was automatic, as if she had been thinking about it for a while now. "Then why they can't just cut his head off? Them guys can cut his head off if shootin' him don't work. And them guys can cut his arm off too so then him really can't hold a knife no more. Why aren't them doing that?"

"Maybe they just aren't as smart as you." Lyla sighed, dissatisfied with her father's answer. She picked up Alex's cell phone off the coffee table and unlocked it. Alex didn't question it. She was always picking up his phone and going to play the games on it. Lyla was the only reason he even had games on his phone. "Stay right here, Ly," he pulled the blankets back and got up off the couch as the movie went to commercial. "I'm gonna go grab a diaper for your brother."

"Ooh Daddy, can I change him?" Lyla dropped the phone on the couch cushions and perked up, excited at the possibility of doing something besides sitting on the couch and watching a dumb, unrealistic movie in which the bad guy never dies. Plus, she loved it when she could take care of her brother. She had changed her baby dolls' diapers countless times but it was never as fun as when she changed Alex's diapers. She loved having a live subject to practice on. "I can do it. Mommy let me once."

"Knock yourself out," Alex tossed the diaper on the couch and sat down. He knew that Alex only peed so he didn't bother to grab the wipes. "Make sure you strap it up real tight. You don't want it to fall down."

"I got it."

Lyla scooted down off the touch and walked around to where her brother was now laying. She pulled apart the buttons on his onesie and pulled it up so that his diaper and half his stomach was exposed. She pulled the straps of the diapers apart too and like a little professional, she pulled the urine-saturated diaper off and put it on the table. She opened the clean diaper up and slid it underneath Alex's butt, backwards at first. It took her until she went to strap it on to realize her mistake. Once she did, she lifted her brother up by his ankles and switched the diaper around so it was right side up.

"Daddy. You know how you don't like it when mumma tries to hit you in your no-no spot?" As she fidgeted with the straps of the clean diaper, she turned her head and asked her dad a question. Alex nodded the answer, halfway listening and halfway concentrating on sending Jo a text message. "Why?"

"Why what?"

"Why you don't like it when mumma tries to hit you in the no-no spot?"

"Cause that hurts," he answered just as he tapped "send" on his message and shuddered just thinking about being kicked and hit between the legs. It really wasn't a pleasant feeling and sometimes when he and Jo would play fight, she'd aim for his nuts. But usually, it was only after he had grabbed her boob. "You ask too many questions, butthead. I'm gonna limit you to three questions a day."

"But daddy," Lyla continued. She strapped her brother's diaper on a little crooked but it worked. Without buttoning his onesie back up, she stuck her tongue out for focus and picked her hefty brother up with a grunt. She kissed him on his forehead and bounced him, trying to make him smile. Alex turned his head away from his sister and looked at his father, secretly wondering when he was going to be awarded some more lollipop. "If you a boy like Ally and Ally a boy like you does it hurt him if him gets hit in his no-no spot?"

"Yes Lyla," Alex answered her question dutifully, as if he was trying to prevent her mind from going any further with that thought. "That would hurt him very, very much. Don't do that to him. Don't even think about it."

"But how you know? What if it don't hurt him? Maybe it's just your no-no spot that hurts."

"Lyla, don't you dare. Don't ever even try it, okay? Trust me. Daddy knows that Al's no-no hurts just as much as his does. Okay? Promise me you won't try it."

"I promise," Lyla sighed and gave in. She really had thought about it on more than one occasion. All she wanted to do was just tap him there. She wasn't gonna do it hard, she was just gonna tap him there to see if it hurts. But if daddy said not to then she wouldn't. She'd listen. "Daddy?"

"What?"

"You think Ally gonna keep his ears on?" Lyla rested her back against the couch since her brother was getting to be a bit heavy. "For trick or treat?"

"He might."

"Daddy?"

"What now, Lyla?"

"Is it time for me to put on my costume yet?"

"No, Lyla. Sit down and watch the movie or go play with your brother. I'll let you know when it's time."


	53. Happy Halloween 2

**When Lyla's best friend is admitted to the hospital on Halloween and unable to go trick or treating with the gang, Alex devises a plan to make all of Ava's dreams come true.**

* * *

Folding the blankets from home on the end of her daughter's hospital bed, Amelia sighed as Ava continued her rant. Her voice had started to crack as she spoke; the slow dissolution of the anger that masked heartache.

"It's not fair," Ava protested. She was doing much better than earlier, the fire in personality being re-lit with her resurgence of energy, but there was still a weakness. A night in the hospital and a bout of tachycardia could wear down most people, but there was something especially susceptible to a five year old that was supposed to be trick or treating. "I don't needa stay here anymore. Gracie and Connor get to go."

"That's because they're going with Lyla. Me and you are going to stay here tonight and watch lots of Halloween movies. And we're going to trick or treating next year."

"But I can go THIS year!"

Lyla sat in the chair beside Ava's bed, all done up in her costume and ready to go. There was a small piece of her that thought that maybe she shouldn't go. Maybe she should stay here with Ava and keep her company since she couldn't go trick or treating tonight after all. She just didn't feel like she should have fun while her best friend couldn't. But the bigger piece of her conscience didn't want to miss out. She had been waiting all day to put on her costume, grab her bag and go beg for candy. She wasn't about to miss out. Still, she wished Ava could come.

"Ava, I can bring you candy okay? I'll get lotsa candy and I bring you some back, kay? Kay?" Lyla tried to offer her friend some degree of comfort but it was virtually useless. She herself knew that having candy brought back and getting it yourself wasn't the same. "I'll bring you some."

"I wanna go with you," Ava mumbled. The offer suddenly made it seem real to her that she wasn't going, and she was truly missing out on getting candy. The thought of Lyla getting bags and bags full made tears line her eyes, so she looked up to the ceiling to keep it together until her best friend left the room.

"Hey," Amelia said, noticing the tears right away. "At least you get to see your favorite doctor today, right?"

"It doesn't matter!" Ava shouted. "It doesn't even matter, cause Dr. Krev is MARRIED! Don't you know that Mommy? He's married and he's never gonna marry me." The harsh truth was too much for Ava, and the tears spilled out.

"Hey Ava," Lyla perked up, seeing this as an opportunity to cheer her friend up. She sprung out of the chair she was sitting in and bounded over to Ava, a smile worn all across her face. She made it over to Ava and began tapping her arm with unwavering excitement. "Ava, guess what? Guess what?!"

"What?" Ava muttered, still looking away.

"My daddy not married, kay?" Lyla shook her head. "Him's not even married no more! Not since him and Mumma gotted dibborce. Him's not! Him's...not single but him's not married! So that's good, huh? That's good right? Right?"

"You're just sayin' that to make me feel better," Ava huffed. "You're not being for serious."

"Uh-huh!" Lyla nodded her head so fast that the bouncy curls Jo put in her hair to go along with her costume flung all over the place. "I'm so for serious! Him's not even married!" she exclaimed. She looked at the expression on Ava's face and decided that honesty was the best policy. "Him like my mommy a lot though so him probably won't marry you but him's really not married so it wouldn't be cheatin'. Right Mrs. Ava's Mommy? It wouldn't be cheatin' cause him's not even married."

"Uh... I'm not sure it works like that, Lyla," Amelia said, her voice full of amusement. "But for now we can just appreciate him as our favorite doctor, right Aves? We don't need to worry about marriage for a long, long time."

"NO," Ava shouted. "I AM thinking! I'm not ever gonna marry anyone else. Dr. Krev is the only person in the whole wide world that I wanna marry and he likes Lyla's mommy and not me and that means I can never marry anyone else. Cause he's the only person I'm ever gonna love, okay? Okay Mommy? If I don't marry Dr. Krev, I not marrying anyone."

"Oookay," Alex's voice entered the room before his body did. He rounded the corner and came into Ava's room, looking down at a paper chart and holding a pen in his right hand. He donned a pair of blue jeans and a brown wool sweater with clean white sneakers. He was dressed to be ready to take Amelia's children and his own trick or treating but he wasn't mentally ready. Mentally, he'd rather do anything than take an eight year old, a six year old, a three year old and a six month old out begging for candy. "Her labs look good so I don't think she's in rejection. Her BP is still a little high though, so I'm gonna watch out for that. If it stabilizes, I'll have her outta here by tomorrow afternoon but I wanna keep her tonight just to be sure."

Amelia nodded as she listened, already expecting that they would be there overnight again. Tomorrow afternoon was great news though.

"Hear that, Ava? Tomorrow afternoon and we might be home."

"Tomorrow afternoon trick or treating is over," Ava said, turning her head away from everyone and crossing her arms over her chest.

"Hey Dr. Ava," Alex sat down on the little girl's bed and wiped the palms of his hands on the knees of his jeans. Gently, he opened up the front of Ava's gown and adjusted the sticky probes that were monitoring her heart. "I know it sucks that you'll be in here for trick or treating," he sighed, empathizing with the little five year old. "But I'll have Lyla bring you half her candy, alright? She'll give you half of whatever loot she gets tonight and I'll bring her back after we're done. But just think...if you went trick or treatin' tonight, you wouldn't even be allowed to eat any of it. Just wait 'til tomorrow when I take this thing outta your arm," he motioned towards the IV he had in her arm that forbade her from eating any artificial sweeteners or foods that weren't heart healthy. "I'll get ya back on burgers and fries by tomorrow, deal?"

"I didn't even get to dress up," Ava huffed, not ready to give up her anger, not even for . "I don't even get to say trick or treat to anyone. I can't eat macaroni and cheese for dinner, I can't even get out of bed! And you aren't even married, and I STILL can't marry you! Everything is wrong, Dr. Krev. Everything is bad, bad, bad. And they gave me the itchy socks this time."

"Well-" Alex started, unsure of how to make sure that Ava's hospital stay wasn't completely bad, bad, bad. There wasn't anything about making a five year old sit in a hospital bed on the night of trick or treating that wasn't bad, bad, bad though. Thankfully, before he had to conjure up a response, Owen appeared in the doorway with Gracie and Connor. Their costumes, wizard vampire and a monkey, and empty bags ready for candy was a fresh sting to Ava's pain.

"They're ready," Owen said, checking his pager. He ignored it and put it back in his pocket, walking into the room towards Ava's bed. He looked between Amelia and Alex when he spoke, ready to accept an answer from either of them. "How is she? She's doing okay?"

"We're hoping to get out of here tomorrow afternoon," Amelia answered.

"Aw man," Owen looked down and finally noticed the sour expression on his daughter's face. "I'm sorry, Ava. I know you were really hoping to be good to go tonight."

"It's not FAIR, Daddy!"

Owen didn't have a response, because it wasn't fair. Nothing about it was fair. Not that she was missing halloween, and not that she had to be in and out of the hospital at all. Not fair was a perfect description. His pager went off again, and he looked apologetically at Amelia for having to leave so quickly, but she gave him a knowing nod to go. He said bye to all three of his kids, feeling horrible for how horrible Ava was feeling, but he had to focus on the lives he was saving. Halloween always had sketchy traumas coming in.

Alex sat at the edge of the bed, still thinking of ways to ensure that Ava's Halloween wasn't a complete drag. Just as he began to feel like his hands were tied, a grin crept across his face as an idea scurried across his brain. He stood up, leaving the chart on the bed and walked over to the chair his daughter was sitting in. Lyla looked up, knowing that her dad was approaching her for a reason.

"Can we go now, Daddy?" she asked.

"In a minute," Alex mumbled and grabbed his daughter's hand. With little struggle from her, he dragged her outside the room and closed the door so their conversation would be private. "Ly, how mad would you be if we didn't go trick or treating outside?"

"W-what? Daddy, no! Why!? That's not fair! I want candy!" Lyla stomped her foot and crossed her arms over her chest. "No! We has to go!"

"Lyla, I'm not saying that we're not going to go. We're just not gonna go outside. You remember last year when Daddy had to work on Halloween? You remember how you and Mommy came here to show me your costume and you asked me why you weren't allowed to trick or treat here like the other kids I work with?" Lyla nodded her head, loosening her arms. "We can go trick or treating here. That way, Ava can go trick or treating with us."

"...Ava goes?"

"Yeah, Ava can go. Only if we go trick or treating here though."

"But I thought you said we not allowed? I wasn't allowed before. How come I can be allowed now?"

"Because I said you're allowed and because Ava's sick," he answered. "Go tell Gracie and Connor to come out here. Tell them we're ready to leave. I'm gonna go grab your brother from Aunt Zona, you guys stay right outside this door."

"Kay," Lyla nodded obediently and happily skipped back into the bedroom. The urge to tell Ava burned her from deep within but something in her daddy's voice sensed that she should make this a surprise. It took everything in her not to run up to the bed and tell Ava that all her dreams were gonna come true after all. "Gwacie and Connuh, come ousside my daddy's ready to go!"

Ava looked up at Lyla's voice and stuck out her bottom lip as she watched Gracie guiltily wave and Connor happily skip holding Gracie's hand.

"Be good guys," Amelia warned. "Lyla, tell your daddy thank you again for me."

"Bye Avie," Gracie waved, and Ava did her best to roll over in her bed with the IV attached to her arm. She didn't even care about the candy. She just didn't want to miss out on the trick or treating part with her siblings and best friend.

Lyla shut the door behind the three of them and stood out in the hallway like her dad told them to. Just as they all filed out the door, Alex emerged from the adjoining conference room with Mickey Mouse on his hip. He carried the baby over to the group of kids that he had been deemed responsible for and for the first time all day, he didn't feel the need to curse or punch things. He was annoyed that he ended up being the only adult available to take four kids out begging for candy and he was annoyed that he had no other choice but to do it. But he wasn't annoyed now. His only concern was making sure that the fifth kid was included in on the fun.

"So guys," he stood in front of them and tried to appear calm when realistically, he had no idea how to handle four kids on his own. He was sure he'd manage though. "How much would you like it if Ava could come trick or treating with us?"

"How?!" Gracie gaped. "I thought she was sick!"

"Well you know, working on the peds floor, I've got connections," he shrugged. "And I bet you guys didn't know that the best trick or treating in Seattle actually happens up here on my floor."

"It's true!" Lyla beamed. "Ev'ry buddy gets real big bags of candy! I seened it myself! With my two own eyes!"

"Ava too?" Connor questioned, his attempt at understanding the conversation. He knew his sister was sick in the hospital and that's why he wasn't trick or treating with his parents, but it sounded like trick or treating could happen right here. It seemed like someone should have thought of that earlier.

"Ava too," Alex nodded.

"But Daddy," Lyla's tone rose with inquisition. She sounded unsettled, as if she had just thought of something that would blow all their plans up. "Ava don't have no costume."

"I already got that covered, Ly."

"Are you gonna go to the store?" Gracie asked.

"Nope," Alex shook his head and scooted the Mickey Mouse up on his hip as he was slipping off.

"Then what could her costume be?" she pressed. She knew Ava didn't have any costume here, because she heard when Ava was rushed to the hospital in the middle of the night last night. So she didn't understand how she could have a costume without going to the store first.

"What's the one thing your sister wants to be more than anything in this world?" Alex replied. "I need you guys to stay right here. Nurse Caroline is gonna keep an eye on you. But don't ruin the surprise for Ava, okay? I need you guys to be extra quiet. I'll be RIGHT back, okay?"

"Kay," Lyla nodded and watched as her father walked away. She wanted to jump up and down and scream. She wanted to go into the room and say, "Ava, guess what?!" but she wouldn't. She'd keep it a surprise somehow. She just hoped that her daddy would be quick because she was literally bursting at the seams. She couldn't wait to tell Ava. "What you think her costume gonna be, Gwacie?"

"I dunno," she answered honestly. "He said what she wants to be more than anything in the whole wide world. I dunno what she wants except once she said when she grows up she wants to be a bagel. But I don't think he can get her a bagel costume here."

"I guess we gotsta see."

"Jo!" Alex huffed as he finally made his way over to the nurses' station that she was leaning up against, mindlessly scrolling through an electronic chart. "Why the hell didn't you answer your pager?! I've been looking for you for like ten minutes!"

"Sorry, I was busy...I had an emergency tibi-" she stopped talking right in the middle of her sentence as soon as she looked up from the chart and saw her Mickey Mouse on Alex's shoulder. "Oh my goodness! Hi!" She wrapped her hands around the baby's torso and pulled him off his dad's hip. "Hi Bubby! You look so cute! Aawwww, look at my little Mickey Mouse!" she kissed him on his lips and held him up, admiring the way Alex had drawn on a nose and whiskers with her eyeliner. "You look sooooo cute, Bubby. Look at you!"

"Look Jo, I don't have time…" Alex took a few breaths. "I need you to do me a favor and not ask questions because I don't have time to explain."

"What do you need then, babe?" She adjusted baby Alex's ears and gave him another kiss on the lips. "Did you make La put on a jacket? It's chilly out there and her costume-"

"Jo, gimme your lab coat," he interrupted.

"My lab coat? Why?"

"I said no questions. I don't have time to explain. Just gimme your coat."

"O-okay," Jo passed the baby back to Alex and shrugged her shoulders out of her white lab coat. "Here."

"Thanks," Alex draped it over his shoulder. "Can you gimme your ID too?"

"Yeah, but I'm not going to. I need my ID. What if I have to go down to the pit?"

"Just gimme your ID Jo, come on. Gimme it."

"I need it though?"

"I already cleared this with Bailey and with Arizona, just gimme your ID."

"I know I said I wouldn't ask questions, but…" she pulled her ID off the bottom of her scrub top, where she always clipped it and handed it to him. "I really need to know why you're doing this."

"...Gimme your ring too."

"My ring?" She looked down at the shiny silver and diamond ring she wore around her finger. She had only just begun wearing it again. She wanted people to know that she and Alex were definitely an item again and she had only just started wearing it again a few weeks ago. She thought they were on good terms. Why would he want it back? "Alex, I...Whatever I did, I'm sorry? But I'm not giving you my ring. It's...my ring? It's our wedding ring."

"I'll give it back. Dammit Jo, just come on. I'm already late."

"Late for what?"

"Give me the damn ring!"

"Okay!" She yanked the ring off her finger and dropped it in the palm of his outstretched hand. "What do you want next? My bra? Panties maybe? Want my ponytail holder?"

"Just shut up," Alex leaned in and pecked her right on her lips. "Love you. See you in a little, when I bring them up here to see you." Without any other words, Alex turned around, adjusted Mickey Mouse on his hip again and dashed off back in the direction he came from.

"...That was weird," Jo whispered to herself.

"It's your turn, Aves," Amelia nudged, looking down at the travel sized checkerboard on the bed between them. "Come on. I think you're going to win."

"I don't wanna play checkers."

"You wanna watch a movie now?"

Ava shook her head, too sad to put up a fight anymore. "Maybe I just wanna take a nap now," she said, lying back down on her pillow and her curling her hands under her face. "Mommy?"

"What is it?" Amelia asked, her voice thick with sympathy. She carefully attempted to move the checkerboard without disrupting their current moves.

"You think I can be normal someday?"

"You are normal, Ava."

"No, I'm not," she shook her head. "My heart is broken. Not everyone's is. But I was born with a broken heart, right?"

"You got a new one," Amelia corrected. "A really, really good one."

"It's not THAT great," Ava raised her eyebrows and motioned to the room around them. If it was as good as everyone seemed to think it was, Ava was confident she'd be trick or treating.

"Ava-"

"I just wanna nap now, kay?" Ava ended the conversation and took a deep, shaky breath to hold herself back from the sobs stuck in her throat. It felt like she had to cry, but nothing was coming out anymore. Ava thought maybe all the parts of her were broken now, like her heart brokenness had spread throughout her whole body. She couldn't cry anymore, but what she felt in place of that was even worse. She tried to close her eyes and sleep, wishing that when she woke up, she'd forget all about what she was missing. Just then, there was a firm knock at her door and seconds later, it opened. Ava opened her eyes and they widened in surprise as she shot back up.

"Dr. Krev! What are you doin' here?"

"You didn't think I was just gonna let you sit here while we had all the fun trick or treating, did you?" Alex walked into the room, grinning from ear to ear. He held open the door and in rushed the other four kids, all smiling and excited to finally let Ava in on their big secret.

"But I'm sick," Ava reminded him. "I gotta stay in the hopsicle."

"Did you know that the best trick or treating in Seattle happens right here on the Peds floor? Not a lot of people know that...but it's just another one of my secrets I'm gonna let you in on."

Ava eyed the wheelchair in front of him, then at all the kids behind him.

"But I don't got no costume," she said, determined to poke every hole in the plan that she could, knowing that eventually it would deflate in front of her. It was just too good to be true.

"You do gots a costume though!" Lyla exclaimed and stepped out from behind the wheelchair. She held out her mommy's lab coat and offered it to Ava. "Looky!"

Alex took the lab coat off of his daughter and handed it straight to Ava. "Guess what your costume is, Dr. Ava?"

"A doctor?" she tried, her eyes wide and glistening at just the idea of dressing up as anything, and not being left behind.

"Do you know what that says though?" He opened up the lab coat and pointed her towards the name written in dark blue cursive letters across the breast. "Guess what that says."

"I dunno," she admitted. "I can't read curtsive."

"That says Dr. Josephine Wilson...know who that is? She's my wife, you know."

A grin so wide it almost broke Ava in half spread across her face. She looked up at Alex like he had put the stars in the sky, because in that very moment to her, he had.

"That means..." Ava spoke through her grin, reaching out for the name tag. "That means we're married?! We get to be married and I get to go trick or treating?! This is the best hopsicle visit in my LIFE! You're not for serious."

"I am for serious," he chuckled as he draped Jo's lab coat over her shoulders and clipped the ID tag onto the breast pocket of the coat. "I even got you this," he pulled Jo's ring out of his pocket and slipped it on the only finger of Ava's that was big enough for it to fit around-her thumb. "So now you're really my wife." He looked up at Amelia and winked. Amelia looked up from Ava's smiling face, now admiring the thumb that wore a ring, and mouthed thank you to Alex over Ava's head. Alex nodded his head.

"So, you ready to go trick or treating, Dr. Wilson?"

Ava nodded enthusiastically. She didn't even care that the wheelchair was for her, and that she'd have to sit in it while everyone else walked. She just happy to be with all of them. She let Alex help her into it, while she still held onto the ring on her thumb.

"You know what, Mommy?" she said before Alex could pull her away. "I think it's okay about having a broken heart. Cause Dr. Krev knows how to fix them."

"Happy Halloween, Dr. Ava," Alex whispered to the little girl as he bent down and lightly brushed his lips across her forehead.


	54. Realization

**Jo sees Alex with the kids and she realizes that she really does love him.**

* * *

I jiggle with the key once it's in the lock and turn it with a little bit of force, since that's what I've got to do to get in my house these days. The lock to the loft's door has been malfunctioning for a while and Alex wore that he was going to get somebody to fix it. We first realized that it was broken last month and it's still broken, so that goes to show how well that's working out. I slide the door open and slither inside the house without a word.

Usually when Alex gets home from work before I do, the place is in shambles. I'm halfway expecting to walk into a house filled with screams from the baby, whines from Lyla and downright ignorance from Alex. On the days that I get home from work at 5:00 like I did today, the kids are usually starving and Alex is cranky from having to listen to their whines. I'm always expected to come through the door and go straight for the stove because as soon as the food is on its way to being done, everyone is happy. That is what I usually come home to, and that's what I'm expected. But today, however, is different.

I kick my shoes off at the door and put my purse down on the counter, mindful to not make a lot of noise. I'm not sure what's going on in this house of mine, but all I know is that it's quiet and I'm not about to disturb that. It's quiet, which means the kids are probably asleep or dead, one of the two. It's hardly ever quiet in this house and I want to cherish that, even if it's only quiet due to the kids being asleep. I softly pad over to the living room and peer inside to see what's going on. They must not have heard me come in, because the three of them are still on the couch undisrupted and to my surprise, they're not asleep.

Alex is sitting on the couch with his feet kicked up on the coffee table, Lyla is sitting next to him with her head on his shoulder and little Alex is content, sitting on Alex's lap and gnawing on a teething ring. The Lion King is playing on the TV screen and all three of them seem to really be into it, and to further my understanding of why they're all so silent and not patiently waiting for me to start dinner, I see a box of pizza on the loveseat and an empty bottle on the floor. My nose involuntarily turns up at the way he's letting the baby's bottles lay on the floor and the fact that the pizza box is on the furniture, but my annoyance quickly fades. At least he fed them for me and the sight of all of my babies sitting on the couch and watching a movie together is honestly very sweet. I can't stay annoyed when I look at that.

"Hey," I announce my presence by whispering because I still don't want to disturb them.

They're so peaceful and content…it'd be a pity if I came in here and bothered them. Alex turns his head and looks up at me, raises his eyebrows and goes right back to watching the movie. Lyla wrinkles her eyebrows when I speak, which indicates that she's trying hard to pay attention to the movie and listen over my talking, and Alex doesn't even budge. He shoves his teething ring further into his mouth and that's that. I must admit…even though I had a really busy, tiresome day at work today, I missed my babies…and I'm kind of disappointed that they're not as happy to see me as they usually are. Lyla's usually hanging all over me and telling me about her day, Alex is usually reaching for me and grinning and other Alex is usually waiting for a kiss. But not today…and that makes me a little bit sad.

Sighing, I take the empty spot on the couch next to Lyla and kick my feet up too. Instead of paying attention to the movie like everyone else, I turn my head and look at Lyla. Her head is nestled between the back of the couch and Alex's shoulder and her legs are tucked underneath her body. She's still wearing the pair of blue jeans and the long-sleeved black t-shirt I made her wear to school today, but the black and silver sparkly headband I put on her head this morning is gone.

"Lyla," I call her name and she wrinkles her brows again. "You wanna cuddle?" She ignores my question. "La, come here. Come cuddle with me. I want a hug." She sighs hard, but she finally scoots over towards me. A satisfied grin cracks across my face as I wrap my arms around her and pull her closer to me. I stroke her hair back and away from her face, plant a kiss in the middle of her forehead and put my hands on her butt. I feel bad for disturbing her and making her come and cuddle with me when she seemed so content to lay on Alex's shoulder but I needed at least one of my babies to cuddle with me. I needed at least a little hug and Lyla's cuddly. She's a big, fat teddy bear and I knew she wouldn't be able to resist my offer to be cuddled.

"You just come in here and disturb the peace," Alex mumbles, turning his head towards me. "Pizza's on the couch though…if you're hungry."

I roll my eyes at him with a smile and mouth "thank you" to him. He nods at me and puts his head down to look at the baby, who's just sitting quite nicely on his lap. I watch him brush his fingers along Alex's toes and press his lips to the top of his head. I've never met someone so tough and strong, yet so gentle and soft…especially when it comes to the kids. Alex is probably the most callous, hardened person I've ever met but when it comes to the kids, he's so loving and protective. He's like a different person with the kids and it's truly an amazing thing to watch. I honestly don't think anything is better than coming home after a long day of work and finding the three most important people in your life sitting all on the couch together.

I really don't think life gets much better than this.


	55. Baby Steps

**Baby Alex takes his first steps!**

* * *

Lyla tapped her pencil on the table and bit her lip in an act of concentration. Laying on the coffee table in front of her was a sheet of paper full of math problems that she was supposed to be working on, but her mind was too full to concentrate on the task at hand. She was more focused on the sheet of paper that she had slipped into her school folder after her teacher passed it out this afternoon. It was all she thought about, all she could concentrate on and essentially, something that frustrated her. She sighed and put her head down on the table, her cheek resting against the marble and her eyes looking to her left.

She looked at the bright green and blue mat that her brother was sitting in the middle of and watched him grab at the animal figurines that were hanging from the arch above it. Alex grabbed ahold of the lion that dangled from the arch and pulled it, lifting his head up and preparing to shove it directly into his mouth. When the arch refused to budge and allow him to get the lion close enough to his mouth, he let it go and sighed in defeat. He stared at it and poked his lip out, ready to cry solely out of frustration. As she watched her brother grow angry with the fact that he was unable to taste his toy, an idea hatched in the back of Lyla's mind. She thought she might've found a solution to her problem. Though she already knew the answer to her question, she figured it wouldn't hurt to ask anyway.

"Mommy," she picked her head up looked up from the paper full of addition and subtraction problems that she was working on. She put her pink pencil down on the coffee table as well and sat up. Jo sat on the couch with her feet propped up on the coffee table, her attention solely on the shiny sheet of x-ray paper that she held in her hands. "Mama."

"Huh?" Jo put the x-ray down on the couch beside her and gave Lyla her full, undivided attention. "What do you need, baby? You need help with your homework? You stuck on something?"

"No," Lyla shook her head and opened up her yellow school folder. "Mama, look." She got up from her spot on the floor and walked her folder over to Jo. "We're havin' show and tell. Kay? We're havin' show and tell and I don't know what to bring." She climbed up on the couch next to Jo and shoved the folder into her lap, pointing at the paper that was causing her so much distress. "So Mommy, maybe you think I could bring Ally? For show and tell? Please?"

Jo looked at the paper and thoroughly read through it in her mind. _Show and Tell Tuesday! Bring something from home to show to your classmates! Please have ideas submitted to Mrs. Welch no later than this Friday. Parents: ideas must be approved. Animals are encouraged but must be kept on leashes, in cages, etc._ She looked away from the paper and at Lyla, whose eyes were filled with so much hope that it almost pained Jo to say no.

"Lyla," she closed the folder and handed it back. "Ally's not a toy. He's a baby, and I don't know if it's a good idea to bring him into your school around all those germs and stuff." Lyla sighed and put her head down. She knew that her mother would say no. She always said no when it came to things that involved the baby. "Bubbles, I'll help you find something else to bring in. Okay? Mommy will help you find something to bring in…Okay?" Lyla nodded her head but Jo could tell that she was still disappointed. "Why don't you bring in Daddy? Like you did for Career Day? Or you can bring in your cast…you can tell them how Mommy helped put it on for you and how I sawed it off. Why don't you bring in your cast?"

"They already saw Daddy. They already know Daddy a doctor and stuff. And a cast is not fun. I wanna bring something fun," Lyla's voice cracked. She was close to tears but she didn't want them to fall. "I just wanna bring Ally for a little while. They never saw a baby brother before. I just wanna show them how he laughs a lot when I make a fishy face."

"Lyla…," Jo sucked her teeth. She took a deep breath and closed her eyes. Jo prided herself on being the tough disciplinarian between her and Alex. She was the one that never gave in, the one that stuck to her word. But she was a sucker for tears and she couldn't deny that. "…Don't get your hopes up. I'm not making any promises, okay?" Lyla perked up and raised her eyebrows. Was she going to say yes? "But we'll see. If Daddy can take an early lunch or if I can go into work late, we'll see. We'll see. I'll ask Daddy what his schedule's like for next week when he gets out the shower."

"Really?!" Lyla gasped and Jo just nodded her head. "Ally, guess what!" She sprung up off the couch and barreled to the floor, crawling over to her brother on her hands and knees. "Ally, guess what!? You're comin' to school with me! Uh-huh! You get to see my desk and my friends and my teacher and my pencils and my cubby and my hook and where I eat lunch at! You wanna come to school with me, Ally?!"

Alex sat flat on his butt with his legs outstretched in front of him and his hands rested on his plump, round belly. He looked at his sister with an expressionless face. He just stared at her, wondering what she was talking about. She sounded happy, which probably meant that he should be happy too but instead, he was still dealing with the pent up frustration of not being able to eat his toy. He blinked his eyes and looked away from Lyla.

"Ally, you're coming to SCHOOL with me!" Lyla got off her knees and sat on her butt in front of her brother. She didn't understand why he didn't sound more excited. Clearly going to school with her was something that he should be excited about. He was merely a baby and he was going to school with a real, live first grader. Why wasn't he more excited? "You wanna come to school with me, don't ya?" Lyla put her hands on his sock-covered feet and tickled them. "You wanna see my friends?"

Lyla sighed when her brother still ignored her, and desperate to get a laugh out of him, she forced him to lie on his back. Alex looked up at her and wrinkled his eyebrows in irritation. He didn't want to be on his back! He wanted to sit up and look around like he was doing. Lyla lifted up his blue t-shirt and tickled his belly, which also didn't seem to appease him. He grunted to vocalize his irritation and rolled over onto his side. Lyla put her hands on his torso and rolled him back onto his back and when she did, Alex furrowed his brows and closed his eyes. He sucked in a deep breath and prepared to wail hard, loud and angrily. Lyla rolled her eyes at her brother's bad attitude and shook her head. She figured that going back to her homework was better than dealing with his bad attitude. She just hoped he didn't have a bad attitude when she brought him to school.

Realizing that crying was no longer necessary since Lyla finally left him alone, Alex let out his breath and stared up at the ceiling. Using the skill he mastered to perfection about a month ago, he rolled over from his back and found himself on his stomach and facing the couch. He tucked his knees up underneath his body and propped himself up on all fours. He crawled over to the couch, which was only a few paces in front of him and grabbed onto the cushions. He had only learned to pull himself up about two weeks ago but he had been practicing enough to know how to do it. He was pretty efficient for a nine month old.

Jo looked up from the x-ray scan she had turned her attention back to and smiled upon seeing her son's little face peering at her from below the couch. "Whatcha doin' Bubby?" she put the x-ray down and sat up straight. Alex smiled at her and showed off the only two bottom teeth he had in his mouth. "Whatcha doin'? You smilin' at me? Always smilin'."

As he held onto the couch, Alex bent his knees and straightened his legs back out in a rhythmic pattern so that it almost looked like he was bouncing up and down. He lifted one leg, put it down. Lifted the other, back down. Jo kept an eye on him for a few moments before returning back to looking at the scan of a broken pelvis that she couldn't figure out how to go about fixing. When Jo took her attention off of him, Alex's smile faded a bit and was replaced with the look of determination. He turned his head and looked when he heard big Alex enter the living room but quickly turned back and continued flexing his legs.

"You're gonna drive yourself nuts looking at those scans," Alex walked over to Jo and stood behind her. He adjusted the towel he had around his waist and looked at the scans with her. He pointed at the scans, "Could you go in through there…use a graft, maybe?"

"I could…but he's a runner and Torres said that quicker recovery would be if I used a cadaver. So that's my approach…but do you see all those fragments? I'd have to go in through the posterior…and open him up there. All those fragments in there aren't good, but they're viable. I wanted to see if I could rebuild using screws and his own fragments to reduce the chance of rejection, but if I do that—"

"Limited mobility...guy won't be running marathons anymore," he finished her sentence.

"Exactly," Jo sighed. "So if I use the cadaver, he'll be up and running soon but if he rejects it then…yeah. So I'm basically screwed. I can't do this."

"You'll figure it out. You don't give yourself enough credit sometimes," he leaned forward and pecked her on her cheek. "You're smarter than you think. Put the scans down and come back to them later. You rebuilt a football player's ankle out of steel plates and titanium and he went on to play in the Super Bowl. Don't doubt yourself so much."

"You're right," Jo nodded. "I'll just come back to them later. Maybe it'll come to me in the shower tonight." She sighed and put her feet flat on the ground, sitting up as Alex sauntered into the kitchen and proceeded to take a long sip of orange juice straight out the carton. Jo ran her fingers through her hair and took a deep breath to calm herself down.

"Stop it, Ally!" Lyla exclaimed. "Mommy, get him!"

Jo picked her head up to see what was the matter and laughed when she saw that Alex was reaching across the coffee table and trying to grab Lyla's pencil while she was trying to do her homework.

"Alex!" Jo clapped her hands to get his attention. The nine month old turned his head and looked at her. "Stop it, Bub. Leave Sissy alone. Stop it." He looked at her with a dumbfounded expression, which only made Jo laugh more. It was clear he had no idea what she was talking to him about. The only thing he did understand was that she wanted his attention because at this point, he knew that his name was "Alex". He knew that he was Alex, Lyla was Lyla, Mommy was Mommy and Daddy was Daddy. He gathered that much. "No!" Jo pointed her finger at him. She knew he understood what "no" meant. He heard it so often, especially when he would put things in his mouth. "NO!"

When he left Lyla's pencil alone, Jo looked at her phone and Alex looked away from her. At nine months old, he was in the stage of wanting to know about everything. He wanted to know what everything tasted like, what everything was used for and his brain was like a sponge. So since Lyla's pencil was off limits, he looked around for the next thing he could mess with. He spotted the remote laying on the floor and smiled at it. Still holding onto the table, he maneuvered his legs in an "up-down" rhythm. Still bracing himself against the table, he propelled himself to the side and carefully inched closer and closer to the remote.

It was quiet in the room, as Lyla was busily working on her homework and Alex was trying to walk towards the remote. Jo felt the silence, though. She knew silence wasn't good, not when she had two kids, so she glanced up from her phone and back down at it once she saw that he was okay. As soon as she looked away though, what she saw resonated with her and she snapped her head back up. Her jaw dropped and she gasped.

She jumped up off the couch and clasped her hand over her mouth. "ALEX! ALEX! ALEX, ALEX IS…HE'S…," she took a minute to gather her thoughts, her words being jumbled up by the repetition of the two names. "ALEX! COME HERE!" Upon hearing her scream his name, the baby stopped taking miniature steps and looked at his mom. Jo stood, trembling with her hand over her mouth. Her entire body shook and she felt tears ready to fall. "ALEX, NOW! COME HERE!" Hearing his Mommy yell caused Alex to poke his lip out and flop down on his butt. His face cracked up and tears lined the rims of his eyes. "Awww, no! No Bubby, don't cry!"

"What?! What is it?!" Alex finally stumbled into the living room with nothing more than a pair of boxers on. "What's going on?! What happened Jo?! Is he hurt?! Why's he crying?! Why are YOU crying?!"

Jo scooped the baby up and cradled him against her chest. "He just…"

"Ally walked, Daddy! He sure did! I saw it! He walked!" Lyla got up and rushed over to her parents as well, eager to join in on the celebration. "He walked Daddy!"

"He walked?" Alex raised his eyebrows and cracked a smile. He should've known that Jo would cry over Alex's first steps. She blubbered like a baby over Lyla's. "No kidding…"

"He did," Jo sniveled. "He was just cruisin' away…he was holding onto the table and he was just going! He was just going!" She wiped her face. "I think I scared him…"

"Alright, buddy!" Alex felt an overwhelming sense of pride wash over him and he couldn't help but take his son out of Jo's arms. "Alright bud! Early bloomer! Nine months? Alright!" He kissed the baby's cheek and rubbed his back. "You gotta do it again so I can see now."

"No, don't do it again..." Jo wiped her nose with the back of her hand. "I'm not ready for him to grow up…"

"Mommy, all he did was walk," Lyla mumbled.

"She acted like this during your first steps too, Ly…actually, she was a little bit worse when you walked. She cried like a baby," Alex chimed in.

"She did?!"

"She did," he nodded. "For two days."

"Shut up!" Jo whacked Alex in the shoulder. "It was not two days…" she sniffed. "It was two hours."


	56. Happy Thanksgiving

**The Karevs celebrate Thanksgiving!**

* * *

"Do you have the letter "F"?" Alex lowered the piece of paper he held in his hands and glanced at his daughter, who was sitting in the middle of the mess with her legs neatly tucked underneath her body and her index finger in her mouth as she gnawed on her fingernail to fight impatience. "Find me the letter "F", Ly...it'll be on the metal part."

"Okay," Lyla nodded and began rummaging through the pieces that were scattered around her.

Alex put down the instructions and knelt down on the floor in front of the bottom piece that was already erected. He took one of the artificial tree limbs into his hand and began spreading out the branches to make it look like an actual tree. Admittedly, there were a million other things he'd rather be doing than what it was that he was actually doing. He could be sitting on the couch in his underwear with a beer, yelling at the football teams playing on the TV screen. He could be in the kitchen creeping around the containers of food, trying to sneak a taste here and there. He could be in bed catching some extra moments of sleep before loading his stomach. He could be doing a bunch of things, but instead, he was kneeling on the floor erecting a Christmas tree.

"Here Daddy, I found it!" Lyla sprung up out of her sitting position and handed him the piece of the tree that he was looking for. "I put it in Daddy? Huh? Can I? Can I?"

"Yeah," Alex nodded and pointed to the hole that the metal spike needed to be jammed into for it to work. "Put it right in here. You gotta push it in hard too, so it doesn't fall out."

"Kay." Lyla stuck her tongue out to feign concentration and shoved the metal spike in the proper hole. She pushed it in with all her might and stood back to admire her work. With a bright, crooked smile on her face, she looked up at her Daddy and waited for him to praise her. "I did it Daddy, look...look. It's perfect, huh?"

Alex gave the piece a quick glance before nodding his head. "It's perfect," he agreed. He exhaled hard and stood up, putting his hands on his hips. "What next?" he asked, honestly for lack of knowing.

It was the first year he actually put the Christmas tree up by himself. In the years past, Jo was always the one to put the tree up. The most he ever did was help hang the ornaments on and put the star on top once everything was said and done. He didn't regret his decision though. Jo gave him the choice of either finishing dinner or putting the tree up and when he chose to put the tree up, he was sure that he chose the lesser of the two evils.

"Lights!" Lyla exclaimed and bent down to grab the bin that the strands of lights were stored in. She grunted but somehow managed to lift the hefty thing up.

"Move," Alex mumbled before taking the bin out of her hands. "Before you pull a muscle. Let me do it."

"Daddy, didja see the um...bulbs Mommy bought for this year?! Didja?" Alex just shook his head as he began the harrowing task of untangling the strands of lights. "They're red and gold, Daddy! We're gonna have a red and gold Christmas tree this year!"

"Red and gold...sounds pretty," he mumbled, all his concentration on undoing the knot in the lights.

Quickly becoming frustrated, he sucked his teeth and looked toward the kitchen. He thought about summoning Jo for help because she'd definitely be able to get the knot out with her fingernails. But when he saw that she seemed pretty busy, buzzing around the kitchen and making sure the food was cooking correctly, he decided against it. He paused what he was doing for a moment to watch her in silent admiration. Still wearing the same red and white checkered flannel pajama pants and white t-shirt she wore to bed last night, Jo stood at the stove and prodded the turkey with a carving knife. Her hair, which usually fell in gentle waves around her chest, was tied back in a low ponytail and she seemed focused. Alex had helped with the minor things. This morning when he woke up, he helped her mash the potatoes after they boiled and he peeled the sweet potatoes. He helped a little but the majority of the work was done by Jo, which made him feel a slightly deeper appreciation. It was the first year she wanted to make a full meal. In the previous years, they either had dinner elsewhere or ordered out. He wouldn't admit it, but he was surprised that Jo had managed to pull off cooking an entire turkey. He didn't know if it'd taste well, but it was edible and that was all that mattered.

"Daddy," Lyla crawled on her knees, over to where Alex sat and plopped down on her butt next to him. "Daddy, next year...maybe we can have a purple Christmas tree. Purple with lights and purple bulbs and stuff? That sounds good, huh?"

"A purple Christmas tree?" Alex stopped untangling again and looked at her. "I think you'll have to take that one up with Mommy. But I think purple would be cool." Lyla rested her head against her dad's upper arm and watched silently while he continued to struggle with untangling the lights.

Jo turned off the burner on the stove that was used to heat up the gravy and picked up a fork to stir it. Once the gravy was finished, the entire dinner was and though she didn't know if it would taste alright, she was excited for them to eat it anyway. She didn't want to vocalize it, but internally, she was bursting with pride. She cooked an entire Thanksgiving dinner by herself and it actually looked appetizing. She put the gravy fork back down on the counter and stood back to admire the mood, her hands on her hips. The turkey looked fine, it wasn't pink in the middle. The stuffing looked pretty okay too. The macaroni and cheese looked cheesy and creamy, the mashed potatoes looked tasty and though the sweet potatoes were just a little overcooked, they looked edible too.

"Okay," she whispered to herself, wiping sweat off her forehead with the back of her hand.

She looked down at the ground and immediately smiled upon seeing the chubby-cheeked baby looking up at her with a gaped open mouth. Once he saw the tree being put together in the living room, Alex decided that he wasn't equipped to sit around and watch while his sister and his father built a monster, so he rolled onto his stomach, pushed himself up onto his knees and crawled into the kitchen. He was quite content to sit at Jo's feet and watch while she cooked. Mommy would keep him safe from the big green monster that took up residence in their living room. There's no way she'd pull a Daddy and Lyla and actually help it come to life.

"You ready to grub, Bubby?" Jo bent down and hoisted him up onto her hip. "You want some turkey and mashed potatoes? Let's go get Daddy and Sissy." She carried him to the living room and looked in as Alex and Lyla were now busy wrapping lights around the tree. Alex poked his lip out and turned his head, looking away from the monster. "You guys can come eat now...dinner's ready."

"Good!" Lyla dropped the armful of lights she had and stomped over to her mother. "Because I am sick and tired to DEATH of starving."

"Sick and tired to death?" Jo questioned, stroking her daughter's hair as she buzzed past and headed for the table. "Alex, take him...take his shirt off and stick him in his chair." Alex nodded and took the baby from Jo. "La, what all do you want? You want a little bit of everything?

"I want everything, Mommy. Extra gravy though, kay? Extra gravy."

"Extra gravy it is," Jo nodded and picked up one of the glass plates she set out. She piled Lyla's plate with a small amount of turkey, a small mound of mashed potatoes, some stuffing and sweet potatoes. She loaded Alex's plate with triple the amount of what she put on Lyla's and her own with only a fraction of what she put on his. "Sorry if everything's not good...I tried." She sat down next to the high chair and picked apart a piece of her turkey. "But Amelia said we can come over to her house so if the food's not good here then at least you can eat there."

Chewing on a mouthful of turkey, Alex looked up from his plate. "It's good Jo...it's actually really good."

"Really?"

"Yes, really," he forked some mashed potatoes into his mouth and swallowed. "I'm actually surprised. It's...good."

Jo smiled, letting triumph run through her body. She stabbed the turkey with her own fork and took a bite. It actually wasn't bad. It was a bit dry, but a little gravy would fix that. She was proud of herself...actually proud.

"Mommy?" Lyla picked up a piece of gravy covered turkey with her hand. "What are you um...thankful for?"

"I'm thankful for you, for your brother, for Daddy and for my job." Jo took a piece of turkey off the baby's high chair tray and chewed it. She took the chewed-up food from her mouth and stuck it in Alex's, so he wouldn't have too much trouble chewing it himself with only two teeth. "What about you, Bubbles? What are you thankful for?"

"I'm thankful for...um...food, and my Mommy and Daddy, for my Brothy, for Ava...um...Justin Bieber, Taylor Swift, Monster High….Disney Channel, the Wii, school...I'm thankful for everything, Mama."

Jo giggled, "I think you pretty much covered everything." She shot Alex a look. "What are you thankful for?"

"This food," Alex mumbled with a mouthful of sweet potatoes.


	57. Thanksgiving 2

**The Karevs spend a portion of Thanksgiving over Amelia and Owens, and things get a little messy.**

* * *

There was someone talking in her ear about sweet potatoes, a child tugging at her pants, and people swarmed in her living room.

Amelia had a corner. One little corner. Right in front of the oven, three steps left of the sink. That was her spot. Every other single square foot of her house seemed to be covered. It started with Meredith on-call. Amelia planned to cook a small dinner for her and Owen and Gracie, Ava, and Connor. But then Meredith said she was on-call and she'd have to call the nanny on Thanksgiving, so of course Amelia had to take Zo, Bailey, and Ellie. She and Owen could handle six kids. It would be a little crazy, but manageable. Then Maggie had asked what she was doing, and when she told Amelia she didn't want to cook just for her and Andrew so they weren't doing anything, Amelia had to of course extend the invitation. They could use more adults anyway. Two more adults at least evened it out a little. Then Maggie had came to her the day before asking if she had one more extra seat for Richard.

Of course she did. She and Richard went to meetings together. Of course he would be welcomed. Richard invited Bailey, who brought Ben, who invited Jackson, who brought April, who invited Arizona. Arizona asked if Zola would be there, and since she was, Callie should come with Sofia. Of course she should, Amelia agreed. Zo will be happy to have someone her age.

Two adults and three kids turned into eleven adults and six kids. Amelia's living room and kitchen were covered, and every five minutes or so someone came up to her and asked where her bathroom is. She was sure she'd be saying "straight down the hall and to the left" in her sleep tonight. The only people who weren't there were the ones Amelia invited herself. This morning, she asked Jo what she was doing and told her to come on over if she wasn't doing anything. Ava would be happy to see Lyla. She said that she'd stop over, but she hadn't yet.

"Mommy. Mo-oooomy," said Ava. "Gracie and Ellie said I couldn't play with them."

"We're going to eat now, anyway," Amelia said, looking down at the five-year-old redhead wrapped tight around her left leg. "Go sit at the table."

"Can I help?" Ava jumped up and stood on her tiptoes to look over the counter. "Pretty please, can I help you carry it out? And not Ellie or Gracie or Zola or Sofia?"

"What about Connor and Bailey? Can they help?"

"Uuuh," Ava thought on it. "No. They busy anyway."

"Oh okay," Amelia laughed. "Okay, can you carry this basket for me? Be very careful. It's got all the dinner rolls in it."

Ava took a deep breath and nodded.

"Both hands," Amelia instructed as she watched her little hands grip the woven basket with a linen napkin lining the inside of it.

"This heavy," Ava said, more to admire her own strength. Amelia nodded seriously and Ava took another deep breath and walked in the dining room with her basket.

"Aunt Aaaaaaaaa-my!"

Amelia looked away from watching Ava hand the basket to Owen to put on the table, turning to her nephew Bailey. He walked with Connor in tow, trying to keep up on tiny legs with his older cousin.

"What's wrong, Bailey? Are you looking for something?"

"Where's Uncle Owen?"

"Why do you need him?"

"I have to show him this," Bailey held up a truck made of legos, and Amelia felt her heart lighten at the innocence. "Where is he?"

"I help!" Connor yelled, trying to grab the truck from Bailey's hands.

"Don't! You're going to ruin it before we can show him!"

"He's setting the table," Amelia said. "Why don't you guys go help him and then sit down so we can start eating?"

When they nodded, walking towards the dining room, Amelia turned back to her one spot and sighed in relief. One moment alone. That was all she needed...

"Amelia! I brought a pumpkin pie and a chocolate creme one. I didn't want to come empty handed. I really appreciate you having us over. Where should I put them?"

Amelia turned towards the voice and saw Callie Torres. She liked Callie. She was a great surgeon with an innovative mind. Amelia just never imagined she'd be the person hosting Thanksgiving dinner for people far more put together than her.

"Anywhere you can fit them, honestly."

"A little overwhelming?" Callie read her expression instantly.

"Just a little. Thanks for the pies. I'm sure they're great."

"They better be. I paid thirty bucks for each."

Amelia laughed out loud and opened the fridge for her, grateful for the humor. From behind, someone slipped their hands around her waist as they passed, and Amelia saw Owen glide past her and open the oven where the turkey was being kept warm.

"Hey," she smiled. "Ava give you the rolls?"

"Little mishap when she tried handing them over," Owen explained, effortlessly pulling the turkey to the top of the stove. "But who needs rolls on Thanksgiving dinner anyway? I don't think anyone even likes them."

"She dropped them?"

"They flew out of her hands more than anything. It was almost paranormal." Owen stopped when he passed her again, this time using both hands to carry the twenty pound bird, and kissed the side of her head. "Relax. Everything is going great. Come eat and stop worrying about it."

Amelia watched Zola and Sofia run through the kitchen, giggling over a cellphone Sofia was keeping at arm's length from Zola. Arizona and April were talking in the living room, in an engaged discussion, and Maggie, Richard, and Dr. Bailey were standing around the table, about to sit, but distracted by the engrossing conversation they were having themselves. There were people in every corner of her house. It was just as overwhelming as she remembered family being.

She watched the rest of the people from her living room gather around the table and waited until everyone was seated until she sat down herself. The dinner was perfect, or as close to perfect as she could make it with such last minute additions. And without dinner rolls. It was imperfectly perfect. Somehow all the private, smaller conversations while they got ready morphed into one giant conversation between all of them as they passed bowls of mashed potatoes, green beans, stuffing, sweet potatoes, cranberries, and more. Amelia, for the first time all day, forgot she was supposed to play hostess. During dinner she was just part of a giant, dysfunctional, wonderful family.

"That was amazing, Amelia," Maggie said, pushing back her chair and rubbing her rounded out stomach.

"Very excellent indeed," agreed Richard clearing his throat. "That turkey was just the right amount of juicy."

"And the green bean casserole too," Amelia added. "Thanks for bringing it April."

"Aunt Amy, is it time for dessert now? Can we have the pies?" Ellie looked up and batted innocent eyes at her. She looked at Gracie and smiled like they had been planning the question.

"I'll get them," Owen offered.

"No, it's fine," Amelia stood up, looking for a moment or two alone. As soon as she walked into the kitchen, she heard the doorbell ring. Before she could even get to it, she heard people behind her starting to move into the kitchen and disperse again throughout the house, apparently deciding that dessert was a come-as-you-feel-like-it kind of deal. Maggie, Andrew, Jackson, and Richard all moved to the living room, while April started bringing stacked up dirty plates to the kitchen. Amelia ignored her plan of getting pies and instead walked to her front door. When she opened it, she realized she had forgotten she invited them.

"Jo, hi! You came!" Amelia's celebratory tone dampened into regret. "We just ate. You didn't miss dessert though."

"Oh no," Jo shook her head and adjusted the baby that resided on her hip. "We ate at home. Turns out my turkey wasn't completely revolting," she laughed at her own joke and squeezed Lyla's hand, which was nestled gently inside hers. "I um...brought a cake. I didn't want to...you know," she smirked. "It probably tastes terrible, but…"

"My kids would eat rocks if I let them. I'm sure if all else fails, they'll devour it," Amelia stepped aside to let them inside. "I can take that for you. You guys can hang up your coats if you want. All the kids are around in the living room."

With a sour look on his face, Alex dragged his feet as he entered the house and looked around. It wasn't hard to tell that he would've rather been sitting on the couch in his underwear with a plate of turkey on his lap. He didn't understand why Jo wanted to come to Amelia's in the first place when they ate dinner at their own house. He sighed and glanced towards the dining room, spotting Owen and Jackson sitting at the table. As quickly as it appeared, his scowl faded and he grabbed baby Alex from Jo's arms so he could take him into the dining room with him.

Without a word, Lyla shoved her coat into her mother's hands and barreled past her to get into the living room.

"Ava!"

Ava turned from trying to grab a doll out of her sister's arms, fighting off her cousin, and looked at who was calling her name. Her stern eyebrows and pouty mouth broke into a wide grin.

"Lyla!" Ava ran towards her best friend and wrapped her arms around her shoulders to hug her. "What you doing here!"

"My mommy comed over to bring a cake so we just comed too, I think!" Lyla threw her arms around her best friend and jumped up and down while embracing her. "What you playin?"

"Not playin nothin'," she growled, but an idea lightened her mood immediately. "Come on!" She grabbed Lyla's hand and led her to where Ellie and Gracie were playing with dolls that Ava had fought to be a part of just moments before. Behind them, Zola and Sofia were sharing a recliner and sharing a cell phone. Ava stood in front of them all and cleared her throat. "Accuse me," she said. When everyone ignored her, she bellowed, "ACCUSE ME!"

"What?" snapped Zola.

"This is my bestest friend named Lyla," Ava shoved Lyla forward so everyone could see. "She's nicer than all of yous."

"We know Lyla," Gracie rolled her eyes. Lyla wrinkled her eyebrows. She wasn't used to seeing Gracie so bossy, but she figured it was probably because she actually had a friend around for once, so she shrugged it off.

"Only you do," Ava rolled her eyes right back. "And they don't know she's my bestest friend. We're gonna go play now and you guys can't come. Right Lyla?"

"Yep!" Lyla nodded her head so fast that the spiral curls that her mother had put into her hair flung all over the place. "And you...CAN'T play with us, so don't even ask!" she cosigned with Ava's previous statement.

"Yeah! Don't even ask!" Ava looked at all four of them, all getting back to what they were doing before Ava interrupted. Ava scrunched her face, angry that she wasn't getting more of a reaction. "Come on, Lyla," she said. "Let's go to the kitchen. We can eat some desserts 'fore anyone else."

"Want me ta ask my Mommy to get it for us? She's in a good mood today so her will do it, I know her will."

"Yeah, lesgo. We can even get it us selves. I can open the fridgeagator."

"Can you play wif knifes though? Cause someone's gotta cut it."

"Hmm," Ava stroked her chin, stopped by this excellent point. "Maybe we can just use our hands. If we careful and wash them after and not get it on our clothes."

Lyla stopped for a moment and looked down at the clothes she was wearing. Jo had carefully dressed her in a dark brown dress with white stockings, her hair was done up and held back with a brown headband and her shoes were pristine and white too. Jo always wanted her daughter to look her best, especially when she would be running around around her superiors. Lyla knew she shouldn't get her clothes dirty...but the dessert would be worth it.

"Let's!" she agreed and helped Ava pull the tin of chocolate creme pie off the top shelf. Ava licked her lips as slid off the chair she pulled up to the fridge, carefully holding the pie in her hands. She was genuinely impressed with herself for pulling it off. She was used to everyone going wrong. She looked at Lyla with shining eyes, then dug into the pie like she was digging a hole, coming up with a fist full of chocolate.

"Try it!" Ava exclaimed with her mouth full, holding out the pie with the hand not stuffed in her mouth.

Lyla scooped up her own handful of pie from the tin and stuffed it directly into her mouth. She rubbed her lips together and scraped her tongue along the roof of her mouth to taste the pie and once she found that she genuinely liked it, she grabbed another handful. She chewed and looked at Ava with a glimpse of triumph in her expression.

"Gracie and Ellie don't know what they're missin'," Lyla said, a splatter of chocolate and whipped cream shooting out of her mouth. "They shoulda just played wif us...we get pie."

"Yeah," Ava agreed, licking pudding off her palm. "A whole pie to us selves!"

"Yep," Lyla giggled. "And we don't have to share! What if they come in here lookin' for chocolate pie? And we can tell them that we ated it all? They'll be so mad! We should go tell-"

Lyla immediately stopped talking once she heard footsteps clambering into the kitchen. Her head immediately turned towards the entrance as she silently hoped and prayed that it wouldn't be her mother coming in to break up their party. She sighed in relief once she saw that it was only the infamous "Dr. Kepper" and looked back at Ava.

"Hi Dr. Kepper," she waved at April with her messy, pie-filled fist.

"Do you want some pie?" Ava offered, holding out the tin with the hollow fist-shaped circles in the middle. She wouldn't offer pie to anyone, but this was Dr. Kepper. Her favorite doctor that worked with her Daddy. She was always nice to Ava. "It soooo good. You don't even needa knife."

"Yeah," Lyla nodded, still working on swallowing the heaping mouthful she had without choking. "Just use your hands. We know you clean."

"Wow!" April gasped with mock enthusiasm as she stood in the doorway with her hands on her hips. "That sounds...promising." April bit at her lip, trying to hide her laughter from seeing two little girls sitting in the middle of the kitchen floor with chocolate cheeks and walked over to the section of the floor that Lyla and Ava were sitting on and knelt down. "You guys done?"

"There's still pie," Ava answered, raising one eyebrow. "How we gonna be done?"

"You know if you eat too much of this, you'll get yourselves a bellyache." April gently eased the near-empty pie tin away from the two girls and put her hand on Ava's head. "You wanna take a little break? Huh?" She turned to Lyla next. "Maybe so much pie isn't really a good thing."

"There's not a such thing as too much pie," Lyla objected but let the pie tin go without much of a fight. "Is there Ava?"

Ava shook her head, but the sudden moment made her uneasy. She clutched her messy hands around her stomach.

"I don't think I feel so good," she whined.

"Aww," April sucked her teeth and carefully helped the two little girls up off the floor. She sat the pie tin on the counter and gently led them to the kitchen sink. "Let's get you girls cleaned up...then maybe your mommies will have some medicine to give you."

"Don't worry Ava," Lyla turned to her friend and allowed Dr. Kepper to lead her to the sink. "We can go see my Daddy. He deals wif kids bellyaches alllllll the time."

"I don't wanna tell Dr. Krev," Ava whined and closed her eyes, clutching even tighter to her stomach. "He'll tell my mommy and she gonna yell at me."

"I'm a doctor too," April turned on the faucet and grabbed the roll of paper towels. "And I'm sure I can handle a simple upset tummy."

Back in the dining room, Alex and Owen sat at the table around a deck of cards, deep in conversation with Richard and Maggie, who were sitting across from them. On his father's lap, baby Alex sat and gnawed on a card as he listened somewhat intentively to the banter between the adults flying around his head.

"How old is he now, Karev?" Richard asked, eyeing the baby on Alex's lap with a grin.

"Nine months," Alex boasted.

"Only nine months? He looks like a toddler."

"He's hefty...gonna be a bodybuilder." He tilted his head downwards and looked at the top of baby Alex's head. He pressed his lips to his downy soft hair and held his hand as he shrugged his shoulders. "He likes to eat...not much we can do about it. He eats anything. Ask Hunt...he ate his phone once." He chuckled, glancing at Owen.

"He knows what he likes," Owen agreed, shifting cards around in his hand. "Nothing wrong with that."

"Well, he's adorable," Maggie smiled crookedly at big Alex and nodded. "He really is."

"Thanks," Alex accepted the awkward chagrin by reciprocating it. He grinned at Maggie for a few seconds before turning his attention back to Alex, only to see that his attention was dead on the curly headed woman sitting across from him. He gave Maggie a drippy, two-toothed grin and waited for her to acknowledge him. Alex jostled him softly against his lap and laughed again. "Quit flirtin' with Pierce, Bud."

"He's precious," Maggie said, moving over to Alex and holding her hand out for the baby to hold. "Hi! Hi there!" She looked up at big Alex. "Can I hold him? Do you mind?"

"No," Alex shook his head and began lifting the baby off his lap. He secretly loved it when people gawked over his kids. As a father, he already knew that his two kids were adorable and he didn't need anyone to tell him so. But it always felt better when other people reiterated it. He graciously handed baby Alex over to Maggie and cleared his throat. "He likes it if you pat his butt…"

"Awww, hi," Maggie said, cooing to the baby. She took Alex's advice and patted his butt, walking around and bouncing him up and down. "You are so cute and smiley. You're cute enough to make me want my own babies someday! That's pretty impressive," Maggie nodded in her best baby-voice. In her arms, Alex stared at her with his mouth gaped open and the corners of it turned up into a grin. He reached his stout, chubby hands up and touched Maggie's earring before cooing at her and letting a drop of slobber dribble off his chin. "I heard you like to eat. I admire that. You see what you want and you don't care what anyone says, you just go for it. I really admire that. You are just the cutest baby-"

"Do you mind if I…?" Jo interjected, still making her way into the dining room from her place in the living room. As calmly as possible, she approached Maggie and her son and stood with her arms held out for the baby. "He needs to eat. I want to go feed him," her voice cracked and almost gave way to the full-blown rage that pulsated through her body but after taking a deep breath, she was calm again. "I need to go feed him."

Alex put his hand of cards down on the table and sat up straight. "But Jo, he just-"

"He NEEDS to be fed, now," Jo spoke to Alex through clenched teeth and whipped back around to face Maggie. Without another word to her, she stuffed her hands underneath Alex's armpits and gently, but still forceful enough to let Maggie know she meant business, she snatched the baby away. "Thank you."

Maggie stood in surprise at the abruptness of it, realizing quickly the real reason why Jo had taken the baby. Maggie, filled with embarrassment and shame, walked out with her head ducked. Watching the entire reaction, Richard excused himself and followed after her.

Jo placed her hand on the back of her baby's head and cradled him close to her chest with her lips pressed to his head. She hurried out of the dining room and disappeared into the nearest bathroom. She closed the door, sat down on the toilet seat with her son still in her arms and quietly let every emotion...disgust, shame, anger, hurt, betrayal...escape from her body in the form of tears. She couldn't believe Alex had allowed that to happen and more importantly, she couldn't believe that he genuinely saw nothing wrong with it. Was she overreacting? She didn't know. The only thing she did know was that she...was humiliated.

In the dining room, Alex remained seated in his chair and looked at the messy pile of cards scattered on the table in front of him. He kept his eyes low and let his shoulders slouch. He knew that whatever outcome this incident would have, would not be good. He knew that this was inexcusable.

"So you and Amelia cooked the majority of this stuff?" Alex asked Owen, clearly trying to diffuse the awkward silence in the air.

"Amelia did most of it," Owen answered, clearing his throat. "She basically put together this whole day."

"Oh yeah?" Alex raised his eyebrow. "That's pretty neat." He sighed, clearly not knowing how to keep the conversation going. He wanted to engage in a conversation with Owen, he truly did...but it was hard when his mind was still racing with thoughts of what just happened. "You guys plan to invite everybody? Or did people just kinda show up?"

"A little bit of both, I guess. You know how it is with everyone at the hospital. Everyone talks to each other."

"Yeah I know how that can be," he ran his fingers through his hair and exhaled. "Good thing Shepherd knows how to handle all this, I guess…"

"Well, it's been an insane morning. It all worked out though. I know Amelia will be glad Jo decided to stop by."

"Can't imagine how anybody would be glad to see Jo, 'specially when she acts like that," Alex mumbled under his breath.

Owen wrinkled his eyebrows in genuine confusion. "What do you mean?"

Alex sucked his teeth, "You know how Jo is...always on edge..always so high strung. Just...Jo." He glanced at Owen and noticed the puzzled look. "Jo's just always mad any more. She's always just angry and looking for something to be mad about. She's _always_ mad."

"Really?" Owen asked. "She always seems happy when I see her at work. And she's always nice when she's talking to Amelia. I don't think I've ever really seen her angry."

"That's 'cause she's around you."

"So she's only mad when she's around you?"

"No, she's just-" Alex sat back and pondered the thought. "...Maybe."

"Hmm," Owen reflected on the conversation, dealing out a new hand of cards. "Maybe you're the angry one."

"It's not that. I'm never really-I mean sometimes I can be-" Alex scooped up the cards dealt to him. "You just don't know what it's like being with her sometimes. All she does is complain. You have a woman like Shepherd so you don't really get it, but...Jo's different."

"I don't get what you mean," he said honestly. "What's a 'woman like Shepherd' and how is it different? Aren't they both just... people?"

"Not when Jo's mad, she's not," Alex shook his head. "Like Shepherd...she doesn't ever...bust your balls about stuff, does she? It's like...with Jo...she gets mad when I don't...I don't know, tell her things? But she wants me to tell her things about stuff she's supposed to do? Like when she makes dinner or something, she gets mad if I didn't do it first...but that's what she does, isn't it? That's her thing. So why get mad when I don't do it?"

Owen blinked and waited for Alex to finish, to explain what he meant, but he finished on that. He opened his mouth to respond, but he had to think about it, so no words came out.

"Is she busy when she wants you to cook dinner? I don't know if that can ever really be someone's 'thing.'"

"Sometimes. But sometimes she'll come home and she'll slam crap around if dinner's not done but if she doesn't want to come home and cook, what makes her think I do? But it's not just that...it's a lot of other things. She acts like she does a lot but she doesn't really…"

"Well, I guess, if you came home and were exhausted and cooked dinner for everyone, would you want Jo to thank you? Or at least acknowledge that you did something?"

"Well...yeah...but…" Alex sighed, defeated. "All she does is make dinner, help Lyla with her homework, give them both a bath and put them to bed...it's not that much," he mumbled under his breath, grasping at straws to make his argument valid whilst already knowing that he failed.

"What do you do?"

"...Nothing," he admitted. "But only because she already did it."

Owen wrinkled his eyebrows again, wondering if Alex heard what Alex was saying. "Do you at least tell her how much you appreciate her doing all of it?"

Alex looked down at his hands and guiltily picked at a hangnail on his thumb. "No...but do I really have to? I mean Jo...she should know, right? She should know that I love her and that I think she's cool." He looked up at Owen and tilted his head, genuinely interested in what he had to say. He figured that he'd might as well use this opportunity to learn as much as he could. Owen seemed like a seasoned professional and after the way Jo stormed off upset just a few moments prior, it seemed as though he needed all the advice he could get. "...Right? Do I have to say it?"

"Well," Owen pressed his lips together. "Think about what you would want. Those are just as much your kids as they are hers. Every time she does something for them, she's doing something for you too, right? She's not some alien from another species for you to figure out. She's just a person. Think about if you did something she does and if you'd want to be thanked. It only takes a second or two. But if Jo is doing everything... do you ever feel like you're missing out? On your kids' lives?"

"...Not really…" He shifted in his chair. "Hunt, if you came home after long hours at the hospital….to three walking trauma cases, would you...want to be immersed in them? I'm with crumb-snatchers all day...it's a lot to come home to two more, especially when the one is teething and the other wants to put lipstick all over you. It's just a lot. But missing out? ….I don't know...I guess I do….wish...that maybe Alex cried for me sometimes and not for Jo…"

"But the thing is that they're not trauma cases. They're not patients. They're your kids. You only get one shot before they grow up and don't need you anymore. Even if you work with kids all day, they aren't your kids. It's got to be different, isn't it? Anyway, all you have to do is say a quick thank you every once in awhile. Even if you don't want to do anything else. It will make both of you a lot happier. It's not hard once you realize all that she's doing for you. Imagine doing it without her. That helps you appreciate the little things."

Alex sat in his chair and bit at his lip. He never thought about all the points that Owen brought up. He never even imagined having to do it with two kids, without Jo. She was the rock...she was his rock. He never thought about it in the way Owen presented it. He swallowed hard and reached in his pocket to take out his phone. "...You're right, you know?" He mumbled, unlocking his phone. "I never really thought about it that way...you should be a counselor...or somethin'."

"You know... Amelia has said that before." Owen leaned back in his chair and smiled, his eyes casually scanning all the other people in the room, until they were caught by Callie stomping into it.

"Hunt, where is your upstairs bathroom?"

"Just straight down all the way at the end of the hall upstairs," Owen said, scrunching his face in confusion. "What's wrong?"

"That one is occupied," she said, then raised her voice for everyone else to hear her. "And don't think you're getting in there. They've been in there for a good twenty-five minutes, and I don't think they're coming out anytime soon. Look, I'm all for heartfelt talks, but in the bathroom with a dozen people over?" Callie shook her head, then locked eyes on the stairs. "Thanks," she nodded to end the conversation. Owen and Alex both watched her, completely perplexed to what they just witnessed.

"Wonder what's going on in there," Owen thought out loud.

In the bathroom, Amelia rolled toilet paper heavily around her hand and ripped it off to hand Jo as a makeshift tissue. Jo sat on the toilet with her legs crossed, clutching the nine month old baby's body to her chest and not even attempting to hide her tears. The sobs had taken over her body and all they left were puffy cheeks and red eyes in their wake. She sniveled and took the tissue from Amelia without saying a word. She shook her head, clearly embarrassed at the way Amelia had walked in and saw her sobbing and dabbed her eyes with the toilet tissue.

"...I know she's your sister," she sniffed. "But I…" her voice trailed and the most she could do was shake her head before more tears just flowed freely out of her eyes.

"You're fine," Amelia said, taking the dirty tissue out of her hand and tossing it in the trash behind her without looking back. She replaced it with a fresh bunch of toilet paper. "I'm sorry. I totally forgot about your... history."

Jo shook her head. "Don't you apologize for that." She sniffed again and looked up, finally free of tears. Her eyes were so bloodshot that they looked like they hurt, the rims of her nostrils were fiery red and her cheeks were puffed up and reddened. She looked as though she had been crying for days as opposed to a few minutes. "I knew," she rolled her eyes, mostly at herself. "I knew she was gonna be here. She's your sister...how could she not? I knew." Another sniff. "But I just thought...I thought I could handle it. I happened...almost two years ago and I thought I was over it. And I was….I didn't care that he was...sitting at the table talking to her, whatever," she shrugged her shoulders and looked down at the top of the baby's head. "But I mean...did she really have to hold him? My baby?"

Amelia, leaning against the counter, kneeled down so she could be eye-level with the baby in Jo's lap. She smiled and took his hand.

"She doesn't know," Amelia said. "She feels horrible about what happened with Alex. She asks me all the time how you're doing. She hates what she did to you. She wouldn't have wanted to hurt you. She just doesn't know. She doesn't have her own baby. She doesn't know."

Jo sniffed again and tossed the toilet paper into the trashcan. "I'm not...mad...at her, I guess. I just...needed a break. She did it...it was clearly a mistake...she...she's with Andrew and they're happy so clearly it wasn't a me thing. But...it's Alex. How could you...how could he think it was okay? I mean yeah sure, I spent the better half of my divorce hating her guts and wanting to kill her but at some point, I had to wake up and realize that it was him. And what just happened in there? That was him. I refuse to believe that she just took my baby out of his arms. Alex told her it was okay...he had to have. So in what world is that okay? In what world is it okay to let the woman...who...screwed your husband..hold your baby? In what world is that okay?" She wiped her nose with the back of her hand and cleared her throat. "Whatever, I'm just being petty."

"You should talk to Alex about it," Amelia said, still talking at Alex's eye-level. She smiled at him, then looked back at Jo with a more serious expression. "Big Alex, I mean."

Baby Alex grinned at Amelia and tilted his head. He lifted his arm up and rested his hand against her mouth. Jo cracked an unwanted smile at the way her son was unafraid to interact with people. "There's a lot I have to talk to Alex about...it's just nerve-wracking. I'm just tired of being angry, you know? And I know...he's gonna make me feel like I was wrong. For doing that. But...Am I? Am I wrong for that? I know you don't wanna think that way, but what if it was Owen? And he let his...mistress or whatever, hold...Connor? Would you be able to just…" she sighed. "Would you?"

"If Owen ever handed my baby over to a woman he cheated with, that would be the last thing he ever does with his hands," Amelia's face suddenly filled with even more empathy as she imagined the situation, then shuddered. "It being my sister aside, your situation wasn't wrong. I would have reacted much worse than that."

Jo swallowed a laugh. "I wanted to! Amelia, please believe...my hand was twitching. I wanted to slap everybody at that table. I wanted to go off so bad. But I kept it together, which is honestly a big deal for me. I...I'm a physical person and that's always the first thing my mind goes to, so for me to hold back? It was tough but I did it and Alex is gonna make me feel like I still reacted horribly. But it would've REALLY been a horrible reaction if I had taken them both outside!" she laughed. "But anyway...I just needed to cool down. I think Alex is trying to put it behind us and rise above, which is admirable. I should probably do the same, huh?"

"As much as you can," Amelia reasoned. "Maggie does feel horrible. She didn't just do it and forget about it, you should know that. The guilt has pretty much eaten her alive."

"I know that," Jo replied, anger somewhat taking over her tone. She wasn't angry with the fact that Amelia said it, she was more so angry with the fact that she really did know. She wanted so much to believe that the woman Alex had engaged in oral sex with was some trashy, good-for-nothing woman off the street with no sense and morals. But she wasn't. She was someone that felt remorse for what she did and someone that wasn't generally easy to hate. "I know she's sorry. And I know she was drunk. And I freaking KNOW that the guilt has...eaten her alive or whatever." She sat in silence for a few moments. "She didn't do anything, you know. She didn't...wreck me and Alex's marriage. It was over long before she did anything. And I don't want her to feel guilty about it anymore. I don't want her to walk around feeling like I'm totally okay with her, don't get me wrong. But I don't want her to walk around hanging her head. That's not what I would want for myself. I wouldn't want somebody constantly shaming me for my indiscretions."

"Well," Amelia said lightly. "It definitely makes for an interesting Thanksgiving."

Jo smiled as a reply and shook her head. "I think it's time for us to head on home. We've already done enough for one night, don't you think so Bubby?" Alex looked at his mom and just drooled all over her arm. Jo stood up and shifted him onto her hip. "I'm gonna go ahead and take him home...I don't imagine Alex is ready to go yet. So can you do me a favor? Can you keep an eye on Lyla? Because Alex won't. Make sure she doesn't burn your house down?"

"What?" Amelia drew her head back. "Leaving? Why would you leave? You just got here."

"I don't feel like I should...do you think I could stay after doing what I did? I mean I just kind of made a fool of myself and Maggie and Alex in front of everyone. That's...I mean...okay, it wasn't everyone but still."

Amelia laughed. "That's what family is all about. You make a fool of yourself and they have to love you anyway. Come on, you haven't even talked to anyone yet."

"Can you do me a favor?" Feeling lighter, she opened up the bathroom door and held it for Amelia. "Small one?"

"What?"

"Take him...and give him to her." Jo took the baby off her hip and held him out for Amelia to take. "Tell her to bring him to me when she's had her fill. I'll be on the couch talking to Torres about something."

Amelia smiled, partly that Jo seemed to be more forgiving towards Maggie, and partly just because on the couch talking to Torres meant she wasn't going to run when things got a little messy. _That_ was family.

"You sure?" she asked, and Jo nodded. "Then come here, Alex," she said in a baby voice, excited to scoop up the chubby baby. Everyone needed themselves a little fill of the happy little boy. Alex looked at Jo for a few moments before turning his attention to Amelia and giving her one of his infamous grins.

Amelia pulled him up on her hip and started to finally empty out of the bathroom, but a thought stopped her in the doorway. She turned back and gave Jo a closed-lip smile.

"Happy Thanksgiving, Jo."

"Happy Thanksgiving," Jo nodded back, turned away and headed towards the couch to sit and have a discussion with Callie about the mandibular repair she did yesterday.

Amelia sighed and wandered through the kitchen, looking for Maggie. She saw a flash of the back of her head in the dining room, sitting alone, and Amelia felt her heart drop at the next conversation she was going to have to have. Thanksgiving, as it turned out, was putting out one fire as the next match was being lit. She stopped by the counter, looking around at all the pies she assumed April must have gone and set out for her. Her eyes stopped on one tin of chocolate pie, the edges there, but a gaping hole in the middle. Amelia looked around like there were hidden cameras around somewhere.

She scooted Alex up with one hand and used her other to pick up the empty tin.

"Who the hell would eat a pie like this?"


	58. Start Dating

**This is out of place. This belongs before baby Alex's birth. He does not exist in this chapter. I will put it back in order once I decide to reorder this story again.**

 **Wanting Jo to be happy, Stephanie encourages her to date after the divorce and when she can't find a babysitter for Lyla, she is forced to ask Alex to watch her.**

* * *

As she mindlessly and quietly chomped down on the wad of mint-flavored chewing gum she had in her mouth, Jo wrapped her thumb and index finger around the straw sticking out of the styrofoam cup on the table in front of her and used it to prod around the ice cubes at the bottom of it.

"This is the third day you're not eating lunch," Stephanie mumbled through her mouthful of chewed-up lettuce from her salad, noting the empty space on the table where Jo's lunch tray usually rested. She swallowed hard and licked her lips. "You sure you're okay?"

"I'm fine," Jo sighed and took a reluctant sip of the water. She turned her nose up at the bland taste, but swallowed anyway. It was no secret that she hated water, yet she somehow found it to be the only thing she'd let herself order anymore.

"You sure?" Steph pressed.

Jo nodded her head and scooted in closer to the table, clearing her throat. "Nothing's been appetizing lately." She looked back up and noticed the concerned look on her best friend's face. "I'll probably go home and scarf an entire large pizza down," she quickly added, clearly doing damage control.

"Just making sure."

Stephanie knew that she was being lied to, but she knew Jo well enough to know that when she wanted to dead an issue, the issue was better off being deadened. She wanted to bring up the fact that she noticed Jo wasn't eating as much as she used to. Today, the cafeteria was serving chicken Caesar salads, and yesterday was the infamous meatloaf, and day before that were crabcakes; all of which Jo thoroughly enjoyed. She wanted to address the fact that her usual soda-loving best friend had suddenly switched to water, a drink she vocally detested. There was a slew of issues she wanted to bring up, all of which she knew would be brushed off and disregarded by Jo.

"So...any cool cases today?" she asked, trying to move away from the subject that was still lingering in her mind.

Clearly distracted by whatever it was that she was looking at, Jo didn't answer. She continued aimlessly curling and uncurling a lock of her long, brunette hair around her finger and staring, what seemed to Steph, off into space. She wasn't staring at nothing, though. The thing - or person, rather - that she was staring at was very real. She watched as her bony, tanned hands picked up the ladle that was inside the pasta salad at the serving station. Her stomach began to ache at the way her bouncy, tight, kinky curls seemed to sway with her every movement. She even felt her throat close up upon noticing the way her scrub pants almost completely hung off her, despite being tied tightly around her waist.

She was thin, she was tan, and her curls were flawless. Her entire being was something that she could not mimic. As her fingers tensed around the cup of water she was slowly but surely sipping on, Jo realized that no amount of dieting, time spent in a tanning bed, and minutes in the morning with a curling iron would even bring her close to that. And she didn't understand. She didn't know what exactly it was that made Alex want her instead. She didn't know if it was the curls, or if it was the skin tone. She imagined it might've been the petiteness, but even then, she was just guessing. But it had to have been something, right? He had to have wanted her for some reason, and though it was unbeknownst to her, it was certainly there.

She just wanted to know that reason. She wanted to know why. She wanted to know what it was that made Alex go to her instead. He could say he was drunk and it was a mistake, which was true. But still, that wasn't satisfying enough. She wanted a reason. She wanted it to make sense in her mind, because it didn't. Was there something that she wasn't giving him? Something that, sober or not, made him feel like he needed to find it somewhere else?

Was she too heavy? She would admit to anyone that asked that after having Lyla, her body didn't exactly go back to what it was. She gained 30 pounds when she was pregnant and was only able to lose about 10 of it. Her thighs were thicker, her stomach wasn't as flat as it used to be, she had newfound love handles that weren't on her hips before her pregnancy, and she boasted bright pink stretchmarks all over. She wasn't what she used to be, so was that the reason he wasn't attracted to her anymore?

Did he have a thing for curly-haired women? Okay, so she didn't have much time to do anything different with her hair. Being an orthopedic attending didn't exactly allow for the flexible schedule, so she mostly showed her thick hair up into a ponytail. It was simple, it was easy and it wasn't always pretty. Did Alex want her to have curlier hair?

Or maybe it was the fact that she was just different altogether. She had darker skin, that was clear. Maybe Alex just wanted-

"Jo," Steph's demanding tone cut through her destructive thoughts and finally made her tear her eyes away from Maggie, who was still at the serving stations.

"Hmm?" Jo shook her head as if she was physically clearing her head full of clouds and smoke and looked at Steph. "You say something?"

"I asked you if you had any cool cases today."

Steph swallowed the statement she was going to say in place of repeating herself as she decided against throwing it out there and admitting that she had traced Jo's eyes and was fully aware of what-or who-she was staring at.

"Oh," Jo muttered and looked down at the ice cubes floating in her water. "Not really...broken mandible, that's pretty much it."

Steph only nodded her head...she just didn't know what else to say. She could hear the brokenness in Jo's voice. It didn't take much to see just how much of a toll Alex's cheating and the subsequent divorce had taken on her best friend. She knew it wasn't much of a comparison, but she tried to remember how she felt when her boyfriend ran off with the bride at the wedding they attended together. It wasn't entirely the same as Jo's husband of five years cheating on her, but she imagined the feelings were somewhat the same. So she sat back for a moment longer and placed herself back in that mindset. What would she want?

"You keep staring at her and you're gonna bore a hole in the back of her head," Steph mumbled and picked up her fork.

Jo wrinkled her eyebrows. "I wasn't-"

"You're about to tell a bold-faced lie, Jo."

Jo sighed and let her shoulders sink. She couldn't deny that she was staring, no matter how badly she wanted to. Instead of saying anything else, she just slipped her straw back into her mouth. Instead of taking a sip of the water she hated, she just chewed on the straw.

"Have you ever thought about dating?" Steph asked. Jo's head instinctively snapped up and her eyes narrowed. She looked at Steph as if she had uttered some foul, disgusting, offensive profanity. "I'm serious!" Steph laughed at her expression. "I'm so serious Jo...have you thought about dating?"

"Steph," she sighed. "I'm a 34 year old single mother of a five year old. Dating isn't exactly on my mind."

"You need to get over him. I'm not going to keep watching you stare a hole in the back of her head at lunch time. And you know the best way to get over a man is to get under a new one," Steph joked.

Jo rolled her eyes and reluctantly cracked a smile. "I'm really not interested in dating…"

"C'mon Jo. Just give it a try. You might find someone you really like."

"I just want to focus on Lyla right now. I want to focus on my baby and myself. I still haven't gotten the hang of this single mom thing and-"

"I'm sure Ly would love the guy I have in mind."

"Okay, first of all," Jo sat up straight and pushed her cup away. She didn't know why, but she suddenly felt defensive at the thought of Lyla. "If I get involved with ANYONE, they're not meeting my baby until I'm absolutely freaking certain that they're good for her. I'm not about to have her watch me drag men in and out of her life. She already saw me toss her father to the curb. I'm not one of those mothers that drag men in and out of my child's life. Lyla's not meeting anyone. The next man she meets will be her step-father and that's that."

"Okay, geez!" Steph held her hands up as a sign of surrender. "Don't bite my head off killer."

"Sorry," she mumbled. "I just don't like the thought of…I'm just…I don't want Lyla thinking that men are supposed to just come and go. I'm not that mom. I've already done enough to her for one lifetime. She's already so messed up…I just…" her voice trailed. "Hate the fact that I did all of this to her," she whispered, willing tears to stay in her eyes.

"Did what?"

Jo pursed her lips together and closed her eyes tight. Realizing that she was about to cry, Steph quickly handed her a few napkins. Jo took them and hurriedly placed them over her eyes to shield her face from the view of everyone in the cafeteria.

"I just feel like such a bad mom," she sniffed and dabbed her eyes with the napkins. "I feel like I ripped her family apart. All she does is cry for him at bedtime, she watches me fall apart… I'm a freaking mess all the time. She's in daycare more than she's with me because I work. She's used to having one of us around at all times and…now she doesn't. And I feel like it's my fault. I would never let a man around her unless I was 100% serious about him. I've already done enough."

"Jo," Steph tilted her head and let her own eyes mist over with tears. "You're not a bad mom, okay? You're great. La's so lucky to have a mom like you...a mom who cared enough to take her away from the bullcrap. I told you…I grew up with a mother and a father who hated each other. And every fight, every scream, every broken plate… I used to pray to God that they would just shut up and get a divorce already. I used to want to kill my mom for holding it together for the sake of me and my sister. That's no life for a kid to have, you know? La is so lucky she had a mom that cared enough. Jo...you got that divorce for her. And you know you did. Look at me." Jo sniffed and picked her head up. She wanted so bad to cry right along with her upon seeing the way Jo's eyes were bloodshot red. "You didn't want to divorce Alex, did you?" Jo shook her head. "But you did it because you knew that the screaming, the fighting, the cussing...the physical fights… You knew that wasn't good for her. That's why you did it, isn't it? You did it for her. Even though you didn't want to, you did it for her. You did what was best for LYLA, not for you. That makes you one hell of a mom."

"...I never wanted her to see me hit him," Jo rubbed the tip of her nose and pulled herself together. "She saw me slap him once and I told myself that was enough. I told myself that she wouldn't see it again. But then I turned around and punched him. I punched him and like an asshole, I had the audacity to fight back when he pushed me up against that wall and restrained me. He was trying to stop it and I fought back… Steph, she was crying for us to stop hitting each other and somehow he had enough sense to restrain me, but I wanted to fight back? How does that make me a good mom? That makes me pretty freaking horrible."

"People do crazy things when they're mad," Steph shrugged. "Doesn't make you any less of a mother. He cheated on you, Jo. Cheated on you and called you names...people do crazy things when they're angry. Maybe you didn't have enough sense to stop hitting him right then, but you had enough sense to take her away from it. Who's to say you and Alex would've even worked it out? If you had stayed?"

"I don't know," she admitted.

In truth, Jo did still feel absolutely horrible for the way she had flown off the handle and hit Alex more than once. She told herself after Jason that she would never put her hands on another man. She swore to herself when she became a mother that the violent piece of her would be laid to rest. And she promised herself right then, in this moment, that she would eventually sincerely apologize to Alex for hurting him. He had said some nasty, awful things to her and he did make her angry. But she still acknowledged the fact that she had no right to hit him.

She cleared her throat and further pulled herself together. "So you already had someone in mind for me?"

"You're gonna date?!" Steph beamed.

"...I'll try it," Jo shrugged her shoulders and very reluctantly agreed. She didn't want to date…but if there was any chance that dating could help her stop feeling the way she felt when she saw Maggie and pulled apart every flaw she could find on herself, she would try anything.

She was just sick of feeling that way.

* * *

Lyla pulled her thumb out of her mouth and picked her head up off of Jo's shoulder long enough to speak.

"Mama, you gonna come back, right?" she wondered aloud. "You gonna come back and get me, are you?" she sniveled. "Are you?"

"I'm coming right back to get you, Bubbles. I promise I will be right back to get you. I promise," Jo answered with a kiss on her daughter's salty, tear-infested cheek.

Lyla sniffed and let out a monotonous crying-inflicted moan as she placed her head back against her mother's shoulder. She popped her thumb back in her mouth and dragged her free hand from Jo's neck up to her ear. She bypassed the diamond stud earring in her mommy's ear and massaged her earlobe anyway, as she always did when she was being held and needed comfort. Jo rested her cheek against the top of her daughter's head and let her play with her earlobe without protest.

She slung Lyla's bag over her shoulder and bumped the car door shut with her hip. She adjusted her hold on her daughter's body and began walking up the pathway that led to Alex's front door. Seeing the way Lyla began to sob and panic when she was putting her lipstick on was almost enough to make Jo wash her makeup off, take her dress-clothes off and cancel her date. She hated the fact that leaving her daughter made her panic and cry, but she guessed it was just a side-effect of the divorce. Lyla had developed separation anxiety and Jo figured there was nothing she could do about that.

"You're gonna have fun with Daddy though, right? You and Daddy are gonna bake cookies. Yeah… He told me to pack you an old t-shirt so you can get dirty with the cookie dough stuff. So you guys are gonna have fun."

"Want you, Mama… Want you," Lyla whined. "Want you."

"I know baby, but you're gonna have fun without me. Just wait and see." Jo climbed up Alex's front steps and jammed her finger into the doorbell. "You're gonna have so much fun, you're not even gonna want me to come get you. Wait and see."

Just moments after Jo rang the bell, Alex opened up his front door. He told himself to wait at least a minute before opening the door, solely because he didn't want Jo to know that he had been sitting on his couch for the last hour just waiting for her to bring Lyla. His plans were foiled the moment he sprung up and answered the door with no less than five seconds to waste. He pulled the door open and stepped aside.

"Hey," he greeted them both of them coolly.

His eyes immediately went to Jo. He hesitated, taking a moment to just gawk at her in awe. Her hair was curled in loose, beachy waves, her makeup was done in subtle earth tones, her lips were glazed with nude lipstick and she wore a tight knit, green sweater and a pair of jeans. She looked beautiful and nothing less than that. When she had called him earlier in the week and told him that she needed him to watch Lyla, he didn't ask why. He didn't need to. He took every single opportunity he could get to spend time with his daughter. But now, seeing as how she dressed like she stepped right out of the pages of a Covergirl magazine, he wished that he had asked.

"Thank you for watching her," Jo broke the silence by stepping forward and shuffling to hand Lyla off to him. "I know it's not your night with her but I didn't have anyone else to watch her. Steph's on call and the daycare won't take her with a fever and…" Alex snapped himself out of the state of awe he was in and reached for the five year old's body. "Everything is in her bag."

"Got it." He wrapped his hands around Lyla's torso and graciously took her. "Hey Butthead," he mumbled and pecked his daughter on her lips. "What's all the tears for?"

"She's still battling that ear infection so give her the drops that are in there," Jo instructed as she handed him the backpack. "Not too much sugar, Alex. I don't want her bouncing off the walls when I come get her."

"What time are you coming to get her?" he asked.

"I don't know," Jo answered honestly. "Could be anywhere from 9:00 to 11:00, depending on how it goes."

"Depending on how what goes?"

"None of your business."

"I-" Alex started. He sighed, realizing that the only reason Jo would insist that it wasn't his business was if it were something that would upset him. That, coupled with the way she was dressed… He figured she was going on a date. "You're right. It is none of my business...just text me when you're on your way."

"I will," she nodded. "Bye Bubbles...Mommy loves you."

"Ba-Byes," Lyla waved.

Alex sighed and watched with a lump in his throat as Jo, the woman he was still truly, madly and deeply in love with, walked down the steps and back to her car. He figured that she would be dating eventually. Jo was beautiful. She was amazing, anyone would be lucky to have her. He knew that men would be lining up for her. He knew she'd be dating…but he still wasn't prepared. Somehow, seeing that she was going on a date really resonated the fact that he lost her. He lost her….and she was moving on. Maybe he should move on too. But he didn't know if he could.

He would never love a woman as much as he loved her.


	59. Jo's Ring

**Jo decides to wear her wedding ring again.**

Jo quickly tilted her head back to the ceiling as her shoulders hunched up and her body expelled a hard, forceful sneeze.

"A-Choo!"

Lyla quickly pulled away the makeup brush and jumped back, frightened at how quickly the sneeze took her over, suddenly without so much as a warning.

"Mommy!" she exclaimed, stomping her foot in frustration. She folded her arms across her chest and scoffed. "You messed me up! Now I has to start all over and it's all 'cause you just had to sneeze!"

"Sorry baby doll," Jo apologized and wiped her nose with the back of her hand.

Her shoulders slouched, and as the soreness set in and nestled in the back of her throat, she closed her eyes again so Lyla could finish. She felt herself getting sick, but she knew that she was to blame. The baby had been sick just the week prior and she neglected to take medicine to catch hers early, so when she felt her nose stuffed up this morning, she was nothing less than surprised. She had made a thousand mental notes to take Zinc tablets to catch the cold before it set in, all of which she ignored.

"Am I almost done?"

"No," Lyla shook her head and picked up the palette that consisted of bright pink and purple shades of eyeshadow. "I still has to put the glitter on."

"Oh…," Jo sighed, but plastered a smile on her face to feign excitement and interest. "Make me look pretty then."

The truth of the matter was that she would've rather been in bed. Her nose was clogged, her throat was sore, her chest was aching and all she wanted to do was lie her head down on a pillow. But instead, she sat in the middle of her daughter's bedroom floor, makeup caked on her face, her hair up in a "princess bun" and a pair of Tinkerbell wings on her back. She sat uncomfortable but perfectly still as Lyla used her tiny finger to smear glitter underneath her eyebrows.

"Open," Lyla mumbled as if she was a true beauty professional. Jo obeyed and opened up her eyes. Lyla stuck her tongue out to seem concentrated and nodded her head just once. "Close." Jo closed her eyes again. "Mommy, you gonna look so beautiful… Daddy gonna take you on a date."

"Oh is he?" Jo giggled. "That sounds promising. Where's he gonna take me?"

"Ummm," Lyla pondered. "...Chuckecheesins."

"Chuck-E-Cheese's?" Jo's eyebrows involuntarily raised. "That sounds like so much fun. Are you and Ally gonna come with us?"

"No no," Lyla shook her head and picked up the purple lipstick. Jo hushed herself as she began dragging the lipstick across her lips and slightly onto her cheeks. "What's wrong with bein', what's wrong with bein', what's wrong with bein' confadint uh-huh," the six year old sang along to the radio that was playing in the background, causing Jo to laugh.

As soon as she felt the lipstick leave her mouth, Jo opened her eyes. Lyla capped the lipstick and moved her hair out of her face, careful not to wipe off her own makeup that Jo had done minutes before switching her places in the makeup spot. She had been doing her mommy's makeup for the last twenty minutes and she was finally done. She held her one single index finger up and willed Jo to wait a moment before getting up. Jo nodded her head and remained seated.

"What else do you have to do, La?" she asked. "No nail polish this time, okay? Mommy's too tired for manicures today."

"Not nail polish," Lyla quipped, sifting through her pink and white Hello Kitty jewelry box. "You need bling, Mama. Bling."

"Oh-kay," Jo shrugged. "Guess I need bling."

In all honesty, she didn't know where Lyla got her love for fashion and makeup from. She clearly didn't inherit it from her side of the gene pool. Growing up, Jo herself was the furthest thing from girly. Granted, she didn't have the means to play dress up with her mother, but she wouldn't have been caught dead in makeup until late college, and even then, the most she wore was eyeliner. She had no idea how she and Alex managed to produce such a girly girl. Lyla enjoyed dressing up and playing dolls and hosting tea parties. Occasionally, she liked to get down and dirty and wrestle with Alex or catch the softball in the backyard. She even watched football and hockey games with him. But her true heart lied in all things girly and she was truly enigmatic to Jo.

"Here," Lyla produced a plastic, silver-spray painted necklace and presented it to Jo. "You wear this. These...are diamonds, Mommy. They tie your whole outfit together."

"Alright, put 'em on me." Jo reached back and held up the pieces of her hair that fell out of her princess bun and tilted her head downward so Lyla could clasp the necklace around her neck. "But what about you? You're not wearing any bling. You need something shiny too."

"Okay, I got it," she turned back to her jewelry box and rummaged through it some more until she found the perfect thing. "I'm gonna wear a ring 'cause I don't want my skirt to clash. It's pretty but scuttle."

"Pretty but subtle," Jo snickered at her mispronunciation of the word and sat back. Her eyes wandered over her daughter's makeshift outfit and elicited a gentle grin. Though she didn't feel well, she still enjoyed spending any amount of quality time with her daughter.

"Okay Mommy, we hasta go show Daddy now. Come on. He's gonna say we're beautiful."

"Yep," Jo stood up and fixed the Tinkerbell wings on her back.

She forgot she even had the stupid things. She could've sworn that she threw them away when she threw away the rest of the costume, years ago.

"You wanna show Daddy first or should I go…," her voice trailed, her eyes resting on something that clearly caught her attention. "...Lyla, lemme see your ring."

"Huh?"

"Let Mommy see your ring," she wrinkled her brows and narrowed her eyes. Lyla held her hand up. "...Where did you get this?"

"I fount it."

"You found it?" Jo slipped the ring, which was about five sizes too big, off her daughter's thumb and held it.

Her chest tightened a bit at the way she crystals still sparkled ever so brightly. It had been a year since she saw it. She forgot about it. At first, after the divorce, her finger constantly felt naked. It took her months to get used to not having it on after wearing it for six years straight. How had she forgotten about it when it was such a big part of her life?

"Where'd you find it?" she whispered.

"In the junk drawer by the fridge," Lyla answered cautiously.

She wasn't sure if she'd be in trouble for having it. She knew she wasn't supposed to. It felt different from all her fake, plastic jewelry. It felt...real. She knew she shouldn't have it but her mommy never expressed interest in missing it so she figured it was okay. After all, it was in the junk drawer.

"God, yes," Jo whispered to herself and closed her hand around the ring, feeling it's cool metal against her palm for the first time in a long time. She didn't realize how much she missed it. She missed it, she missed wearing it, what it symbolized. She missed what it meant. "...La, don't touch this anymore, okay? This isn't a toy baby doll...okay?"

"Sorry Mommy."

"Don't be sorry baby," Jo ruffled her hair. "It shouldn't have been in the junk drawer. It's not junk."

"It's not?"

"No," she shook her head. "It's really important, okay? And it's mine. Don't touch it no more, alright?"

"Kay," Lyla nodded.

"Mmmkay," Jo swallowed and slid the ring back in its respectful place, carefully...as if it was fragile, delicate and oh-so breakable.

She looked at it for a moment. Admired it. It looked right. Like it was supposed to be there. Like it was meant to be there. It felt even more right. Like the planets aligned and everything in the universe was right again. She smiled to herself before looking down at Lyla.

"Let's go show Daddy."


	60. The Christmas Tree

**When the family's Christmas tree falls over, everyone tries to comfort baby Alex, who despises the tree for looking like a monster.**

* * *

Jo stuffed her hand into the opened bag of chocolate chips laying on the counter and grabbed a handful, popping a few into her mouth before sprinkling them over the uncooked pancakes on the griddle. Lyla sat on the counter a few inches away from the griddle and continued swinging her feet as she listened to the gentle, soothing noise coming from her mother as she hummed along to the tune playing over the iHome speakers next to the fridge.

It was a typical Saturday morning; Jo standing at the counter jostling pancakes back and forth, Lyla still in her pajamas helping, Alex on the couch watching cartoons with the baby. It was simple, but it was typical and though it had become routine for this to be the norm on Saturdays where neither Jo nor Alex had to be at the hospital, Jo still loved the simplicity of being able to wake up and cook breakfast. It was rare for both her and Alex to be off on a Saturday like this.

"Not too many," she cautioned as Lyla shoved her hand in the bag to devour her own handful of chocolate chips. Lyla nodded and are only a few before sprinkling the rest on the pancakes as well.

"All the vampires…," Jo sang, letting her voice trail off and descend into nothing but a hum as she concentrated on flipping a pancake over. "...Ventura boulevard."

Lyla tilted her head to the side and admired the soft sound of her Mommy's voice. She thought it was rather amazing how it seemed that there was nothing Jo wasn't good at. She was good at making her feel better, good at breaking bones and good at singing too. Wasn't there anything her Mommy couldn't do?

"And I'm free…fallin'. Free….free fallin'," Jo continued, unaware of the fact that Lyla was really in awe of her carrying a tune.

Truthfully, Jo wasn't the best singer. She was a little off-key and her voice was both nasally and squeaky. In fact, some might have even called her a terrible singer. But Lyla didn't see it. She thought the noises coming from her mother's mouth were the most beautiful noises she had ever heard. So beautiful, that she would bet her entire Polly Pocket collection that her Mommy could beat anyone on The X-Factor.

"Mommy, why we always gotta listen to this old people music?" she lifted her head and asked as soon as John Mayer's voice drew to a close. "This is old people's music."

Jo giggled and turned towards her daughter. "What's the matter La, you don't like my music?" Lyla shook her head. "What would you like to listen to?"

"How's about some um…" Lyla rolled her eyes up to the ceiling, feigning concentration. "Some Justin Bieber, Taylor Swift, Nicki Amage, Big Time Rush? Some R5? Or Beyoncé? Or Trap Queen?"

Jo laughed even harder and rolled her eyes. "This is my music, Bubbles. I'm not on your playlist so no, I don't have any Justin Bieber or Nicki Minaj."

"Gimme the iPod… Mommy you have such not good music," she held her hand out and patiently waited for Jo to hand her the iPod. "Santa better bring me my own iPod 'cause I can't take more of this."

"You're such a brat." Jo ran her fingers through her daughter's messy hair and willingly handed her iPod over anyway. "Why don't we listen to some Christmas music instead?"

"Ick!"

Jo sighed, "Don't turn it up too loud though, okay?"

"Kay," Lyla agreed and began scrolling through the music that was included on the playlist titled "Lyla." She tapped the screen of Jo's iPod and turned on something that was more suited to her taste. "You use 'ta call me on my cell phone… Use to, use to, use to."

Jo shook her head and scraped the now fully done pancakes onto a plate. Why Lyla would ever prefer the mainstream stuff that came on the radio over John Mayer's cover of Free Fallin' was beyond her. She placed the iPod back on the iHome dock and walked to the living room so she could get Alex and the baby for breakfast.

"Alex," she stood next to the couch and looked down as he sat. "You wanna eat in here?" Alex nodded, deeply interested in The Backyardagains with little Alex on his lap. "How many pancakes do you want?"

"Four," he mumbled. "Make it five...I'll feed one to him."

"Alright… And when you're done eating, will you please fix that tree? It looks like it's going to topple over."

"It's fine."

"Okay, but when it falls over, don't say I didn't tell you so," she shrugged and returned back to the kitchen. "Do you wanna eat in the living room too, Ly?"

"Uh-huh," Lyla hopped down off the couch still bobbing her head to the tune of Hotline Bling and skipped to the living room. Jo turned off the music that was still playing and grabbed three plates from the cabinet.

Back in the living room, as the TV show faded to a commercial, Alex leaned forward and checked the baby on his lap. It seemed that as long as there was something interesting happening on the TV screen, little Alex wouldn't bother staring at the tree. Now that it had gone to commercial, he caught the baby slowly turning his head and looking off into the corner.

Every day since it had been put up, it had been a problem for the nine month old. He just didn't like it. It was big, it was green and it looked like a true monster. It was so horrible that it had actually taken him an entire week to forgive Daddy and Lyla for putting it up in the first place. How could they just let a monster live in their house without consulting him first? And he didn't know what was worse; the fact that Daddy and "Sissy" we're the ones that gave the monster permission to live in their house or the fact that Mommy was also okay with it. If anyone, he expected Mommy to be the one to tell it to get out. He wondered how long it was going to be there.

"Ally, stop lookin' over there," Lyla stood in front of him with her plate in her hand to block his view. She hated it the way her brother would look in the corner and poke his lip out at the tree. She hated it, because she knew that if their Mommy felt badly enough, she'd take it down and if it was taken down, then what would Santa leave presents underneath? "If you don't like it, don't look at it."

"He's a baby Ly, he's gonna look," Alex dismissed her. "Sit down and eat before I tell the elf to tell Santa you're being a brat." Lyla just rolled her eyes and sat on the couch with her pancake. "You want a pancake, bud?"

Just as Jo came into the living room carrying two more plates of chocolate chip pancakes, a loud, crashing noise from the corner made her jump and nearly drop the two plates. Just as she suspected, the once-lopsided Christmas tree came toppling to the ground in a heap of lights and ornaments.

It took a matter of seconds for baby Alex to react. His eyebrows wrinkled up, his mouth hung open and it was quiet for the few moments it took for him to suck a decent amount of air into his lungs. He took a deep breath and when he exhaled, the most ear-piercing, gut-wrenching, blood-curdling scream came from his mouth. It wasn't his personality to scream that way. He'd much rather be laughing or smiling than screaming but he couldn't help it. He screamed at the top of his little lungs and although he was being held safely by his father, it wasn't enough. He needed Mommy.

"See, Alex!" Jo quickly put the plates down on the coffee table and rushed to take the baby, who was reaching his arms out to her, off of Alex. "See?! I told you to fix the damn tree before it fell!" She snatched the baby out of his hands and cradled him. "If you would've fixed it in the first damn time I told you!"

"He's fine, Jo." Alex got up off the couch. He did feel guilty for the fact that the tree scared his usually mellow son enough to warrant hard tears and earsplitting screams. He dragged his feet over to the carnage of the Christmas tree and kneeled down next to it. "He's alright. He's not hurt."

"That's not the freakin' point. He's scared shitless of the damn thing and the last thing he needed was for it to fall. The point is that I asked you to fix it before this happened and you don't like to listen to me," she shook her head at him. "Bubby… It's okay," she kissed the baby's cheek and rubbed his back. "It's okay Bubby. It's just a tree… It's just a tree."

"Mommy, we gonna take it down?" Lyla worried.

"No, we're not gonna take it down," Jo promised.

"I don't know why him is so scared of it." Lyla put her plate down and climbed off the couch. "It's just a tree." She walked over to the tree that was slowly being picked up off the ground by Alex and plucked a circular, red bulb off it. "Ally, see? See?" She offered it to her brother. "See?"

"Yeah Bubby, see?" Jo took the bulb off Lyla and tried handing it to Alex. "It's a good tree. It's a nice tree. Looky," she carried him over to it now that it was once again standing upright. "Looky, it's not so bad."

"Yeah Bud," Alex chimed in too as he plugged the lights back in on it. "Look at the lights. See?"

"It's not that scary. It's not even livin'." Lyla took her fist and punched one of the branches, which elicited a little giggle from her brother. "See? It's not even livin'. It's not gonna eat you."

Alex turned his head completely and faced the tree. He guessed it didn't look like so much of a monster. And the little lights on it...they sure looked like they tasted good. Maybe eventually he could taste them. It wasn't so bad… It really wasn't.

But it still wasn't his most favorite thing in the house.


	61. Christmas Wish List

**Alex and Jo go through Lyla's Christmas list.**

Alex paced slowly around the room, walking back and forth in front of the crib while keeping the baby's body pressed closely against his bare chest. He leaned his head downward and pressed his lips against the top of the baby's head, and stroked the tips of his fingers along the gentle fat folds on his back. The sudden movement caused the baby to stir and moan, coming out of the sleep he was just blissfully falling into.

"Shh," Alex hushed him, soothingly gyrating his arms up and down to mimic a gentle rocking motion.

In his arms, baby Alex elevated his head just a little and clonked it back down on his father's chest, growing sleepier as the moments passed. Once he got comfortable, he resumed sucking on the pacifier he had in his mouth and caused it to bob ferociously. Alex smirked at the tickle the scraping of the pacifier against his chest caused and moved his hand down to his son's diaper-padded butt. Though he was off today and spent the entire day with both his son and his daughter, he still found that there wasn't any feeling in the world that was better than what he felt in this moment. As his son drifted into a deep sleep against his chest, he pressed another kiss to his head and stopped pacing just so he could look down and admire him.

The baby's chubby cheek was smashed as he was listening to his father's heartbeat and his hands dangled loosely at his sides. Even to baby Alex, there was nothing better than letting his Daddy's heartbeat lull him to sleep.

"Night Bud," he whispered and walked over to the crib.

He didn't really want to put the baby down. No, he'd be content to stand in the middle of the nursery all night just feeling his breath against his chest. He could stand for hours on end just holding his son while he slept...but Jo insisted that holding him while he slept would ultimately spoil him so he knew that he had to put him down. They had only just been fortunate enough to break him of needing to sleep in the bed with them and he knew the last thing they needed was a baby that would only sleep if he was being held. So with one last kiss, this time on his cheek, Alex leaned down and safely deposited his son in his crib for the night.

He pulled the soft plush blankets over his body, fixed his head so that he'd be able to breathe properly, and ran his fingers through the silky brown waves on top of his head. He fixed the baby monitor as well and turned around to leave the nursery. He shut the door behind him and padded down the hallway back to him and Jo's room.

Jo sat in bed with her back against the headboard and her legs crossed. She didn't look up, but she heard Alex enter the room as she turned the paper in her hand over to the flipside.

"Did you get him back down?" she asked, still not looking up.

"Yeah," he nodded, sighing and crashing down beside her on the bed. "Think he just knocked his pacifier out. Didn't take much to get him back down." He rubbed his eyes and stifled a wide yawn before looking at the papers she was scribbling on. "What're you working on? Something for work?"

"Nope, not work," Jo shook her head and drew a bright red line through an item on what seemed to be a list. "Christmas list."

"Mmm…" Alex sat up and scooted closer to her so he could see too. "Anything on it we haven't picked up yet?"

Jo handed him the list and let him look for himself. Alex held the paper in his hand and as he recognized the wrinkled white paper and the chicken-scratch handwriting written in purple crayon as the letter that Lyla stuck in the mailbox yesterday, he grinned.

"iPad, iPhone, iPod...Disney Infinity, new dance bag, M-Monster High Create-A-Monster Styling Head," he stuttered around the words as he tried to decode the horrible writing. "Elsa Sing-A-Long Doll, air brush designer, thread wrapper, Monster High Movies, The Descendants, pierced ears…," he put the list down and looked up at Jo. "Well?"

"Should we get her the iPad? I still don't know about that. I mean we could get her one of those mini ones but Alex an iPad…" Jo asked. "That's expensive."

"Everything's expensive, Jo. If she wants it...it's not like we can't afford it. Just get her the iPad."

"But Alex, I don't want her thinking she can have whatever she wants. We got the iPod sitting down in the basement, let's say we get her an iPad too...then she'll be expecting the iPhone and I'm sorry but I refuse to give my six year old a cell phone. What does a six year old need an iPad for? She's not a spoiled little brat that gets-"

"She knows that," Alex interrupted. "She knows that she doesn't get whatever she wants. Remember last year she wanted a laptop? We didn't get her the laptop now, did we? She knows. She's not spoiled…" Jo raised her eyebrows at that, clearly disagreeing. "She's not a brat though. She's bratty but that's only when it comes to us. She doesn't go to school flaunting her crap and she doesn't expect to get whatever she wants. There's a difference between being bratty and being a brat. And Ly's a good kid. She's good, Jo. Smart, sweet...she's a good kid."

"It's not about whether or not she deserves the iPad Alex, it's about whether or not a six year old should have one. If you ask me, she doesn't deserve half the stuff we got her already. She hasn't exactly been good this last year. She smacked the baby, almost choked him to death, sass-mouthed the both of us. She's clearly on Santa's naughty list…"

"She's a good kid, Jo. Five years of being an only child and-"

"I know that," Jo mumbled. "You don't think I do? I think she's perfect...I think she's the greatest little girl in the world and I know how much Alex came and rocked her world. She wasn't like that before he came." She rested her head against Alex's shoulder and sighed. "I know she's a good little girl. She brings home good grades, she hardly ever gets bad reports from her teacher and she's so sweet. And I love her more than I can even put into words...but I don't want her to grow up thinking that she can have it all, you know? I want her to grow up with nice things...why do you think I get up every morning and make sure she looks her best for school? I want her to have nice things but Ii don't want her to think that her life is just…," she sighed. "I want her to be grounded. An iPad at six years old isn't exactly grounded to me."

"Alright," Alex nodded. "We can save the iPad for Easter or...I dunno, maybe when she gets a medal or whatever you get for dance. Doesn't she have that big national competition or whatever?" He pondered. Truthfully, he didn't know much about dance. He was relieved when Lyla said she wanted to quit and heartbroken when she wanted to start up again. All he knew was that he occasionally had to sit through competitions sometimes and that's all he cared to know. "We'll get her the iPad if she wins the competition or whatever that is."

Jo nodded her head in agreement and picked up the list again. "Alright so no iPad, definitely no iPhone...everything else is doable, right? We've got the iPod...what about the pierced ears? What does Santa say about that?"

"She wants her ears pierced?"

"Mhm," Jo nodded. "I think it's mostly because Ava's got hers pierced but she wrote that down on her own merit. She wants her ears pierced."

"Well…" Alex started, unsure of how to approach the topic. He didn't quite know how Jo felt about it. He was alright with the idea. He didn't know if she was, though. "Isn't this what we were waiting for? We didn't do it when she was a baby because you felt like she needed to make that decision on her own. Are we alright with it now? She's old enough to decide if she wants a hole in her head."

"I'm alright with it," she shrugged her shoulders. "I feel like when she sees the piercing gun she'll change her mind, but I'll take her. They do it at the mall...at that piercing place. They'll do it for free at that place but we've gotta buy the earrings."

"Make sure she knows she's gotta keep it clean and stuff. Last thing we need is for her to be walking around with infected ears...I've seen kids get pretty nasty infections."

"I'll make sure she knows," Jo said. "So...we're on the same page? La's getting her ears pierced?"

"La's getting her ears pierced," Alex nodded.

"Alright!" Jo sighed and pushed Lyla's list to the side. "Onto Alex...what are we getting him?"

"How about a potty chair? Because I'm sick of changing his diapers."

"He's only gonna be ten months old!" Jo laughed. "What ten month old uses the potty?!"

"Ours. I'm sick of his diapers."


	62. All I Want For Christmas

**Alex takes Lyla Christmas shopping for Jo, and they pick out something VERY special.**

As they walked through the thick, overwhelming crowds of people that were walking haughtily through the mall clearly on their own missions, Lyla squeezed her father's hand a little bit tighter and closed the gap between them, as if she was afraid she'd get lost.

She had never seen this many people in one place before. She was a dancer, a gymnast and a softball player so crowds of people didn't much bother her, especially when there were eyes on her. But for some reason, something about this particular crowd of people was unsettling. There were just so many, and they all came in swarms. Some of them even looked angry.

"Daddy?" She looked up at Alex and almost lost her balance, tripping over her own two feet from trying so hard to maintain and walk at the same pace he was. "Daddy?"

"Huh?"

Alex kept his hand firmly inside hers and kept her close. He knew the mall was going to be crowded. It was Christmas Eve, people like him were trying to do last minute shopping and above everything else: it closed early. The swarms of people even made him nervous, so he could only imagine how his six year old daughter felt.

"Why...Santa doesn't come to grown ups? Why do grown ups hafta buy their own presents?"

"I dunno," Alex shrugged. He didn't really feel like sifting through his thoughts and conjuring up some big elaborate explanation as to why Santa stops coming to adults, so he opted out by stating the obvious; that he didn't know. "That's a good question. Maybe you'll have to ask him that when you visit him next year."

"I will," she promised. "And I'll ask him why we can't get a puppy."

Alex chuckled and opened up the heavy glass door that led into the jewelry store. The things that came out of Lyla's mouth never ceased to amaze him or make him laugh. She really was like Jo at times: too smart for her own good. He figured that Lyla truly was her mother's child. Only a six year old with Jo's genes would have enough intelligence, wit and common sense to ask why Santa stopped coming to see adults. The same six year old questioned just the day before why Santa doesn't get in trouble for breaking and entering. He didn't have the pleasure of knowing Jo and what she was like as a six year old, but he imagined that she was something like their daughter.

"What we here for again?" Lyla asked.

She looked around the tiny store and sighed. There weren't any toys. When she agreed to go shopping with Daddy, she thought for sure they were going to go to her most favorite place in the world: Target. Target had a toy aisle and every single time they passed it, all she had to do was ask for a toy and either Mommy or Daddy would get it for her. The mall was different though. In the mall, there were stores that sold toys and if you didn't go in the stores with the toys, you didn't get the toys. She hated the mall for that.

"We're in here to buy Mommy a gift, remember?" he dragged her towards the necklaces.

"Ohhh," Lyla nodded her head one time. "Right. 'Cause you wanna ask her to marry you again. That's right."

Alex rolled his eyes. He was starting to regret ever telling Lyla his plans. He told her in the car that they were going to buy Jo something pretty so he could ask her tomorrow if she wanted to get re-married, and the way she was casually throwing it out there was starting to worry him. Lyla had a big mouth. He just hoped she wouldn't spill the beans to Jo before he was ready.

Since they were safe and secure in the store and away from the continuous crowds of people, he let her hand go and wandered off in the direction of the necklaces. He glanced up to make sure Lyla was alright and once he found that she was busy looking at diamond earrings, he went on about his business.

Jo liked silver. He knew that much. She preferred silver over gold and she didn't like things that dangled too low. He eyed a silver, off-kilted heart-shaped necklace with pink and white diamonds encrusted around the perimeter and nodded to himself. Inside the heart was an infinity symbol with white diamonds outlining it and he knew then and there that it was the one. That was the one she'd like. He could see it around her neck. He could explain to her what it meant. The infinity symbol… It spoke volumes. It would tell her that she was the one he wanted forever.

"Hey blabber mouth," he called to his daughter.

Lyla looked up from the glass case she had her nose pressed up against and pushed her thick, golden brown locks out of her face. Alex motioned with his fingers for her to "come here" and looked at the necklace some more. Lyla happily skipped over to her dad and stood at his side.

"You think Mommy will like that?" he pointed it out to her. "With the pink in it?"

Lyla wrinkled her nose and narrowed her eyes at her father as if she was giving him her official look of distaste.

"Mommy's favorite color is purple."

"I know that Smarty Pants, but it doesn't come in purple." He looked at her face and saw that she still looked skeptical. Sighing, he put his hands on his hips and sucked his teeth. "Well what do you suggest?"

"Don't you usually get RINGS to ask girls to marry you, Daddy? Duh!" Lyla rolled her neck around with attitude and shook her head. Her Daddy was such a lost cause.

"Mommy wouldn't want a ring," he mumbled and kept staring at the necklace.

It was $164.00 but he was going to get it. It wasn't like he couldn't afford it. Lyla had a point. Usually, proposals required rings upon popping the question, but not this time. For one, it would be he and Jo's second marriage to each other and for two, Jo wasn't big on rings in the first place. Since they got back together after having their son, she wore their old wedding ring anyway. Alex didn't see the point in getting her another one when she seemed content with the one she had from their previous marriage. But he still wanted something pretty and special to offer her when he asked her tomorrow if she would do him the honor of marrying him for a second time. If he wouldn't get her a ring, he figured he'd get her an engagement necklace. Quite frankly, he wasn't entirely sure how re-engagements worked anyway.

"Excuse me," he called to the lady working behind the counter.

She hurried over to where he stood and listened attentively. Alex stared at the necklace for a few more moments and smiled to himself. He really could see Jo walking around with it on her neck. She would probably think it was funny that he chose to propose with a necklace instead of a ring, but he knew she'd love it either way. He couldn't wait until tomorrow. He pointed to the necklace through the glass display case and showed it to the lady.

"I'll take this one."


	63. Is You

**Alex FINALLY re-proposes to Jo!**

Jo bent down and snatched up the last remaining piece of shiny blue wrapping paper, crumpling it up into a small ball and tossing it inside of the black trash bag she had in her hand. When she stood upright, she caught a glimpse of her daughter's light brown hair and fuzzy pink pajamas whizz by. She rolled her eyes up to the ceiling and gritted her teeth

She could kill Alex for talking her into buying to for their six year old. She knew getting her the Segway was a bad idea, especially when little Alex was still only ten months old. She had to admit that she loved the look on her face when she opened it up, though. Lyla got plenty of great gifts for Christmas; Barbie and Monster High dolls, a Monster High mansion, a Doc McStuffins kitchen set. Everything Santa bought her was nothing short of amazing, but her favorite gift was hands down the Segway. Her face lit up when she opened that.

"Lyla," Jo dropped the garbage bag and put her hands on her hips. "I said not around the baby. I don't want you running over his fingers. If you don't listen to me, I'm taking it away for the rest of the night and I don't want to hear your mouth when I do."

"I'm not gonna run over his fingers!"

Lyla rolled her eyes and skillfully, swiftly hopped down off of her pink hoverboard. She steadied herself as she gave her mom an attitude-filled glare. It was as if she didn't even want her to ride it. She couldn't take it outside and ride it because of course, it was wet and rainy. So if she couldn't ride it in the house, then where was she supposed to ride it? Alex ruined everything.

"Tell him to stay outta my way," she mumbled under her breath and picked up her favorite Christmas present.

"What?" Jo put her hands on her hips. "What'd you say? Lyla Isabella, what did you say?" Lyla shook her head and carried her scooter to the couch. "That's what I thought. Don't make me punish you on Christmas. Santa's already looking out for next year."

Lyla plopped down on the couch next to her Daddy and sighed. All she wanted to do was ride her Segway and of course, she couldn't do it because her stupid baby brother had fingers that could be smashed. She couldn't do anything because of him. He ruined everything. She leaned forward, held her chin in the palm of her hand and begrudgingly watched her baby brother on the floor.

As he had remembered Mommy doing previously, Alex leaned forward and pinched Tigger's hand. He sat back with his hands on his chubby belly and giggled hard when Tigger started bouncing up and down on his tail and making noises. This thing was genius. How was Tigger in his house? He had seen Tigger before, but he was usually on the TV screen. How did they manage to get him outta there and in here, in front of him? Better yet, why didn't Tigger ever do this on TV? How clever! You hold his hand and he bounced on his tail. Gosh, that was amazing!

When Tigger stopped bouncing, he grabbed his hand again and gave it a little squeeze. When the bouncing began again, more giggles filled the room and though she didn't want to smile, her brother's little laughs made her. She couldn't pretend that he wasn't cute. He was so adorable and it was cute how something as simple as a bouncing Tigger toy caused him so much joy. Her brother wasn't an easy baby to hate but still… She hated that she couldn't ride her scooter because of him.

"Ally," Lyla called his name as she scooted down off the couch and sat down in front of him on the floor. Alex willingly relinquished his attention from the Tigger and gave it to his sister. "You have a good Christmas? Santa bring you lotsa stuffs, huh?" She looked around the perimeter of where she was sitting and grabbed a Baby Einstein Touch and Feel animal book. "He got you this...wanna read it?"

Alex stared at the lamb on the cover of the book with a wide open mouth and let drool slide out. He leaned forward and caught himself on his hands, preparing to crawl his way over to the book.

"La," he jabbered with every movement he made. "La, La…"

Lyla smiled at her brother's attempt to say her name and grabbed his wrist to help him over to her. She always loved it when he said her name. Secretly, she was proud that that was his first word. His first word wasn't "Ma" or "Da" or "Ba." He didn't want Mommy, Daddy or a bottle. Nope. His first word was "La" as in "Lyla." She pulled him into her lap and opened the book.

"Butthead," Big Alex mumbled, standing up from the couch. Lyla paused the progress on reading the book to her brother and looked up at her dad. "You done with your cinnamon roll?"

"Uh-huh," she nodded, but before she went back to reading the book to her brother, she kept her eyes on her dad's face. She was waiting for the sign.

Alex glanced at Jo before he looked back at Lyla. Jo was standing at the Christmas tree, organizing toys in an attempt to clean up the mess that was made when they were opening gifts. They had gone all out for Christmas this year and there was hardly any room in the loft for all the new toys. Alex could tell she was getting frustrated, and that meant that the time was perfect. He looked back at Lyla and nodded at her.

"Mommy," Lyla called her right on cue.

"What-y?" Jo answered, mimicking the same tone Lyla called her in.

"...When you gonna open your stockin'?"

"In a minute baby, Mommy's busy."

"Mumma, you should open it now. If there's candy in there, I want it. Daddy got you candy, I think."

"I'll open it in a minute, Lyla."

"No, Mommy…now."

Jo sucked her teeth and dropped Lyla's pair of pink Bailey Bow Uggs she was attempting to shove into a corner. She knew that once Lyla set her mind to something, she was never going to let it go. She figured it was easier to drop what she was doing and check her damn stocking than argue and tell Lyla that she'd check it later. Lyla wouldn't give in and it was Christmas, she didn't feel like yelling. She scratched her palms, that had begun to itch simply from holding the Ugg boots that were made from sheepskin, something that she so happened to be allergic to, and walked over to where they hung their stockings.

She took her stocking down and opened it up. After finishing cleaning Lyla's cinnamon roll off her plate, Alex made his way back into the living room and sat on the couch again. He watched Jo intently as she cleaned out her stocking.

"Oh… Wow," she pulled out the bottle of Bath and Body Works perfume Alex bought her. "Thanks baby…" she held it up to her nose and sniffed it. "It smells really good...what is it? French Lavender Honey...smells really good. Thank you."

"You're welcome," Alex mumbled. His palms were sweating uncontrollably and all he could muster were mumbles. He couldn't speak. Not when he was as nervous as he was. "That's not all that's in there."

"I know," she nodded her head and stuck her hand back inside the stocking. "Oooooh, matching lotion! I got all the smell goods," she smiled. Alex grinned...he was still too nervous to say anything else. "And…" She reached into the stocking one last time. "Blue box… It's from Tiffany's." She put the stocking down and looked at Alex. "I told you not to spend a bunch of money on me, Alex."

She pulled the white bow tied around the blue box and fought off a smile. She told him not to spend a bunch of money on her and he already did. It seemed that he went crazy in Victoria's Secret for her, he bought her lots of stuff from Bath and Body Works, a purple stethoscope and now something from Tiffany's? She didn't spend that much on him. She bought him a new pair of sneakers that he desperately needed, tickets to a Seattle Seahawks game, a new iPad because Lyla broke his, and a guitar. She caught him trying to teach Lyla a few notes on her purple fairy guitar and she thought that maybe he missed it, after remembering that his dad once taught him how to play the guitar.

She took the cap of the box off and gasped when she saw necklace inside it. It was beautiful…. So beautiful. It was sparkly, it was just… Gorgeous. She knew it wasn't cheap. It couldn't have been. He, of course, took the price tag off but she could tell just by looking at it that it was expensive. The diamonds were real and there were oh so many of them. It was perfect… She never saw anything this beautiful, except for maybe their wedding rings.

"Alex…" she whispered his name.

"You like it?" He stood up and walked over to her. "There was a pink one I could've got, but the silver seemed more fitting...you like it?"

"I love it...baby!" She looked up and lunged for him, ready to throw her arms around him and thank him properly. But Alex stopped her. He put his hand against her chest and refused her hug. "...What is it? Alex, what is it?"

"Lemme put it on you, that's all…," he mumbled. He was supposed to do it. He was supposed to pop the question before putting it on her, but he chickened out. Instead, he let Jo turn around and hold her hair up, and he wrapped the chain around her neck. "You see the um… Infinity sign in the middle of it?"

"Mhm," Jo nodded. "That's my favorite part. I love how it's a heart and an infinity...it's beautiful."

"Yeah, well that infinity means something…" Jo turned around and wrinkled her brows at him. He cleared his throat. "...Look Jo, I love you...alright? I love you. And I know I haven't been the best...with everything that happened between us. With Mere and with Pierce and everything but I'm sorry. And I'm ready to be the best, okay? I'm ready. I'm sorry it took me so long to get ready but I'm ready now. I was just… I didn't get a ring," he sighed. He was so bad with speeches. "I didn't know if I should, so I just didn't because I don't really know how...re-proposals work, really. But anyway, I was just kind of… I dunno, I was just kind of wondering if you wouldn't mind… Just…. Marrying me again? Maybe…."

Jo immediately froze in place. She couldn't believe the words. Did he really just say that? She thought she was dreaming. And she looked at Lyla and the smile on her face proved that she was in it the whole time. But… It was like a dream. It was like a movie playing in slow motion on a movie reel. She couldn't believe it. Was he really asking?

Slowly, but surely, she nodded her head. She was still in shock but she didn't want to delay her answer. It was a yes. It was a clear, thought out, yes. It was an absolutely. It was a hell yes. It was an of course. It...was a yes.

"Yes," she whispered, still trying to make sense of the moment.

"Yeah?" Alex beamed.

He couldn't believe she agreed. She agreed! After everything, she agreed! That was all he wanted. He had been so nervous to ask. After everything… The fights, the cheating, the divorce, his first born son...she said yes. She wanted him again. She wanted him...forever. She said yes.

"Yes," she said louder this time, nodding her head. "Yes."


	64. Tonsils

**It's been a while since this has been updated, and I posted a few new chapters. so make sure you check out chapter 58-64.**

 **Lyla has to have her tonsils removed and gets upset when Alex isn't going to be the one to perform her surgery.**

* * *

Jo pressed her thumb into the top of the ballpoint pen and crossed her legs as she sat in the chair, just so she'd have a hard surface to write on. She put the blue clipboard on her lap and mindlessly began scribbling down her daughter's information, bouncing her leg up and down to distract herself from the inherent boredom of sitting and waiting in a bitterly cold, overly bright patient room.

In the chair next to her, Alex adjusted the little girl on his lap and rested his head back against the wall. He watched as Jo wrote their daughter's entire medical history down on one single sheet of paper.

It somewhat amazed him that she was able to memorize everything without so much as taking a moment to think. Every ache, pain, itch and scratch Lyla ever had, Jo wrote it without thought. She rattled her insurance number off without looking at the card and her social security number as well. He always knew she was gold with numbers, but he never truly realized until that moment.

"You need her policy number?" he asked, noting that she paused and stalled progress once she got to that line.

Jo shook her head at him and tapped the pen on the clipboard, deep in thought. He watched her for a few more uninterrupted seconds before tilting his head downward and relinquishing his attention to his daughter, who was sitting cradled on his lap like she was a lot younger than six years old.

He combed his fingers through the locks of her tousled light brown hair and propped his chin atop her head, pretending to be interested in the episode of whatever TV show was playing on his iPad. He recognized the show. After working with kids and having his own, he managed to pick up on some of the television shows that played on the kids' stations, but never once did he bother to learn names. He just wasn't all that interested.

"Daddy?" Lyla lifted her head up a little, tapping the iPad screen with her index finger to pause the show. "What's tontils?"

Alex adjusted the grip he had on her and pulled her up more on his lap so she didn't fall. "Those nasty things in the back of your throat. They help you get rid of the germs, but sometimes germs like to hang out back there and they mess with the tonsils and make the tonsils mad. Then they get infected and gotta be taken out before they make your whole body mad," he explained as easily as he could for a child of her age. "But don't worry. Once they're out, you'll be back to terrorizing the house in no time, nightmare."

Lyla nodded her head. He explained it in such a way that she understood completely.

"Daddy? It's almost time?"

"Almost," Alex lied.

Truthfully, he didn't know just how much longer it would be. They had only been sitting in pre-op for about an hour, and it wasn't like a tonsillectomy was at the top of the list. It was a simple 20 minute same day procedure, but still. There were other procedures that needed to be taken care of and a tonsillectomy was either at or near the bottom of the priorities.

Lyla was growing impatient, though. She didn't understand why it was taking so long, and it never occurred to her that other people might need surgery too. Granted, she was grateful for the lapses that granted her more time on the iPad as she laid in her father's arms with her feet on her mother's lap. That in itself was reason enough to want to stay. But more than that, she was grateful for the prolonged process because she was, in all sense of the word, nervous. The closest she ever got to an operating room was a few months back when she broke her arm and her Mommy had to put pins in the fracture. Even then, that was nothing like having surgery. Even with two surgeons as parents, she didn't know what to expect.

So far, it seemed okay though. They got to the hospital and some nice lady that she never met before gave her a few bracelets and took them upstairs to the room they were currently sitting in. After that, Mommy made her take her clothes off and put on a nightgown with dinosaurs on it and no undies. And ever since then, she had been laying on Daddy's lap with the iPad. It didn't seem too complicated just yet. In fact, it even seemed a little bit...fun. The only part she disliked was the fact that her tummy was rumbling because the last thing she ate was spaghetti for dinner, yesterday.

"Mommy," she called Jo next. Jo stopped writing again and looked at her. "Can you get me food? My belly is growlin'."

"No baby," Jo shook her head and picked up her daughter's sock-covered foot. "I'm sorry. You can't eat anything though. Not 'til after your surgery." Lyla poked her lip out and went back to watching the iPad, a look that broke her mother's heart. Something about starving her child didn't set well with Jo. She knew that people weren't allowed to eat before surgery and that was a very strict rule, but it seemed utterly ridiculous now that it was her child being denied food.

"Ly," Alex jostled her to get her attention. Lyla just looked at him. "When you're done with your surgery, we'll take you to get some ice cream. Since your throat's gonna be hurting."

"From Dairy Queen?"

"From Dairy Queen," Jo confirmed Alex's proposition with a nod.

With a smile, Lyla rested her head back in the middle of her Daddy's chest and unpaused her show again. This day was perfect. She got to hang out with both her Mommy and her Daddy without any interruptions from her whiny baby brother. Mommy gave her all the hugs and kisses in the world. Daddy was letting her lay all over him. She was allowed to play with the iPad, she was allowed to lounge around in no undies AND she was getting ice cream after?!

Surgery was sounding better and better by the moment.

* * *

After yet another hour of enjoying the complete serenity of being doted upon by both her parents, Lyla was halfway through an episode of Shake It Up when the sound of gentle knocking on the glass door to her room startled her.

"Little miss Lyla, we're all ready for you!" The gentle looking nurse came into their room with a pink surgical cap in his hands. He seemed bright and cheerful and for some reason, he reminded Lyla of Olaf, the snowman from Frozen.

Jo sat up straight and smoothed her own hair back, finally being pulled out of playing an hour straight of Candy Crush. She stuffed her phone down into her purse and stood up. Finally, the waiting game was over. Being a surgeon herself, she knew just how long patients could end up waiting before being taken back to the OR on same day procedures, but it never seemed that bad until she was on the receiving end of the wait. She made a mental note to be more time-efficient to her own patients, eventually.

Alex stood up and walked his daughter over to the bed she hadn't sat in since they were admitted. Lyla was content to lay in his arms and on his lap and though he wouldn't admit it, Alex liked the fact that she would rather lay on him than in the bed too. The bed just didn't have much use. He deposited her safely on the bed and took his iPad out of her hands, eyeing the loose French braid he spent the last hour doing and undoing in her hair.

"Alright, just gotta give you this one last stylish little bracelet," the nurse said. He gingerly strapped it around Lyla's wrist and gave her a smile. "I like your braid. You look just like Queen Elsa."

Letting her shy, timid nature overcome her, Lyla lowered her head and gave him a nervous, but not at all forced, smile. When she was younger, most people mistook her shyness for brattiness because she rarely ever spoke to people when she was spoken to. She had gotten better with it though. She no longer needed to look toward her parents for approval when someone spoke to her, which was a big deal.

"Thank you," she whispers softly, touching her fingers to the braid intricately woven into her light, golden hair. "My Daddy did it."

"Really? Excellent!" The nurse smiled. He was one of the few people that understood the difference between a child being shy and a child being a spoiled brat. Lyla was sometimes both, but at the moment, she was just shy. "You think maybe your Daddy can do my hair sometime?"

Lyla giggled and shook her head. "Yours is too short!"

"Yeah I guess it is, isn't it?" He laughed too. "It was worth a shot." Still laughing, he put the pink cap down on her bed and took the brakes off so he could wheel it. "Let's get you on back to the operating room now."

Lyla excitedly nodded her head and crossed her legs as she sat in the middle of her bed. She hadn't been this excited about something since her birthday! She knew that her throat was going to hurt, but she could handle that. She was tough, just like her Mommy. And besides, Daddy was going to be there so it wasn't going to be that bad. As the nurse began wheeling her bed out of the room, she turned her head and looked around. And that's when it dawned on her. Why was Mommy standing up but her purse was on the floor? Why was Daddy leaving his coat on the chair?

"I'll see you when you wake up, okay?" Jo stood beside her bed and grabbed ahold of Lyla's hand. "Mommy'll be right here when you wake up. I'll be here when you get back. Gimme a kiss?"

Confused, Lyla just nodded her head. She elevated her chin and allowed her mother to give her a quick peck on the lips. It sounded like a goodbye… But why? Why was Mommy kissing her goodbye? Jo stroked her cheek. Why did she do that?

"Be tough in there, monster. Ice cream when you get out." Alex offered her his fist to pound as his own personal form of goodbye. Lyla tapped her fist to his. "See you later."

See you later?! Why?! The nurse began wheeling her bed out the door again, and when she saw that yes, Mommy and Daddy were staying behind, that's when something snapped. It was like a lightbulb went off in her head, a string was cut, the lock was unlatched and the floodgates were opened. She pushed herself up onto her knees and turned her body all the way around, only to see her parents still standing in the room while she was in the hallway.

"M-Mommy!" She yelled, tears running hot and thick down her cheeks. "MOMMY! MOMMY!" She turned back toward the man that was wheeling her away. "STOPPIT! I WANT MOMMY! STOPPIT! DADDY!"

Just then, both Alex and Jo came rushing out of the room and to the bed. The nurse stopped wheeling Lyla's bed and took a pause. He knew how to deal with kids that were scared. Sometimes they just needed a little extra comfort.

Lyla held her arms up like a toddler and sniffed. "Daddy?"

Jo put her hand on the back of her head and stroked her hair to calm her down, an action that almost always worked but was failing this time around. "La, you said you were okay… You were doing so good baby, what's wrong? What happened?"

"Why you guys leavin' me?!" She rubbed her eyes hard and coughed. Her bright blue/green eyes welled up with tears again and she sniffed. "Come!"

"Butthead, we can't…" Alex shook his head. "We can't come with you. You'll be fine, alright? We can't come with you."

"But you come with everybody else! You told me I was gettin' surgey but you a surgeon for babies so why can't you come? You come with everybody else…"

"I'm not… I'm not working, Butt. See? I'm not wearing scrubs today. I'm not working. I can't come back with you."

"No, Daddy! Please?!" Lyla stood up on her knees and wrapped her arms around Alex's torso. "Why? You come with other girls… You my Daddy… Why not me? Don't leave me Daddy… No. No… Daddy…" She sniffed again. "Just come…"

Alex sighed and looked at Jo, who was watching the scene with her own tears in her eyes. She couldn't stand seeing her daughter so scared. He looked back down at the top of Lyla's head and once again fingered the braid he put in her hair. He wasn't working and he knew that it be a huge liability for him to go back into the operating room with his own child while he wasn't working. But it was his child. It was his daughter, his little girl. And she was right. How could he be there for dozens of strangers every day and not her? He was there for many kids, none of which were his own. He couldn't do that. She was his little girl and the center of his universe, along with his son.

"Alright," he sighed and picked her up. Lyla put her head down on his shoulder and rubbed his ear with her thumb and index finger, something she always did when she needed comfort. "Hey… Thompson," he mumbled to the nurse. "You think maybe… I could just come sit with her? You know, until she falls asleep? I'll leave once she's out, I swear. I won't stay."

"I dunno Karev, that's breaking so many policies…"

"I know what it's doing," he spat, growing annoyed. He didn't ask for a lecture. Obviously he already knew that he was breaking rules, otherwise he wouldn't have even asked. "She's not gonna go without me. I'll just sit there by her head and hold her hand. Once she's out, I'm out too. It'll be quick… Just lemme go in."

"...Alright," nurse Thompson nodded. "You have to make it quick though."

"I will," Alex promised.

* * *

 **I don't update this story as much as I used to, but as I've said before, this story is interactive. I've made it even more interactive over the last few weeks, too. For those of you that don't follow me on tumblr:**

 **If you'd like to keep up with Jo and Alex & their two kids from this story, you can now follow them on social media. "Jo" has an Instagram and a Twitter, which she uses to post updates of the kids & interact with "Amelia", who is the mother of Lyla's best friend Ava. Alex also has an Instagram, which he-of course-doesn't use much. **

**Jo's Instagram name is _Jo . xo and her Twitter is _Jo_xo. Both her accounts are private but she'll accept you pretty quickly as she's somewhat of a social media addict!**

 **Alex's Instagram is simply alexkarev112 and since he's not on it very often, he might take a while to accept you lol. I hope you guys have fun with them!**


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